Title: Culture Shock
Author: Silverslide
Pairing: Tu/Tp
Rated: PG- PG13
Series: Continuation of Cultural exchange
Summary: T'pol and Trip get to grips with their relationship
Disclaimer: I don't own Enterprise or any of the characters they belong to paramount. All my own characters are owned by me this is not an infringement on Paramount's rights. You can use them with permission.
"So?"
"So what?" I know exactly what Jon's talking about but call me childish I just don't wanna make this easy for him.
"Well the last time you were here you were wearing a trench into the floor because T'pol kissed you."
"Oh that." I take a sip of my beer and look at Jon saying nothing else, he's got that look in his eyes the type of look that says I hate you because you're the only person who knows how to wind me up like this.
"Yes that."
I have to admire his patience; I mean he's just dying to know what's happened since then. "Sorry to have woken you up."
"To hell with waking me up, what did you do?"
"About what?"
"The kiss."
"What about it?"
"Commander..." He sounds threatening.
I start laughing, "Oh no you don't, pulling rank on me I'm disappointed in you." I'm smiling now.
"You wanted me to lose it like that didn't you?"
"Yeah I did. What can I say I need some entertainment in my oh so dull life."
Jon's giving me one of his 'God I don't know why I'm friends with you' looks "Now entertain me, what happened?"
"I didn't talk to her."
"What? Trip you're going to kick yourself you know that? Its not too late now though, go talk to her now."
"Do you wanna hear this or you gonna keep interuptin' like that?"
"I wanna hear it."
"Good now zip it."
Jon makes a zipping motion with his hands and presses his lips together.
"Good now, a couple of days after my little midnight pacing session in here she comes to my quarters late at night. Ah'm thinking she's coming to tell me thanks for nothin' Trip I'm packing off to Vulcan now."
Jon raises his eyebrows and I remember that he didn't know about T'pols plans to go back home. "Long story but short version is she was gonna go back to Vulcan. Anyway she comes and demands a straight answer from me. And I give it." I stop. "You can unzip now."
Jon looks at me.
"What?" I'm confused why's he looking at me like that I told him what he wanted to hear.
"For God sakes Trip what was your answer?"
"I told her the truth that I wasn't sure about everything that had happened and that I liked her and everything and I'd been thinking it over and I wanna give it a go."
"And what did she say about it."
"She didn't say anything, she... well she just smiled."
I really don't think Jon was expecting anything like that because he suddenly gives this noise and starts coughing. I think he's joking around until I realise something that in his hand he's holding a half eaten tortilla chip in his hand.
"You okay?" No answer from Jon he's still coughing. Shit I run over to him and start patting his back for all I'm worth it doesn't seem to be working because it looks like Jons lips are going a really nice shade of blue.
"Aww Fuck." Trying to remember Starfleet emergency first aid I grab Jon by the waist and pray to whatever ancient God of choking –if there is one and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. Half a tortilla goes flying across the room and the colour returns to Jon's face.
"Shit." Jon lies down on the sofa holding his ribs.
"I take it that surprised you then?" I head to the bathroom glass in hand, looking around I have to say Jon's become such a slob recently must be because there're no ladies to impress. I hand him the water and sit opposite him again.
"Surprised me? It shook the core of my beliefs, T'pol does not smile it's one of the facts of life. It's like Malcolm suddenly deciding he's a pacifist and applying for a job as ships counsellor."
"It could happen and she did smile. She had gorgeous eyes." I'm trying not to sound all gushy but I think I failed miserably because Jon laughs at me.
"Oww, Trip I think you broke a rib."
"Shit. Think you can make it to sick bay."
"I could if I had to. One of the privileges of rank, call doctor Phlox."
"Cap'n." I put on a mock disappointed look. "To think you would take advantage of your rank like that. Tut tut."
"It's not taking advantage, can you imagine the psychological trauma I would cause to the crew if they saw their captain hobbling off to sick bay?"
"Whatever you need to tell yourself."
Jon laughs again and winces in pain. He can be such a good sport even when wounded me I'd be 'cursing down the roof' as my uncle Herm used to say. I head over to the comm. Button by the door. "Tucker to sickbay."
"Sickbay here." You know I swear to God that doctor Phlox must stand by the comm. Button all the time because it usually takes on average 23.2 seconds for me to answer my pages. Ahh T'pol really does come up with some useless facts but hey I love her for it.
"Yeah erm. We have a sorta mini emergency here. It's the captain I think he broke a rib well more like I broke his ribs."
"On my way."
The comm. goes dead and I stare at Jon, you know the saying great minds think alike it's so true because Jon says exactly what I'm thinking.
"How are we gonna explain this?" He's slouched on the chair holding his ribs
"Tell the truth, you chocked I did the Heimlich thingy and broke your ribs."
"Yeah it'll work."
"Well it's what happened."
"I know, but it just seems so stupid I chocked for no reason."
"You were in shock."
"You bet I was."
I stick out my tongue at him and head to open the door as it chimes, Dr Phlox can move with speed when he has to. "Doctor. He's through here."
Phlox holds a med kit and T'pol is standing behind him looking I don't know she's got subtle facial expressions. Well this one's not so subtle if her eyebrows went any higher they'd disappear under her hairline.
"Could I enquire Commander how you managed to break the captains ribs?"
"It was an accident."
"How did this accident come about?" Dr Phlox is running a medical over Jon who's really trying not to laugh at me because I've gone all red and flustered. I don't see the funny side of any of this.
"Oww." Jon moans.
I give him a good I'm glad it hurts look and he ignores it deciding that the pain is worth it and laughs anyway. "He chocked on a tortilla it's over there somewhere." I point to the dinner table. "And well erm I did the Heimlich and broke a rib." By the end of my little speech I'm looking at the floor with embarrassment. Why'd T'pol have to be there for? Life's a bitch.
"Ah" Dr Phlox puts down his scanner. "The good news is you have no broken ribs, just bruising." He reached into this med kit "Here's a mild pain killer, you should be able to walk to sickbay now."
Using Dr. Phlox as support Jon hobbled out of his quarters the door closes behind them and I'm left with T'pol standing in the middle of the room. She's silent her eyebrows are still up.
I reach over to the table and lift up the basket to her.
"Tortilla?"
"Will you be available for lunch at 13.34?"
Trip smiles and mutters "Uh-huh." I must admit I initially I found it difficult to become accustomed to calling him 'Trip' the human custom to adopt names in addition to their original parental given names I find to be one I can not empathise with.
"I will not be available for dinner tonight?"
"Not a problem I know you're on duty, me an' the esteemed Cap'n are bonding over a couple of beers and snack food."
"I have noticed in the course of our relationship that you have a poor diet, you do not ingest the correct proportion of vitamins and minerals and yet you have too many calories."
"I work it all off in the gym and I don't have a mineral deficiency so I'm not gonna worry until I'm dragged off to sickbay."
"Then it will be too late. I only mention it because I find myself caring more than I should where your well-being is concerned."
"Ahh bless ya, don't fret you're like my aunt Sally she was always on at her husband Darren to eat healthy or he'd die of a heart attack. Poor guy spent 20 years of marriage working out and eating rabbit food, when he was 45 he fell off the roof and died."
I fail to see the point of that anecdote, and raise my eyebrows inquisitively it is part of Vulcan mannerisms one I know Mr Tucker uses to decipher what I am thinking. This time as in other times he notices the expression and goes on to explain.
"Point is T you're gonna die anyway if a dodgy heart from too much fat doesn't kill you falling off the roof will."
"I would never have thought you would be one to have a cavalier attitude to your life."
"I don't I just had to accept death as part of life, when my grandpa died I was only 8 but it hurt you know. So having a slightly unbalanced diet is not a big issue as long as I'm healthy."
"A strangely logical argument." It would on the surface appear to be illogical that a person should not have a perfectly balanced diet however Mr Tucker is healthy and alive and as he said a perfect diet will not necessarily result in a longer or healthier life.
"Never thought I'd hear a Vulcan praise me for my logic."
"You are usually illogical however there are moments of logic which I desire to see more of."
"Isn't desire an emotion."
"Which I wish to see more of,"
"Your wish is my command."
"That is in itself not logical."
"Okay how about this, looking at the schedule I know you're keeping to today you've been standing here talking to me for so long you're now 8.45 minutes late."
I turn to look at the chronometer and find that he is correct, I cannot remember the last time in my adult life that I have been late for any appointment. I disengage myself from his arms placing a light kiss on his lips.
"Goodbye."
"See you later T"
"That is the second time you have referred to me as 'T' why?"
"It's your nickname."
"Nickname?"
"Look it up in a dictionary preferably later because you're now ten minutes late."
I leave Mr Tuckers quarters and walk to the end of the corridor; I will not have time to have the morning meal and must make up the nutrients at a later date. I tend to lose sense of time when with Mr. Tucker, indeed were it not for the ships chronometer I believe I would frequently be late.
I arrive twenty two seconds early for duty, I am not on bridge duty this morning instead half my day will be spent analysing and consolidating data from the moons atmosphere. The other half will be spent looking through crew manifests and performance reviews of the crew.
I find the work to be unchallenging, Mr Tucker would refer to it as boring. I was unprepared when I first found my thoughts regularly turning to Commander Tucker however it is now common for me to wonder what his opinion would be of a certain situation or problem.
It is two hours into my duty shift a particular gas in the atmosphere has caught my attention and may account for certain peculiar features of some of the life forms. I excuse myself to the remainder of the scientific staff and proceed to sickbay.
Doctor phlox is proceeding to explain the theoretical implications of the atmosphere when the comm. sounds. It is Mr Tucker a strange feeling engulfs me, one I have become accustomed to feeling whenever I have cause to be with Mr Tucker, it is both a physical and mental state of being.
I consider it my duty to investigate the facts of this incident and I must admit to a slight level of curiosity with regards to how Commander Tucker was able to break the captains ribs. I ponder the possibilities the duration of the journey to the captains' quarters.
The explanation, which I receive and is corroborated by the captain, is unexpected. I find it a rather obscure and unlikely set of events. However the captain is not in disagreement with Commander Tucker and seems to find the situation amusing. Therefore I see no reason as second in command to further question the situation, however, commander Tucker will later in private be the subject of more in depth questions.
I refuse the offer of a Tortilla I do not consume foodstuffs whilst on duty and I have not calculated it's nutritional impact on my diet. The chronometer on the captains' desk draws my attention and highlights that I am currently 34 minutes behind schedule.
