A/N: Well I know what you all must be thinking; what an update, from that lazy bum who leaves her story hanging for over two months? It can't be! I will admit to having lazy bum moments, but for most of the two months I have been completely swamped with work, school, and numerous birthdays. (including my own.) Every weekend I'd tell my boyfriend: "I'm going to finish chapter 10 and update this weekend, and then every weekend there's a paper to write or a test to study for or a birthday celebration. I haven't had time to read many of the other stories either, which I miss=( Anyways, I finally decided that come hell or high water I was updating THIS weekend. It had been so long that I had to watch my favorite Lizzie episode (Dear Lizzie) for inspiration! So here it is, it is a VERY long chapter so hopefully you like that, if not: sorry!! Well enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire, Disney does.
Chapter 10- Together again.
"Sure, I'd love to."
Wait who said that? Lizzie looked around expecting to see someone else standing there. There was no one, it had been her. Set him straight McGuire she told herself, but when she looked at him, and he looked so happy that she had said yes, she couldn't do it.
"Do you want to go now" he asked hopefully, to which Lizzie found herself nodding weakly.
"Wait one second while I grab my purse." Lizzie dashed inside and did a frantic once over in the mirror. Hair. Good, freshly washed and dried. Clothes: Okay, low rise jeans and a blue tank top. Make-up; just a small dusting of powder and lip-gloss, but it looked okay. Grab her purse, and she was ready. Ready for what? She wasn't quite sure.
"Hey Matt, I'm going out, back later." Lizzie called sticking her head into the living room. Matt still into his game nodded but didn't look up.
"Okay."
"If mom and Emily come back before me tell them, please."
"Okay." Just as Lizzie turned to go Matt decided to shut of his game.
"Where are you going?"
"Out." Lizzie replied without looking back. She had just reached the door when Matt managed to slide between her and her quick exit.
"With whom?"
"No one…by myself…alone."
"So if I open this door I'll find…"
"Gordo." Damn, why did she keep saying things? She needed to just be quiet. Where was Miranda? Why wasn't she here to help her?
Matt's eyes widened, he hadn't really expected to hear that.
"Really," he asked a bit suspiciously. "Yes, okay, he's waiting, now move!" The look of desperation on Lizzie's face told Matt that she was telling the truth, but he stayed put.
"Are you going to tell him…you know?"
"I don't know okay, look I don't have time to sit here and chat with you, he's outside waiting. So MOVE!"
Matt may have been taller and bigger in general but Lizzie was still older not to mention under an extreme amount of stress, so with one swift shove Matt was out of the way and Lizzie was out the door.
"Tell him!" Matt called after her as the door closed.
"Sorry it took so long," Lizzie said smiling lamely as she closed the door,
"I…I couldn't find…" my nerve Lizzie thought to herself. "…My purse."
"No it's fine, I know I threw you for a loop and all, are you sure you still want to go?" Gordo looked at her anxiously. Now's your chance to tell him that pesky little voice in her head told her. Once again Lizzie pushed it out of her head and smiled brightly at Gordo.
"I'm sure, so where to?"
"This may sound really lame, but I was thinking the Digital Bean. You know for old times sake." That was a good line he thought, but the truth was that Gordo wanted to get them on some familiar, neutral ground, that was associated with good memories. He figured that they would eventually land on the topic of their break up and Gordo hoped that with good memories surrounding them, less food, and sharp objects would fly.
Lizzie smiled, "I was thinking the same thing, Digital Bean sounds good." They say great minds think a like. Lizzie was hoping that if she did manage to fess up, Gordo would feel a little softer towards her if surrounded by good memories. But then again, why ruin good memories, maybe she should just wait…yeah waiting was looking a whole lot better. They could get to know each other again and then Lizzie could slip it in, 'by the way…' yeah that sounded good.
"Ready?" Gordo asked holding open the passenger side door of his car.
Lizzie smiled at him confidently. "Yeah, lets go!"
