"You Make It Christmas" part 3b/5
By Rita Widmer
Disclaimers: DPB still hasn't called me to ask me to write for the show, so I have no exclusive claim to JAG.
AN: I want to thank everyone for the reviews! You guys are the greatest. It's not easy writing a story that's mostly fluff when I write mostly drama. I hope that even if it is fluffy, it is still somewhat realistic.
Please keep reviewing! It makes me smile and wanting to write.
Mac's Apartment
April 18
I walk out of the elevator with a smile on my face, head held high, and ready to face whatever tomorrow will bring. The mission has rejuvenated my love for missions, and my need for some action. It is a part of me that I will always need, and if I lost it, it will be like losing part of myself.
Harm was going to have to realize that if he wants a real relationship with me. I'm not doing this to hurt anyone, but to keep alive that need in me to be part of action and proving not only to others but myself that I am a marine.
I try the door handle and find it unlocked. That's strange. I know I remembered to lock it before I left. It's an idiosyncrasy of mine when it comes to locked doors. I have to check it at least 3 times before I am sure it is locked. Harm laughs at me teasingly every time he sees me do it. I laugh right with him.
Part of me knows why I do it, and it has nothing to do with the present. It has to do with my past. From Sadiq getting in last year, Coster stalking me, and to those years I spent hiding under my bed trying to block out my mother's screams. Somehow having my door locked made me feel in some strange way that I am protected from the evil that is in my life.
I shake my head at my thoughts. This was not the time to go into that. I have a much bigger problem than that on my hands. Someone is in my apartment, and honestly I'm not happy about it.
I slowly slip into the apartment ready to face whatever danger is in my way. The smell of pasta assaults my nose, and I realize who is in my kitchen.
"Harm?" I barely speak above a whisper.
"Hey, welcome home," he gives me a tentative hug. Nothing had been resolved before I left, and neither knows where that leaves us. Was that a small giggle I hear from Harm? I look up at him questioningly.
He looks sheepishly away. "What is it, Harm?"
"I felt how big your stomach was getting when I hugged you. I guess it just made me feel happy knowing that our child was growing inside you."
"I feel that way every time I touch my stomach, take a bath, or struggle to get my uniform on. I'm going to have to switch to maternity soon."
He opens my uniform slightly at the bottom, and I can feel his hand slide underneath. He rests his hand their for a moment before taking his hand away. "Come on, supper is ready. If it is like any other time I've traveled, you probably haven't eaten for the last 12 hours."
"Not when you keep a secret stash of food around, but I am hungry."
"Go sit down, and I'll bring the food to you. Then we need to have a talk about what happened before you left. I've done some serious thinking, and I hope you have done a little."
"I have, Harm, and we need to talk it out."
"We will, but first you are going to tell me how the mission went, and how you are doing?"
Through bites of food, I told Harm what I could and what is worth telling. Everything went well except for that one moment, but Harm has no need to know about it. He would just bounce off the deep end, and lock me up next time I ever considered going on a mission. One of the men with us had as one of his job duties was to always keep me safe. There is not one person in the military or government that wants to be known as a baby-killer, because they sent me on a mission while pregnant. If they could help it, they were going to keep that from happening.
After we put things away into the kitchen, he points me to the couch, and I sit down looking at him. I know he has things to say, and wants to say them first.
He finally looks my way, and I can almost see a sparkle of a tear in his eyes. My first instinct is to reach out to him, but it would only make it harder for him to speak what's on his mind.
"First, I need to say, I'm glad you're back safely. It has been very hard two weeks. I can't lose you. I just want you to consider my feelings and our child when you go on these missions. I don't want you to stop being you, but I don't know how to deal with your being gone."
"I don't do missions to hurt you or our child, Harm. I do it for myself. When I get the chance to do them, it feels like I'm getting another chance to prove myself as a marine and officer. Sometimes I feel like I don't do anything really great, moving. Its these times on missions that I get to renew my strength. Maybe that seems selfish, but it's a part of me. It's like cutting my arm off."
"How do we resolve this without taking your needs away and reconcile my fear for losing you?"
"I face that fear every time you go flying, but I trust in your skills as a flyer. It's the trust that helps me survive through it. Do you trust in my ability?"
"Of course, Mac! It's not that. It's that I've lost so many people that I love, and I'm afraid that no matter how hard you try that I'm destined to lose you."
"I want to come home to you. If it is in my power to come home to you, I will. If you promise to do the same thing than we will always have something to hold on to."
"I'm scared, though."