"Commander... Trip." I find myself unable to decide which title will be more appropriate to use, though he is not on duty I am, in addition the subject matter is however of a personal nature.
"Aw hell please don't ask 'bout all this it's too darn hard to explain right now ask me later tomorrow or something."
"Whilst I am curios to hear the finer details of this incident it is not the reason for my starting a conversation."
"Good. Why are you talking?"
"Would it offend you if I cancelled lunch today, as today has been a most chronologically upsetting day."
"Uh-huh I take it you're running a late again."
"If you had not caused harm to the captain I would be on time."
"I asked for Dr. Phlox you didn't have to come along for the ride."
"My presence was required." It would appear that this argument is in earnest neither Mr. Tucker nor I display the usual characteristics of humour.
"You know Ah really don't have the energy right now, sure it'll be okay if we skip lunch, probably should go see the cap'n anyways."
"Indeed you should and apologise."
"See you later sub-commander."
"Goodbye commander." The sudden formalities place me off balance; it is strange as Mr. Tucker is not usually so formal with any member of the crew using their title only when necessary. I analyse the previous tone of conversation and find it to be neither formal or otherwise.
Further analysis during the time it takes to journey to science lab three shows that Commander Tucker may be angry with me. His formality displays all the usual characteristics of our interactions before friendship and subsequent romantic initiations.
"Hey Doc," I look around and don't see Jon anywhere. "Where's the cap'n?"
"I released him oh about a half hour ago."
"You kidding me? And he didn't even page me to say he was back."
"Perhaps he was tired?"
Sometimes phlox can be so rational I sometimes wonder if Denobulans aren't distantly related to the Vulcans. Nah. "Thanks Doc see ya around."
"Er commander, as you're here is there anything you need any help for?"
"Have you been talking to T'pol?"
"No. Would she have anything to say on the matter?"
"Yeah lots and I'll tell you what I told her, I'm fine I will see you later." Maybe doctor phlox was bored, it must get boring down in sickbay all by himself well with a few part time medical staff, maybe he just needed some company. Maybe.
"Who is it?" Jon's voice comes through the comm. on his door.
"Who'd you think?" He opens the door and I step in, he looks a bit worse for ware but not by that much.
"I thought you'd gone off to do something else." He knew I was gonna chew him up 'cause he didn't page me when he was leaving sickbay, he was backing his corner before I had a chance to start on him.
"Yeah well I had, I was making you this." I reach into my pockets and draw out a small clear cube inside floating in clear preserving resin is a small piece of tortilla. "The potato snack that nearly caused your demise."
"Has anyone ever told you you have a morbid sense of humour?"
"Yeah you."
"I meant it. You coming in?"
"No, I'm gonna go and do some paper work, even though there's no paper involved no more."
"Is that your way of telling me to get some rest Trip."
"Well Ah didn't want to cause offence you do look like you've been through the wars."
"First he breaks my ribs then insults me." He's got that smile on his face; he does look tired painkillers tended to do that to him.
"See you around Cap'n."
"Right back at you." The door closes and I head back down to engineering to the little cupboard that someone thought would do as an office. If I'm lucky and that's a big if no one will see me going in and I can get on with some work without someone calling me out for some basic thing that with a little bit of thought they could handle themselves.
Who says lady luck isn't on my side? No one notices me get in I finish most of the paper work I'd been putting off and send of load of forms and reviews to Jon give him something to do whilst he's recuperating.
I work into the night, and fall asleep reading a couple of journals for engineers none of the articles are for someone like me hey maybe that's why I fell asleep. When I wake up it's nearly 2345, I stumble out of my office getting a weird look from Crewman Dwight. Who can blame him I must look a sight all rumpled up and sleepy in jeans and a shirt and as it's my day off I'm not even meant to be here.
"Dedication to duty crewman, dedication to duty." I give him a pat on the back and he smiles that little nervous smile that people give you when they think you're acting like a weirdo but don't wanna be the one to say.
Back at my quarters I just fall asleep, to tell you the truth I'm a bit surprised that T'pol isn't around after all she has my access code, I'm too tired to think over this particular puzzle and just fall into bed. To hell with changing clothes it takes way too much effort.
"What the fuck?" I wake up with a start jumping I have no idea what woke me up, but the lights are on full and the chronometer says 0516. Wait I lie, I know exactly why I woke up at the foot of my bed T'pol is looking pissed, well not exactly pissed in the usual human way basically I can't read anything from her. And that means she has tight control of her emotions which means she pissed. I can't help feeling I'm gonna need some sort of divine intervention to get out of this, the fact I don't know what I've done just rubs salt on it.
"Would you refrain from using uncouth language?"
"I can't help it I'm in shock, how did you wake me up."
"A Vulcan nerve pinch."
"It hurt." I rub my wrist there's gonna be a bruise there in the morning.
"That is the idea Commander."
"What's with all the commander crap?"
"I am simply continuing the tone of conversation you initiated."
I mutter something under my breath about it been too early to be going through all this; she gives me this, 'you're just digging yourself deeper' look. "Commander you have forgotten the superior nature of Vulcan hearing to Humans."
"Okay I'm tired and Ah'm not gonna get any sleep till you get whatever it is off your chest so just tell me what I've done because I can't work on riddles at this AM"
"It is simple Commander, I would appreciate it if when you are experiencing anger directed at me, if you would." She stops like she's thinking for the right word in English. "Would not act in such a childish and adolescent manner."
"Come again?"
"I believe you know to what I am referring."
"That's just it I don't and I'm getting sick of this, what is it I'm meant to have done 'cause as far as I know I haven't done anything." I'm losing it now I have so little patience and I'm not a morning person.
She starts spouting something about me being pissed off at her in the captain quarters and spending the rest of the day ignoring her.
"You what? A I wasn't pissed off at you I was pissed of at me. B I wasn't avoiding you I just fell asleep when I wasn't expecting to in my office where I was doing work. Hope that meets your approval, when I woke up it was nearly midnight I came in here and went to sleep again if you want more proof I'm not exactly dressed for sleeping am I. Now stop going off on one and let me sleep."
"I apologise commander it was rash of me to jump to conclusions."
"It's okay happens to the best of us. Now please I beg you can I go back to bed I was having a really good dream."
She does her little eyebrow thing, "May I enquire what about?"
"I can't remember all of it but you were a rabbit."
"Perhaps you should see doctor phlox if you have such strange dreams."
"It's not strange, people dream weird stuff all the time."
"Hmm." That Hmm means something, and I'm so not gonna get into it now because the explanation might just take the next two hours and I intend to spend those asleep with T'pol in my arms. So she may be a teeny bit paranoid but she's my paranoid Vulcan.
I wake up and T'pol is still asleep, she's not on duty today but I am, it used to surprise me how hot T'pol was during the day and how cold she got at night. I had to ask here apparently it's a genetic adaptation on Vulcan it's really hot in the day so the body loses all the excess heat. At night when temperatures turn colder the body holds in all its heat regulating at a lower temperature.
I never would have thought T'pol was a hugger but she is and I have to remove her hands from around me, she's also a light sleeper so she wakes up. It just hits me then as I'm looking at her as she just wakes up that no one else gets to see the T I do, the T'pol who looks a bit confused and groggy when she wakes up, or the fantastic sense of humour.
Or the one who gets pissed at you enough to use a nerve pinch thingy to wake you up and have an argument. Speaking of which there is a bruise there on my left wrist I'm gonna get her back for it.
"Is something the matter, you have been staring at me for a while now and have said nothing."
"Nope just remembering why I love you."
"Pardon."
"Did I just say that out loud? Aw hell erm yeah I erm I really like you well more than like, more LIKE, you know I'm babbling aren't I?"
T'pol nods and I'm not talking she's not talking so I tap my feet it's a nervous habit.
"Please don't get freaked out by it, Ah don't know how or why or anything we're just so different and it's like it just happened ya know?"
"No I don't 'know' I am incapable of experiencing love however the interactions, thoughts and actions I have concerning you are different to what I have for others. It is I believe as close to love as I will ever come and I have a longing that this state should only be for you I do not wish to share myself with any other."
"That's close enough for me." I have no idea how long I lie there staring into her eyes and just being really really happy and I'm thinking that in a former life I must have been a saint or something for life to be this good.
"Trip if you do not disengage from me it will be your turn to be late."
Darn it she's right I make a mental note of moving my day off to her day off, I shower in record time and eat some old Pizza from the night before last. "What's that look for?"
"If I had not just witnessed you eat a two day old Pizza for breakfast I would have thought it an exaggeration of the person who told me."
"It's still good, the air filters are really efficient Ah make sure of it no little bugs or bacteria in the air so it's just like keeping it in a preserving container." She doesn't bother to reply she does her 'I could say so much more, but I'm not going to' eyebrow thing.
"Well back to the grindstone, see you sometime soon my love." It feels soooo good to say that on so many levels.
The rest of the day passes in something nearing a perfect happy little haze called knowing that T'pol loved me and wanted to be with me, me and only me. Oh yeah.
As usual T'pol stays the night over at mine, there's some issue with her about me using her quarters it's not a big thing if I went round to hers she's not gonna chuck me out. I'm not really a big fan of her quarters anyway it's so empty.
"Hmm."
"Trip?"
"Huh?"
"You have been deep in thought for several minutes would you like to share your thoughts."
"It's nothing really, was just thinking your quarters don't do you justice."
"How so?"
"You're so deep and have lots to you I just think the space you call yours should be you, and well yours isn't you."
"You become more complex each time I speak to you Mr. Tucker I find a new layer to you each day."
"Aw right back at ya."
I spend the rest of the evening doing a bit more work, T'pol disappears for an hour I think that's her meditating time when she comes back she hops into bed. I finish off writing a report for the engineers back home who don't think I have enough work to do so ask me to write a report on how well all the engineering systems hold up at warp 2.3 or over.
"For the love of God what is that?" It's three in the morning and there's a loud alarm blaring in my ears. I think someone's decided that I wasn't meant to have a decent nights sleep.
"I believe it is the emergency alarm."
"We have an emergency alarm since when?"
"You were present three weeks ago when Lieutenant Reed proposed that there should be a shipwide review of emergency situations."
"Yeah yeah yeah," I see T'pol getting up so I do the same and reach for a robe draped over the back of the chair. The bare deckplating outside my quarters is freezing I would go back for some shoes or something but if I don't get there in time Malcolm'll lose it the last thing I need now is hearing how I should be setting an example for the crew.
About 30 of the crew have been woken up by the alarms, from the vibes I'm getting everyone is pissed, apparently it wasn't a shipwide alarm but just a preliminary research to find out where everyone spends their time.
