AN: At long last, an update! Not the handwritten pages, they're sadly lost, but a new, revamped version. I apologize for those of you that wanted to see Ryan and Summer's relapses in detail, we'll skip all that and get straight to the juicies...
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"God, Summer…"
"Come here, Ryan…sit down…"
"What?"
"Sit down, Ry, come on…"
They were on Summer's roof, smoking cigarettes. Ryan is pacing until he sits down beside Summer. She puts her ear against his chest.
"What?"
"Your heart…it's beating so fast…"
"It's cool…" Ryan sighs. Ryan still wasn't at 100 percent, he has to keep his ribs wrapped and limit his movement.
"No…I don't think so…we've been doing this a week…we have to stop…"
"This is the third day in a row that they've cut school so they could do coke all day.
Seth and Marissa are suspicious and have each expressed worry but Ryan and Summer's lies have been believable enough to deter them so far.
"You're right…" Ryan sighs after a beat.
"Oh my god…" Seth startles them both as he crawls out of the window, followed immediately by Marissa.
"It's not what you think," Summer says.
"Really? Because you still have powder on your nose…" Seth snaps.
"Seth…" Ryan begins.
"Come on, give me another excuse," Seth whispered.
Summer and Ryan glance at each other.
"It's over," Marissa says.
"You're telling my parents…" Seth announces.
"No…" Summer and Ryan say in unison.
"I'm not listening. Either you tell them or we will…" Marissa echoes Seth.
"Don't do this, we can stop, we'll stop…" Summer pleads.
"We don't care, Summer," Seth says seriously. "Come on. You both know that you need help."
"We can do this," Ryan whispers.
"It's out of your hands. Come on. Now." Seth is stern.
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"Seth? Seth, what is it? What's the emergency…" Sandy rushes into the house.
"Dad…" Seth starts. He's standing with Marissa in the kitchen.
"No, Seth. I have to tell him," Ryan says quietly from the den.
"Ryan?" Sandy is even more concerned now. All these kids should be in school And they all look petrified.
Ryan and Summer are sitting on the couch. "We need to talk to you," Summer says.
"Okay…" Sandy walks over and sits down in the chair. Marissa and Seth walk into the other room. They can listen, but aren't intruding.
"Sandy…God…" Ryan whispers, stricken dumb.
"What's wrong?" Sandy urges, trying to quell his panic.
Ryan reaches into his pocket and drops a baggie of cocaine on the table.
Sandy stares at it. He looks at Ryan, then Summer, then back at the table. "What's that?"
"Sandy…"
"Where did you get it?" Sandy asks quietly.
"It's…it's mine."
Sandy takes a deep breath. He has so man y questions and worries and lectures bouncing around in his brain that he has to recover. "Okay. I'm going to take into account that you've come to me…"
"The other night, Sandy, when I was so messed up…" Ryan starts.
"I thought he was going to pass out so I made him do it…" Summer jumps in.
"It's not her fault…"
"He said no but…"
"But I did it. And I didn't stop."
"We didn't stop," Summer whispers.
"Slow down, guys. The other night…" Sandy is clearly trying to put the events in order. "The other night, you did cocaine so you wouldn't pass out?" The idea is so incredulous to him that he can't fathom it.
"He was so messed up, Mr. Cohen, he couldn't hold his eyes open and we didn't know what else to do…" Summer says.
"He needed a hospital…"
"It's not her fault."
"You said no," Summer tells Ryan.
"But I did it and I knew…" Ryan stops himself.
"You knew what, Ryan?" Sandy urges him to continue.
"I've used before. And I stopped," Ryan whispers.
"Okay. Summer?" Sandy looks to her.
"I've stopped before, too."
"Ryan. How long had you been clean?"
"2 years."
"Summer?"
"A year."
Sandy is quiet. "Okay. So you've been using. How much? How long?"
Summer reacts suddenly, shivering as the concept of what is happening catches up to her. Ryan puts an arm around her, sensing her anxiety. They're both jumpy as hell.
"It's over," He whispers.
"I don't know if I can do this again…" She murmurs.
"I'm here to help, Summer…." Sandy says.
"It was a stupid mistake but it's over…" Ryan begins.
"It's not over. Both of you have a problem. You realize that, right?"
"What are you going to do to us?" Summer asks.
"Are your parents still out of town?"
"Yeah…"
"Then first, we're going to get your things. You'll stay here until there's someone for you to go home to…you shouldn't be alone. And then I'm taking both of you to a doctor…"
"A doctor? Come on, Sandy…" Ryan protests.
