Father, forgive me, for I have sinned...
What is it, child?
I fell in love with a rat, father, honestly, it was an accident! But he had been kind, and he had acted like he loved me, father. And I was in love with him...even after he hit me, I loved him. I love him...
Cough. Cough. Cough. It's all pain. My throat is on fire. Is this how Eponine felt when she had the measles? But I don't have the measles, I'm cold, like ice. There isn't a blanket, or if it is, I can't find it...I can't even get out off this damn cot to look for it. I'm too weak...Dammit! Dammit all! The priest is still there. Kneeling by this miserable cot of mine, holding my hand. Its warm, his hand is, and his face is kind. Kind? To me? I look around. He must be smiling that kindly, priestly smile at someone else. But I'm the only one here.
It's all right, child. He will get his just dues, as you will get yours.
I'm frantic, now. But that's not all! I threw out three children, as soon as I could. It was his idea, father, but I wanted to do it, too! I hit my daughters...not often, but I did! And I swore! God, I'm even married to a murderer! Is that any better than being a damn murderer? And all the other things...oh God, what has happened to me? He'll never take me home. This is hell; I know it. There's too much sin here. I'm a worthless, stupid, evil bitch.
God doesn't see you as that way, child. He lets go of my hand, and finds the blanket, spreading it gently over me like he was my mother, and I was a child. Then he takes both my hands again. Warmth seeps through those hands.
Cough. Cough.
The priest continues. He loves you. You've confessed. You know you've sinned. The Lord will show you mercy. Nothing is too big for him. Nothing.
I'm filled with a sudden strength.
Cough.
But the strength is still there, and I reach to hug him.
My hands go through him.
Oh, God...
I start to fall off the cot. But I don't fall all the way. He catches me, and tucks the blanket firmly around me, around my once-plump frame dripping with skin, thin and bony. He strokes my hair, and kisses my forehead gently. Don't fear, child, he says. It will not be long now. Then he vanishes.
I say a prayer, my first in years, as I drift off to sleep. I'll never wake up, I know.
No. It will not be long now. Not long....