The Taming of the Brats

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date anymore guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Two

"Hey, Malfoy," Seamus called, jogging up to the greasy, blond boy.

"What, Finnigan?" Malfoy asked, annoyed. "Better make it quick because I haven't got all day.

"Guess who has the hots for you?" Seamus replied, casually glancing at his fingernails. He was so proud of himself for having this valuable information for someone like Draco Malfoy, the king of blackmail.

Now, Draco knew perfectly well who he wanted to have the hots for him. He had had the hugest crush on Ginny Weasley ever since he had first laid his shimmering gray eyes on her, even though it was forbidden. Slytherins and Gryffindors had been rivals forever, and to like an enemy simply was out of the question.

Without thinking, though, he burst out, "Weasley!?" A horrible feeling of regret entered the pit of his stomach as a result. "Shit, did I just say that outloud?"

Seamus laughed demonically before replying, "How wonderful that you like your crush back! So, you're coming out of the closet also?"

"WHAT?!" Draco screamed, horrified. "GINNY WEASLEY'S A MAN?!?!?!?!"

"No, dumbass!" Seamus shouted, slapping his hand on his forehead. "Ron Weasley has the hots for you! God, you really are stupid!"

Draco could feel his cheeks burning for one of the few times they ever had in his life. God, he really was acting stupid! That thinking before he spoke thing that Father talked about was really something he should seriously look into..

Draco thought for a moment and then responded with, "Ron Weasley's gay?! And he has a crush on me?! But I was a complete asswipe to him my whole life! And we're rivals! Jesus Christ..this is not happening.. Aw, man!" he whined. "We gotta do something about this."

"Well," Seamus said, slightly irritated that this conversation wasn't going completely according to plan. "You see, could you just go out on one date with Ron? DON'T SAY ANYTHING YET! I know you're rivals or enemies or whatever, but you could forget about the rules and boundaries just this once. We could make peace between the warring groups. And, well, it's just that I kind of promised him that you would go out with him if he made sure that Ginny continued dating after her recent breakup with Bob.."

"Ok, Weasley (Ron) might be a major homo, but that doesn't mean I am!" Draco shouted, stomping his foot.

"Please, Malfoy! Please oh please oh please oh please oh please!!!!!!! Just this one thing! I'll do anything! I swear!" Seamus begged, getting on his hands and knees.

"Oh, get up you fool," Malfoy answered, pulling Seamus to his feet by his shirt collar. "Why don't you just make sure that he changes Ginny's mind before he goes out with me, or whatever, and then the work is already done with Ginny and can't be undone."

Seamus sighed. Something inside him told him that that might not exactly happen. "Fine," he replied reluctantly. "But if I wake up tomorrow with a slit throat, I'm blaming it on you, Malfoy." Seamus added grimly.

"Finnigan, if your throat gets slit, you die," Malfoy said, turning on his heel and strolling off. When he was a few feet away, he turned back around and said cheerfully to Seamus, "Ta ta, love," And tipped an imaginary hat.

"Fuck it!" Seamus whispered loudly when Malfoy turned the corner. He kicked a suit of armor that was gleaming obnoxiously to his left. The suit of armor proceeded to punch Seamus particularly hard on his face. It hurt like a mother fucker because it was metal. "AND FUCK YOU, TOO!" Seamus sped off before the suit of armor could react to his insult.

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"What just happened?" Hermoine asked, fitting her large, round glasses back onto her face. She picked up a book of hers off of the floor. "Why does my book have blood on it?" she sniffed the blood. "It's Ron's blood. What did you do to him?!" Hermione suddenly became very worried.

"He was being an ass so I tossed the book to him," Ginny replied, paying great attention to her nail filling. "He missed," she added, glancing breifly at Hermione.

Hermione made a noise that sounded like a cross between a pout, a sneeze, and a squeal.

"I beg your pardon?" Ginny asked, looking up and resting the nail file on Hermione's dresser. They had gone to her bedroom to console Ginny. It was bigger.

"Ugh, whatever," Hermione said, sighing. "Anyway, what were you guys talking about before? While I was working on my glasses.."

"Oh, we just made an agreement that I wouldn't date until you did," Ginny answered nonchalantly.

"WHAT?!" Hermione squeaked. "But why me? Ohmygod that puts so much pressure on me! I thought you didn't want to date at all, though? So why me? And why this unusual bet? This is so odd.." Hermione stared at the wall, eyebrows furrowed.