Lizzie looked confident as she got in and they pulled away, but she wasn't so sure about her plan. She couldn't help thinking that maybe it wasn't the best one she'd had. She wished Miranda were there; Lizzie needed her advice. Why wasn't Miranda there? Where was Miranda again? San Diego?
Lizzie didn't say much in the way to the Digital Bean. Where do you start after six years? In Lizzie's case 'Hey you have a child' would have been the best place to start, but she had already voted against that so now she was left trying to think of something else to say; something more tactful. Perhaps she could say something so brilliant that he would spontaneously break into song, he would profess his love for her and his unseen child while also breaking into a dance. Then the waiters and waitresses would come in on roller skates singing something like:
He just found out!
His life is whole and there is no doubt,
Gordo is a father and his heart is full
Tra-la-la, something that rhymes with full...
"Lizzie?" Gordo gave her a bewildered look. "How are Sam and Jo."
Lizzie blushed a little; she took her day dreaming seriously. "Oh, they're fine, just a little tired because of..." She bit her tongue; almost spilled the beans McGuire, she thought to herself. "...Old age..?" D'oh, what was that?
Gordo smiled, "Yeah, time is weird, it can change everything." Gordo pondered his last words in silence. He was feeling the pressure, but for different reasons. He wasn't really sure where to start. 'So… after I left you six years ago, crying in the middle of the night…how ya been? I've traveled the world, after I left you of course…' Nothing seemed right. Besides all that, Lizzie was being awfully nice to him.
Gordo had expected some yelling and screaming and possibly a few tears, but she was being really nice, like nothing had happened; it was a bit unnerving. So they said nothing, just sat lost in thought; both still in a bit of shock to be together again.
Luckily the Digital Bean was near by and they soon found themselves at one of their old tables with their favorite smoothies. The original plan had been for coffee, but both had seemed to want to keep the nostalgic feeling alive and had opted for the smoothies. So now they had beverages, but still no conversation, just shy looks back and forth. 'Good grief' Lizzie thought, 'it's like being 14 again.'
"Are you excited about seeing everyone?" Lizzie finally asked. It wasn't the most exciting opening line, but it was a start.
"Yeah, I guess…I pretty much lost contact with everyone when…" his voice trailed off, he wasn't really ready to get too deep into that right then.
"Yeah," Lizzie nodded her head, "I got it." An awkward silence followed.
"Do you know if Kate's coming?" Gordo asked trying to steer them to a safer topic. Lizzie shrugged, while much of the animosity that had haunted them in middle school had ended in Rome, she and Kate had never really become close, they had tolerated each other, chatted in class if they happened to sit next to each other, but that was it.
"I haven't talked to her since graduation, Ethan either." Gordo nodded and then asked, "I wonder if he still has his hair?"
Lizzie laughed, "I hope so for his sake, that was about all he had going for him. Wait that's mean, he was a nice guy…just…not so bright."
"That's putting it mildly." Gordo laughed. The two laughed and began to relax as they begin to talk of other classmates. They both agreed that they hoped that Claire had gotten fat and that Parker was married to someone shorter than she was.
"Perhaps he would have a Napoleon complex," Gordo added with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"We are so mean." Lizzie gasped, weak with laughter.
"So, you still see Larry and Miranda, right?" Gordo asked. Lizzie nodded. "We live about three hours apart, they're in Houston and I'm in Austin."
"That's cool, was it planned that way?"
"No, luck. I got a job at a magazine in Austin and a few months later Larry got a job with NASA, so it all worked out. Until a few months ago Miranda was an event coordinator for a large company in Houston, but she is in the process of starting her own company. She'll be great at it!"
Gordo nodded feeling a bit envious of the close friendship the three still had. He and Larry had never been the best of friends, but he had respected the guy, and sometimes that was more important.
"Anyways," Lizzie continued, "Larry will be here Sunday, he had to work, and Miranda was here, but there was some sort of sick family member in San Diego, so she went there, for a day or so. I'm a little sketchy on the details."
"Hope it's nothing serious," Gordo added, "are they married?"
