I Will Always be the Same
By Anime Queen
**************
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I hope you all know this is on top of my priorities as far as fanfiction is concerned. Thank you to all who have stuck with me so far on this fic! You guys are the greatest!! Special thanks to Hawk Sage and Kosumi, thanks for giving me reviews on the last chapter. Wasn't really confident about whether my explanations were good enough or not.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or any of the characters. I do, however, own this fic.
Without further adieu now –
***************
Chapter 14 – Why Don't I Hate Him?
I stared at him for a really long time after he said that. It took me a while to absorb the information. They were after Kaiba Corp, after some new technology Kaiba invented. After him. And I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I thought back to the beginning of this mess, when I helped Kaiba on the ship. It had been payment for the money he gave me. I kept shaking my head.
=How did I get so deep into this?=
Kaiba walked out of the room and disappeared from view. The group was looking at me curiously, waiting to see what I would do next. I disappointed them. I just sat there for a long time after he left, staring at the empty space between the door frame.
I asked myself over and over why I didn't hate that man. Even now, that I found out I would have never gotten involved in any of the mess if it hadn't been for Kaiba, I couldn't bring myself to hate him.
=Hadn't it been my own actions too?=
Such a thought has never entered my mind. All the while my actions have only led me down a path I didn't mind. But this – ! The nightmare, the pain, the humiliation – didn't I mind it?
=I hate it!=
Then why can't I hate Seto Kaiba, the person who was supposed to go through all that instead of me?
"Ano..." a timid voice cut into my trail of thoughts. "Are you sure you're not hungry? Should I get you anything?"
I looked up at Tea's timid face. The girl was smiling shyly, with a hint of sadness, maybe even pity. I didn't need anyone else feeling sorry for me. I was doing a good job of that myself.
"No, thank you," I told her, trying to sound bitter, and from her continuing smile, I think I succeeded in my attempt at politeness.
"Well if you need anything, let us know," she stepped backwards and closed the door, plunging the room into slight shadow and leaving me alone with my thoughts. I wished she wouldn't.
The memories flooded back into my head, overpowering me. I felt the bonds on my ankles and wrists, cutting into my flesh. Saw the cold eyes of one of the men, and Kaiba's closed ones. I could feel my throat itching, my voice getting hoarse, as I repeatedly called out his name. The sound hurt my ears, I felt my head throbbing, but I kept screaming for help, while he stood there, his head inclined downwards. My eyes flew open and I gasped, clutching my chest. That was the first time I ever cried out for help.
=How could I have?=
But that was my brain yelling. In my heart it didn't feel all that wrong. It was irrational, illogical, terribly opposed to my philosophy, but there it was. I didn't need help, I didn't need anyone. I satisfied myself with attributing it to hysteria at the time, rather than a flaw in my character. At least for the moment, to keep my sanity intact.
I had no idea how many times I passed out in that room, but it must have been frighteningly many. I couldn't even remember how we escaped that place, don't remember floating in the ocean, or being picked up. I didn't like feeling this helpless. I've never had to rely on anyone other than myself, nor have I ever wanted to. Now I had no choice.
I pulled my legs up to my chest, curling up in the sheets, and shut my eyes. But no matter how tightly my eyes were closed, the tears managed to squeeze out onto my eyelashes.
=How could I let this happen? How can I stand feeling this way?=
***
I must have passed out again; when I came to, it was early afternoon. The first thing I suddenly realized was that I was hungry, the second was the need for a hot bath. Deciding that those needs won't be fulfilled in this room I got out of bed, surprised at the strange feeling of standing up. I walked to the door very slowly, because I found I had to concentrate on every step to avoid falling. I stumbled out the door into the hallway, holding onto the wall for support, and groaned inwardly at the stairs leading up to the deck.
I suddenly felt so tired, looking helplessly at those stairs. Why did everything seem so complicated all of a sudden? It was all that Kaiba's fault. If he never bumped into my car in that parking lot, if he hadn't bumped into me again at that store, if he wasn't on that ship, if he hadn't done me any favors –
I realized how close to the floor my face was. I wondered why I was in such a position for a while, only now becoming aware of the numbness is my limbs. My mind became alert, and I tried to look around me. Purple and blue was before my eyes, slowly taking on the shape of the man I was denouncing in my mind earlier. I realized what must have happened, why I was just inches off the floor with his arms around me, and felt embarrassed. If he hadn't caught me...