"Then lets make two promises. First, the one that we will do whatever we can to come home to each other. Second, we take in the risks of the mission we are taking on, and if we feel that it is too dangerous we consider turning it down. If it is in our power not to do it then we won't."
A slight smile crosses his face. "I think I can handle that."
Mac's Apartment
July 4
Mac shook her head as she returned to the present. A part of her hated to remember those two weeks in April, but another part of her knew they needed to have that fight. It allowed them to talk about how they felt about their past, and what their future held with each other.
Almost two months later, she was in her 8th month going out to celebrate Independence Day with Harm alone. They were just going to sit back and enjoy the fireworks, and remember those that fought for our freedom then and ever since.
Luckily they were going casual so she could wear comfortable sweatpants. She couldn't afford those really comfy, beautiful pregnancy clothes the movie stars get to wear. Comfy sweatpants were her usual clothes if she wasn't working.
The knock on my door arouses me from my thoughts once again. The guy is late again, but what's new about that. I open the door to find Harm fidgeting from one foot to another.
"Is there something wrong, Harm?" I ask as I give him a kiss hello.
"No, no nothing at all. Why do you ask?"
"You can't stand still. It usually means you are nervous about something."
"Just worried the fireworks won't be as good as last year's."
"Hmmhmm, sure." I role my eyes, but we head out the door.
We head down to The Mall to watch the fireworks. Even once we get comfortable on a blanket watching, my flyboy still won't sit still.
"Harm, you can tell me whatever is wrong," I tell him.
"I know I can, Sarah. Its just not the right time yet."
"Just let me know when it is."
"Oh you'll know."
I decide to ignore his uneasiness, and try to enjoy the fireworks. It's hard to do when Harm is not acting like his usual self. As it gets closer to the finale, I feel him tense up.
The first fireworks of the finale start, and I feel Harm lean closer to me. I feel his breath on my back, and it sends a shiver down my back.
"Tonight as we celebrate independence and the country we love, I want to celebrate our love for each other. We've known each other for 9 years, and I know we have a child on our way. We have many memories together, some good and some bad, but it was all worth it to get us here." He pauses, and I see him shine something in my face. Its a RING! "Will you marry me?"
I turn around to face him, and I see the fear in his eyes. I gently kiss him before I give him my answer. All I can find to say is, "YES!"
TBC...
By Rita Widmer
Disclaimers: DPB still hasn't called me to ask me to write for the show, so I have no exclusive claim to JAG.
AN: I want to thank everyone for the reviews! You guys are the greatest. It's not easy writing a story that's mostly fluff when I write mostly drama. I hope that even if it is fluffy, it is still somewhat realistic.
Please keep reviewing! It makes me smile and wanting to write.
Mac's Apartment
April 18
I walk out of the elevator with a smile on my face, head held high, and ready to face whatever tomorrow will bring. The mission has rejuvenated my love for missions, and my need for some action. It is a part of me that I will always need, and if I lost it, it will be like losing part of myself.
Harm was going to have to realize that if he wants a real relationship with me. I'm not doing this to hurt anyone, but to keep alive that need in me to be part of action and proving not only to others but myself that I am a marine.
I try the door handle and find it unlocked. That's strange. I know I remembered to lock it before I left. It's an idiosyncrasy of mine when it comes to locked doors. I have to check it at least 3 times before I am sure it is locked. Harm laughs at me teasingly every time he sees me do it. I laugh right with him.
Part of me knows why I do it, and it has nothing to do with the present. It has to do with my past. From Sadiq getting in last year, Coster stalking me, and to those years I spent hiding under my bed trying to block out my mother's screams. Somehow having my door locked made me feel in some strange way that I am protected from the evil that is in my life.
I shake my head at my thoughts. This was not the time to go into that. I have a much bigger problem than that on my hands. Someone is in my apartment, and honestly I'm not happy about it.
I slowly slip into the apartment ready to face whatever danger is in my way. The smell of pasta assaults my nose, and I realize who is in my kitchen.
"Harm?" I barely speak above a whisper.
"Hey, welcome home," he gives me a tentative hug. Nothing had been resolved before I left, and neither knows where that leaves us. Was that a small giggle I hear from Harm? I look up at him questioningly.
He looks sheepishly away. "What is it, Harm?"
"I felt how big your stomach was getting when I hugged you. I guess it just made me feel happy knowing that our child was growing inside you."
"I feel that way every time I touch my stomach, take a bath, or struggle to get my uniform on. I'm going to have to switch to maternity soon."