"Nope." Lizzie smiled. "Been engaged for years now, but no wedding. They're 'happy' the way things are."
Gordo laughed, and nodded.
Lizzie looked thoughtful for a moment, "You know, I'm beginning to think they are never going to get married.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"So what about you?" Lizzie finally asked, "girlfriend…or anything?" She was careful to not mention kids.
Gordo stared at her for a minute before shaking his head no. "What about you?"
Lizzie shook her head as well. "Nope, single"
THAT was true; she didn't have a boyfriend or husband. A child yes, his child for that matter but that wasn't specified. Then their old friend silence returned.
"So how are your-"
"Tell me about your-"
The two grinned at each other.
"You go first!" They both said in unison and then laughed some more, breaking a bit of the tension. "You go first." Gordo finally said.
"I just was curious about your..." Lizzie had a hard time even saying the word, in college she had always loved Gordo's movies, even the ones she didn't like, but in the end they had become the mistress and eventually he had left her for the "other woman".
Lizzie had always believed that Gordo could have had both, if he wanted, but he had believed otherwise. Lizzie had not been sure if she had wanted to bring up that topic, but she was curious. Part of her always expected to turn on Entertainment Tonight or open a People magazine and see his face; the young hot director of some new Hollywood blockbuster.
The other part of her knew the real Gordo and knew that he wouldn't go that route, he'd go the way of the independent movies and documentaries; a sleeper hit would bring him credibility and name recognition in the industry, he was in it for the love of films, not the money. Gordo looked a bit surprised by her question, he knew how she must feel about his movies, they had taken him away from her, broken her heart. He was careful to not elaborate much, he didn't want to rub anything in her face, or open any old wounds, but at the same time he wanted her to know that his leaving hadn't been in vain, he had been able to make something of it.
"I just finished one film about two months ago, that should be released later this year, and I'll be starting a new one in about a month or so. Both are pretty small, independent films, but we were actually able to land several actors with name recognition this time."
"Do you still do documentaries?"
"Yeah, I finished one up in January about Indian reservations in the southwest. I learned a lot from them; it was a very good time for me, spiritually."
Lizzie nodded.
"There's been some Oscar buzz around it but..." Gordo's voice trailed off, he noticed the look of sadness creeping onto Lizzie's face. "...I don't buy into that stuff, it really wasn't that big of a deal." Gordo decided not to dwell any more on that subject.
"Big deal? Gordo, that's awesome!" Lizzie's voice sounded a little too high, like she was covering something up. "You've done so well for yourself...I'm really proud of you." Her voice broke a little and a tear slipped down her cheek. She had tried to stop that tear from falling, she really didn't want Gordo to feel bad, he had worked hard and earned everything he had gotten, but their relationship had been the price. A friendship and love going back twenty-two years had been the cost. Gordo's passion for movies had blinded him to the reality that he could have had both Lizzie and the success he had so craved. But he had decided to make it a choice and in the end he had, in a sense, pawned their relationship for his career, now here he was six years later trying repurchase what they had once had. It made Lizzie angry in a way, that he thought that he could just come in and make everything okay, that they would be able to just pick up where they had left off, like he had never broken her heart.
She knew, however, that the secret she carried was in many ways far worse. Gordo, for what it was worth, had been up front, it had been no secret where his priorities had been. Lizzie on the other hand had kept his child from him, and had lied to so many people, including her parents. How angry could she be about a failed relationship, something that happened everyday, when she lied about the father of her child?
Finally, Lizzie broke her silence. "I would like to see some of your work sometime."
"Yeah...Ok," Gordo stammered. "I have a DVD of my most recent documentary you can have it, I have many copies." At that moment, Gordo realized he was sitting in front of the love of his life. He knew she would never watch it, but just the act of asking, especially after all these years...
Lizzie smiled, she wasn't sure if she would watch it, but she wanted to make some kind of goodwill gesture towards his movies.
"How are your parents?" Gordo felt it was a good time to change the mood, without realizing his folly.
