by MadSlash
Power Rangers are not my property. No money made from this; no harm done.
Jason
I shouldn't have come.
I knew it right away, as soon as I saw his house, and knew I'd be face to face with him in only a few minutes. Probably should have known it when we spoke on the phone, but I guess I didn't want to accept it. For a moment I wondered whether to take the coward's way out and just quietly slink away. But - even as I started to turn around and get back in my car, some part of me that wanted very much to see him again refused to go. In any case, it was too late. He must have heard the car; the front door was opening, and there he was in the doorway.
Do you know how it feels, seeing someone you've been so close to - after years of separation, after years of wondering how he's changed, how he feels, if he still thinks about you the same way? I do. Of course, this wasn't the first time we'd seen each other since our Ranger days. I almost hadn't shown up then, either; I had been late, maybe subconsciously hoping they'd go without me. Then I had left as soon as the fighting was over, and paradoxically been disappointed that we hadn't had a chance to talk.
For an instant I could see him as I still remembered him, warm brown eyes, long brown hair, and an expression as eager to please as a puppy dog. He was a man now, no longer a boy; the hair was short and the face was older and stronger. Harder, perhaps. But the big, wide, welcoming smile I remembered was the same.
He took a step forward to greet me. "Jason," he said. "Man, it's great to see you."
"Good to see you too, Tommy."
"Well." He waved at the house. "Come on in."
We went in, and wasted a few minutes with the usual rituals. Finally, we were both sitting - me on the sofa and him in a chair - and we both had something to drink - me with a diet soda and him with iced tea - and settled in to talk.
"So how long has it been?" Tommy asked, the inevitable question of old friends who don't quite know what to say to each other now.
"About two years, I guess."
"Yeah, since the red Ranger mission. I was thinking since Angel Grove. Since you left."
"Eight years. Just about." Yeah. Twelve years since we met. Eleven since we first became Rangers. Ten since I left for the peace conference. Eight since I left for the second time.
"A long time." He stared down into his glass, perhaps trying to think of the next question. "So what have you been up to?"
I smiled. "The usual stuff. Work."
"You still running that martial arts center?"
"Yeah. It's going pretty well. Well enough that I could take a few days off and make the trip here."
"That's great. Bro, I could have fallen over when you called. Great to see you."
My turn to ask a question. "I never thought you'd ever be a teacher, man. What the hell happened?"
He grinned. "Yeah, I was never exactly the intellectual type. Guess I got inspired. After I started working with Anton Mercer on a dig, I just got into it. Next thing I know, I'm getting my degree."
"Dr. Oliver." I shook my head.
"Freaks me out, too."
"And a new Ranger team? You just don't quit, do you?"
"Duty calls, and all that. Besides, I got to wear another color. All I need now are blue, yellow, and pink."
We both chuckled. And it almost wasn't hard to ask the next question. "How's Kat? You two still seeing each other?"
"No." His eyes dropped away from mine. "After we left the Turbo team, we kind of went our separate ways. Last I heard, she was getting married."
"Sorry to hear it." I forced a regretful expression. "What went wrong? You two seemed really great together."
"Yeah, well. I don't know. Maybe it was just the Ranger thing that brought us together. When that ended..."
"Maybe." I wanted to ask if he was seeing anyone now, but wasn't sure if I wanted to know the answer.
"How about you and Emily?" he asked. "You guys seemed close. Did you stay in touch at all after you left?"
"Nope. Haven't heard from her in years."
"You seemed like you really liked her."
I shrugged. "Some things aren't meant to be, I guess."
"Jase... can I ask you something?" His voice had a tone that told me I might not like the question.
"Sure."
"Why did you leave like that after we got back from the moon, two years ago? I thought we'd get together after the other guys were gone, catch up, spend a little time. But man, you just bolted, first chance you got." His eyes found mine, more than a hint of hurt in them.