He opens my uniform slightly at the bottom, and I can feel his hand slide underneath. He rests his hand their for a moment before taking his hand away. "Come on, supper is ready. If it is like any other time I've traveled, you probably haven't eaten for the last 12 hours."
"Not when you keep a secret stash of food around, but I am hungry."
"Go sit down, and I'll bring the food to you. Then we need to have a talk about what happened before you left. I've done some serious thinking, and I hope you have done a little."
"I have, Harm, and we need to talk it out."
"We will, but first you are going to tell me how the mission went, and how you are doing?"
Through bites of food, I told Harm what I could and what is worth telling. Everything went well except for that one moment, but Harm has no need to know about it. He would just bounce off the deep end, and lock me up next time I ever considered going on a mission. One of the men with us had as one of his job duties was to always keep me safe. There is not one person in the military or government that wants to be known as a baby-killer, because they sent me on a mission while pregnant. If they could help it, they were going to keep that from happening.
After we put things away into the kitchen, he points me to the couch, and I sit down looking at him. I know he has things to say, and wants to say them first.
He finally looks my way, and I can almost see a sparkle of a tear in his eyes. My first instinct is to reach out to him, but it would only make it harder for him to speak what's on his mind.
"First, I need to say, I'm glad you're back safely. It has been very hard two weeks. I can't lose you. I just want you to consider my feelings and our child when you go on these missions. I don't want you to stop being you, but I don't know how to deal with your being gone."
"I don't do missions to hurt you or our child, Harm. I do it for myself. When I get the chance to do them, it feels like I'm getting another chance to prove myself as a marine and officer. Sometimes I feel like I don't do anything really great, moving. Its these times on missions that I get to renew my strength. Maybe that seems selfish, but it's a part of me. It's like cutting my arm off."
"How do we resolve this without taking your needs away and reconcile my fear for losing you?"
"I face that fear every time you go flying, but I trust in your skills as a flyer. It's the trust that helps me survive through it. Do you trust in my ability?"
"Of course, Mac! It's not that. It's that I've lost so many people that I love, and I'm afraid that no matter how hard you try that I'm destined to lose you."
"I want to come home to you. If it is in my power to come home to you, I will. If you promise to do the same thing than we will always have something to hold on to."
"I'm scared, though."
"Then lets make two promises. First, the one that we will do whatever we can to come home to each other. Second, we take in the risks of the mission we are taking on, and if we feel that it is too dangerous we consider turning it down. If it is in our power not to do it then we won't."
A slight smile crosses his face. "I think I can handle that."
Mac's Apartment
July 4
Mac shook her head as she returned to the present. A part of her hated to remember those two weeks in April, but another part of her knew they needed to have that fight. It allowed them to talk about how they felt about their past, and what their future held with each other.
Almost two months later, she was in her 8th month going out to celebrate Independence Day with Harm alone. They were just going to sit back and enjoy the fireworks, and remember those that fought for our freedom then and ever since.
Luckily they were going casual so she could wear comfortable sweatpants. She couldn't afford those really comfy, beautiful pregnancy clothes the movie stars get to wear. Comfy sweatpants were her usual clothes if she wasn't working.
The knock on my door arouses me from my thoughts once again. The guy is late again, but what's new about that. I open the door to find Harm fidgeting from one foot to another.
"Is there something wrong, Harm?" I ask as I give him a kiss hello.
"No, no nothing at all. Why do you ask?"
"You can't stand still. It usually means you are nervous about something."
"Just worried the fireworks won't be as good as last year's."
"Hmmhmm, sure." I role my eyes, but we head out the door.
We head down to The Mall to watch the fireworks. Even once we get comfortable on a blanket watching, my flyboy still won't sit still.
"Harm, you can tell me whatever is wrong," I tell him.
"I know I can, Sarah. Its just not the right time yet."
"Just let me know when it is."
"Oh you'll know."
I decide to ignore his uneasiness, and try to enjoy the fireworks. It's hard to do when Harm is not acting like his usual self. As it gets closer to the finale, I feel him tense up.
The first fireworks of the finale start, and I feel Harm lean closer to me. I feel his breath on my back, and it sends a shiver down my back.
"Tonight as we celebrate independence and the country we love, I want to celebrate our love for each other. We've known each other for 9 years, and I know we have a child on our way. We have many memories together, some good and some bad, but it was all worth it to get us here." He pauses, and I see him shine something in my face. Its a RING! "Will you marry me?"
I turn around to face him, and I see the fear in his eyes. I gently kiss him before I give him my answer. All I can find to say is, "YES!"
TBC...