Lizzie looked a bit surprised by the question; hadn't he asked that already? Lizzie chalked it up to nerves. "Oh, they're good, goofy as ever. They like that I'm back in town for a couple weeks, they love spoiling Em...uh...me, yeah they love trying to spoil me while I'm here... because you know I don't live here... and I don't make it back much...you know..." Bite your tongue McGuire!!! She couldn't believe that she almost spilled the beans twice, on the same question. It was definitely time for a subject change.
"How are your parents?"
"Oh, good, busy, they both still have their practices. They're in New York seeing family right now though, they might make it home while your here, they'd love to see you."
Lizzie nodded and silence returned, yet again, this time, however Lizziehappened to glance down at her watch and was surprised to see that it was just after three, her mom and Emily would be home soon and she didn't want anyone to have time to question her afternoon whereabouts.
"Wow, times really flown, I better get back...I promised my mom I'd help her with ...some stuff." Gordo nodded, although he was a bit disappointed, despite the occasional awkward pauses he had really enjoyed spending time with Lizzie and was hoping to spend more time with her while they were both in town.
"Yeah, I have some calls to make for work." That wasn't a complete lie, there were several people he needed to get in touch with for the upcoming movie, but nothing too urgent, he didn't want too look pathetic to Lizzie though.
The drive back to the McGuire's wasn't nearly as awkward as the drive before, the two littered their conversation with various 'do you remembers' that kept them laughing.
"Do you remember that murder mystery party we had at my house?" Lizzie asked as they pulled up to her parents'. She noticed her mothers car was out front, but not Matt's, good, he wouldn't be there to interrogate her.
Gordo smiled at the memory. "Yeah, we competed all night, but I was really just trying to impress you."
"Yeah, I know" Lizzie grinned before she continued, "I gave the wrong answer so that you would win."
"WHAT!!" Gordo looked shocked "I never knew that, all these years and I never knew that!"
Lizzie shrugged, "I guess it never came up. Besides, if you had known that Kate had been the one to tell me, I don't think you could have handled it."
Gordo shook his head still processing this new information. "I almost asked you out that night."
Lizzie nodded her head again. "I know, but my dad interrupted."
"Would you have said yes?" Gordo had wondered this for years but had never asked. Before they were going out it was too awkward and later they had been going out so it had seemed irrelevant, but now seemed like an okay time to ask.
"I don't know." Lizzie answered honestly, "It seemed so strange to think of you that way at the time, but at the same time... I dunno, it felt kind of right, like seeing something so obvious for the first time. You know, like those magic eye pictures? One day you just appeared and I could see it perfectly."
They both gazed at each other for a moment and Lizzie felt all those old feeling come crashing back on her. The anger and resentment she had carried for all these years was, for a moment at least, pushed aside and she found herself once again getting lost in him...and them together. They had been great together, the perfect couple, best friends who had realized that the true love of their life was right in front of them. Fate had been good to them, but what had they done? Ruined it with dreams, and delusions and lies. Lies…her lies, she had lied, thoughts of her dream came crashing around her. The fog, the rain, Gordo, that horrible feeling of realizing how badly she had hurt so many people.
Just thinking about made her feel light headed and sick to her stomach. Gordo deserved the truth. Emily, her beautiful daughter, their beautiful daughter, deserved the truth, to know her father. No more hiding, she had to do this now, before she lost her nerve again or convinced herself it wasn't the "right time." She had even taken to lying to herself, always thinking that it was never the "right time", when really it may never be the "right time". The right time had been six years ago, after that….
"Gordo, I have to tell you something… important."
Gordo was relieved to hear her speak, for the last couple minutes Lizzie had begun to look…odd. She had gone from looking happy and fairly relaxed to looking slightly like a deer caught in the headlights. It was worrying Gordo, what if she realized how angry she still was with him, he felt like they had really connected again. He realized, yet again, how stupid he had been all those years ago, and how much he had missed having her in his life. He was clinging to a hope that maybe they could start over, but now, seeing her look so confused and scared made him question all of that. He wondered what she had to say, was it bad? Did she have a boyfriend or husband after all? Did she still hate him?
