The Taming of the Brats

Summary: Ginny declares that she won't date anymore guys until Hermione does after a recent horrible, heartbreaking break-up of hers. Hermione is a huge loser who will never get a date. This means trouble for boys like Draco Malfoy who want to date Ginny with the burning passion of a thousand winds. Do you smell some juicy deals wafting our way? I do! I do! Read this story full of drugs, alcohol, and stupid dumbasses. Based on as many Shakespearean plays as I can think of but mostly the little bit I know of The Taming of the Shrew. It's also kinda based on 10 Things I Hate About You which is based on The Taming of the Shrew so that would make sense, wouldn't it..

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of these characters (except for Bob). The main storyline is based on Shakespearean plays.

Chapter Four

That evening the common room was packed full of Gryffindor students. Ron was sitting rigid in his chair in front of the fire, too nervous for what was to come just a few hours later that he could barely move let alone speak. Harry, though, was draped lazily over his chair which was right next to Ron's. He had just smoked a joint so he felt very calm and relaxed.

Ron hadn't told Harry what was going to happen that night. He hoped that Harry would be too drunk or high or something to notice that he had left a big dorm party (they happened every night) at midnight.

"BEER!!!!!!" someone suddenly screamed to the room, hearing a loud chorus of cheers in response.

Ron turned his neck slightly so he could see who had just made this announcement. It was Seamus, what a surprise.

"Sweet, man," Harry said getting up from his chair. He reached Seamus and tried to take a nice, cold can of beer when Seamus snatched his arm and dragged him off to the side.

"Take a look at this," he said, taking something out of his pocket to show Harry. It was a huge plastic baggie full of pot. "This is that new kind I'm sure you've heard of. It's really strong and makes you feel awesome, dude- believe me, I've tried it."

"Sweet, can I have some?" Harry asked, a huge grin spreading across his face. He had heard of it before and it sounded like the greatest stuff in the world. Just to get his hands on one joint full of it would be awesome. He reached to take the bag from Seamus but he whipped the bag out of Harry's reach.

"First, you have to do something for me," Seamus said.

"What?" Harry asked, annoyed. He wanted that pot!

"Go on a date with Hermione this weekend at Hogsmeade," Seamus said, dangling the bag in front of Harry's eyes. "C'mon, it's mad easy. Just drag her to some restaurant and ditch her after an hour. It's not that bad. In fact, it's a great deal for all this pot."

Harry was torn. Hermione annoyed the shit out of him, but this pot was legendary. It was a tough descision.

Wait a second, if he had this pot he could have a joint before he went on his little outing with Hermione and he could float right through it because he was so high. Perfect.

"You got yourself a deal, mate," Harry said, grabbing the bag from Seamus and then dashing up the stairs to the dorm. He was gonna savor this pot and stuff it under his mattress to hide it from himself. He'd take it out in a couple of hours when he had his midnight joint.

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Meanwhile, downstairs Parvati and Lavender noticed Ron sitting by himself in front of the fire. He looked a bit tense, but he was still alive for questioning so they decided to seize this opportunity and ask him about his sister's little secret and someone's mysterious crush on an evil villain.

"Hey, Ron," they said, taking the seats on either side of him.

He made a small noise in response.

"Lets cut to the chase, is it true that your sister is a transgender?" Parvati asked Ron curiously.

"Sure," Ron replied, not really quite positive what he was replying to, but, whatever, it couldn't be that bad.

"Seriously?" Lavender gasped, slapping her hand over her mouth. "How does she do it?!"

"Dunno," Ron answered quickly again.

"Ohmygod," Parvati exclaimed. "This is crazy! Are you serious? Ohmygod!"

"Go away please," Ron said, staring straight ahead.

"Well is it true that someone in your dorm has a crush on you-know-who?" Lavender inquired.

Ron was about to yell at them again when the words "you-know-who" struck a certain spot in his brain. Did they know about his secret crush? Had Seamus and/or Draco ran about the whole school informing everyone? Oh God!!!

"Do you know who you-know-who is?" Ron asked nervously, finally looking at the girls and snapping out of his nervous daze.

"Duh," Parvati said.

"How?!" Ron cried.

Lavender and Parvati looked at each other. Who didn't know who you-know-who was?

"Only everyone in Hogwarts plus every other wizard in, like, the universe knows who you-know-who is," Lavender informed Ron.

"SHIT!" Ron exclaimed, getting up from his chair and rushing up to his dormroom.

Fuck, why did everything always turn shitty for him?!

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"That's it," Parvati told Lavender when Ron left the common room. "Ron's the one! He's the one with the crush on you-know-who!"

"Ohmygod!" Lavender said in a high voice. "Like, this is so weird! Especially with his best friend being Harry- aka you-know-who's worst enemy.. I mean, come on."

"I know," Parvati agreed, nodding.

Wow, things were getting so good and juicy for them. They were beaming. They had got to be the absolute QUEENS of gossip.

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Right when the clock turned to midnight, Ron crept out of his dorm, walked inconspicuously through the common room, and out into the empty halls of the night. He walked slowly up to the seventh floor and to the hallway in which he and Draco had arranged to meet. He was nervous as hell and felt stupid that everyone knew about his crush, but hey, he did like Draco so he wasn't going to let an opportunity like this just slip through his fingers.

Suddenly Draco appeared next to him.

"Lets get this over with, Weasley," he said slimily.

Ohmygod! Ron thought. This wasn't really happening! It was too good to be true! He was about to make out with Draco Malfoy!

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Harry grabbed his bag of pot from underneath his mattress and left the dormroom a few minutes after Ron did. He didn't want Ron to think he was following him or get suspicious or anything.

He easily walked through the common room without having anyone stop him. The usual dorm party was going on and everyone was too drunk to notice that he had left.

But outside in the halls was a different story. He had to walk quickly and extremely quietly so as not to attract the attention of any teachers that might be patrolling the halls- especially Filch. Once he reached the entrance to the school, though, he opened the door slowly and poked his head outside.

IT WAS RAINING!

God damn it! Well, I guess I'll have to go somewhere else in the building.. Where I run the risk of getting caught, he thought glumly, closing the door and starting up the stairs again.

Teachers rarely ever went to the seventh floor- especially late at night, so Harry decided that was a nice place where he could go to smoke his pot in peace. He climbed slowly and tiredly up the stairs and finally reached the top. He breathed a sigh of relief and then immediately took it back when he heard a ruffle coming from the next hallway.

Shit! He thought. I don't want to get caught now! Not with this hot pot and great opportunity to smoke it for the first time!

He stood there for a full minute and didn't hear another sound. He started to creep slowly toward the hallway to peek his head around the corner when he heard a small moan.

What the fuck?

He walked faster, assuming it was just a few students having a little fun after dark. He bet that it was Cho Chang. She had become a real whore lately what with her inability to keep a boyfriend for longer than a day. So she mostly just slept around.

So, he thought, nearing the corner, who's the lucky guy this time, Cho? Could it be Malfoy, maybe? Or.. maybe one of the Creevey brothers. God, what losers.

He snapped his head around the corner and when he saw what he had heard he wished that he had never come up to this floor in the first place. He wanted to jump out the window and fall down seven stories. He wished he was never born because the most horrifying sight imaginable was what met his eyes around that corner. He had just glanced upon Draco Malfoy and Ron Weasley making out.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. Could. This. Be. Any. More. Excruciatingly. Painful?

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A/N: okay I hope that chapter was good.. Keep on reading and most of all reviewing! I'll write more asap I promise!