12. Flawed
"Hello Draco."
Draco shot backwards as if hit by a sudden jolt of electricity, putting his hands onto the desk behind him for support. His blue eyes were wide and staring. Hermione's arm slipped back to her side as she regarded him steadily. It seemed that he was incapable of speech, so she filled in for him.
"You look awful," she said simply, without a smile. "Another time and place and that would have made my day."
"You…I'm…" Tentatively, Draco reached out, his fingers coming into contact with her robes. Without meaning to, Hermione flinched slightly. He withdrew his hand immediately.
"This is too much…I need to think." Without warning, Draco walked in a rush to the door and it slammed shut behind him.
Hermione gazed after him, her forehead creased in sudden worry.
"You don't think he's going to Fudge, do you?" she asked a thoughtful Severus.
Slowly, he shook his head, his eyes leaving the door.
"No. He believes what he has seen. If I know Draco, the Minister will be the last person he wishes to see right now."
"Do you?" questioned Hermione.
Severus turned, finally focusing his attention. "Pardon?"
"Do you? Know him I mean."
"I used to think I did. In fact, I'm sure I have the best chance of understanding him of anyone here.
"Draco Malfoy, you must understand, is not the same boy you once knew, Miss Granger. Certain…events have changed him."
"I know," she answered quietly. His black eyes raked over her in query. She continued.
"I know what happened…what he did. It may appear that I was totally oblivious to what was happening here, but at the beginning, when I first left, I managed to hear a couple of things.
"Of course, it was all high profile then. The-Boy-Who-Lived had conquered the Dark Lord once and for all. Anything remotely connected to the war was splashed across wizarding newspapers. When the son of the late Lucius Malfoy is behind a Muggle's death, it's only natural for the press to have a field day."
"There was justifiable reason for his actions, Miss Granger."
"Of course there was. If I didn't know that, don't you think I would have stayed hidden from him?"
"You would have hated him even if he had redeemed himself?"
Hermione looked at him and then glanced away. "I don't know. But that isn't the point. I know Draco didn't mean to kill her."
"But he has yet to forgive himself."
She didn't answer. Both remained in silence for a few minutes and he watched as she worried her bottom lip in thought. Eventually, Severus straightened himself.
"My being here is a waste of my precious time now," he said curtly. "I trust you won't miss my presence if I continue some of my work?"
She raised an eyebrow. "How ever will I cope?"
Severus turned to the door, which she assumed was his lab.
"I'm going for a walk," she said quickly. He gave her a warning look, which she shook off.
"I won't be long and I'll go unnoticed, I assure you."
As she slipped through the office door quietly and out into the dungeons, the troubled look that spread across his features escaped her.
Draco plucked a blade of grass from the soil and studied it closely before letting it blow away on the breeze. He wasn't sure why he'd come to sit by the lake but it seemed just as good as any other place to go right now. He watched as the wind picked up again and stirred the surface of the water. The ice had mostly melted now and the only reminder of the snow was the muddy earth underneath him.
"Aren't you cold?"
He stiffened when he recognized the voice and didn't answer. Instead, he stared out across the lake, giving no sign that he had heard her.
Moments passed until she tentatively sat down herself. "It's a pity the snow's melted…it was so thick yesterday morning." Draco could tell by her voice that she couldn't stand the way she was talking. As if they were friends…as if they had been friends. He turned his head slowly to look at her. She was gazing in the direction of the Forbidden Forest, shivering slightly in the cold and her cheeks tinged pink. Seeing her more closely now, Draco realized how thin she was, as if she had lost a lot of weight in a short time.
Before today this was how he'd wanted to see her. He'd wanted to come across her living as low as an escaped Death-Eater should do, skeletal, pale and alone, in the dark corner of some hovel, just waiting to be caught. Hermione Granger was not in that position, but she certainly didn't look like the girl who had left Hogwarts five years ago.
Her quiet voice broke up his thoughts. "Though you caught up with me a few times, I only saw you once." Her brown eyes didn't meet his but looked down instead.
"Calais," he answered.
Hermione nodded. "If it helps, you terrified me that night. I couldn't relax even when the ferry left and I glimpsed your hair in the crowd at the dock."