"Go ahead." Gordo nodded his head and began to mentally brace himself.
Lizzie took a deep breath, Oh god, what had she gotten herself into!?
"See, Gordo…well…uh…" Oh god her mouth was dry, and why did her tongue suddenly feel ten times its normal size? Lizzie took a deep breath before continuing. "Okay see…um…I should have done this a long time ago…well I…it…I wanted…to, but I…I didn't, well…" this was not going well, for some reason the words just wouldn't form, her brain felt completely empty. Empty and lightheaded, 'oh lord don't let me faint' Lizzie prayed silently.
"Lizzie what's wrong, you can tell me." Gordo was concentrating at her, a concerned look on his face and in his eyes. His blue eyes, Emily's eyes. Suddenly Lizzie remembered why she was doing all this, for her daughter. Lizzie had always sworn to herself that she would do anything for her little girl, but here she was unable to something as simple as inform her daughters father that she existed. Lizzie was being selfish, she had to do this and she had to do this now. One more deep breath and she was ready to continue.
Gordo I need to tell you something I should have a long time ago, and I didn't. I'm very sorry for that. This isn't easy…"
"Lizzie just tell me." Gordo said gently, "I'm here, tell me." Lizzie nodded and began.
"See, when you…"
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Lizzie and Gordo both jumped and looked at the cell phone sitting on the console. Gordo glanced at it briefly.
"Oh crap, it's my assistant Lauren,"
Lizzie nodded unable to say anything as her heart as well as most of the air in her body was lodged in her throat.
"I told her to only call if was an emergency… and I know her, it…well it must be…." Gordo looked trapped, desperate to know what Lizzie was about to reveal, but at the same time knowing that phone call could be just as important.
"Take it." Lizzie finally gasped feeling relieved at this divine intervention. "It's okay."
Gordo looked relieved as her picked up the phone.
"What's up? What…how… it took us three days to get that shot perfect! How…I know we have to have it ready for the backers in four days, I made time in my vacation to show it to them. Oh god…if we work all night and most of tomorrow we should be able to…yeah. I'm in Hilldridge, yeah, it's not your fault, I'll be there as soon as I can and we'll get started. Bye." Gordo turned of the phone, leaned his head back against the seat and let out a long sigh.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry, this scene it didn't…I have to…." Gordo shook his head, it was same old excuse it had always been, and here it was being used again.
"It's okay." Lizzie assured him. "I understand, this isn't a film class project, this is real, this is your job, go." It taken everything in Lizzie to say that and she felt that old feeling of disappointment creep in, she had felt it so many times before.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry." The words seemed futile, how many times had he said them, over and over. He had sworn to himself that if she would just talk to him it would be different, but here he was uttering those completely useless words all over again. She was ready to reveal something big to him and he had to leave.
"What did you want to tell me?" Lizzie looked at him for a moment, smiled weakly and shook her head.
"It can wait."
Gordo felt lower than low. "Please tell me, I have a minute…or…" He glanced quickly at his watch, "two."
Lizzie shook her head again, leaned over and kissed his cheek. She smelled like she always did, like roses. Gordo felt his brain turn to mush. He had missed her so much.
"Go save your movie Gordo, this might take a little longer than two minutes. Call me when you can and we'll talk then. I'll be here. I promise." Gordo nodded as Lizzie opened the car door and prepared to get out.
"It'll work out, your movie, it always did, remember?" Gordo nodded again remembering all those late nights, all of those emergency's. When everything had seemed to be going wrong Lizzie had always been there, quietly, by his side doing whatever she could to help. He hadn't deserved that kind of loyalty from her, but she had given it and he had pushed it away. He was a fool, but he was also a fool with a lot of people counting on him to come save the day.
"Lizzie…."
She shook her head. "Please don't say it, I know."
