Disclaimer: I do not own Full House or any of its characters.

Authors Note: Sorry, in the last chapter I made a mistake and said DJ's kid was Lauren, but its Laura.

Chapter Four

*Merry Christmas*

Nicky looked down at the presents under the tree. Under any other circumstances him and Alex would be snooping through the presents trying to figure out which one's where theirs. Yet, this year was totally different, Nicky didn't even want to celebrate Christmas. It just wasn't Christmas without his dad complaining about how expensive Christmas was, how cold it was this time of year, and all of his normal complaints.

But everybody knew deep down that his dad had loved Christmas as much as the next person. This year Nicky knew he couldn't enjoy Christmas at all, because two days after Christmas was over Stephanie and DJ with their boyfriend, husband, and kid would be leaving. And Nicky knew that with them gone that the whole family would go through another sad period, without DJ their to lend support.

Nicky took a deep breath before he went back upstairs. Alex hadn't left his room in the past three days since his dad's funeral. And Nicky was the only one he talked to. It annoyed Nicky to no end, yet he felt that he needed to help his brother, who was more like his mom than anything.

***

Alex didn't know what had come over him. Nicky, who was the same age as him, had been taking the news about their dad better than Alex was, with the exception of when he first found out. Alex, being only nine, thought that it wasn't fair that his less intelligent brother could be doing better than he could. Alex just couldn't help it though. He felt lost without his dad.

And that's why he turned to Nicky. Nicky was a lot like their dad. He was a bit of a rebel, he played guitar great, and he had this strong backbone that nobody could get through.

Alex decided that tonight, on Christmas Eve, he was going to go downstairs and enjoy himself as best as possible.

***

Michelle found all the presents she had hid from everybody and started making her way downstairs. She almost started crying when she reached the top of the stairs and she didn't see the twins trying to look in their gifts. Every year at Christmas you could find the twins looking at their gifts, or trying to anyways.

Of course Michelle knew why they weren't sneaking a peek this year, because of their father, yet this made it so much more obvious that he was gone. He wouldn't be here this year to catch them and tease them that they would take all their gifts back if they didn't grow out of that phase of sneaking into their presents.

Yet, Michelle thought, it's ironic, that his death caused the twins to grow up in a way no nine year old should have to grow up. Michelle didn't get it, yes DJ had changed when their mother had died, and so had Stephanie, but the twins had matured so much in this last week that Michelle was kinda frightened. Pretty soon they would be old men before they even hit thirteen.

***

DJ almost groaned as she looked about the room of forced smiles. Everybody was trying to have a Merry Christmas, but it just wasn't the same. DJ then looked at Aunt Becky, who wasn't even trying to force a smile, in fact, she was crying.

DJ hated to see her aunt cry, but she'd seen it so much in the last week that she really didn't think anything of it. DJ looked once more around the room and noticed that nobody was making any moves at all to get the presents. So, she walked over to the tree and picked one up.

"To Joey, from Danny," DJ said, handing the present to Joey. She then went through some more of the presents, then she picked one up and read, "To Jesse, from Michelle."

Then the room went silent. Michelle quickly snatched the present. Alex and Nicky both, instinctively, looked at their mother for support, but she just ran out of the room.

"I'll go," DJ said, "It was my mistake."

DJ went into the kitchen to see Becky sitting at the table, crying. DJ went up to her slowly and patted her on the shoulder.

"It's bad enough that he's gone," Becky groaned, "But I discovered something else today when I went back to the doctors."

"What is it?" DJ asked fearfully, thinking she was going to tell her that she'd been bleeding internally this whole time and now she was going to die.

"The doctor told me I was pregnant," Becky choked out, "He told me that I was very lucky my baby survived the crash, and that he should have told me when I was there the first time, but since I had just learned of my husband's death then he didn't want to add something onto my loads of worry."

"Ahh, Aunt Becky," DJ started, but then Becky interrupted her, wanting to continue.

"I really don't see why he chose now to tell me, because I can't handle it now anymore than I could handle it then," Becky continued, "I mean, I'm going to have another kid and I'm going to be raising three kids on my own, with no help. My kids are going to hate me."

"Hey, my dad and Joey will help you," DJ assured her, "Plus, take it from someone who only had one parent growing up, they'll probably become closer to you as they get older and I'm sure none of them will grow up to hate you."

