Kohana: Thank you. (sniff.) Thank you all for your gracious reviews!
TISSUES FOR EVERYONE! (starts dancing and starts throwing rolled up tissues
at very scared people walking in front of her house.) Why you ask? BECAUSE
TISSUES ARE HEALTHY! You could also make paper mache Bakura hair out of
them! Wait! Would you call it paper mache or tissue mache? Is there a
difference? Am I throwing rocks at people instead of tissues and is that
they're on the ground bleeding? WHO THE HECK AM I? I am Kohana Kamio all-
powerful ruler of the world. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kurama: Don't listen to her. She's insane!
Kohana: Shut-up you fool! You will now feel the wrath of my fury as I open
this bag of Fritos! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (trys but fails terribly and throws
bag on the ground fumed.) THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY TORTURE!........or
the end.........BUT IT'S STILL THE BEGINNING! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (flys away on
a vacuum as Wizard of Oz music plays.)
Kurama: 0.0;;;
Disclaimer: I don't own RK or Johnny Depp but I do own his funeral!
Chapter 2:Your Invited to Johnny Depp's Funeral!
After awhile......
Sano: (just suddenly gets up.) Hey you guys! Let's play tic tac EXPLOSION!
It's the same game but you get to blow people up!
Misao: Are they squishy?
Sano: Yeah. When you blow them up.
Misao: Yay! Let's play!
(So the game started and many accidents occurred like Kenshin's hair
catching on fire causing him to die again and blowing up Australia but who
needed Australia anyway? Suddenly Yahiko realized something. He didn't need
to stay here. He could leave right now if he wanted to. So he did. And he
died from the lack of air. Nobody cared. So they just kept playing tic tac
EXPLOSION! And blowing people up and other continents that nobody cared
about and all was peaceful and happy. WRONG! The American Army was all
like, "Why are these people blowing up Australia?" so they got the other
American Army and they were all like, "This is wrong." Then they milked
some cows and that's the end of that.)
Kenshin: Looky me! I'm swimming in a river........of blood!
Hiko: That's really unhealthy but it looks like sake so...........HOWDYDO!
(starts drinking blood at a speeding rate.)
Aoshi: (smashes through the wall with his laser gun.) I'M
BAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! And I brought friends!
(they were black! woosh! they were white! woosh! they had polka-dotted
ties! woosh! they were........THE BURNINATORS! Well no they were penguins but
they were still.........THE BURNINATORS!)
Kaoru: Aw! Their so cute! (reaches out to pet one.)
Penguin #1: (blasts Kaoru's head off with laser gun.) Your head a splode.
Sano: Hey you guys! Let's have a penguin party! With weapons......and ice
cream.......and more weapons.........and weapons........shifty eyes.
Aoshi: Yeah dude! That's like a totally excellent idea yo......yo.....yo!
Hiko: Yo-yo! Where? (jumps out the spaceship window and.......um......swims back to
earth tackles a kid takes his yo-yo and devours it. Then he just died.)
Misao: (suddenly walks over to Kenshin.) I demand you do the tango with me!
Kenshin: Sessha doesn't want to be doing that right now......
Misao: Do it! OR I'LL DEVOUR YOUR BRAINS!
Kenshin: 0.0 Yes master.........(starts impersonating plankton.)
Johnny Depp: (smashes through the wall with many marshmallows behind him
with machine guns.) People of Australia put your hands up! We are taking
over the.......what the hell?
Author: (quickly jumps into the story tackles Johnny Depp to the ground,
takes a picture of him, makes him autograph it, gives him her phone number,
hugs him quickly, and jumps back out of the story.)
Kenshin: (now impersonating a guy that just fell into radio active waste.)
I'm sorry but we are not Australia. (roars and eats a few chickens.)
Misao: (doing the tango with a picnic table.) Hey! You're the guy in that
kids show! You know that purple dinosaur!
Johnny Depp: Um......no but.......FLORRENZA! Plug it in! Plug it in! Gateway.......
Australian Guy: (suddenly appears out of nowhere.) Hey! Let's put some
shrimp on the barbie!
Johnny Depp and his marshmallow minions: TERRMINATE HIM! (starts shooting
Australian guy with their machine guns.)
Johnny Depp: (in weird robot voice.) Termination complete.
Australian Guy: I thought I was your friend. (melts into a pile of goo.)
Shishio: (suddenly appears and starts dancing like a mad cow.) Go go
gobots! Transformer gobots! (disintegrates.)
Kenshin: (impersonating a western cowboy with shiny boots.) Hey y'all! I'm
a cowboy........with shiny boots!
Misao: (poking Kenshin with a cucumber.) Don't make me use this!
