Disclaimer: This is the chapter where we meet characters who are owned by Tolkien, and not by me.

Huinesoron and Quelleharmaiel

Chapter 1: In which they find out they're real names

The character formerly known as David woke up under a bunch of trees. "Where am I?" he said, sitting up. "And who am I?" He rubbed a bump on his head. "And why aren't I speaking English?" He scratched his temple in consternation. "What is English, anyways?"

A tall, blonde elf stepped out from under a tree. "I can answer the first two questions. But alas, I have no idea what this English you speak of is."

The character formerly known as David (AN: I can't call him David because he doesn't know his own name lol) looked at the stranger. "So, ummmm . . . can you answer the first two questions?"

The elf said, "Well, to answer the second question first, you are in Mirkwood. And second off, you are my son, Huinesoron."

"I'm your son?" said the character formerly known as David but now known as Huinesoron. "Who are you? And who is my, errr . . ." he looked the elf up and down, "mother?"

"I am Legolas," said Legolas. "And you have no mother."

"Huh?" said Huinesoron. (AN: lol i can't keep calling him "the character formerly known as David but now known as Huinesoron because that would take up too much room) "what do you mean, I have no mother?"

"Did you hear about the fic that paired me with Gwaihir?"

Some bit of Huinesoron's mind that remembered his life as David nodded. "It sounds familiar . . ."

"Well," Legolas sighed, "you are the mpreg child of that union."

"Mpreg? I remember mpreg! Noooooooo now I'll have to gouge my eyes out with sporks because of all the horrendous parental mental images!"

Legolas looked on with mild interest. "What is a spork?"

Huinesoron looked up, startled. "I don't know . . . But you gouge your eyes out with it when you hear about mpreg, I remember that. Incidentally, why can't I remember you?"

"Because, my child," said Legolas, "we had to send you away for your own protection. But now it's safe, so you are back."

"And why is my name Huinesoron?"

"Because Huinesoron means Darkness Eagle, and I told you who your other father --"

Huinesoron planted his hands over his ears. "NO NO NO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in another forest . . .

The character formerly known as Eleanor woke up. "Who am I? Where am I? And why aren't I speaking English?"

A woman stepped out from behind a tree. "You are my daughter, Quelleharmaiel, and you are in Ithilien."

"Who are you? And who is my father?"

"I am Eowyn, and your father is Faramir. You are our elf daughter, so we gave you an elf name."

"Why can't I remember anything?"

"You were sent away by magic because it is so weird to have an elf be born to mortals."

"OK then, mom . . ."

AN: Isn't this cool lol quess what'll happen next lol and her names Quelleharmaiel becuz I got it from a name generator when i put UnDeadGoat through and it sounds pretty so dont flame me cuz of it kay no flames!!!!!

[Real Author Note: I had to discard the "they fall in love with Legolas" idea because hS told me, in no uncertain terms, that he did not want to be part of a slashy romance. "Oh, I'm sure. Oh, yes... if you make me slashy, I will kill you, okay? Please don't." Really. He said that. Oh, and I don't mind flames – I've got rather a surfeit of marshmallows here.]