Disclaimer: Mine. Not.
"Gone," the Slayer repeated dully.
"I'm terribly-" Giles began, stopping when Buffy raised her hand angrily.
"Save it. What can we do? To help Willow?"
"Yeah...does she know?" Xander asked.
"Sorry?" Giles said vaguely, suddenly unable to focus on any of them.
"Does she know what happened to her? God, does she even know what year it is?" Dawn piped up in horror. Giles stood, fumbling with some books on the shelf behind them.
"She still thinks it's sophomore year, doesn't she?" Buffy said slowly, reading the tension in her Watcher's back as guilt.
"Oh God," Xander moaned unhappily. "Giles, is that true? Dammit, you've got to tell us-"
"I...we haven't quite known how to tell her...she is aware that something has happened to her. Something unusual."
"You haven't told her what happened. Any of it!" Xander accused through gritted teeth.
"No, we haven't," Giles said simply.
"How could you do that?" Dawn asked in disbelief, mirroring the outrage and disappointment in the other two. Giles sighed heavily, bringing one of the books back to his desk and placing it in front of him, unopened.
"I'm not proud of it, but yes. Willow thinks she's lost some of her memory from an accident...we've told her very little about her life. She's been told that the memories will come back on their own."
At that Xander stood, turning and walking away to the back of the room, too furious to speak. He kicked at the wall in frustration, and Buffy looked about ready to join him. Giles was relieved that she didn't, for the wall's sake.
"But they won't. That's what you said," Dawn said sadly, clearly still coming to terms with that. Giles rested a consoling hand on her shoulder, but addressed his reply to Buffy.
"No, they will not. Willow will never remember anything that's happened for the past five, nearly six years. Those years are gone. And I'll not have any of you telling her-"
"Telling her what? The truth?" Buffy asked angrily. Giles met her eyes wearily and with great sorrow, but his tone was firm.
"Yes, Buffy. Precisely that."
"Forget it, Giles," Xander chimed in. "This freak show ends now. I'm not going to start lying to my best friend because you screwed up helping her."
"I appreciate your feelings on this matter, Xander," Giles answered, his voice tight with restrained anger. "However, I think before you decide to undermine what we are attempting to do here you might want to consider what's best for Willow."
"And that's what? To be lied to? Manipulated? So that you can fulfill a freaking prophecy?" Xander's voice rose incredulously, then he sagged, looking at the Watcher with an almost desperate hope. "Look, you have to fix this. There has to be some way...and if not, then fine, you have to explain it to her. Tell her the truth, you owe her that much. Let the chips fall where they may."
"Even if those chips serve to be lethal to us all?" Giles slumped against the desk, and Buffy thought she'd never seen him look quite as old. "You have no idea how much I wish I could tell Willow the truth. But I cannot. None of us can. The risk is far too great. If she were to learn the truth now, she might...well, naturally she would feel betrayed."
"No! Y'think?" Xander interjected bitterly.
"You said lethal," Dawn interjected. "Why lethal?"
"You're telling us the binding of her memories is permanent but the binding of her powers isn't," Buffy said quietly.
"Yes, that's it precisely," Giles said. "She's still enormously capable of doing exceptional damage if provoked. Particularly at this point in her training." Seeing where this was going, he continued without pause, "As I told you before, the coven believed that binding Willow's powers would likely kill her. We believe that the accidental binding of her memories may have saved her life, but her powers, her will, was simply too strong for the binding to effect her magick permanently. She'll soon be as powerful as she ever was."
"You think she'd..." Buffy started soberly.
"Go all evil? Again?" Dawn finished in a small voice. Xander winced as Giles shook his head. He couldn't even imagine going through that again.
"We can't be certain. I only know I believe we can't afford to find out," Giles stated gently. "I cannot even express how sorry I am about what's happened here. However, my goal here as always remains the same. To help you, Buffy. And to keep all of us safe, by whatever means necessary."
"What happens if she...what can we do?" Dawn asked softly, and Giles eyed her sharply for a moment, then looked away. This was the last thing he was keeping from them, because it was just too hard to deal with. The coven had come to the conclusion that binding Willow's powers was impossible, though they couldn't quite explain why. If Willow were to turn towards darkness again, they would have to try to stop her, and the only way to do that would be her death. Giles could not face making that choice, and he knew that the others could not either. He cleared his throat, trying to sound reassuring when he himself felt not at all at ease.