"But you can't be sure," Becky protested.

"Neither can you," DJ quietly said, "Come on, lets go join the rest of them."

"Deej," Becky said, in a whisper, "Just one thing, please don't tell anybody about this. I'm gonna tell them in my own time."

"OK," DJ agreed, "But you do have to tell them, and soon."

***

Joey looked at everybody and noticed that nobody was talking, or even looked semi-happy. Joey opened his mouth to tell a joke, but then quickly shut it again, all the jokes he had were inappropriate. Not to mention cruel.

But then Laura got up and grabbed a present from under the tree and handed it to her father and shouted, "Christmas! Christmas!"

Of course it didn't come out like that since she was only two, but everybody felt the need to laugh at the cute little girl. It was a long, tense laugh that made everybody more uncomfortable then they already were.

Joey wanted to tell a joke so bad. He hadn't told a joke in a week because he had been too busy grieving over Jesse's death, but he was wondering if he would ever be able to tell a joke again. He didn't know if it would be the same without Jesse there telling him to shut up if he went overboard and started to annoy everybody.

Just then DJ and Becky walked back in from the kitchen, Becky still had tear stains on her face, but she was also semi-smiling and, most importantly, not crying anymore. Maybe, just maybe, they could get through this Christmas.

***

Danny was in a cloud of dreams. In it he saw his very first Thanksgiving without his wife and how Jesse had finally admitted then how much he missed his sister. But Danny also saw how painful it was to go through that holiday without his wife there. Then, he awoke with a start.

Of course Becky had to be feeling these same things. Had to be missing Jesse more than anything in the world. He had had a hard time getting through Thanksgiving, but the first holiday after Jesse's death was less than a week after his death.

And Danny knew where Becky would be. Even if it was three o'clock in the morning.

***

Becky looked down at the counter as she drank her third glass of milk. She would have had alcohol if it wasn't for the fact that she had a baby on the way. She then heard somebody making their way down the stairs. Becky jumped up to leave, but then she saw Danny.

"Hey Becky," Danny greeted, "I figured you would be here."

"What's going on Danny?" Becky asked.

"Well," Danny started, "I was just thinking about how hard it must be for you, and that its Christmas Eve, which means you probably wouldn't be sleeping."

"Danny, can I ask you a question?" Becky asked.

"Sure, anything," Danny said, bravely, sometimes this was proceeded by a question that nobody should have to answer.

"I was just starting to feel a little better about my husband's death, far from getting over it, but I thought maybe I could live my life, but then Christmas Eve comes along, and I can't handle it anymore. I can't handle anything anymore. I feel as hopeless as I did a week ago when I first found out Jesse was dead. Why is it so hard now?" Becky asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Because its the first holiday. The first holiday is always the hardest after losing someone you love," Danny informed her, "I remember the first Thanksgiving without the girl's mother there. Jesse had been trying to act cool up until this point, but on Thanksgiving he broke down and for the first time told all of us how much he missed his sister. And I felt hopeless, I wanted my wife there, I didn't think I could ever live again."

"Danny, I'm so glad you know what I'm going through," Becky admitted, "I love talking to DJ, but she's never been through it, she doesn't know."

"Well, I'm here for you," Danny said, giving her a weak smile, before turning to head back upstairs.

"Wait, Danny, I've got just one last question," Becky said. Danny turned back to her, "How do I know that I wasn't supposed to die? That Jesse was supposed to live, but he took my place and balanced the scale."

"Becky," Danny started, coming over to her and taking her hand, "When every human is born they already have a time when they're going to die. God has already decided when our time is going to be. Now, this whole thing with you feeling it was your time is a guilt thing. You feel bad that it was him, not you, and you want to believe that it was your fault that he went, and that it was supposed to be you."

"But ...," Becky started, but Danny continued.

"Becky, just think, if it was supposed to be you, you'd be the one better off, Jesse would be here, grieving over your death," Danny finished.

"So, you really don't think it was my time at all?" Becky asked.

"No," Danny simply said.

***

"Christmas, mommy, Christmas," DJ heard the next morning as her daughter pounced on her and Steve.

"Honey, its too early," DJ muttered, looking at the clock that read 7:00 a.m.