"Do we really need this? I mean there's only one of a few places the entire crew is, their quarters, messhall, or the rec centre." Ensign Davis looks pissed as he talks to Crewman Raph.
I can just see T'pol standing next to me about to speak. "Drop it." I whisper under my breath. She snaps her mouth shut and joins the line that Malcolm and some security personnel are trying to get formed at the back of the messhall.
"Right." Malcolm looks efficient and is doing a great job of ignoring the 'I like you but I don't like you right now' stares coming from people. "Okay just a few questions to ask everyone and to explain a few things at the end, then we can all go back to whatever we were doing."
Someone down the line mutters something about most people sleeping, and why couldn't he do a questionnaire or something?
Malcolm begins at the other end of the line, where were you? Was the alarm effective? How long did it take you to arrive in the collection point?
Finally he gets to me I'm second to last T'pol is at the end, I don't even give him time to ask me the questions I've heard nearly thirty times already.
"I was in bed, it was very effective a bit too effective if you ask me, it took about three minutes."
"Thank you Commander. Now last but not least Sub-commander Where were you at the time of the alarm?"
"May we discuss this later?"
I think Malcolm and T'pol have an understanding of some sorts because Malcolm gives her this look and nods. It's not the look of a person addressing a superior officer it's a human look. It just hits me then that they're both alike in a way Malcolm is intensely private and you have to pry any information out of him with a molecular filtration device. T'pol is like that she doesn't give out information easily unless she knows you.
Malcolm dismisses the crew telling them there will be a more detailed questionnaire winging it's way to everyone which should be filled in ASAP and sent back to his work inbox not to his personal inbox. He wishes everyone a goodnight. There're a few murmurs of 'yeah what's left of it.' I have to agree.
I decide to hang around and wait for T'pol it shouldn't take that long. Malcolm dismisses the security personnel who were helping him out. It's just me, him and T'pol. He picks up his PADD and stylus again.
"Right sorry about that, I should have known better than to ask you a personal question in front of half the crew."
"It is quite alright."
"Where were you?"
"In commander Tucker's quarters."
For the love of God does she have to be so honest all the time? I'm suddenly really pissed off at her. Where does she get off announcing our relationship to someone without discussing it with me first?
Malcolm looks sort of bewildered. "What together?"
"That is correct."
I'm too hacked off and haven't found my voice yet.
"But." Malcolm waves his stylus at me and looks down at his PADD "You were in bed. Oh oh, I beg your pardon."
Malcolm looks a bit flustered and isn't quite sure what to make of it, instead he looks down at his PADD and says. "right then I assume the rest of the answers are the same."
"Indeed."
"Okay then that's all, and may I assure you of my discretion"
"Thank you Lieutenant."
T'pol heads out to leave, she's standing by the door when she turns back to face me. "Commander?"
"Er don't worry about it I think I'll get something to eat."
"Good night Lieutenant." She nods to Malcolm.
I'm still standing where I was a few minutes ago but it's like the whole world has changed and it doesn't seem like a couple of minutes more like a couple of hours. I get a glass and fill it up with water and drink the whole lot in one go. Malcolm's looking at me.
"Congratulations, I'm glad you realised the spectacular beauty that is T'pol"
"Oh God you liked her first, Jesus please don't think I took her from you."
"Commander I think she's beautiful I wouldn't want to go out with her."
"Oh."
"I take it this isn't the way you would have chosen to tell me?"
"Definitely not."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah me too."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't know it's just that the two of us it's like we just click. Does that seem weird to you?"
"I'm not in the relationship so it doesn't matter what I think."
"But I wanna know what you think."
"Okay, I think good for you, but then again if someone had told me six months ago you two would be 'clicking' I would told them to see Dr Phlox. But hey my grandmother used to say it's a fine line between love and hate."
"I didn't hate her, we just didn't know each other well enough."
"Well you know her well enough now."
"Yeah I do and... know what I think I'm gonna go to my quarters see if I can catch up on the sleep you deprived me off."
"Good night Trip."
I leave the messhall and look into my quarters T'pol's not there, I check her quarters and she answers the door. Strange thing is that I don't have the code to her quarters, I didn't ask and she didn't give I expect she's thinking about it logically we can meet in my quarters we don't need hers as well.
It's simple to sort T'pol out you just need to know how she thinks about things and that in some ways it's the same as me and some other levels it's not. It's just not an easy thing to explain to someone it's just something you know like you know you love someone.
"Commander."
"I was rather getting used to Trip."
"I thought it prudent not to address you in an informal manner in public and at such an awkward time of night."
"Who cares if the whole crew knows, I don't."
"I however do, it is enough that Mr Reeds knows of our relationship."
"Then maybe we should go inside."
"Perhaps we should use your quarters."
"What's it with you and your quarters?"
"Vulcans do not share their personal space with others unless necessary."
"And this isn't necessary?"
"I do not view it as such."
"I do."
"Then it appears we are at stalemate."
"Or at crossroads."
"Could you elaborate?"
"No, don't bother about it, look I'll see you tomorrow"
"Goodnight commander."
"Goodnight sub-commander."
Commander Tucker seems, distant and distracted whilst on duty, on several occasions it was necessary for the captain to relay an order twice. A look is exchanged between them, after which commander Tucker nodded and seemed a little less distracted. However I know him well enough now to know that underneath the surface façade he is still distracted.
He excused himself after a few hours and continued the remainder of his shift in engineering. I concluded the best option would be to discuss the cause of his distress over lunch. I am unused to deception, I was therefore surprised how easily it could be accomplished.
Commander Tucker suggested keeping the deception simple and believable, all that was usually necessary was a PADD handed over when visiting, and during the conversation to refer to it on occasion.
"Commander." He is facing away from me, arms outstretched either side of a consol his head hung diligently looking at the read out. In this posture I notice his torso rise as he takes a deep breath. He turns around and smiles at me. The smile seems forced somehow.
"Sub-commander. What can I do for you?"
I hand him the PADD on which is written 'will you be available for lunch?'
He shakes his head, "you know." He keys a command onto the PADD, he is deleting the message. "I don't think so there's just way too much to do down here."
I look around engineering you can, by looking understand how busy the staff is. The crew is placid each doing a job, it was not a hub of activity as it usually is in crisis.
"It would appear so." I believe commander Tucker to be aware of the sarcasm in my tone however he continues.
"Isn't it just?"
With that he turns away and returns to the consol readout. I remain a few seconds watching him, he does not turn around, if I remain any longer it will look suspicious. I leave.
It is essential that I should eat therefore I enter the messhall and select a salad. I select a table where I can easily see the view of the stars outside. I cannot with certainty state the amount of time which has passed, till I am removed from my musings.
"Of course."
"Sub-commander?"
"You may sit down if you wish. Lieutenant"
"With all due respect, I did not ask if I could sit down."
"You did not?"
"No, I was just walking by."
"My apologies. Mr Reed."
"Are you alright?"
"I am in good health."
"Yes Ma'am." He scans the room for a moment and looks slightly bashful.
"It's filled up in here a bit. Can I take you up on that offer?"
I also look around, there are a six empty places, "Lieutenant I am fine you do not need to ascertain the cause of my distraction on a pretence of lack of space."
"It is not a pretence, I could sit at any one of those places, but I don't have anything in common with the people there I'd feel a bit uncomfortable, like a third wheel."
"Lieutenant." he could still potentially be deceiving me, however I do not think so, the inhabitants of the tables are each in deep conversation, none of whom Lieutenant Reed comes into regular contact with. I am therefore the most logical choice.
He sits down and places his tray on the table a bowl of soup a roll of bread. He sits in silence eating for a few moments. I continue staring at the stars; my attention is drawn back to Mr Reed by the familiar sensation of the Hairs prickling at the back of my neck. I know instinctively he is watching me.
"Lieutenant, you seem very interested in me. I do not wish to discuss the matter therefore do not venture to ask me."
"I was just thinking whether you intended to eat that." He points with his spoon to my untouched bowl of salad. "And permission to speak freely?"
"Permission granted."
"I already know the cause of your problem."
I am surprised, at this. "And what is the cause of my Problem."
"Trip."
"May I ask how you came by this information?"
"I didn't come by it I just guessed it. Trip sent Travis to get him something for lunch, I know for a fact that he's not that busy. Then you're not acting your usual self so I guess he's avoiding you for some reason."
"I guessed as much that he did not desire to be in my presence. I cannot however decipher why."
"Relationships are complex."
"I am beginning to understand this. Vulcan relationships are far less complex. We do not place as many demands upon one other."
Mr Reed is silent for a moment, I believe that the situation with Mr Tucker has somewhat lessened my control, I can feel the emotions from Mr Reed, he is in a predicament of some sorts, and it concerns me.
"You may speak freely Mr Reed, I will not take personal offence to whatever you say. Mr Tucker regularly reminds me to separate personal from official. This is an occasion where the two are separate."
"Well." He places down his eating utensil and looks instead at me in the eye. "I can take a guess why Trip's backing off. He needs something, and I don't think you can give it to him."
I believe he is referring to sexual practices, whilst it is uncertain whether humans and Vulcans can mate there are ways to overcome this problem. Mr Reed seems to sense my thought.
"Not physical needs, something deeper emotional needs. I think that's why all my relationships fail, I can't open up and tell you what I'm feeling I just well I don't know. It's something that's happened to me so often I can read it a mile off. You have a discussion about opening up or something like that, hints that sort of thing, next thing you know they're cancelling dates, and just backing away. Then the famous line comes. 'I just don't think this is working out' it's a classic line in my romantic life.
"And you believe Mr Tucker is in this predicament."
"Well Trip wears his heart on his sleeve I expect he needs his partner to be the same."
"I however do not display emotions openly." Mr Reed nods. He is silent as am I, I continue to gaze into the expanse beyond the ship and think of nothing, occasionally Mr Tuckers image or voice enters my mind unbidden. This is a simple meditation taught to children early, I mastered it at age 10, I am very much distracted. I have five minutes remaining until my break ends, I gather the bowl of salad uneaten and ready to take my leave.
I step by with a goodbye and thank you to Mr Reed. I have taken 3 steps when Mr Reed calls me back. "One thing, don't do what I do when I see it happening I let it run it's course, talk to him."
I nod and exit the messhall. I pass by engineering, I do not enter I cannot logically account to myself why I took this particular route as it is not the shortest route and I am late.