After a while I summoned up the courage to look him in the face. He stared back an intimidating, cold stare.
"You shouldn't have gotten up."
"I need to use the bathroom," I managed through clenched teeth. It's amazing how fast he can infuriate me, with just that stare, trying to seem as if he doesn't care.
Kaiba stood up slowly, pulling me by my waist gently. I made an effort to grab for the railing at the base of the staircase, but he surprised me by leaning down and picking up my legs with one hand, my upper body with the other. I opened my mouth to protest but he glanced at me sideways. Again that stare. But no matter.
=At least I get an easy ride up these damn stairs=
He walked unhurriedly up each step; when he reached the top he didn't stop. He went past all the doors on that floor until he reached one labeled "Bathrooms". He made no notion of letting me down. He just stood there staring at nothing in particular. I watched his face for a while, and then it started to get uncomfortable. I wriggled around in his arms a little.
"You can set me down now."
He slowly came out of that trance of his, and lowered me to the ground. I could barely feel it when my feet came into contact with the floor, and stumbled a bit before I could regain my balance. I made to grab for the wall, but Kaiba moved quicker, and I found myself grabbing onto him instead. His arms were suddenly around me again.
"Let me go," I whispered loudly, looking down. He looked away for a second, and removed his hands slowly. I stumbled into the room, closing the door after myself. I waited a moment to calm myself before attending to my needs. I stepped into the tiled shower room, and opened the hot and cold water taps over the tub. I sat on the edge, waiting for the water to fill up, slowly removing my clothes.
=Is he still outside the door?=
I tested the water with my hand before completely getting in, letting myself relax in the warm liquid. I looked up at the dim light above my head through the steam.
If Seto Kaiba hadn't caught me... No... I didn't hate him for that.
*****************
^_^ I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please review and tell me what you all thought about it. Criticism is okay too, but please be constructive ^_^.
By Anime Queen
**************
A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I hope you all know this is on top of my priorities as far as fanfiction is concerned. Thank you to all who have stuck with me so far on this fic! You guys are the greatest!! Special thanks to Hawk Sage and Kosumi, thanks for giving me reviews on the last chapter. Wasn't really confident about whether my explanations were good enough or not.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh or any of the characters. I do, however, own this fic.
Without further adieu now –
***************
Chapter 14 – Why Don't I Hate Him?
I stared at him for a really long time after he said that. It took me a while to absorb the information. They were after Kaiba Corp, after some new technology Kaiba invented. After him. And I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I thought back to the beginning of this mess, when I helped Kaiba on the ship. It had been payment for the money he gave me. I kept shaking my head.
=How did I get so deep into this?=
Kaiba walked out of the room and disappeared from view. The group was looking at me curiously, waiting to see what I would do next. I disappointed them. I just sat there for a long time after he left, staring at the empty space between the door frame.
I asked myself over and over why I didn't hate that man. Even now, that I found out I would have never gotten involved in any of the mess if it hadn't been for Kaiba, I couldn't bring myself to hate him.
=Hadn't it been my own actions too?=
Such a thought has never entered my mind. All the while my actions have only led me down a path I didn't mind. But this – ! The nightmare, the pain, the humiliation – didn't I mind it?
=I hate it!=
Then why can't I hate Seto Kaiba, the person who was supposed to go through all that instead of me?
"Ano..." a timid voice cut into my trail of thoughts. "Are you sure you're not hungry? Should I get you anything?"
I looked up at Tea's timid face. The girl was smiling shyly, with a hint of sadness, maybe even pity. I didn't need anyone else feeling sorry for me. I was doing a good job of that myself.
"No, thank you," I told her, trying to sound bitter, and from her continuing smile, I think I succeeded in my attempt at politeness.
"Well if you need anything, let us know," she stepped backwards and closed the door, plunging the room into slight shadow and leaving me alone with my thoughts. I wished she wouldn't.