"We shouldn't worry about that now. I understand your fears, and I understand your unhappiness, all of you. But you've seen for yourself that Willow is doing quite well under the circumstances. There really is no need for undue alarm at this time."
"So what do we do?" Buffy asked finally.
"She wants to see me, Giles," Xander said, starting to panic. "She's got to have questions. What do I tell her? I've never been good at lying to her, she'll see right through me."
"Tell her as little as possible. Talk about happy times you had in the time she remembers. Tell her...tell her parents love and miss her. I believe that has been of some concern to her."
Xander smiled grimly.
"I just said I don't want to lie, Giles. Honestly, I don't think they've even noticed she's left the country."
"Xander, tell her whatever you like then," Giles sighed, then eyed him sternly. "But under no circumstances may you tell her about Buffy or Dawn. About her relationship with them, of course, not their existence, as she clearly-"
"Why not?" Buffy asked quietly.
"Yeah, you want them to know each other, right?" Xander added with a puzzled frown.
"Yes, of course, it's just...I feel it might be too soon-"
"It's not too soon. It's too late," Buffy replied, her face etched in sorrow. "If you're right, and Willow was meant to get all this training that was supposed to start years ago...when was she supposed to meet me? I'll bet it was at least five years ago, right?"
"We...can't be certain. The wording of the prophecy is...is muddy. at best."
"Then I could be right."
"Perhaps, but Buffy-"
"Giles," Buffy interrupted. "I just lost my best friend. You're working off a theory based on something that you yourself admit you don't fully understand."
"Well, I never said that," Giles harrumphed defensively. Three sets of accusing stares made him clear his throat. "Buffy, you must understand. Willow mustn't know the truth about you. Not yet. We've spoken nothing to her of Slayers, of vampires, of her destiny. She needs to get training, so she can control this power inside of her first. The risks, to you, to Willow, to all of us if someone let's something slip, no matter how accidentally..."
"I won't," Buffy said fervently.
"We won't," Dawn corrected. Both Summers girls stared the Watcher down with equally determined expressions. Giles gulped, then finally nodded.
"Very well. I suppose that we were going to come to this eventually. But I warn you, all of you...you mustn't let anything slip that indicates the truth about the past. Remember, Willow is very, very perceptive. She's sure to pick up on the slightest misstep, and then we run the risk of losing her forever."
"I think..." Xander began with difficulty. "I think I should see her first, alone. That's what she's expecting, right? Might be better to ease you two into the mix."
"I agree," Giles said shortly. After another moment, Buffy nodded and Dawn shrugged sadly.
"So what do we do in the meantime?" Dawn asked. Giles lifted the volume he had placed on the desk earlier and handed it to the girl, who reluctantly took it.
"Perhaps you too should acquaint yourself with the prophecy," he offered hesitantly. "It's best that you understand as much as possible going forward."
"What a thrill," Dawn sulked, sinking lower in her chair. Buffy just looked at him, and Giles turned away, unable to face his Slayer again. Their relationship may have been irreparably damaged by his mistakes, but deep down Giles knew that faced with the same choices he would have made the same ones. There was no way for him to make the Slayer understand that, however. Not if things were going to come out as they should.
"Xander, are you ready?" Giles asked, and the young man shrugged, his face set and serious.
"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess," he said. Giles escorted him out the door, and a striking young woman with shoulder-length ebony hair and cat-like green eyes nodded at him coolly. Xander gave the Watcher a questioning look.
"Xander, this is Phoenicia. She'll take you to Willow," Giles said. Xander's eyes widened in panic.
"Whoa. You're not coming?"
Giles had the good grace to look apologetic and embarrassed.
"I think it's best that I don't. Willow might pick up on your...your anger with me. To wonder what the cause might be."
"Wouldn't want your gold star getting tarnished," Xander muttered bitterly, then nodded. "Okay, whatever. I'm ready. Let's go."
The young woman nodded and taking Xander's hand led him down the hall. Giles looked back at Buffy and Dawn, who were both looking at the books with identical expressions of misery. He cleared his throat.
"Yes, well, while you two are...um, reading, I've got to see to your...accommodations. I won't be long," Giles said. Buffy pretended not to hear, but Dawn nodded at him with a grim smile. "You will stay in this room until I return, yes?"
"Sure," Dawn replied uncertainly. "O-okay."
"Buffy?" Giles pointedly queried. The Slayer shrugged without looking at him.
"Guess we're your prisoners."
Giles quietly closed the door behind him. Neither girl heard his whispered response.
"I hope it won't come to that."
Please leave feedback!