"Yes, Ryan, a doctor. You had a serious head injury, Ryan, that you treated with cocaine…Does Seth know about this?"
"He made us tell…" Ryan whispers. "Said it had to come from us…he's so pissed…"
"He should be. Come on. Let's get moving…"
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Sandy takes Summer to her house for some things and then to a rehab center where both Ryan and Summer meet with counselors.
Sandy is talking to the counselors after their sessions while Ryan and Summer go to the car. They lean on the car and share a cigarette with shaking hands.
"You okay?" Ryan asks.
"Yeah. You?"
"Yeah…"
"But?"
"Sandy's so pissed…I hate the way he's looking at me…"
"He's not looking at you weird, Ryan, I think we scared him…"
"He's disappointed…he thinks I'm just like my mom…this is just the worst thing…I've tried to be a better man, Summer…but I'm not…I'm not better than her…"
"Ryan…"
He inhales deeply off the cigarette as he plucks it from her fingers. "Kirsten's going to hate me…I mean, Seth…Seth's hanging out with a cokehead…"
"Ryan, it's not like that, Seth knows better, Kirsten and Sandy, they know that's not true…"
"Kids. Let's go home. You've got school tomorrow," Sandy says as he approaches. Ryan tosses the cigarette and they get into his car silently.
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Ryan and Summer are sequestered in the kitchen with their books. Seth isn't allowed to see them until tomorrow. Marissa is allowed a five minute phone call, from the both of them.
Ryan is shaking too badly to hold his pencil and the words dance around on the page. Summer is nauseous and her head is pounding. Neither want to tell Sandy that they're suffering from withdrawal. They know that the sickness will get worse, but they deserve it. They don't want to complain to Sandy. They haven't offered any comments to Sandy since the rehab center. Ryan knows that he's getting off easy and he doesn't want to push it. T hey don't want Sandy to be angry at them, so they don't complain.
Summer has her eyes closed and Ryan is massaging her head with one hand, trying to soothe her headache. She has both her hands clasped around Ryan's free hand in her lap. They are both shaking and staying connected makes it harder to tell. Ryan's gaze is unfocused on the book in front of him.
Sandy is watching them from the edge of the kitchen. He's worried. Both of them are pale. The doctors had barely mentioned to him how to deal with their withdrawal, they had focused on long term care, getting the kids into NA or counseling. He's worried about their withdrawal. He knows that they know more about it than he does, they've both confessed to getting clean before but they haven't mentioned anything to him and he's too worried about them to ask. He has no background in dealing with this. He needs his wife.
"What? What's wrong? I just got your messages," Kirsten says, hurrying in. He pulls her into the other room to explain.
"Ryan?" Summer whispers.
"Yeah?"
"I'm not feeling so hot."
Ryan sighs. "You know its coming."
"Yeah. I puked for three days last time…"
"I pulled my stomach muscles," Ryan snorts.
"Think they'll let us drink?" Summer giggles. Alcohol would at least help them get to sleep eventually.
"I'm scared to ask for aspirin," Ryan snorts. A wave of nausea hits him. Summer finds herself steadying him on his stool.
"You okay?"
"I need to find a toilet…or a bush or something…" Ryan admits.
"Lead on," Summer agrees. They slowly make their way to the guest room where Summer is stationed. Summer follows him into the bathroom.
"You might want to look away," Ryan says, falling to his knees beside the toilet. She sits down beside him in the floor.
"Might as well cement the friendship, Chino…nothing says bonding like sharing a puke-fest," She sighs, putting her hand on his back.
Ryan is sick immediately. His body revolts and tries to purge itself, emptying his stomach violently despite its emptiness. The coke had taken their appetite days earlier and neither had eaten in the past three days.
Kirsten is sitting down with Sandy in the den.
"So. He told you. He came to you and told you that he was using cocaine."
"Yes, Kirsten. Him and Summer both. Since the fight with Luke…I don't know what they were thinking, but Summer says that they were scared that he would die if they let him fall asleep so she panicked…and gave him cocaine to keep him alert. And they haven't stopped."
"He told me…when we brought him home from the doctors…that he didn't want to take the drugs because he used to have a problem…"
"You didn't tell me that…"
"I told you he didn't want to take them, I didn't want to betray his trust and he was so…he was so serious…it was like he was scared that he'd get addicted…and you're saying he used cocaine…the same day? Oh, Sandy, it was like…we have to help him…" Kirsten says, stricken.
"We will, I took them to a counselor and I'm taking them again tomorrow…" Sandy starts.
"Are they okay? I mean, are they angry?"