"It's because you're never going to get a boyfriend so I don't ever have to date," Ginny explained, not giving a shit about Hermione's feelings. She had made another comment that suggested that she was in love with Ginny's brother (she was offended and concerned that Ginny had thrown a book at him) and that creeped the shit out of her. And besides, Hermione was the hugest freak in the universe. Not even her nerdy-ass brother would go out with her!

"Oh," Hermione responded, clearly not paying attention. Her head was in the clouds..again..

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"Man, this is fucking serious. Seamus is gonna be SO FUCKING PISSED OFF!!!!" Ron cried, ending his paces around the room by punching his pillow violently, causing feathers to spew everywhere.

Harry got up and danced among the feathers. It was like rain! Only lighter..and hairier..

"About what?" a voice asked from the doorway.

Ron spun around. SHIT IT WAS SEAMUS! WHAT THE FUCK WAS HE GOING TO DO?!?!??!?!

Harry glanced towards the door. Oh, it was Seamus. So he'll get in a fight with Ron. Big deal. Did he give a rat's fucking ass? Not a wee bit.

"Uhh..hi..S-s-s-s-s-eam-m-m-mus-s-s-s-s.." Ron stammered horribly and uncontrollably. "S-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-shit-t-t-t-t-t-t-t wh-a-a-a-a-a-at t-t-t-t-t-t-the fuc-c-c-c-c-c-c-k-k-k-k-k-k is wr-o-o-o-o-o-o-ong-g-g-g-g-g-g-g with m-m-m-m-m-my voic-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-ce?

"Dude, that's awesome!" Harry said, pausing in his feather dance.

"So, what'll I be so pissed about?" Seamus inquired, sitting down on his bed and crossing his arms. "C'mon, I bet I won't be pissed. Just tell me. Oh, and you can stop that stuttering. It's freaking annoying, man!"

"Ok-k-k-kay.. I'll try as b-b-b-b-est I c-c-can.." Ron replied. He cleared his throat for a solid minute. "Okay, I'm fine n-now- whoops! Besides that one! Okay, just a little slip-up-"

"Get on with it, for God's sake!" Harry shouted. "I'm ready for the mud-wrestling sequence."

"Okay," Ron said for the fitieth time in this useless story. "Well, Harry made the mistake of suggesting to Ginny that she not date until Hermione does. Obviously, she agreed, and Hermione would never get a guy if she and one were the last two people on earth, so, I don't know what we're going to do. And I understand if you don't want to hook me up with..you-know-who.."

"You have a crush on Voldemort?!" Harry screamed. "My worst enemy?! How dare you! You..you..you..BASTARD!"

"No!" Ron exclaimed, thouroughly exasperated. He waved his hand in Harry's face. Did Harry even have a brain? "You-know-who is just a..codename for someone.."

Seamus raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Clearly, Ron wasn't as open about his sexuality as he had thought. He could have fun with this..

And, better yet, he said it would be fine if they dropped the deal..that meant that all he had to do was find a date for Hermione and then he'd have Ginny to himself..meanwhile, he didn't have to do a thing for Ron Weasley. Heh, heh..this was getting interesting already..

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What? Had Lavender Brown just heard what she thought she had correctly? She was just strolling through the corridors, minding her own business, when suddenly she heard someone scream "GINNY WEASLEY'S A MAN?!?!?!?!" very loudly. Was this true? Ginny Weasley was a crossdresser- or, better yet, a transgender? Ooooh..this was good..very good..

She ran through the halls and back to her dormitory to tell her best friend, Parvati Patil. She was so excited as she jumped through the portrait hole and dashed through the common room, that she carelessly started up the boys' staircase instead of the girls'. When she reached the top, she heard Harry Potter's distinct voice shout "You have a crush on Voldemort?!?!?!?!"

Could this possibly get any better?! Ginny was a transgender and someone in the boys' dorm was in love with an evil villain- it was her own soap opera right here in Hogwarts..ooooh baby..and it had just begun..

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A/N: okay, so this isn't exactly like the Taming of the Shrew or anything. Truthfully, what I know of that story comes from 10 Things and some Broadway musical I saw that was a version of it. So, yeah. And anyway, even tho this is chapter 2, it's really still just beginning ^_~

Did you guys catch the Romeo and Juliet thing in it? It's either gonna be really hard or really easy to miss..so, yeah. Ok bb! Read and review pleaaasse!!!!!!!