I Will Always Be the Same
By Anime Queen
A/N: Final chapter! I can't believe it. Thank you all sooo much for sticking with me till the end!!! I love you guys ! Please don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: I do not own YGO, just this fic. Please don't steal it. I worked very hard on it.
Chapter 15 – "Thoughts and Emotions Do Not Get Along"
I was at my wits end with that man. And him still being there after I was through with my bath didn't help the matter. Seto Kaiba looked me over, and suddenly I felt so transparent beneath the thin cotton yukata. I grasped my clothes tighter and tried to stare back with defiance.
"Feeling better?" he finally asked, moving closer slowly.
"Just fine," I replied, and started to turn back in the direction of the cabins where I was staying. He followed closely behind. We didn't say a word. By now I've grown accustomed to walking again, which pleased me. I couldn't keep relying on Kaiba for everything. I don't rely on anyone, so what makes him so special? No, this was going to have to stop.
"Where are we going?" I asked him, turning around to face him, when we arrived outside my cabin door.
"Tokyo, where else?" he replied, not sounding too happy about it.
"You should be glad, then," I told him. "You're going to your old life and continue as if nothing happened."
=While I can't= I added in my head, and fought the urge to shed the tears behind my eyelashes.
"You should be glad..." I repeated, turning away from him. A little more of this and I was really going to break down crying. I took a step forward.
"You're really stupid, aren't you?" his voice was cold now. I froze in my tracks. "Something's seriously wrong with you if you think I can go back to the way it was before..." The last part he said softly. I didn't say anything, but kept listening.
"I failed to rescue my little brother from that madman Pegasus, I get captured and put the company in danger, and look what I did to you – " he stopped abruptly, and I felt those tears welling up again.
=I guess we're not that different after all=
"Is that why you were on that ship? To rescue your brother?" I uttered in a level tone. He didn't answer, and we stood in suffocating silence. How come he never told me that? But then again, I hadn't told him about my dad either. Some things are better left unsaid.
"I'm sorry."
I turned to face him now, not caring whether I would cry or not.
"What?" I muttered in confusion.
"I'm sorry..." he repeated. He was looking straight at me, right into my eyes. And I found it hard not to look back.
"What I let those men do to you... I'm sorry. It should have been me."
He was asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness he didn't need to ask for, I reluctantly admitted. But some emotions are better left untouched, I decided.
"It was my fault," I turned again and put my hand on the door handle, determined to go in and escape his mesmerizing stare. But even that didn't help me. His hand was instantly covering mine. He was standing so close at my side my shoulder was softly touching his chest. I looked into his face. He was looking into my eyes again.
"I don't need any more problems," I told him evenly, turning to the door again and closing my eyes.
"If you don't want me around then say so," he said slowly. "Tell me to disappear and you'll never see me again, I promise."
I didn't say anything. So easy, it seemed, just two words, "go away". But so hard to get past my lips. I opened and closed my mouth, but nothing came out. Clearly, what I needed and what I wanted were two different things. Bitterness and self-contempt filled me. I was nothing but a hypocrite. Why did my emotions have to go against my philosophies? Emotions that are new and untested, maybe even false.
I tried to open the door and get inside again, but this time he moved to block the door with his body.
"Answer me," he demanded. No, on second thoughts, that sounded more like a plea. I turned my head towards the floor to avoid his stare, but I knew it was still there.
"Damn it, why do you have to make everything so hard?" he burst out. My head shot up with new-found energy and my eyes blazed.
"I'm making it difficult?" I spat at him, "I'm not the one who screwed my whole life over! I'm not the one who chose to be abused in some random place for something that had nothing to do with me! You think I want to feel like this? You think I want to be here?" I wiped furiously at my eyes, sobbing violently. "You have no idea... the only thing I had left was my independence, and now that is gone too..."
He tried to put his hands on my shoulders, but I smacked them away.
"You really are stupid," he whispered coldly, grabbing me around my shoulders despite my protests, and forcing me to look at him. His features were stern, but his eyes were softer somehow. He cupped my chin with his thumb and forefinger, and in the same swift motion leaned in. He hesitated once a little, but then forcefully planted his lips on mine. I took a step back, but he took a step forward, refusing to let go of me. It was as if he could anticipate my every move. I pulled back, he leaned further in. I stumbled backwards in one final attempt to get away from him, and to my despair felt the hallway wall behind my back. Sure enough, he took advantage of the fact that I was now trapped.
He assaulted me with full power. His arms were tight around my shoulders, holding me in place against his broad chest. His lips were locked on mine, radiating heat that spread to all parts of my body. His eyes bore holes in my wide and frightened ones. And worst of all, his presence neither allowed me, nor made me want to escape.
I never knew how I managed to make peace with myself that night. I was falling faster and faster into the abyss that I swore I would never even go near. And if I forgot for a moment about thinking, I found myself actually enjoying him. His touch, his feel, his smell, all seemed surreal. And when the thoughts came back, he would always push them back with one of his stares.
"It's okay to depend on someone," he told me at one point. I had my head on his chest, and we were lying on top of the bed sheets in semi-darkness. He smoothed my hair away from my neck and caressed the small of my back.
"It's nice... to be able to do that," I told him, tracing my palm up and down his side, "but not easy."
He lifted my head to look at me and smiled slightly.
"Maybe both of us can give it a try," Seto whispered softly, his eyes searching mine for answers. I gave him a little smile of my own.
"I will always be the same. You'll just be an exception to every rule."