As I enter the bridge I notice the captain looking at the chronometer, he creases his eyebrows he must no doubt be wondering why it is I am late, I am afterall usually far earlier, it does not take 40 minutes for me to eat. Therefore I usually return within twenty minutes.
I return to my station, the remainder of my shift it is uneventful, I do however continue to think about Mr Tucker and the advice of Mr Reed. I come to no conclusions.
I'm running so fast that I can't slow down, I run straight into Malcolm, I don't break my pace instead I shout over my shoulder. "Dinner, Captain, late" I don't know what his reaction is I've rounded the corner. I walk into the mess hall and knock on the door.
Jon opens it, he checks the time, "hmm, everyone just seems to be running late today."
"Sorry, got distracted lost track of time."
"You're here now, that's all that matters."
Drinks have being handed out that's all my glass is full of red wine. I take a sip, hmm good red wine. I look up at Jon, he's watching me intently I smile at him, then at T'pol. "Sub-commander."
"Commander."
T'pol isn't pissed off at me that I'm late she's distant, professional.
"What's for dinner Cap'n?" I'm nervous I can hear my accent thicken.
Jon seems to hear it too, he raises his eyebrow slightly before saying. "I don't know told chef to surprise me."
"That's not always a wise thing to do, especially when he's in an experimentin' mood."
"He's not in one of those now, is he?"
"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders as if to add emphasis.
"What was for lunch today?"
"I don't know I asked Travis to get me a sandwich they're the same day to day."
Jon gives me a 'We need to talk this out look.' Before turning to T'pol what did you have for lunch?
"I had a salad and Lieutenant Reed did have chicken soup."
"Chicken soup that's average." Jon has a relieved look on his face.
That thread of conversation has run dry; I don't know what to say, so I take a sip of wine, a big sip. Jon busies himself rearranging his napkin T'pol is the only one sitting calmly. The silence seems to be getting heavier, right on cue Crewman Hail walks in with the food, breaking the silence.
The rest of dinner isn't that uncomfortable, Jon seems to have gotten the message that something is up and sticks to safe areas, mainly work and the latest news from Starfleet. T'pol leaves at desert, even though it's Pecan pie one of the few sweet things she actually eats. She says something about needing to prepare for something or another. I say goodbye to her formally, I try to be warm but I don't think it came out that way.
"Okay you." Jon throws down his napkin "You can bring that." He indicates my untouched pie. "To my quarters we need to have a long talk Mister."
"Why do I feel like I'm back in school and about to get in trouble with the head mistress?"
Jon sighs. "Trip you're not in any trouble, well not with me anyway, I just want to know what's going on."
"I don't know what's going on."
"Don't give me that, a couple of days ago you were walking in zero G, now you can't even look at T'pol. This is not one of your quick relationships because if it is I'm not impressed."
"Jon, I don't know what's going on."
"Well you better get on knowing what's going on, because this isn't good enough, I thought you'd grown up out of that two week fling. This is a Starship Trip you can't screw the whole ship."
"I didn't say I wanted to screw the whole ship, I just said I didn't know what's going with me and T'pol that's all. Anyway what's it got to do with you what me and T'pol. Anyway it's none of your Goddamn business."
"It is my business when two senior officers can't get along with each other."
"Then may I assure you captain that T'pol and I are perfectly capable of working together. Permission to leave?"
I can see him wrestle with himself, he wants to apologise but sometimes he can be way too proud for his own good. But he knows pulling rank on me was below the belt.
He waves his hand. "Yeah."
"Thank you sir."
I leave, we'll get over it, I'm not really angry at him, he's not really mad at me so hey next time we see each other it'll be like it never happened. I walk into my quarters I can't be bothered to switch on any lights. I just begin to undress in the dark.
"Fucking hell, can this get any worse?" I run my hands through my hair and then drop them by my side, I need someone to talk to, I can't talk to Jon right now, well when all else fails. "Computer begin personal log."
The computer bleeps.
"Commander Tucker, personal log. Can't remember the date."
"Er let me see shit, just had an argument with Jon, about T'pol he can be so annoying sometimes. It wasn't that serious though. He wanted to know what was going on with me and T'pol and I just said I don't know and that's because I don't know." I wait a few moments and drop myself into bed before I go on.
"I love her, that much is true and I know she loves me, she doesn't call it love but hey a rose is still a rose. Anyway what I feel for her I swear I have never felt for anyone before even Natalie and I really liked her." I stop and growl.
"This is ridiculous, I don't know why I just started feeling, I don't know well exhausted. Last night standing by her doorway I just felt tired not like I feel when I pulled an all-nighter but mentally tired.
"I just couldn't do it anymore I just wanted a break, I just don't think I can face T'pol on a personal level I couldn't do it for lunch today. And I just don't know why I feel like this.
I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. Computer end log."
I get up and switch on the light, I don't know why but the voice light command for my quarters isn't working and the manual switch is awkward behind a bookcase.
Turning around I get the second biggest shock of my life, "T'pol, what are you doing here?"
"I arrived soon after dinner in order to speak with you however you were not here and so I decided to wait, I could not locate your manual light switch nor activate the automatic lights, therefore I decided to wait."
"You couldn't tell me you were here when I walked in?"
She comes over all-bashful then. "I must admit that I feel asleep."
"Oh, well uh what did you want to talk about?"
"My question has being answered."
"What was it anyway?"
"I wanted to know why you were." She pauses for a moment. "I wished to know whether you wished to end our relationship."
"Hell no." I'm really shocked that she would even think that.
"I know that. Your log clearly indicated that your feelings for me have not changed."
"That's the only thing I can actually say hasn't changed. I just don't know, you tire me out, I love being with you but I just felt so tired of you."
She does her little eyebrow thing and I know that was hurtful. I step up to her and she stands up I pull her towards me, there's a moment when I think she might step back and walk out, but she doesn't she returns the hug. I break it off and look at her holding her by the shoulders.
"Look I didn't mean it like that. I only just realised I'm feeling this I just can't you know put it into words. It's just to work with you and figure you out, what you're thinking and everything takes more effort than with a human. That's what tires me out not you."
"You find our relationship tiring."
"No, we both have two different approaches to this okay, I just have to work hard to figure you out. The whole not letting me in your quarters thing." I stop and sigh. I don't know. I step back into bed, she still stands there. "T'pol you can come and sit next to me you don't have to stand there."
"I explained to you that Vulcans do not share their personal space with others unless necessary."
"I know that and I know you don't mean it like that but, it's just that I would like you to not think of me as "Others." I really wanted to talk to you about some serious stuff last night and when you said that I just couldn't be bothered anymore.
I just well I just don't feel I'm getting anything from you."
"I am at a loss, I believe our relationship to be stable and balanced."
"You don't get it. It's like me and you, we're living separate lives, everything is labelled mine or yours I guess I don't see us as integrated."
"Integrated?"
"Yeah you know, I think with human relationships we reach a point where our lives just sort of mesh together, you know?"
"I am afraid I do not comprehend?"
"Socks." She raises her eyebrows a little. So I explain further. "Little things like socks that I might leave over in your place or you live in mine it doesn't happen, we don't have each other in our lives we just have lives that occasionally touch."
"I understand now, you wish for us to be closer."
"I think we are close already, I just think it's little things like that usually to me it's a symbol of our relationship. But I just have to keep thinking with you, talking with you to get you to see it from my POV."
"This tires you."
"Yes, it's the explaining that gets me, like when I sat down just now, you didn't know instantly you could sit down next to me, I had to tell you. I guess it's just tiring me out now."
"I cannot help the fact I am not human."
"I know."
"Therefore I will continue to be as I am."
"I know."
"And if you find my nature tiring do you think it wise to continue this relationship?"
"Yes."
"That is illogical."
"I know, but I'm a creature of heart not logic. It feels right."
"I however I am not."
"Then why did you start this?" I get up and look her in the eye. "Why kiss me that night, why tell me you love me? Why care about me above others? Look me in the eye and tell me it was logic."
"It was not."
"Then that's how I know I want to still be with you. I feel it."
"You cannot let your heart rule your mind."
"Why not it makes me happy being with you."
"And in the long term."
"Kae Sara."
"Kae Sara?"
"What will be will be."
"I cannot live a life in that way."
"You cannot control everything, let go sometime, I won't hurt you intentionally, I can't promise you I won't fuck things up, in fact I guarantee you I will mess it up more than once. But you have to let me in sometime because I am willing to let you in."
"Vulcans do not let other people into their hearts, so to speak."
"Vulcans don't go against the high command or fall in love with humans. I'm not asking you to become a world class comedian or abandon logic, I'm just saying let me know what you're thinking once in a while when you're around me. That's all I'm asking, you're not yourself around me, you're the Vulcan, I want to see T'pol."
We sit in total silence for a bit, but it's not uncomfortable like before this is companionable silence. I listen to her breathing; she breaths once every ten seconds or so, her lungs she told me once are more efficient at using all the air they contain. She therefore breathes less.
"On Vulcan as children we form friendships similar to those of toddlers on earth, I had such a friend. However as we grow older these friendships are discouraged, we become individualists each person self-sustained and not reliant on another for any emotional needs. It is easier therefore to lose all emotion and train in meditation.
It is after the age of five socially unacceptable for a Vulcan child to be friends with another.
However I often look at human friendships such as the one you have with the captain with longing. There are occasions where I wish to seek advice from a friend another person to share experiences with and pastimes. Vulcans do not do such things, even marriage is designed to keep each other on the path of logic.
In a Vulcan relationship we will not share emotions or share lives, or acquaintances, we may not even spend the time together, when it is time for each to mate then we meet and we separate again. Emotion is undesirable, I do not desire emotion but I do desire intimacy beyond that which is offered by Vulcans. That is why I chose you, I am attracted to you on many levels, I cannot however be close as you wish me to be, I do not know how. Incorporating what I find presurable into my life whilst remaining logical. It is difficult something which has not being tried before. I do not wish to lose control, in short I am afraid."
"You don't have to be afraid one step at a time."
"I do not know which action to take first."
"Begin at the beginning, what do you want to do right now, that's illogical."
"Be with you."
"You have me, for as long as you want me."
"Then I wish to listen to Jazz music and learn to dance."
"Your wish lady is my command. Computer open file music, artist, Ella Fitzgerald file, I can't give you anything but love." Somehow it seems appropriate to this time, light Piano Jazz fills the room.
"Come on dance with me."
"I don't know how to dance"
"Hey you learn something new everyday."
She extends her hand and we begin dancing lesson. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
Fin.