"They haven't said much. They know…they know that they have to stop, they know they need help…"
"What's that?" Kirsten hears the sound of retching.
Sandy rushes to the kitchen and sees that they are gone. Kirsten has followed the sound to the guest room. She pushes open the door slightly and doesn't see them inside. Sandy joins her. They go to the bathroom.
"All right, Summer…just relax…let it pass…" Ryan is saying. Kirsten knocks on the open door and steps inside. Ryan is holding Summer's dark hair out of her way as she is sick.
"Kids…" Sandy starts, stricken by their sick demeanors.
"We'll close the door, I'm sorry…" Ryan says, surprised by their presence.
"What's wrong?" Kirsten asks, concerned. "Why are you both sick?"
Ryan looks up at her with tired eyes. "Because. It's been too long since we had…since we did any…we're going to be sick…"
"What can we do to make this easier?" Kirsten asks. Summer has finally stopped dry heaving but doesn't look up. She buries her head against Ryan's chest, embarrassed by the Cohen's attention.
"Nothing…there's nothing you can do…" Ryan whispers.
"But your ribs…you're going to hurt yourself…" Kirsten says.
"There's no easy way out of this…its okay…" Ryan replies.
"Oh, Ryan…I forgot…" Summer gasps.
"Listen, the doctors, they have to be able to do something…" Sandy says.
"Can you just leave us alone?" Ryan whispers. "For a while?"
"Ryan…" Summer whispers. He puts his arm around her, silencing her.
"No. We made this mess, we have to deal with it," Ryan says seriously.
"We'll be fine in a few hours…" Summer says finally.
"We'll be here. For whatever you need," Kirsten replies. She closes the door, leaving the teenagers alone.
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Around midnight, Kirsten gets up to check on them. Summer and Ryan haven't left the guestroom in hours. She knocks gently on the door and when there is no answer, she steps inside. Summer is curled up in the bathroom floor under a blanket. Her head is cradled in Ryan's lap as he sits silently against the wall. He looks at her with glazed eyes.
"She finally fell asleep…" Ryan whispers.
"How are you feeling?"
"Not a good question to ask me right now," Ryan replies.
"How about answering it anyway?"
Ryan closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. "This sucks…it's worse this time…I mean, it's not worse, it's just…I knew…I knew that this would end badly but I…but I still did it…"
"You made a mistake…"
"A moment of weakness, right?" Ryan smiles sadly.
"You look awful, Ryan."
"Yeah, well, I feel worse."
"What can I do?"
"She needs to drink something. She's probably dehydrated. I haven't seen her eat anything in days," Ryan says, running his fingers through her hair.
"What about you? When's the last time you ate?"
He shrugs. "She's smaller than me…"
"You're still hurt, Ryan," Kirsten responds. "I'll bring you both some juice, okay?"
"It's just going to come back up…" Summer murmurs, not opening her eyes.
"It'll give you something to throw up, then. I want you both to try and drink something…"
"Okay, Kirsten," Ryan concedes. She turns to leave. She can hear Ryan retching after she's gone. She gets several bottles of juice from the kitchen and returns to them.
Summer is upright now and has her hand on Ryan's neck, trying to steady him while he's sick.
"Summer?" Kirsten calls.
"He's so weak…he's passed out, like twice…" Summer says quietly, not releasing her friend.
"Why don't you go lie down, Summer. I'll stay with him," Kirsten offers, seeing how exhausted the girl is.
"He hasn't left me, Mrs. Cohen, I can't just…" Summer protests.
"Go get some rest. Let me know how it is," Ryan says as he takes a shuddering breath.
"Ryan…you have to rest, too…"
"I'm still sick. You haven't thrown up, in like, hours. Go lie down. I'll be right here," Ryan replies.
Kirsten helps Summer to her feet and leads her to the bed.
"If something happens…you'll tell me, won't you?" Summer asks.
"What would happen?" Kirsten asks.
"He's…he's so hurt already and this…this is all my fault…"
"Honey, it's not your fault, I mean, you made some bad decisions but…"
"You don't understand, I made him do it…I thought he was dying and Marissa, she fucking loves him and I made him do the coke…he told us that he didn't want to and…"
"Ryan makes his own decisions, Summer. Both of you did. I'm sorry that you both are in this much pain but…maybe it'll make you think twice next time…"
"I overdosed last year, I almost died…and it was so easy for me to fall right back into this…I pulled him down with me…" Summer whispers, distraught. Kirsten embraces the pale girl and she starts to cry. Kirsten holds her until she falls asleep.