Sano: (pulling his hair out of an artichoke. How he can do it. Nobody
knows. Maybe it's an ilu.........sion........sion.......sion......sion......sion........! Or maybe
we're all insane but it's still an
illu.......sion........sion.......sion.......sion.......sion! Is there an echo in here or am I
just nuts? 0.o.)
Aoshi: (ramming his head into random things.) Where. Are. They. Where are
my marbles! I'VE LOST MY MARBLES!
Soujiro: (jumps out of Johnny Depp's ear.) Looky here! I've got a
radioactive man-eating sponge cake!
Radio Active Man-eating Sponge Cake:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Everyone: YIPPEE! (pushes Johnny Depp into the sponge-cake.)
Johnny Depp: ARRRRGH! (drowns.)
Misao: Um.......didn't we just kill an innocent person?
Kenshin: Nonsense! We just got over-excited and accidentally pushed him
into the sponge cake.
Sano: Well.......shouldn't we have a proper burial for the guy?
Aoshi: (dressed in a nun costume.) Yes child. Every person deserves a
proper burial.
Everyone: 0.o
Aoshi: What?! These are my pajamas!
Soujiro: Okay.......let's start this thing!
(so they started to prepare for Johnny Depp's funeral. I know for I was
there. I was the Russian solider with the curly black mustache. Anywho
here's how it went.)
Misao: Do we have anything proper to dress him in? Like a tuxedo or a tie?
Soujiro: We have this purple dress and red high heels!
Misao: It will do. (takes it from Soujiro.)
Sano: (carving Johnny Depp's gravestone.) Damn. I spelled his name wrong.
(the gravestone reads: Jonhey Depp.)
Kenshin: Give it to me! I can fix it! (crosses out Jonhey and above it
writes Jeff.)
Sano: That's not an improvement!
Kenshin: I didn't do it! They did! Don't you get it! I have people inside
my head! grabs Sano by the shoulders. They tell me things! (runs away
screaming.)
Sano: 0.0
In Mexico
Aoshi: (is digging Joh-I mean Jeff Depp's grave but ended up all the way in
Mexico.) To-to. We're not in Kansas anymore.
Some dog he stole from a girl in a blue and white checkered dress: Woof.
Mexican Person: Aloha Senior!
Aoshi: NO! I WILL NEVER JOIN YOUR LEPRECON SCOUTS YOU FIEND!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
(jumps on a mexican hat, does a dance, and flies back to the spaceship.)
Back at the Spaceship
Misao: Are we ready to put him in his grave now?
Kenshin: (is now fully recovered.) Ewwwww! I'm not touching that dead body!
It's contaminated!
Sano: (heroic music plays.) I'll take care of that for you! (takes a chain
saw, cuts Jeff Depp in half, and kicks him into the grave.)
Soujiro: Um......here are the flowers. (holds up a bottle of gas, a lighted
match, and three cigars.)
Everyone: (takes one.)
Aoshi: Any last words?
Misao: I'll go first. (clears throat.) Even though we didn't really know
you long, purple dinosaur, I still like your show an-
Sano: Er......Misao.......he was in that pirates movie.
Misao: Oh. Well goodbye Mr. Purple Dinosaur Pirate. I knew ye. (sets down
cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Aoshi: You wanted to blow up Australia and that's enough for me. (sets
other cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Soujiro: I'm really sorry it had to turn out this way. I mean we were
suppose to eat the cake before it ate us. Anyway.......er.......bye. (places third
cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Kenshin: Sorry you didn't get to fulfil your dreams of blowing up
Australia. Farewell. (places bottle of gas near Jeff's grave.)
Sano: I don't have anything to say so farewell marshmallow man. (places
lighted match my Jeff's grave.)
Grave: (lights on fire.)
Everyone: 0.0 (backs away slowly.)
Misao: Um.......at least he got cremated.
(So everybody after awhile forgot about the sponge cake incident and all
went on with their lives. Everybody came back to life except Yahiko. gets
Marik-y voice. You will never free yourself Yahiko!)
And everyone was happy........except for Australia........
To Be Continued!
Author/Kohana: Um......now that Yahiko is like dead we need a replacement for
him. So Soujiro will now be playing the part.
Soujiro: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- wait. Then who will be me?
Kohana: The log of course. He is a professional actor you know. Other then
that cookie who was a substitute actor in another fic but we had some
complications with him........(shifty eyes.)
Soujiro: What kind of complications?
Kohana: (sighs.) I ate him.
Soujiro: You ate the substitute?!
Kohana: HEY! I WAS HUNGRY!
Soujiro: Well that doesn't mean you eat him!
Kohana: Well to bad for him!
R&R!
Soujiro: Please read and review for the long lost soul of our substitute
actor that Kohana ate. It was a good cookie. Please do this...........for me!