Gordo nodded, "I'll only be in L.A. so I'll call you tomorrow or the next day when I get back. I promise." Lizzie smiled encouragingly and gave his hand a final squeeze.
"Good luck. But you don't need it," she teased playfully, "you're the brilliant David Zephyr Gordon, you managed to make a documentary on running shoes interesting at the age of fourteen, heaven knows what you're capable of at twenty-eight!"
"Thanks Lizzie!" She nodded and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her. She watched Gordo drive away, filled with mixed emotions. Disappointment, anger and relief seemed to be the most prevalent. She had finally gotten the nerve to tell him the most important thing she had ever needed to tell him and he had taken of, again. She had hoped things would have changed, but they hadn't. However, she was relieved to, at least temporarily, be off the hook, and it wasn't even her fault this time. Lizzie stood in the driveway staring down the road trying to decide what to do next. She'd call Miranda for some advice.
A/N: Well there it is, two months and that's the best I could do!! I have no clue when the next update will be, it might be the Christmas holidays, but that's not so far away. I will give you this preview: the chapter will probably focus on Miranda and where she is; let's just say she's not in San Diego! Thank you to everyone one who has reviewed, it really helps keep me motivated!
Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire, Disney does.
Chapter 10- Together again.
"Sure, I'd love to."
Wait who said that? Lizzie looked around expecting to see someone else standing there. There was no one, it had been her. Set him straight McGuire she told herself, but when she looked at him, and he looked so happy that she had said yes, she couldn't do it.
"Do you want to go now" he asked hopefully, to which Lizzie found herself nodding weakly.
"Wait one second while I grab my purse." Lizzie dashed inside and did a frantic once over in the mirror. Hair. Good, freshly washed and dried. Clothes: Okay, low rise jeans and a blue tank top. Make-up; just a small dusting of powder and lip-gloss, but it looked okay. Grab her purse, and she was ready. Ready for what? She wasn't quite sure.
"Hey Matt, I'm going out, back later." Lizzie called sticking her head into the living room. Matt still into his game nodded but didn't look up.
"Okay."
"If mom and Emily come back before me tell them, please."
"Okay." Just as Lizzie turned to go Matt decided to shut of his game.
"Where are you going?"
"Out." Lizzie replied without looking back. She had just reached the door when Matt managed to slide between her and her quick exit.
"With whom?"
"No one…by myself…alone."
"So if I open this door I'll find…"
"Gordo." Damn, why did she keep saying things? She needed to just be quiet. Where was Miranda? Why wasn't she here to help her?
Matt's eyes widened, he hadn't really expected to hear that.
"Really," he asked a bit suspiciously. "Yes, okay, he's waiting, now move!" The look of desperation on Lizzie's face told Matt that she was telling the truth, but he stayed put.
"Are you going to tell him…you know?"
"I don't know okay, look I don't have time to sit here and chat with you, he's outside waiting. So MOVE!"
Matt may have been taller and bigger in general but Lizzie was still older not to mention under an extreme amount of stress, so with one swift shove Matt was out of the way and Lizzie was out the door.
"Tell him!" Matt called after her as the door closed.
"Sorry it took so long," Lizzie said smiling lamely as she closed the door,
"I…I couldn't find…" my nerve Lizzie thought to herself. "…My purse."
"No it's fine, I know I threw you for a loop and all, are you sure you still want to go?" Gordo looked at her anxiously. Now's your chance to tell him that pesky little voice in her head told her. Once again Lizzie pushed it out of her head and smiled brightly at Gordo.
"I'm sure, so where to?"
"This may sound really lame, but I was thinking the Digital Bean. You know for old times sake." That was a good line he thought, but the truth was that Gordo wanted to get them on some familiar, neutral ground, that was associated with good memories. He figured that they would eventually land on the topic of their break up and Gordo hoped that with good memories surrounding them, less food, and sharp objects would fly.