Silverslide
Author: Silverslide
Pairing: Tu/Tp
Rated: PG- PG13
Series: Continuation of Cultural exchange
Summary: T'pol and Trip get to grips with their relationship
Disclaimer: I don't own Enterprise or any of the characters they belong to paramount. All my own characters are owned by me this is not an infringement on Paramount's rights. You can use them with permission.
"So?"
"So what?" I know exactly what Jon's talking about but call me childish I just don't wanna make this easy for him.
"Well the last time you were here you were wearing a trench into the floor because T'pol kissed you."
"Oh that." I take a sip of my beer and look at Jon saying nothing else, he's got that look in his eyes the type of look that says I hate you because you're the only person who knows how to wind me up like this.
"Yes that."
I have to admire his patience; I mean he's just dying to know what's happened since then. "Sorry to have woken you up."
"To hell with waking me up, what did you do?"
"About what?"
"The kiss."
"What about it?"
"Commander..." He sounds threatening.
I start laughing, "Oh no you don't, pulling rank on me I'm disappointed in you." I'm smiling now.
"You wanted me to lose it like that didn't you?"
"Yeah I did. What can I say I need some entertainment in my oh so dull life."
Jon's giving me one of his 'God I don't know why I'm friends with you' looks "Now entertain me, what happened?"
"I didn't talk to her."
"What? Trip you're going to kick yourself you know that? Its not too late now though, go talk to her now."
"Do you wanna hear this or you gonna keep interuptin' like that?"
"I wanna hear it."
"Good now zip it."
Jon makes a zipping motion with his hands and presses his lips together.
"Good now, a couple of days after my little midnight pacing session in here she comes to my quarters late at night. Ah'm thinking she's coming to tell me thanks for nothin' Trip I'm packing off to Vulcan now."
Jon raises his eyebrows and I remember that he didn't know about T'pols plans to go back home. "Long story but short version is she was gonna go back to Vulcan. Anyway she comes and demands a straight answer from me. And I give it." I stop. "You can unzip now."
Jon looks at me.
"What?" I'm confused why's he looking at me like that I told him what he wanted to hear.
"For God sakes Trip what was your answer?"
"I told her the truth that I wasn't sure about everything that had happened and that I liked her and everything and I'd been thinking it over and I wanna give it a go."
"And what did she say about it."
"She didn't say anything, she... well she just smiled."
I really don't think Jon was expecting anything like that because he suddenly gives this noise and starts coughing. I think he's joking around until I realise something that in his hand he's holding a half eaten tortilla chip in his hand.
"You okay?" No answer from Jon he's still coughing. Shit I run over to him and start patting his back for all I'm worth it doesn't seem to be working because it looks like Jons lips are going a really nice shade of blue.
"Aww Fuck." Trying to remember Starfleet emergency first aid I grab Jon by the waist and pray to whatever ancient God of choking –if there is one and perform the Heimlich manoeuvre. Half a tortilla goes flying across the room and the colour returns to Jon's face.
"Shit." Jon lies down on the sofa holding his ribs.
"I take it that surprised you then?" I head to the bathroom glass in hand, looking around I have to say Jon's become such a slob recently must be because there're no ladies to impress. I hand him the water and sit opposite him again.
"Surprised me? It shook the core of my beliefs, T'pol does not smile it's one of the facts of life. It's like Malcolm suddenly deciding he's a pacifist and applying for a job as ships counsellor."
"It could happen and she did smile. She had gorgeous eyes." I'm trying not to sound all gushy but I think I failed miserably because Jon laughs at me.
"Oww, Trip I think you broke a rib."
"Shit. Think you can make it to sick bay."
"I could if I had to. One of the privileges of rank, call doctor Phlox."
"Cap'n." I put on a mock disappointed look. "To think you would take advantage of your rank like that. Tut tut."
"It's not taking advantage, can you imagine the psychological trauma I would cause to the crew if they saw their captain hobbling off to sick bay?"
"Whatever you need to tell yourself."
Jon laughs again and winces in pain. He can be such a good sport even when wounded me I'd be 'cursing down the roof' as my uncle Herm used to say. I head over to the comm. Button by the door. "Tucker to sickbay."
"Sickbay here." You know I swear to God that doctor Phlox must stand by the comm. Button all the time because it usually takes on average 23.2 seconds for me to answer my pages. Ahh T'pol really does come up with some useless facts but hey I love her for it.
"Yeah erm. We have a sorta mini emergency here. It's the captain I think he broke a rib well more like I broke his ribs."
"On my way."
The comm. goes dead and I stare at Jon, you know the saying great minds think alike it's so true because Jon says exactly what I'm thinking.
"How are we gonna explain this?" He's slouched on the chair holding his ribs
"Tell the truth, you chocked I did the Heimlich thingy and broke your ribs."
"Yeah it'll work."
"Well it's what happened."
"I know, but it just seems so stupid I chocked for no reason."
"You were in shock."
"You bet I was."
I stick out my tongue at him and head to open the door as it chimes, Dr Phlox can move with speed when he has to. "Doctor. He's through here."
Phlox holds a med kit and T'pol is standing behind him looking I don't know she's got subtle facial expressions. Well this one's not so subtle if her eyebrows went any higher they'd disappear under her hairline.
"Could I enquire Commander how you managed to break the captains ribs?"
"It was an accident."
"How did this accident come about?" Dr Phlox is running a medical over Jon who's really trying not to laugh at me because I've gone all red and flustered. I don't see the funny side of any of this.
"Oww." Jon moans.
I give him a good I'm glad it hurts look and he ignores it deciding that the pain is worth it and laughs anyway. "He chocked on a tortilla it's over there somewhere." I point to the dinner table. "And well erm I did the Heimlich and broke a rib." By the end of my little speech I'm looking at the floor with embarrassment. Why'd T'pol have to be there for? Life's a bitch.
"Ah" Dr Phlox puts down his scanner. "The good news is you have no broken ribs, just bruising." He reached into this med kit "Here's a mild pain killer, you should be able to walk to sickbay now."
Using Dr. Phlox as support Jon hobbled out of his quarters the door closes behind them and I'm left with T'pol standing in the middle of the room. She's silent her eyebrows are still up.
I reach over to the table and lift up the basket to her.
"Tortilla?"
"Will you be available for lunch at 13.34?"
Trip smiles and mutters "Uh-huh." I must admit I initially I found it difficult to become accustomed to calling him 'Trip' the human custom to adopt names in addition to their original parental given names I find to be one I can not empathise with.
"I will not be available for dinner tonight?"
"Not a problem I know you're on duty, me an' the esteemed Cap'n are bonding over a couple of beers and snack food."
"I have noticed in the course of our relationship that you have a poor diet, you do not ingest the correct proportion of vitamins and minerals and yet you have too many calories."
"I work it all off in the gym and I don't have a mineral deficiency so I'm not gonna worry until I'm dragged off to sickbay."
"Then it will be too late. I only mention it because I find myself caring more than I should where your well-being is concerned."
"Ahh bless ya, don't fret you're like my aunt Sally she was always on at her husband Darren to eat healthy or he'd die of a heart attack. Poor guy spent 20 years of marriage working out and eating rabbit food, when he was 45 he fell off the roof and died."
I fail to see the point of that anecdote, and raise my eyebrows inquisitively it is part of Vulcan mannerisms one I know Mr Tucker uses to decipher what I am thinking. This time as in other times he notices the expression and goes on to explain.
"Point is T you're gonna die anyway if a dodgy heart from too much fat doesn't kill you falling off the roof will."
"I would never have thought you would be one to have a cavalier attitude to your life."
"I don't I just had to accept death as part of life, when my grandpa died I was only 8 but it hurt you know. So having a slightly unbalanced diet is not a big issue as long as I'm healthy."
"A strangely logical argument." It would on the surface appear to be illogical that a person should not have a perfectly balanced diet however Mr Tucker is healthy and alive and as he said a perfect diet will not necessarily result in a longer or healthier life.
"Never thought I'd hear a Vulcan praise me for my logic."
"You are usually illogical however there are moments of logic which I desire to see more of."
"Isn't desire an emotion."
"Which I wish to see more of,"
"Your wish is my command."
"That is in itself not logical."
"Okay how about this, looking at the schedule I know you're keeping to today you've been standing here talking to me for so long you're now 8.45 minutes late."
I turn to look at the chronometer and find that he is correct, I cannot remember the last time in my adult life that I have been late for any appointment. I disengage myself from his arms placing a light kiss on his lips.
"Goodbye."
"See you later T"
"That is the second time you have referred to me as 'T' why?"
"It's your nickname."
"Nickname?"
"Look it up in a dictionary preferably later because you're now ten minutes late."
I leave Mr Tuckers quarters and walk to the end of the corridor; I will not have time to have the morning meal and must make up the nutrients at a later date. I tend to lose sense of time when with Mr. Tucker, indeed were it not for the ships chronometer I believe I would frequently be late.
I arrive twenty two seconds early for duty, I am not on bridge duty this morning instead half my day will be spent analysing and consolidating data from the moons atmosphere. The other half will be spent looking through crew manifests and performance reviews of the crew.
I find the work to be unchallenging, Mr Tucker would refer to it as boring. I was unprepared when I first found my thoughts regularly turning to Commander Tucker however it is now common for me to wonder what his opinion would be of a certain situation or problem.
It is two hours into my duty shift a particular gas in the atmosphere has caught my attention and may account for certain peculiar features of some of the life forms. I excuse myself to the remainder of the scientific staff and proceed to sickbay.
Doctor phlox is proceeding to explain the theoretical implications of the atmosphere when the comm. sounds. It is Mr Tucker a strange feeling engulfs me, one I have become accustomed to feeling whenever I have cause to be with Mr Tucker, it is both a physical and mental state of being.
I consider it my duty to investigate the facts of this incident and I must admit to a slight level of curiosity with regards to how Commander Tucker was able to break the captains ribs. I ponder the possibilities the duration of the journey to the captains' quarters.
The explanation, which I receive and is corroborated by the captain, is unexpected. I find it a rather obscure and unlikely set of events. However the captain is not in disagreement with Commander Tucker and seems to find the situation amusing. Therefore I see no reason as second in command to further question the situation, however, commander Tucker will later in private be the subject of more in depth questions.
I refuse the offer of a Tortilla I do not consume foodstuffs whilst on duty and I have not calculated it's nutritional impact on my diet. The chronometer on the captains' desk draws my attention and highlights that I am currently 34 minutes behind schedule.
"Commander... Trip." I find myself unable to decide which title will be more appropriate to use, though he is not on duty I am, in addition the subject matter is however of a personal nature.