I hesitated, groping for an answer that would sound reasonable without telling the truth, and blurted out the first thing I could think of. "I had to get back to work. You don't get much spare time when you run a business, you know."
"Yeah, but..." He stared at me, obviously not believing my lie for a second. "Does it still bother you that Zordon made me leader? Is that the real reason?"
I just stared back in shock. It had never even occurred to me. What did occur was that the old Tommy wouldn't have confronted me like that. He really had done some growing up. When I didn't answer, it probably convinced him I was lying again.
"Look, that's the only reason I can think of," he said, leaning forward and reaching out to grasp my arm. "I know it was hard on you when you lost the gold powers, but that wasn't my fault. Being replaced as leader, when I became the white Ranger, you must have blamed me for it..."
I couldn't help it, I tensed up. He must have felt the muscles in my arm tighten, he let go and sat back, a shadow of sadness crossing his face. But it wasn't what he thought, not anger or resentment, not at all. It was the way my stomach flip-flopped at his touch; at the way he still affected me, after all these years. At the thoughts, the images, that ran uninvited through my mind.
Tommy leaned towards me, slowly, his eyes soft. He came closer... his lips moving over mine, just a feathery touch, gently, gently, the warmth of his exhaled breath making me shiver, then his tongue running lightly under my upper lip, while his hands came up to capture my face between them...
"Jase...?"
I shook myself out of it. "No, I got over that years ago. Do you think I would have come back with you to become the gold Ranger if I was holding a grudge?"
"I don't know." He was still watching me with that disquietingly sharp gaze. "I think you would have put your personal feelings aside and done the right thing."
The compliment hit hard. I blinked and looked away. "Maybe. But I wouldn't have been friends with you if I didn't mean it. I admit I resented Zordon's decision at the time. I admit that's one of the reasons I left for the peace conference. But after a while I realized why Zordon had done it."
"You did? I never figured it out. Why?"
"Because..." I looked around the room, as if I could find some way of explaining, of putting it into words, without revealing too much. "Zordon knew I was under a lot of pressure. Leading the Rangers... It's a big job. I think he knew I had other things to deal with."
"Like what?"
"Just... stuff." I tried to smile casually. "You know how it is when you're a teenager."
"Yeah, I guess." To my relief he smiled back and dropped it. "I'm just happy you decided to call, bro. Really glad to see you."
'So am I... So happy just to be with you again, even if it's not quite the way I'd really like. You want to know the real reason I left? It was because of you. Both times. Zordon knew it; he knew I was starting to suspect I was gay, starting to fall in love with my best friend. He knew I couldn't deal with it, so he replaced me as leader, took the pressure off so I could leave when I needed to.
'Gay, yes, that's what I am. I fought it for a long time, even after I came back as the gold Ranger. You're probably wondering what I was doing with Emily then. That's something I'm not too proud of, the way I used her as a last attempt to be like everyone else. You were with Kat, I was with Emily. It was safer.
'And - in love with you. Yes. I was then, and I guess I still am now. I know you don't share my - inclination, so don't worry, I'll never ask for anything. You'll never even know...'
No, I didn't say it. I smiled, we chatted for a little while longer. Then, when it seemed like the appropriate time, I got up to go.
He walked me to my car, and waited while I opened the door. Then he held out his hand. I took it, trying to feel only what I'd feel shaking anyone else's hand. "Jason..." he said, his smile wavering for just an instant. "It's great to see you."
"You said that already."
"Well, I mean it." His fingers tightened on mine, holding on as I started to let go. "We should see each other more."
"Yeah. I'll be in touch." I slid onto the car seat, and reached for the door handle. "Bye, Tommy."
"So long." His eyes were on my face, his expression - wistful, maybe?
I shut the door between us and started the engine, and backed out of the driveway and onto the road. But I couldn't help raising my eyes to the rearview mirror to take one last look as I shifted into forward. He was still there, face shadowed, still just watching as I drove away.