TISSUES FOR EVERYONE! (starts dancing and starts throwing rolled up tissues
at very scared people walking in front of her house.) Why you ask? BECAUSE
TISSUES ARE HEALTHY! You could also make paper mache Bakura hair out of
them! Wait! Would you call it paper mache or tissue mache? Is there a
difference? Am I throwing rocks at people instead of tissues and is that
they're on the ground bleeding? WHO THE HECK AM I? I am Kohana Kamio all-
powerful ruler of the world. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Kurama: Don't listen to her. She's insane!
Kohana: Shut-up you fool! You will now feel the wrath of my fury as I open
this bag of Fritos! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (trys but fails terribly and throws
bag on the ground fumed.) THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF MY TORTURE!........or
the end.........BUT IT'S STILL THE BEGINNING! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (flys away on
a vacuum as Wizard of Oz music plays.)
Kurama: 0.0;;;
Disclaimer: I don't own RK or Johnny Depp but I do own his funeral!
Chapter 2:Your Invited to Johnny Depp's Funeral!
After awhile......
Sano: (just suddenly gets up.) Hey you guys! Let's play tic tac EXPLOSION!
It's the same game but you get to blow people up!
Misao: Are they squishy?
Sano: Yeah. When you blow them up.
Misao: Yay! Let's play!
(So the game started and many accidents occurred like Kenshin's hair
catching on fire causing him to die again and blowing up Australia but who
needed Australia anyway? Suddenly Yahiko realized something. He didn't need
to stay here. He could leave right now if he wanted to. So he did. And he
died from the lack of air. Nobody cared. So they just kept playing tic tac
EXPLOSION! And blowing people up and other continents that nobody cared
about and all was peaceful and happy. WRONG! The American Army was all
like, "Why are these people blowing up Australia?" so they got the other
American Army and they were all like, "This is wrong." Then they milked
some cows and that's the end of that.)
Kenshin: Looky me! I'm swimming in a river........of blood!
Hiko: That's really unhealthy but it looks like sake so...........HOWDYDO!
(starts drinking blood at a speeding rate.)
Aoshi: (smashes through the wall with his laser gun.) I'M
BAAAAACCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK! And I brought friends!
(they were black! woosh! they were white! woosh! they had polka-dotted
ties! woosh! they were........THE BURNINATORS! Well no they were penguins but
they were still.........THE BURNINATORS!)
Kaoru: Aw! Their so cute! (reaches out to pet one.)
Penguin #1: (blasts Kaoru's head off with laser gun.) Your head a splode.
Sano: Hey you guys! Let's have a penguin party! With weapons......and ice
cream.......and more weapons.........and weapons........shifty eyes.
Aoshi: Yeah dude! That's like a totally excellent idea yo......yo.....yo!
Hiko: Yo-yo! Where? (jumps out the spaceship window and.......um......swims back to
earth tackles a kid takes his yo-yo and devours it. Then he just died.)
Misao: (suddenly walks over to Kenshin.) I demand you do the tango with me!
Kenshin: Sessha doesn't want to be doing that right now......
Misao: Do it! OR I'LL DEVOUR YOUR BRAINS!
Kenshin: 0.0 Yes master.........(starts impersonating plankton.)
Johnny Depp: (smashes through the wall with many marshmallows behind him
with machine guns.) People of Australia put your hands up! We are taking
over the.......what the hell?
Author: (quickly jumps into the story tackles Johnny Depp to the ground,
takes a picture of him, makes him autograph it, gives him her phone number,
hugs him quickly, and jumps back out of the story.)
Kenshin: (now impersonating a guy that just fell into radio active waste.)
I'm sorry but we are not Australia. (roars and eats a few chickens.)
Misao: (doing the tango with a picnic table.) Hey! You're the guy in that
kids show! You know that purple dinosaur!
Johnny Depp: Um......no but.......FLORRENZA! Plug it in! Plug it in! Gateway.......
Australian Guy: (suddenly appears out of nowhere.) Hey! Let's put some
shrimp on the barbie!
Johnny Depp and his marshmallow minions: TERRMINATE HIM! (starts shooting
Australian guy with their machine guns.)
Johnny Depp: (in weird robot voice.) Termination complete.
Australian Guy: I thought I was your friend. (melts into a pile of goo.)
Shishio: (suddenly appears and starts dancing like a mad cow.) Go go
gobots! Transformer gobots! (disintegrates.)
Kenshin: (impersonating a western cowboy with shiny boots.) Hey y'all! I'm
a cowboy........with shiny boots!
Misao: (poking Kenshin with a cucumber.) Don't make me use this!