"Come on Deej," Steve urged his wife to get up as he stood up.

"Fine, fine, fine," DJ muttered, "But its still too early."

She then got out of bed and the three family members made their way downstairs. DJ then went into the living room to find Nicky and Alex sleeping on the couch. She put a blanket over them and smiled, but then frowned, thinking that if this had been any other Christmas they would have been up as early as her daughter. And they would also have been pouncing on their mom and dad to wake up.

The reality of her Uncle Jesse's death was really hitting home as she looked at the twins. She knew what they were going through, she had lost her mother then too. But DJ couldn't believe that Aunt Becky was pregnant again. It was too much for her to handle.

Just then Becky made her way down the stairs and saw her twins sleeping on the couch and let out a sigh of relief.

"I was worried, I couldn't find them," Becky said breathlessly.

"Aunt Becky, when are you going to tell the rest of the family?" DJ asked. Becky looked at her.

"Tell them about what?" Aunt Becky asked.

"You know what I'm talking about," DJ said, impatiently.

"I don't know, when I feel its right," Becky admitted.

***

"Merry Christmas," Joey unsuccessfully said to everybody as they gathered at the table for breakfast.

"Joey, shut up," Stephanie snapped at her dad's best friend, angry with herself for feeling bad about enjoying Christmas. Angry at Joey for wanting to enjoy Christmas. And angry at Heath for really enjoying Christmas.

"Why don't you shut up Steph?" Michelle asked, also angry for being sad and wanting Christmas to go away.

"No you," Stephanie shot back.

"Oh, that's original," Michelle snapped at her.

"Whatever," Stephanie muttered.

"You guys!" Becky suddenly yelled, "Look, this is Christmas, let's enjoy it. I'm having as hard a time as all of the rest of you, but we have to go on with our lives, I mean, Jesse was my husband. But I want to enjoy Christmas. Remember the memories of past Christmas's I got to spend with him. And you guys are ruining that for me."

She then sat down and started crying. Michelle and Stephanie both exchanged guilty glances as Danny glared at his two daughters.

"I'm sorry Aunt Becky," Michelle and Stephanie said in unison.

"No, its okay," Becky said, wiping her eyes, "Come on, let's go open gifts."

***

"Hey Becky," Joey said as he and Becky prepared the lunch, "I still got to give you your gift."

"OK, what is it?" Becky asked curiously. Joey went upstairs and came back down with a square-shaped gift.

"Here you go," Joey said, handing it to her, "It was originally supposed to be for Jesse, but I thought maybe it will help you with your memories of him."

Becky curiously opened the gift to find a picture of Jesse in an Elvis costume, with his hair done like Elvis, and playing his guitar like Elvis. It was in an Elvis picture frame.

"Where'd you get this?" Becky asked about the picture.

"Jesse used to make extra money by pretending to be Elvis and singing songs from Elvis, so I thought he might like it," Joey said, "I mean, it does have Elvis."

"That's really sweet of you," Becky muttered, then she gave Joey a hug, and as she pulled back Joey realized that his shirt was tear-strained.

"I'm sorry," Joey apologized, "I shouldn't have given it to you, it brings back to many memories."

"No, Joey," Becky said quietly, "I love it. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too," Joey said.

***

"Are we gonna ever move on dad?" Michelle asked as she and her dad sat on the couch, waiting for lunch.

"I think we can manage, why do you ask?" Danny answered Michelle's question with a question of his own.

"Well, Aunt Becky wants to just remember Uncle Jesse on this day," Michelle said quietly, "But does that mean we're gonna have to forget about him on other days?"

"Honey, you're fifteen," Danny said, "What do you think?"

"I think that I want Uncle Jesse back," Michelle whispered, "I also think that I don't want to celebrate this holiday. And I especially don't want to remember it."

"Michelle, this is a holiday to share with your family," Danny informed his daughter, "I know you've been handling this well, but sometimes it just takes a good break-down to really let go, and it is Christmas, and we should make the most of it."

"Daddy," Michelle whimpered, calling him Daddy for the first time in five years, "I don't think I can have a break-down."

"Its okay honey," Danny said, giving his daughter a hug, "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Michelle muttered, trying to get a grip on Christmas day.