3. Hornblower

Was I supposed to be pleased?

I'd worked so much, so hard, for his approval. Sometimes I earned a little, but never enough to slack the hunger. And then to receive praise that was fulsome, not for courage, not even for resource. For proposing a lie.

Did he expect me to be flattered?

It was necessary. It was not something that I wanted sentiment about. It was not something that should have been lauded, with a quote from the Bible of all forsaken things. If I believed in religion, I'd count that close to blasphemy. I remember my youthful lessons: thou shalt not bear false witness, saith the Lord. I still believe this lie was needed, but I am not proud of it. Was he truly proud? What should I think of him if he was?

When I joined the Navy I expected a life of honour. That naivety is dead by now. Still, I was not expecting that. I was not expecting to hear that regard for the truth is childish and only when I'd learned to lie without hesitation or regret could I be accepted for a man.

What kind of a service believes that?

What kind of man am I, that I continue in a service which finds lies praiseworthy? And what will I become?