Lizzie smiled, "I was thinking the same thing, Digital Bean sounds good." They say great minds think a like. Lizzie was hoping that if she did manage to fess up, Gordo would feel a little softer towards her if surrounded by good memories. But then again, why ruin good memories, maybe she should just wait…yeah waiting was looking a whole lot better. They could get to know each other again and then Lizzie could slip it in, 'by the way…' yeah that sounded good.
"Ready?" Gordo asked holding open the passenger side door of his car.
Lizzie smiled at him confidently. "Yeah, lets go!"
Lizzie looked confident as she got in and they pulled away, but she wasn't so sure about her plan. She couldn't help thinking that maybe it wasn't the best one she'd had. She wished Miranda were there; Lizzie needed her advice. Why wasn't Miranda there? Where was Miranda again? San Diego?
Lizzie didn't say much in the way to the Digital Bean. Where do you start after six years? In Lizzie's case 'Hey you have a child' would have been the best place to start, but she had already voted against that so now she was left trying to think of something else to say; something more tactful. Perhaps she could say something so brilliant that he would spontaneously break into song, he would profess his love for her and his unseen child while also breaking into a dance. Then the waiters and waitresses would come in on roller skates singing something like:
He just found out!
His life is whole and there is no doubt,
Gordo is a father and his heart is full
Tra-la-la, something that rhymes with full...
"Lizzie?" Gordo gave her a bewildered look. "How are Sam and Jo."
Lizzie blushed a little; she took her day dreaming seriously. "Oh, they're fine, just a little tired because of..." She bit her tongue; almost spilled the beans McGuire, she thought to herself. "...Old age..?" D'oh, what was that?
Gordo smiled, "Yeah, time is weird, it can change everything." Gordo pondered his last words in silence. He was feeling the pressure, but for different reasons. He wasn't really sure where to start. 'So… after I left you six years ago, crying in the middle of the night…how ya been? I've traveled the world, after I left you of course…' Nothing seemed right. Besides all that, Lizzie was being awfully nice to him.
Gordo had expected some yelling and screaming and possibly a few tears, but she was being really nice, like nothing had happened; it was a bit unnerving. So they said nothing, just sat lost in thought; both still in a bit of shock to be together again.
Luckily the Digital Bean was near by and they soon found themselves at one of their old tables with their favorite smoothies. The original plan had been for coffee, but both had seemed to want to keep the nostalgic feeling alive and had opted for the smoothies. So now they had beverages, but still no conversation, just shy looks back and forth. 'Good grief' Lizzie thought, 'it's like being 14 again.'
"Are you excited about seeing everyone?" Lizzie finally asked. It wasn't the most exciting opening line, but it was a start.
"Yeah, I guess…I pretty much lost contact with everyone when…" his voice trailed off, he wasn't really ready to get too deep into that right then.
"Yeah," Lizzie nodded her head, "I got it." An awkward silence followed.
"Do you know if Kate's coming?" Gordo asked trying to steer them to a safer topic. Lizzie shrugged, while much of the animosity that had haunted them in middle school had ended in Rome, she and Kate had never really become close, they had tolerated each other, chatted in class if they happened to sit next to each other, but that was it.
"I haven't talked to her since graduation, Ethan either." Gordo nodded and then asked, "I wonder if he still has his hair?"
Lizzie laughed, "I hope so for his sake, that was about all he had going for him. Wait that's mean, he was a nice guy…just…not so bright."
"That's putting it mildly." Gordo laughed. The two laughed and began to relax as they begin to talk of other classmates. They both agreed that they hoped that Claire had gotten fat and that Parker was married to someone shorter than she was.
"Perhaps he would have a Napoleon complex," Gordo added with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.
"We are so mean." Lizzie gasped, weak with laughter.
"So, you still see Larry and Miranda, right?" Gordo asked. Lizzie nodded. "We live about three hours apart, they're in Houston and I'm in Austin."
"That's cool, was it planned that way?"
"No, luck. I got a job at a magazine in Austin and a few months later Larry got a job with NASA, so it all worked out. Until a few months ago Miranda was an event coordinator for a large company in Houston, but she is in the process of starting her own company. She'll be great at it!"