"Aw hell please don't ask 'bout all this it's too darn hard to explain right now ask me later tomorrow or something."
"Whilst I am curios to hear the finer details of this incident it is not the reason for my starting a conversation."
"Good. Why are you talking?"
"Would it offend you if I cancelled lunch today, as today has been a most chronologically upsetting day."
"Uh-huh I take it you're running a late again."
"If you had not caused harm to the captain I would be on time."
"I asked for Dr. Phlox you didn't have to come along for the ride."
"My presence was required." It would appear that this argument is in earnest neither Mr. Tucker nor I display the usual characteristics of humour.
"You know Ah really don't have the energy right now, sure it'll be okay if we skip lunch, probably should go see the cap'n anyways."
"Indeed you should and apologise."
"See you later sub-commander."
"Goodbye commander." The sudden formalities place me off balance; it is strange as Mr. Tucker is not usually so formal with any member of the crew using their title only when necessary. I analyse the previous tone of conversation and find it to be neither formal or otherwise.
Further analysis during the time it takes to journey to science lab three shows that Commander Tucker may be angry with me. His formality displays all the usual characteristics of our interactions before friendship and subsequent romantic initiations.
"Hey Doc," I look around and don't see Jon anywhere. "Where's the cap'n?"
"I released him oh about a half hour ago."
"You kidding me? And he didn't even page me to say he was back."
"Perhaps he was tired?"
Sometimes phlox can be so rational I sometimes wonder if Denobulans aren't distantly related to the Vulcans. Nah. "Thanks Doc see ya around."
"Er commander, as you're here is there anything you need any help for?"
"Have you been talking to T'pol?"
"No. Would she have anything to say on the matter?"
"Yeah lots and I'll tell you what I told her, I'm fine I will see you later." Maybe doctor phlox was bored, it must get boring down in sickbay all by himself well with a few part time medical staff, maybe he just needed some company. Maybe.
"Who is it?" Jon's voice comes through the comm. on his door.
"Who'd you think?" He opens the door and I step in, he looks a bit worse for ware but not by that much.
"I thought you'd gone off to do something else." He knew I was gonna chew him up 'cause he didn't page me when he was leaving sickbay, he was backing his corner before I had a chance to start on him.
"Yeah well I had, I was making you this." I reach into my pockets and draw out a small clear cube inside floating in clear preserving resin is a small piece of tortilla. "The potato snack that nearly caused your demise."
"Has anyone ever told you you have a morbid sense of humour?"
"Yeah you."
"I meant it. You coming in?"
"No, I'm gonna go and do some paper work, even though there's no paper involved no more."
"Is that your way of telling me to get some rest Trip."
"Well Ah didn't want to cause offence you do look like you've been through the wars."
"First he breaks my ribs then insults me." He's got that smile on his face; he does look tired painkillers tended to do that to him.
"See you around Cap'n."
"Right back at you." The door closes and I head back down to engineering to the little cupboard that someone thought would do as an office. If I'm lucky and that's a big if no one will see me going in and I can get on with some work without someone calling me out for some basic thing that with a little bit of thought they could handle themselves.
Who says lady luck isn't on my side? No one notices me get in I finish most of the paper work I'd been putting off and send of load of forms and reviews to Jon give him something to do whilst he's recuperating.
I work into the night, and fall asleep reading a couple of journals for engineers none of the articles are for someone like me hey maybe that's why I fell asleep. When I wake up it's nearly 2345, I stumble out of my office getting a weird look from Crewman Dwight. Who can blame him I must look a sight all rumpled up and sleepy in jeans and a shirt and as it's my day off I'm not even meant to be here.
"Dedication to duty crewman, dedication to duty." I give him a pat on the back and he smiles that little nervous smile that people give you when they think you're acting like a weirdo but don't wanna be the one to say.
Back at my quarters I just fall asleep, to tell you the truth I'm a bit surprised that T'pol isn't around after all she has my access code, I'm too tired to think over this particular puzzle and just fall into bed. To hell with changing clothes it takes way too much effort.
"What the fuck?" I wake up with a start jumping I have no idea what woke me up, but the lights are on full and the chronometer says 0516. Wait I lie, I know exactly why I woke up at the foot of my bed T'pol is looking pissed, well not exactly pissed in the usual human way basically I can't read anything from her. And that means she has tight control of her emotions which means she pissed. I can't help feeling I'm gonna need some sort of divine intervention to get out of this, the fact I don't know what I've done just rubs salt on it.
"Would you refrain from using uncouth language?"
"I can't help it I'm in shock, how did you wake me up."
"A Vulcan nerve pinch."
"It hurt." I rub my wrist there's gonna be a bruise there in the morning.
"That is the idea Commander."
"What's with all the commander crap?"
"I am simply continuing the tone of conversation you initiated."
I mutter something under my breath about it been too early to be going through all this; she gives me this, 'you're just digging yourself deeper' look. "Commander you have forgotten the superior nature of Vulcan hearing to Humans."
"Okay I'm tired and Ah'm not gonna get any sleep till you get whatever it is off your chest so just tell me what I've done because I can't work on riddles at this AM"
"It is simple Commander, I would appreciate it if when you are experiencing anger directed at me, if you would." She stops like she's thinking for the right word in English. "Would not act in such a childish and adolescent manner."
"Come again?"
"I believe you know to what I am referring."
"That's just it I don't and I'm getting sick of this, what is it I'm meant to have done 'cause as far as I know I haven't done anything." I'm losing it now I have so little patience and I'm not a morning person.
She starts spouting something about me being pissed off at her in the captain quarters and spending the rest of the day ignoring her.
"You what? A I wasn't pissed off at you I was pissed of at me. B I wasn't avoiding you I just fell asleep when I wasn't expecting to in my office where I was doing work. Hope that meets your approval, when I woke up it was nearly midnight I came in here and went to sleep again if you want more proof I'm not exactly dressed for sleeping am I. Now stop going off on one and let me sleep."
"I apologise commander it was rash of me to jump to conclusions."
"It's okay happens to the best of us. Now please I beg you can I go back to bed I was having a really good dream."
She does her little eyebrow thing, "May I enquire what about?"
"I can't remember all of it but you were a rabbit."
"Perhaps you should see doctor phlox if you have such strange dreams."
"It's not strange, people dream weird stuff all the time."
"Hmm." That Hmm means something, and I'm so not gonna get into it now because the explanation might just take the next two hours and I intend to spend those asleep with T'pol in my arms. So she may be a teeny bit paranoid but she's my paranoid Vulcan.
I wake up and T'pol is still asleep, she's not on duty today but I am, it used to surprise me how hot T'pol was during the day and how cold she got at night. I had to ask here apparently it's a genetic adaptation on Vulcan it's really hot in the day so the body loses all the excess heat. At night when temperatures turn colder the body holds in all its heat regulating at a lower temperature.
I never would have thought T'pol was a hugger but she is and I have to remove her hands from around me, she's also a light sleeper so she wakes up. It just hits me then as I'm looking at her as she just wakes up that no one else gets to see the T I do, the T'pol who looks a bit confused and groggy when she wakes up, or the fantastic sense of humour.
Or the one who gets pissed at you enough to use a nerve pinch thingy to wake you up and have an argument. Speaking of which there is a bruise there on my left wrist I'm gonna get her back for it.
"Is something the matter, you have been staring at me for a while now and have said nothing."
"Nope just remembering why I love you."
"Pardon."
"Did I just say that out loud? Aw hell erm yeah I erm I really like you well more than like, more LIKE, you know I'm babbling aren't I?"
T'pol nods and I'm not talking she's not talking so I tap my feet it's a nervous habit.
"Please don't get freaked out by it, Ah don't know how or why or anything we're just so different and it's like it just happened ya know?"
"No I don't 'know' I am incapable of experiencing love however the interactions, thoughts and actions I have concerning you are different to what I have for others. It is I believe as close to love as I will ever come and I have a longing that this state should only be for you I do not wish to share myself with any other."
"That's close enough for me." I have no idea how long I lie there staring into her eyes and just being really really happy and I'm thinking that in a former life I must have been a saint or something for life to be this good.
"Trip if you do not disengage from me it will be your turn to be late."
Darn it she's right I make a mental note of moving my day off to her day off, I shower in record time and eat some old Pizza from the night before last. "What's that look for?"
"If I had not just witnessed you eat a two day old Pizza for breakfast I would have thought it an exaggeration of the person who told me."
"It's still good, the air filters are really efficient Ah make sure of it no little bugs or bacteria in the air so it's just like keeping it in a preserving container." She doesn't bother to reply she does her 'I could say so much more, but I'm not going to' eyebrow thing.
"Well back to the grindstone, see you sometime soon my love." It feels soooo good to say that on so many levels.
The rest of the day passes in something nearing a perfect happy little haze called knowing that T'pol loved me and wanted to be with me, me and only me. Oh yeah.
As usual T'pol stays the night over at mine, there's some issue with her about me using her quarters it's not a big thing if I went round to hers she's not gonna chuck me out. I'm not really a big fan of her quarters anyway it's so empty.
"Hmm."
"Trip?"
"Huh?"
"You have been deep in thought for several minutes would you like to share your thoughts."
"It's nothing really, was just thinking your quarters don't do you justice."
"How so?"
"You're so deep and have lots to you I just think the space you call yours should be you, and well yours isn't you."
"You become more complex each time I speak to you Mr. Tucker I find a new layer to you each day."
"Aw right back at ya."
I spend the rest of the evening doing a bit more work, T'pol disappears for an hour I think that's her meditating time when she comes back she hops into bed. I finish off writing a report for the engineers back home who don't think I have enough work to do so ask me to write a report on how well all the engineering systems hold up at warp 2.3 or over.
"For the love of God what is that?" It's three in the morning and there's a loud alarm blaring in my ears. I think someone's decided that I wasn't meant to have a decent nights sleep.
"I believe it is the emergency alarm."
"We have an emergency alarm since when?"
"You were present three weeks ago when Lieutenant Reed proposed that there should be a shipwide review of emergency situations."
"Yeah yeah yeah," I see T'pol getting up so I do the same and reach for a robe draped over the back of the chair. The bare deckplating outside my quarters is freezing I would go back for some shoes or something but if I don't get there in time Malcolm'll lose it the last thing I need now is hearing how I should be setting an example for the crew.
About 30 of the crew have been woken up by the alarms, from the vibes I'm getting everyone is pissed, apparently it wasn't a shipwide alarm but just a preliminary research to find out where everyone spends their time.