The memories flooded back into my head, overpowering me. I felt the bonds on my ankles and wrists, cutting into my flesh. Saw the cold eyes of one of the men, and Kaiba's closed ones. I could feel my throat itching, my voice getting hoarse, as I repeatedly called out his name. The sound hurt my ears, I felt my head throbbing, but I kept screaming for help, while he stood there, his head inclined downwards. My eyes flew open and I gasped, clutching my chest. That was the first time I ever cried out for help.
=How could I have?=
But that was my brain yelling. In my heart it didn't feel all that wrong. It was irrational, illogical, terribly opposed to my philosophy, but there it was. I didn't need help, I didn't need anyone. I satisfied myself with attributing it to hysteria at the time, rather than a flaw in my character. At least for the moment, to keep my sanity intact.
I had no idea how many times I passed out in that room, but it must have been frighteningly many. I couldn't even remember how we escaped that place, don't remember floating in the ocean, or being picked up. I didn't like feeling this helpless. I've never had to rely on anyone other than myself, nor have I ever wanted to. Now I had no choice.
I pulled my legs up to my chest, curling up in the sheets, and shut my eyes. But no matter how tightly my eyes were closed, the tears managed to squeeze out onto my eyelashes.
=How could I let this happen? How can I stand feeling this way?=
***
I must have passed out again; when I came to, it was early afternoon. The first thing I suddenly realized was that I was hungry, the second was the need for a hot bath. Deciding that those needs won't be fulfilled in this room I got out of bed, surprised at the strange feeling of standing up. I walked to the door very slowly, because I found I had to concentrate on every step to avoid falling. I stumbled out the door into the hallway, holding onto the wall for support, and groaned inwardly at the stairs leading up to the deck.
I suddenly felt so tired, looking helplessly at those stairs. Why did everything seem so complicated all of a sudden? It was all that Kaiba's fault. If he never bumped into my car in that parking lot, if he hadn't bumped into me again at that store, if he wasn't on that ship, if he hadn't done me any favors –
I realized how close to the floor my face was. I wondered why I was in such a position for a while, only now becoming aware of the numbness is my limbs. My mind became alert, and I tried to look around me. Purple and blue was before my eyes, slowly taking on the shape of the man I was denouncing in my mind earlier. I realized what must have happened, why I was just inches off the floor with his arms around me, and felt embarrassed. If he hadn't caught me...
After a while I summoned up the courage to look him in the face. He stared back an intimidating, cold stare.
"You shouldn't have gotten up."
"I need to use the bathroom," I managed through clenched teeth. It's amazing how fast he can infuriate me, with just that stare, trying to seem as if he doesn't care.
Kaiba stood up slowly, pulling me by my waist gently. I made an effort to grab for the railing at the base of the staircase, but he surprised me by leaning down and picking up my legs with one hand, my upper body with the other. I opened my mouth to protest but he glanced at me sideways. Again that stare. But no matter.
=At least I get an easy ride up these damn stairs=
He walked unhurriedly up each step; when he reached the top he didn't stop. He went past all the doors on that floor until he reached one labeled "Bathrooms". He made no notion of letting me down. He just stood there staring at nothing in particular. I watched his face for a while, and then it started to get uncomfortable. I wriggled around in his arms a little.
"You can set me down now."
He slowly came out of that trance of his, and lowered me to the ground. I could barely feel it when my feet came into contact with the floor, and stumbled a bit before I could regain my balance. I made to grab for the wall, but Kaiba moved quicker, and I found myself grabbing onto him instead. His arms were suddenly around me again.
"Let me go," I whispered loudly, looking down. He looked away for a second, and removed his hands slowly. I stumbled into the room, closing the door after myself. I waited a moment to calm myself before attending to my needs. I stepped into the tiled shower room, and opened the hot and cold water taps over the tub. I sat on the edge, waiting for the water to fill up, slowly removing my clothes.
=Is he still outside the door?=
I tested the water with my hand before completely getting in, letting myself relax in the warm liquid. I looked up at the dim light above my head through the steam.
If Seto Kaiba hadn't caught me... No... I didn't hate him for that.
*****************
^_^ I'm pretty proud of this chapter. Please review and tell me what you all thought about it. Criticism is okay too, but please be constructive ^_^.