FF: Average [Alphabet Challenge - A]
Author: Emily
Rating: R
Category: CG humour
AN: The first instalment to my personal challenge. Brought to you by the letter 'A'. And the number 30.
"Did you know that an average of 56% of Americans smoke?" Catherine said as she strode briskly into the layout room.
"Meaning that, seeing as we only have these cigarette butts as evidence, without a speck of DNA left after the rain, by the way, we're looking at roughly 149 million suspects in the US alone. Right," sighed Gil.
"Yay," Catherine crowed, sinking into the chair beside Gil. "Well, we're gonna have to wait for Sara and Nick to finish processing that truck, then, 'cause we have nothing to run with."
"Yup."
"I'm bored," Catherine whined.
Gil peered at her over his glasses, smirking. "OK, here's one for you. Did you know that an average of 73% of men admit to buying some form of porn?"
"Now where on earth did that come from? And where would you ever hear a statistic like that?"
"Hey, you were bored," he retorted. "It's just something to think about."
"Yeah, well two can play at that game, buster," Catherine grinned. "Did you know that only 35% of women admit to spending money on sex toys."
"I'll bet you're one of them," Gil teased.
"How is that any of your business?"
"Touchy! OK, on that note, 67% of men admit to regular masturbation."
"Is that all? I thought all men did that."
"I thought we didn't generalise around here," Gil scolded lightly, leaning back in his rolling chair.
"Well, it's better than women. I think the average is around 30% of women that admit to doing that," she said, rolling her chair closer to his.
"Ah, but these are only the people who admit it. And where do you get these statistics, anyway?"
"Erm, a very reliable source," Catherine replied. "Cosmo."
"Ah."
"Well, at least I can easily place you into that last category, though," she retorted childishly.
"Yes, and tit for tat, my dear," Gil said, quirking an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but I don't need to do it anymore though," she whispered, her fingers trailing down to the top of his pants. "So I guess we don't fit into those averages anymore."
Gil drew in a shuddering breath as Catherine's lips inched closer to his. "You could never be average, Catherine. You will always be extraordinary to me."
End
Author: Emily
Rating: R
Category: CG humour
AN: The first instalment to my personal challenge. Brought to you by the letter 'A'. And the number 30.
"Did you know that an average of 56% of Americans smoke?" Catherine said as she strode briskly into the layout room.
"Meaning that, seeing as we only have these cigarette butts as evidence, without a speck of DNA left after the rain, by the way, we're looking at roughly 149 million suspects in the US alone. Right," sighed Gil.
"Yay," Catherine crowed, sinking into the chair beside Gil. "Well, we're gonna have to wait for Sara and Nick to finish processing that truck, then, 'cause we have nothing to run with."
"Yup."
"I'm bored," Catherine whined.
Gil peered at her over his glasses, smirking. "OK, here's one for you. Did you know that an average of 73% of men admit to buying some form of porn?"
"Now where on earth did that come from? And where would you ever hear a statistic like that?"
"Hey, you were bored," he retorted. "It's just something to think about."
"Yeah, well two can play at that game, buster," Catherine grinned. "Did you know that only 35% of women admit to spending money on sex toys."
"I'll bet you're one of them," Gil teased.
"How is that any of your business?"
"Touchy! OK, on that note, 67% of men admit to regular masturbation."
"Is that all? I thought all men did that."
"I thought we didn't generalise around here," Gil scolded lightly, leaning back in his rolling chair.
"Well, it's better than women. I think the average is around 30% of women that admit to doing that," she said, rolling her chair closer to his.
"Ah, but these are only the people who admit it. And where do you get these statistics, anyway?"
"Erm, a very reliable source," Catherine replied. "Cosmo."
"Ah."
"Well, at least I can easily place you into that last category, though," she retorted childishly.
"Yes, and tit for tat, my dear," Gil said, quirking an eyebrow.
"Yeah, but I don't need to do it anymore though," she whispered, her fingers trailing down to the top of his pants. "So I guess we don't fit into those averages anymore."
Gil drew in a shuddering breath as Catherine's lips inched closer to his. "You could never be average, Catherine. You will always be extraordinary to me."
End