"Do we really need this? I mean there's only one of a few places the entire crew is, their quarters, messhall, or the rec centre." Ensign Davis looks pissed as he talks to Crewman Raph.
I can just see T'pol standing next to me about to speak. "Drop it." I whisper under my breath. She snaps her mouth shut and joins the line that Malcolm and some security personnel are trying to get formed at the back of the messhall.
"Right." Malcolm looks efficient and is doing a great job of ignoring the 'I like you but I don't like you right now' stares coming from people. "Okay just a few questions to ask everyone and to explain a few things at the end, then we can all go back to whatever we were doing."
Someone down the line mutters something about most people sleeping, and why couldn't he do a questionnaire or something?
Malcolm begins at the other end of the line, where were you? Was the alarm effective? How long did it take you to arrive in the collection point?
Finally he gets to me I'm second to last T'pol is at the end, I don't even give him time to ask me the questions I've heard nearly thirty times already.
"I was in bed, it was very effective a bit too effective if you ask me, it took about three minutes."
"Thank you Commander. Now last but not least Sub-commander Where were you at the time of the alarm?"
"May we discuss this later?"
I think Malcolm and T'pol have an understanding of some sorts because Malcolm gives her this look and nods. It's not the look of a person addressing a superior officer it's a human look. It just hits me then that they're both alike in a way Malcolm is intensely private and you have to pry any information out of him with a molecular filtration device. T'pol is like that she doesn't give out information easily unless she knows you.
Malcolm dismisses the crew telling them there will be a more detailed questionnaire winging it's way to everyone which should be filled in ASAP and sent back to his work inbox not to his personal inbox. He wishes everyone a goodnight. There're a few murmurs of 'yeah what's left of it.' I have to agree.
I decide to hang around and wait for T'pol it shouldn't take that long. Malcolm dismisses the security personnel who were helping him out. It's just me, him and T'pol. He picks up his PADD and stylus again.
"Right sorry about that, I should have known better than to ask you a personal question in front of half the crew."
"It is quite alright."
"Where were you?"
"In commander Tucker's quarters."
For the love of God does she have to be so honest all the time? I'm suddenly really pissed off at her. Where does she get off announcing our relationship to someone without discussing it with me first?
Malcolm looks sort of bewildered. "What together?"
"That is correct."
I'm too hacked off and haven't found my voice yet.
"But." Malcolm waves his stylus at me and looks down at his PADD "You were in bed. Oh oh, I beg your pardon."
Malcolm looks a bit flustered and isn't quite sure what to make of it, instead he looks down at his PADD and says. "right then I assume the rest of the answers are the same."
"Indeed."
"Okay then that's all, and may I assure you of my discretion"
"Thank you Lieutenant."
T'pol heads out to leave, she's standing by the door when she turns back to face me. "Commander?"
"Er don't worry about it I think I'll get something to eat."
"Good night Lieutenant." She nods to Malcolm.
I'm still standing where I was a few minutes ago but it's like the whole world has changed and it doesn't seem like a couple of minutes more like a couple of hours. I get a glass and fill it up with water and drink the whole lot in one go. Malcolm's looking at me.
"Congratulations, I'm glad you realised the spectacular beauty that is T'pol"
"Oh God you liked her first, Jesus please don't think I took her from you."
"Commander I think she's beautiful I wouldn't want to go out with her."
"Oh."
"I take it this isn't the way you would have chosen to tell me?"
"Definitely not."
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah me too."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't know it's just that the two of us it's like we just click. Does that seem weird to you?"
"I'm not in the relationship so it doesn't matter what I think."
"But I wanna know what you think."
"Okay, I think good for you, but then again if someone had told me six months ago you two would be 'clicking' I would told them to see Dr Phlox. But hey my grandmother used to say it's a fine line between love and hate."
"I didn't hate her, we just didn't know each other well enough."
"Well you know her well enough now."
"Yeah I do and... know what I think I'm gonna go to my quarters see if I can catch up on the sleep you deprived me off."
"Good night Trip."
I leave the messhall and look into my quarters T'pol's not there, I check her quarters and she answers the door. Strange thing is that I don't have the code to her quarters, I didn't ask and she didn't give I expect she's thinking about it logically we can meet in my quarters we don't need hers as well.
It's simple to sort T'pol out you just need to know how she thinks about things and that in some ways it's the same as me and some other levels it's not. It's just not an easy thing to explain to someone it's just something you know like you know you love someone.
"Commander."
"I was rather getting used to Trip."
"I thought it prudent not to address you in an informal manner in public and at such an awkward time of night."
"Who cares if the whole crew knows, I don't."
"I however do, it is enough that Mr Reeds knows of our relationship."
"Then maybe we should go inside."
"Perhaps we should use your quarters."
"What's it with you and your quarters?"
"Vulcans do not share their personal space with others unless necessary."
"And this isn't necessary?"
"I do not view it as such."
"I do."
"Then it appears we are at stalemate."
"Or at crossroads."
"Could you elaborate?"
"No, don't bother about it, look I'll see you tomorrow"
"Goodnight commander."
"Goodnight sub-commander."
Commander Tucker seems, distant and distracted whilst on duty, on several occasions it was necessary for the captain to relay an order twice. A look is exchanged between them, after which commander Tucker nodded and seemed a little less distracted. However I know him well enough now to know that underneath the surface façade he is still distracted.
He excused himself after a few hours and continued the remainder of his shift in engineering. I concluded the best option would be to discuss the cause of his distress over lunch. I am unused to deception, I was therefore surprised how easily it could be accomplished.
Commander Tucker suggested keeping the deception simple and believable, all that was usually necessary was a PADD handed over when visiting, and during the conversation to refer to it on occasion.
"Commander." He is facing away from me, arms outstretched either side of a consol his head hung diligently looking at the read out. In this posture I notice his torso rise as he takes a deep breath. He turns around and smiles at me. The smile seems forced somehow.
"Sub-commander. What can I do for you?"
I hand him the PADD on which is written 'will you be available for lunch?'
He shakes his head, "you know." He keys a command onto the PADD, he is deleting the message. "I don't think so there's just way too much to do down here."
I look around engineering you can, by looking understand how busy the staff is. The crew is placid each doing a job, it was not a hub of activity as it usually is in crisis.
"It would appear so." I believe commander Tucker to be aware of the sarcasm in my tone however he continues.
"Isn't it just?"
With that he turns away and returns to the consol readout. I remain a few seconds watching him, he does not turn around, if I remain any longer it will look suspicious. I leave.
It is essential that I should eat therefore I enter the messhall and select a salad. I select a table where I can easily see the view of the stars outside. I cannot with certainty state the amount of time which has passed, till I am removed from my musings.
"Of course."
"Sub-commander?"
"You may sit down if you wish. Lieutenant"
"With all due respect, I did not ask if I could sit down."
"You did not?"
"No, I was just walking by."
"My apologies. Mr Reed."
"Are you alright?"
"I am in good health."
"Yes Ma'am." He scans the room for a moment and looks slightly bashful.
"It's filled up in here a bit. Can I take you up on that offer?"
I also look around, there are a six empty places, "Lieutenant I am fine you do not need to ascertain the cause of my distraction on a pretence of lack of space."
"It is not a pretence, I could sit at any one of those places, but I don't have anything in common with the people there I'd feel a bit uncomfortable, like a third wheel."
"Lieutenant." he could still potentially be deceiving me, however I do not think so, the inhabitants of the tables are each in deep conversation, none of whom Lieutenant Reed comes into regular contact with. I am therefore the most logical choice.
He sits down and places his tray on the table a bowl of soup a roll of bread. He sits in silence eating for a few moments. I continue staring at the stars; my attention is drawn back to Mr Reed by the familiar sensation of the Hairs prickling at the back of my neck. I know instinctively he is watching me.
"Lieutenant, you seem very interested in me. I do not wish to discuss the matter therefore do not venture to ask me."
"I was just thinking whether you intended to eat that." He points with his spoon to my untouched bowl of salad. "And permission to speak freely?"
"Permission granted."
"I already know the cause of your problem."
I am surprised, at this. "And what is the cause of my Problem."
"Trip."
"May I ask how you came by this information?"
"I didn't come by it I just guessed it. Trip sent Travis to get him something for lunch, I know for a fact that he's not that busy. Then you're not acting your usual self so I guess he's avoiding you for some reason."
"I guessed as much that he did not desire to be in my presence. I cannot however decipher why."
"Relationships are complex."
"I am beginning to understand this. Vulcan relationships are far less complex. We do not place as many demands upon one other."
Mr Reed is silent for a moment, I believe that the situation with Mr Tucker has somewhat lessened my control, I can feel the emotions from Mr Reed, he is in a predicament of some sorts, and it concerns me.
"You may speak freely Mr Reed, I will not take personal offence to whatever you say. Mr Tucker regularly reminds me to separate personal from official. This is an occasion where the two are separate."
"Well." He places down his eating utensil and looks instead at me in the eye. "I can take a guess why Trip's backing off. He needs something, and I don't think you can give it to him."
I believe he is referring to sexual practices, whilst it is uncertain whether humans and Vulcans can mate there are ways to overcome this problem. Mr Reed seems to sense my thought.
"Not physical needs, something deeper emotional needs. I think that's why all my relationships fail, I can't open up and tell you what I'm feeling I just well I don't know. It's something that's happened to me so often I can read it a mile off. You have a discussion about opening up or something like that, hints that sort of thing, next thing you know they're cancelling dates, and just backing away. Then the famous line comes. 'I just don't think this is working out' it's a classic line in my romantic life.
"And you believe Mr Tucker is in this predicament."
"Well Trip wears his heart on his sleeve I expect he needs his partner to be the same."
"I however do not display emotions openly." Mr Reed nods. He is silent as am I, I continue to gaze into the expanse beyond the ship and think of nothing, occasionally Mr Tuckers image or voice enters my mind unbidden. This is a simple meditation taught to children early, I mastered it at age 10, I am very much distracted. I have five minutes remaining until my break ends, I gather the bowl of salad uneaten and ready to take my leave.
I step by with a goodbye and thank you to Mr Reed. I have taken 3 steps when Mr Reed calls me back. "One thing, don't do what I do when I see it happening I let it run it's course, talk to him."
I nod and exit the messhall. I pass by engineering, I do not enter I cannot logically account to myself why I took this particular route as it is not the shortest route and I am late.