"It doesn't help. Not now." Draco let out short laugh. It sounded hollow and false. "If I had seen you, the first words on my mind would have been…" He broke off and stared directly at her.
"I wanted to kill you, Granger. It was all I could think of. And for once, it wasn't some juvenile hatred of you that was driving me. I had a reason. Motivation. I wanted to choke the life from you, stamp out your kind forever. And it was worse because your 'kind' wasn't anything to do with Muggleborns anymore.
"You were the only thing stopping me from having my life back again."
Liar.
As Hermione listened, she tried her best to understand what he was saying but somehow his words drove her to anger again. She knew he was probably confused and at a loss to know what to do next, but it didn't help.
"I'm sorry," she said, controlling her anger. "I'm sorry you've been torturing yourself like this, Draco. But it's not my fault." She felt her eyes begin to sting but she blinked all weakness away.
"I know," he answered softly, but Hermione, shaking her head, didn't hear him.
"It feels like I've been to hell and back too… I thought I was doing something brave, something for the Order. I was going to get Harry through the final fight but I wasn't supposed to pay the price for doing it! Now I'm back here -against my initial plan- and I'm in hiding again! I came out here to ask you to give me time, to take the Minister away until we'd found a solution…but there's no point. Not really. They'll find me. The spell will wear off- it cannot be performed again."
Abruptly Hermione broke off when she realized she'd gripped Draco by the arms during her invective. Stranger still, he hadn't pushed her away or told her to remove her hands. His emotionless blue eyes were trained on her.
"If it wasn't for you, Potter would have died. The Dark Lord would have won."
"And I'd either be dead or in hiding. Seems to me that nothing would change my life that greatly either way."
"You made a difference, Granger."
Hermione snorted in derision. "Say that again and mean it. You're still punishing yourself but everyone else says you 'made a difference.' Even Fudge believes it."
"Fudge is an idiot."
Hermione shrugged. "Doesn't matter." She released her hold on his arms.
Draco's gaze flickered away for a moment before it returned. "No…it doesn't," he answered slowly. He stood up.
"I think I'll go back inside now."
Hermione got up too. "That might be a good idea," she said, more to herself than the man beside her. Together they made their way across the grounds and back to the castle.
From a window in the Headmaster's office, Albus Dumbledore watched out of the corner of his eye as a seemingly alone Draco walked the path to the castle entrance.
"Good," he murmured as he turned from the window.
"What's good?" questioned Fudge from his seat.
"Your young protégé, Mr. Malfoy. He appears to have finished surveying my grounds."
"Hmm? Oh, of course." Fudge looked a little confused. He had been waiting for his Aurors to perform that job. He had strategically placed them in the Forest to move in when ready.
The door to the office suddenly opened and Professor McGonagall looked in. She nodded discreetly to the Headmaster before the Minister turned around.
"Ah, Minerva…I was just wondering- would you mind terribly taking a message to Hagrid? Firenze wanted to have a word with him about certain places of habitation in the Forest. He hoped it wouldn't cause a stir with his past companions, but he is willing to do so if it means another chance. He trusted that our gamekeeper might be able to negotiate the matter."
If McGonagall was confused, she didn't show it. "Of course, Albus." The door closed.
"What was that about, Dumbledore?"
"Oh, nothing of importance. Just a trivial school concern. Our relations with the centaurs of the Forest have been sparse since our Divination teacher left them and we hope to at least partially mend the rift, if possible." Dumbledore smiled.
"Sherbet lemon?"
A/N: Your reviews make me want to dance around like a mad person. I know I'm not the most fabulous authoress you'll ever come across on here, but it feels great knowing you've spent your time to read my efforts. Big hugs and chocolate frogs (It is Easter…)
Lol at JustJeanette – yes, it is indeed a great way to avoid RSI. But it is also a way of getting replaced if you're my PC. Thankfully, I sent it to the shop instead and it is now back, remastered, virus-free and shielded with many layers of virus protection.
I just want to note that although my PC is now working again, I have an extreme workload and exams coming up. I'll do what I can to update, but I'm not promising anything. Once summer comes, I'll be free as a bird.