Sano: (pulling his hair out of an artichoke. How he can do it. Nobody
knows. Maybe it's an ilu.........sion........sion.......sion......sion......sion........! Or maybe
we're all insane but it's still an
illu.......sion........sion.......sion.......sion.......sion! Is there an echo in here or am I
just nuts? 0.o.)
Aoshi: (ramming his head into random things.) Where. Are. They. Where are
my marbles! I'VE LOST MY MARBLES!
Soujiro: (jumps out of Johnny Depp's ear.) Looky here! I've got a
radioactive man-eating sponge cake!
Radio Active Man-eating Sponge Cake:
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Everyone: YIPPEE! (pushes Johnny Depp into the sponge-cake.)
Johnny Depp: ARRRRGH! (drowns.)
Misao: Um.......didn't we just kill an innocent person?
Kenshin: Nonsense! We just got over-excited and accidentally pushed him
into the sponge cake.
Sano: Well.......shouldn't we have a proper burial for the guy?
Aoshi: (dressed in a nun costume.) Yes child. Every person deserves a
proper burial.
Everyone: 0.o
Aoshi: What?! These are my pajamas!
Soujiro: Okay.......let's start this thing!
(so they started to prepare for Johnny Depp's funeral. I know for I was
there. I was the Russian solider with the curly black mustache. Anywho
here's how it went.)
Misao: Do we have anything proper to dress him in? Like a tuxedo or a tie?
Soujiro: We have this purple dress and red high heels!
Misao: It will do. (takes it from Soujiro.)
Sano: (carving Johnny Depp's gravestone.) Damn. I spelled his name wrong.
(the gravestone reads: Jonhey Depp.)
Kenshin: Give it to me! I can fix it! (crosses out Jonhey and above it
writes Jeff.)
Sano: That's not an improvement!
Kenshin: I didn't do it! They did! Don't you get it! I have people inside
my head! grabs Sano by the shoulders. They tell me things! (runs away
screaming.)
Sano: 0.0
In Mexico
Aoshi: (is digging Joh-I mean Jeff Depp's grave but ended up all the way in
Mexico.) To-to. We're not in Kansas anymore.
Some dog he stole from a girl in a blue and white checkered dress: Woof.
Mexican Person: Aloha Senior!
Aoshi: NO! I WILL NEVER JOIN YOUR LEPRECON SCOUTS YOU FIEND!
NNNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
(jumps on a mexican hat, does a dance, and flies back to the spaceship.)
Back at the Spaceship
Misao: Are we ready to put him in his grave now?
Kenshin: (is now fully recovered.) Ewwwww! I'm not touching that dead body!
It's contaminated!
Sano: (heroic music plays.) I'll take care of that for you! (takes a chain
saw, cuts Jeff Depp in half, and kicks him into the grave.)
Soujiro: Um......here are the flowers. (holds up a bottle of gas, a lighted
match, and three cigars.)
Everyone: (takes one.)
Aoshi: Any last words?
Misao: I'll go first. (clears throat.) Even though we didn't really know
you long, purple dinosaur, I still like your show an-
Sano: Er......Misao.......he was in that pirates movie.
Misao: Oh. Well goodbye Mr. Purple Dinosaur Pirate. I knew ye. (sets down
cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Aoshi: You wanted to blow up Australia and that's enough for me. (sets
other cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Soujiro: I'm really sorry it had to turn out this way. I mean we were
suppose to eat the cake before it ate us. Anyway.......er.......bye. (places third
cigar by Jeff's grave.)
Kenshin: Sorry you didn't get to fulfil your dreams of blowing up
Australia. Farewell. (places bottle of gas near Jeff's grave.)
Sano: I don't have anything to say so farewell marshmallow man. (places
lighted match my Jeff's grave.)
Grave: (lights on fire.)
Everyone: 0.0 (backs away slowly.)
Misao: Um.......at least he got cremated.
(So everybody after awhile forgot about the sponge cake incident and all
went on with their lives. Everybody came back to life except Yahiko. gets
Marik-y voice. You will never free yourself Yahiko!)
And everyone was happy........except for Australia........
To Be Continued!
Author/Kohana: Um......now that Yahiko is like dead we need a replacement for
him. So Soujiro will now be playing the part.
Soujiro: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- wait. Then who will be me?
Kohana: The log of course. He is a professional actor you know. Other then
that cookie who was a substitute actor in another fic but we had some
complications with him........(shifty eyes.)
Soujiro: What kind of complications?
Kohana: (sighs.) I ate him.
Soujiro: You ate the substitute?!
Kohana: HEY! I WAS HUNGRY!
Soujiro: Well that doesn't mean you eat him!
Kohana: Well to bad for him!
R&R!
Soujiro: Please read and review for the long lost soul of our substitute
actor that Kohana ate. It was a good cookie. Please do this...........for me!