As I enter the bridge I notice the captain looking at the chronometer, he creases his eyebrows he must no doubt be wondering why it is I am late, I am afterall usually far earlier, it does not take 40 minutes for me to eat. Therefore I usually return within twenty minutes.
I return to my station, the remainder of my shift it is uneventful, I do however continue to think about Mr Tucker and the advice of Mr Reed. I come to no conclusions.
I'm running so fast that I can't slow down, I run straight into Malcolm, I don't break my pace instead I shout over my shoulder. "Dinner, Captain, late" I don't know what his reaction is I've rounded the corner. I walk into the mess hall and knock on the door.
Jon opens it, he checks the time, "hmm, everyone just seems to be running late today."
"Sorry, got distracted lost track of time."
"You're here now, that's all that matters."
Drinks have being handed out that's all my glass is full of red wine. I take a sip, hmm good red wine. I look up at Jon, he's watching me intently I smile at him, then at T'pol. "Sub-commander."
"Commander."
T'pol isn't pissed off at me that I'm late she's distant, professional.
"What's for dinner Cap'n?" I'm nervous I can hear my accent thicken.
Jon seems to hear it too, he raises his eyebrow slightly before saying. "I don't know told chef to surprise me."
"That's not always a wise thing to do, especially when he's in an experimentin' mood."
"He's not in one of those now, is he?"
"I don't know," I shrug my shoulders as if to add emphasis.
"What was for lunch today?"
"I don't know I asked Travis to get me a sandwich they're the same day to day."
Jon gives me a 'We need to talk this out look.' Before turning to T'pol what did you have for lunch?
"I had a salad and Lieutenant Reed did have chicken soup."
"Chicken soup that's average." Jon has a relieved look on his face.
That thread of conversation has run dry; I don't know what to say, so I take a sip of wine, a big sip. Jon busies himself rearranging his napkin T'pol is the only one sitting calmly. The silence seems to be getting heavier, right on cue Crewman Hail walks in with the food, breaking the silence.
The rest of dinner isn't that uncomfortable, Jon seems to have gotten the message that something is up and sticks to safe areas, mainly work and the latest news from Starfleet. T'pol leaves at desert, even though it's Pecan pie one of the few sweet things she actually eats. She says something about needing to prepare for something or another. I say goodbye to her formally, I try to be warm but I don't think it came out that way.
"Okay you." Jon throws down his napkin "You can bring that." He indicates my untouched pie. "To my quarters we need to have a long talk Mister."
"Why do I feel like I'm back in school and about to get in trouble with the head mistress?"
Jon sighs. "Trip you're not in any trouble, well not with me anyway, I just want to know what's going on."
"I don't know what's going on."
"Don't give me that, a couple of days ago you were walking in zero G, now you can't even look at T'pol. This is not one of your quick relationships because if it is I'm not impressed."
"Jon, I don't know what's going on."
"Well you better get on knowing what's going on, because this isn't good enough, I thought you'd grown up out of that two week fling. This is a Starship Trip you can't screw the whole ship."
"I didn't say I wanted to screw the whole ship, I just said I didn't know what's going with me and T'pol that's all. Anyway what's it got to do with you what me and T'pol. Anyway it's none of your Goddamn business."
"It is my business when two senior officers can't get along with each other."
"Then may I assure you captain that T'pol and I are perfectly capable of working together. Permission to leave?"
I can see him wrestle with himself, he wants to apologise but sometimes he can be way too proud for his own good. But he knows pulling rank on me was below the belt.
He waves his hand. "Yeah."
"Thank you sir."
I leave, we'll get over it, I'm not really angry at him, he's not really mad at me so hey next time we see each other it'll be like it never happened. I walk into my quarters I can't be bothered to switch on any lights. I just begin to undress in the dark.
"Fucking hell, can this get any worse?" I run my hands through my hair and then drop them by my side, I need someone to talk to, I can't talk to Jon right now, well when all else fails. "Computer begin personal log."
The computer bleeps.
"Commander Tucker, personal log. Can't remember the date."
"Er let me see shit, just had an argument with Jon, about T'pol he can be so annoying sometimes. It wasn't that serious though. He wanted to know what was going on with me and T'pol and I just said I don't know and that's because I don't know." I wait a few moments and drop myself into bed before I go on.
"I love her, that much is true and I know she loves me, she doesn't call it love but hey a rose is still a rose. Anyway what I feel for her I swear I have never felt for anyone before even Natalie and I really liked her." I stop and growl.
"This is ridiculous, I don't know why I just started feeling, I don't know well exhausted. Last night standing by her doorway I just felt tired not like I feel when I pulled an all-nighter but mentally tired.
"I just couldn't do it anymore I just wanted a break, I just don't think I can face T'pol on a personal level I couldn't do it for lunch today. And I just don't know why I feel like this.
I'm not going to get any sleep tonight. Computer end log."
I get up and switch on the light, I don't know why but the voice light command for my quarters isn't working and the manual switch is awkward behind a bookcase.
Turning around I get the second biggest shock of my life, "T'pol, what are you doing here?"
"I arrived soon after dinner in order to speak with you however you were not here and so I decided to wait, I could not locate your manual light switch nor activate the automatic lights, therefore I decided to wait."
"You couldn't tell me you were here when I walked in?"
She comes over all-bashful then. "I must admit that I feel asleep."
"Oh, well uh what did you want to talk about?"
"My question has being answered."
"What was it anyway?"
"I wanted to know why you were." She pauses for a moment. "I wished to know whether you wished to end our relationship."
"Hell no." I'm really shocked that she would even think that.
"I know that. Your log clearly indicated that your feelings for me have not changed."
"That's the only thing I can actually say hasn't changed. I just don't know, you tire me out, I love being with you but I just felt so tired of you."
She does her little eyebrow thing and I know that was hurtful. I step up to her and she stands up I pull her towards me, there's a moment when I think she might step back and walk out, but she doesn't she returns the hug. I break it off and look at her holding her by the shoulders.
"Look I didn't mean it like that. I only just realised I'm feeling this I just can't you know put it into words. It's just to work with you and figure you out, what you're thinking and everything takes more effort than with a human. That's what tires me out not you."
"You find our relationship tiring."
"No, we both have two different approaches to this okay, I just have to work hard to figure you out. The whole not letting me in your quarters thing." I stop and sigh. I don't know. I step back into bed, she still stands there. "T'pol you can come and sit next to me you don't have to stand there."
"I explained to you that Vulcans do not share their personal space with others unless necessary."
"I know that and I know you don't mean it like that but, it's just that I would like you to not think of me as "Others." I really wanted to talk to you about some serious stuff last night and when you said that I just couldn't be bothered anymore.
I just well I just don't feel I'm getting anything from you."
"I am at a loss, I believe our relationship to be stable and balanced."
"You don't get it. It's like me and you, we're living separate lives, everything is labelled mine or yours I guess I don't see us as integrated."
"Integrated?"
"Yeah you know, I think with human relationships we reach a point where our lives just sort of mesh together, you know?"
"I am afraid I do not comprehend?"
"Socks." She raises her eyebrows a little. So I explain further. "Little things like socks that I might leave over in your place or you live in mine it doesn't happen, we don't have each other in our lives we just have lives that occasionally touch."
"I understand now, you wish for us to be closer."
"I think we are close already, I just think it's little things like that usually to me it's a symbol of our relationship. But I just have to keep thinking with you, talking with you to get you to see it from my POV."
"This tires you."
"Yes, it's the explaining that gets me, like when I sat down just now, you didn't know instantly you could sit down next to me, I had to tell you. I guess it's just tiring me out now."
"I cannot help the fact I am not human."
"I know."
"Therefore I will continue to be as I am."
"I know."
"And if you find my nature tiring do you think it wise to continue this relationship?"
"Yes."
"That is illogical."
"I know, but I'm a creature of heart not logic. It feels right."
"I however I am not."
"Then why did you start this?" I get up and look her in the eye. "Why kiss me that night, why tell me you love me? Why care about me above others? Look me in the eye and tell me it was logic."
"It was not."
"Then that's how I know I want to still be with you. I feel it."
"You cannot let your heart rule your mind."
"Why not it makes me happy being with you."
"And in the long term."
"Kae Sara."
"Kae Sara?"
"What will be will be."
"I cannot live a life in that way."
"You cannot control everything, let go sometime, I won't hurt you intentionally, I can't promise you I won't fuck things up, in fact I guarantee you I will mess it up more than once. But you have to let me in sometime because I am willing to let you in."
"Vulcans do not let other people into their hearts, so to speak."
"Vulcans don't go against the high command or fall in love with humans. I'm not asking you to become a world class comedian or abandon logic, I'm just saying let me know what you're thinking once in a while when you're around me. That's all I'm asking, you're not yourself around me, you're the Vulcan, I want to see T'pol."
We sit in total silence for a bit, but it's not uncomfortable like before this is companionable silence. I listen to her breathing; she breaths once every ten seconds or so, her lungs she told me once are more efficient at using all the air they contain. She therefore breathes less.
"On Vulcan as children we form friendships similar to those of toddlers on earth, I had such a friend. However as we grow older these friendships are discouraged, we become individualists each person self-sustained and not reliant on another for any emotional needs. It is easier therefore to lose all emotion and train in meditation.
It is after the age of five socially unacceptable for a Vulcan child to be friends with another.
However I often look at human friendships such as the one you have with the captain with longing. There are occasions where I wish to seek advice from a friend another person to share experiences with and pastimes. Vulcans do not do such things, even marriage is designed to keep each other on the path of logic.
In a Vulcan relationship we will not share emotions or share lives, or acquaintances, we may not even spend the time together, when it is time for each to mate then we meet and we separate again. Emotion is undesirable, I do not desire emotion but I do desire intimacy beyond that which is offered by Vulcans. That is why I chose you, I am attracted to you on many levels, I cannot however be close as you wish me to be, I do not know how. Incorporating what I find presurable into my life whilst remaining logical. It is difficult something which has not being tried before. I do not wish to lose control, in short I am afraid."
"You don't have to be afraid one step at a time."
"I do not know which action to take first."
"Begin at the beginning, what do you want to do right now, that's illogical."
"Be with you."
"You have me, for as long as you want me."
"Then I wish to listen to Jazz music and learn to dance."
"Your wish lady is my command. Computer open file music, artist, Ella Fitzgerald file, I can't give you anything but love." Somehow it seems appropriate to this time, light Piano Jazz fills the room.
"Come on dance with me."
"I don't know how to dance"
"Hey you learn something new everyday."
She extends her hand and we begin dancing lesson. Maybe there's hope for us yet.
Fin.
Silverslide