THE END
By Anime Queen
A/N: Final chapter! I can't believe it. Thank you all sooo much for sticking with me till the end!!! I love you guys ! Please don't forget to review!
Disclaimer: I do not own YGO, just this fic. Please don't steal it. I worked very hard on it.
Chapter 15 – "Thoughts and Emotions Do Not Get Along"
I was at my wits end with that man. And him still being there after I was through with my bath didn't help the matter. Seto Kaiba looked me over, and suddenly I felt so transparent beneath the thin cotton yukata. I grasped my clothes tighter and tried to stare back with defiance.
"Feeling better?" he finally asked, moving closer slowly.
"Just fine," I replied, and started to turn back in the direction of the cabins where I was staying. He followed closely behind. We didn't say a word. By now I've grown accustomed to walking again, which pleased me. I couldn't keep relying on Kaiba for everything. I don't rely on anyone, so what makes him so special? No, this was going to have to stop.
"Where are we going?" I asked him, turning around to face him, when we arrived outside my cabin door.
"Tokyo, where else?" he replied, not sounding too happy about it.
"You should be glad, then," I told him. "You're going to your old life and continue as if nothing happened."
=While I can't= I added in my head, and fought the urge to shed the tears behind my eyelashes.
"You should be glad..." I repeated, turning away from him. A little more of this and I was really going to break down crying. I took a step forward.
"You're really stupid, aren't you?" his voice was cold now. I froze in my tracks. "Something's seriously wrong with you if you think I can go back to the way it was before..." The last part he said softly. I didn't say anything, but kept listening.
"I failed to rescue my little brother from that madman Pegasus, I get captured and put the company in danger, and look what I did to you – " he stopped abruptly, and I felt those tears welling up again.
=I guess we're not that different after all=
"Is that why you were on that ship? To rescue your brother?" I uttered in a level tone. He didn't answer, and we stood in suffocating silence. How come he never told me that? But then again, I hadn't told him about my dad either. Some things are better left unsaid.
"I'm sorry."
I turned to face him now, not caring whether I would cry or not.
"What?" I muttered in confusion.
"I'm sorry..." he repeated. He was looking straight at me, right into my eyes. And I found it hard not to look back.
"What I let those men do to you... I'm sorry. It should have been me."
He was asking for forgiveness. Forgiveness he didn't need to ask for, I reluctantly admitted. But some emotions are better left untouched, I decided.
"It was my fault," I turned again and put my hand on the door handle, determined to go in and escape his mesmerizing stare. But even that didn't help me. His hand was instantly covering mine. He was standing so close at my side my shoulder was softly touching his chest. I looked into his face. He was looking into my eyes again.
"I don't need any more problems," I told him evenly, turning to the door again and closing my eyes.
"If you don't want me around then say so," he said slowly. "Tell me to disappear and you'll never see me again, I promise."
I didn't say anything. So easy, it seemed, just two words, "go away". But so hard to get past my lips. I opened and closed my mouth, but nothing came out. Clearly, what I needed and what I wanted were two different things. Bitterness and self-contempt filled me. I was nothing but a hypocrite. Why did my emotions have to go against my philosophies? Emotions that are new and untested, maybe even false.
I tried to open the door and get inside again, but this time he moved to block the door with his body.
"Answer me," he demanded. No, on second thoughts, that sounded more like a plea. I turned my head towards the floor to avoid his stare, but I knew it was still there.
"Damn it, why do you have to make everything so hard?" he burst out. My head shot up with new-found energy and my eyes blazed.
"I'm making it difficult?" I spat at him, "I'm not the one who screwed my whole life over! I'm not the one who chose to be abused in some random place for something that had nothing to do with me! You think I want to feel like this? You think I want to be here?" I wiped furiously at my eyes, sobbing violently. "You have no idea... the only thing I had left was my independence, and now that is gone too..."
He tried to put his hands on my shoulders, but I smacked them away.
"You really are stupid," he whispered coldly, grabbing me around my shoulders despite my protests, and forcing me to look at him. His features were stern, but his eyes were softer somehow. He cupped my chin with his thumb and forefinger, and in the same swift motion leaned in. He hesitated once a little, but then forcefully planted his lips on mine. I took a step back, but he took a step forward, refusing to let go of me. It was as if he could anticipate my every move. I pulled back, he leaned further in. I stumbled backwards in one final attempt to get away from him, and to my despair felt the hallway wall behind my back. Sure enough, he took advantage of the fact that I was now trapped.
He assaulted me with full power. His arms were tight around my shoulders, holding me in place against his broad chest. His lips were locked on mine, radiating heat that spread to all parts of my body. His eyes bore holes in my wide and frightened ones. And worst of all, his presence neither allowed me, nor made me want to escape.
I never knew how I managed to make peace with myself that night. I was falling faster and faster into the abyss that I swore I would never even go near. And if I forgot for a moment about thinking, I found myself actually enjoying him. His touch, his feel, his smell, all seemed surreal. And when the thoughts came back, he would always push them back with one of his stares.
"It's okay to depend on someone," he told me at one point. I had my head on his chest, and we were lying on top of the bed sheets in semi-darkness. He smoothed my hair away from my neck and caressed the small of my back.
"It's nice... to be able to do that," I told him, tracing my palm up and down his side, "but not easy."
He lifted my head to look at me and smiled slightly.
"Maybe both of us can give it a try," Seto whispered softly, his eyes searching mine for answers. I gave him a little smile of my own.
"I will always be the same. You'll just be an exception to every rule."
THE END