Gordo nodded feeling a bit envious of the close friendship the three still had. He and Larry had never been the best of friends, but he had respected the guy, and sometimes that was more important.
"Anyways," Lizzie continued, "Larry will be here Sunday, he had to work, and Miranda was here, but there was some sort of sick family member in San Diego, so she went there, for a day or so. I'm a little sketchy on the details."
"Hope it's nothing serious," Gordo added, "are they married?"
"Nope." Lizzie smiled. "Been engaged for years now, but no wedding. They're 'happy' the way things are."
Gordo laughed, and nodded.
Lizzie looked thoughtful for a moment, "You know, I'm beginning to think they are never going to get married.
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"So what about you?" Lizzie finally asked, "girlfriend…or anything?" She was careful to not mention kids.
Gordo stared at her for a minute before shaking his head no. "What about you?"
Lizzie shook her head as well. "Nope, single"
THAT was true; she didn't have a boyfriend or husband. A child yes, his child for that matter but that wasn't specified. Then their old friend silence returned.
"So how are your-"
"Tell me about your-"
The two grinned at each other.
"You go first!" They both said in unison and then laughed some more, breaking a bit of the tension. "You go first." Gordo finally said.
"I just was curious about your..." Lizzie had a hard time even saying the word, in college she had always loved Gordo's movies, even the ones she didn't like, but in the end they had become the mistress and eventually he had left her for the "other woman".
Lizzie had always believed that Gordo could have had both, if he wanted, but he had believed otherwise. Lizzie had not been sure if she had wanted to bring up that topic, but she was curious. Part of her always expected to turn on Entertainment Tonight or open a People magazine and see his face; the young hot director of some new Hollywood blockbuster.
The other part of her knew the real Gordo and knew that he wouldn't go that route, he'd go the way of the independent movies and documentaries; a sleeper hit would bring him credibility and name recognition in the industry, he was in it for the love of films, not the money. Gordo looked a bit surprised by her question, he knew how she must feel about his movies, they had taken him away from her, broken her heart. He was careful to not elaborate much, he didn't want to rub anything in her face, or open any old wounds, but at the same time he wanted her to know that his leaving hadn't been in vain, he had been able to make something of it.
"I just finished one film about two months ago, that should be released later this year, and I'll be starting a new one in about a month or so. Both are pretty small, independent films, but we were actually able to land several actors with name recognition this time."
"Do you still do documentaries?"
"Yeah, I finished one up in January about Indian reservations in the southwest. I learned a lot from them; it was a very good time for me, spiritually."
Lizzie nodded.
"There's been some Oscar buzz around it but..." Gordo's voice trailed off, he noticed the look of sadness creeping onto Lizzie's face. "...I don't buy into that stuff, it really wasn't that big of a deal." Gordo decided not to dwell any more on that subject.
"Big deal? Gordo, that's awesome!" Lizzie's voice sounded a little too high, like she was covering something up. "You've done so well for yourself...I'm really proud of you." Her voice broke a little and a tear slipped down her cheek. She had tried to stop that tear from falling, she really didn't want Gordo to feel bad, he had worked hard and earned everything he had gotten, but their relationship had been the price. A friendship and love going back twenty-two years had been the cost. Gordo's passion for movies had blinded him to the reality that he could have had both Lizzie and the success he had so craved. But he had decided to make it a choice and in the end he had, in a sense, pawned their relationship for his career, now here he was six years later trying repurchase what they had once had. It made Lizzie angry in a way, that he thought that he could just come in and make everything okay, that they would be able to just pick up where they had left off, like he had never broken her heart.
She knew, however, that the secret she carried was in many ways far worse. Gordo, for what it was worth, had been up front, it had been no secret where his priorities had been. Lizzie on the other hand had kept his child from him, and had lied to so many people, including her parents. How angry could she be about a failed relationship, something that happened everyday, when she lied about the father of her child?
Finally, Lizzie broke her silence. "I would like to see some of your work sometime."
"Yeah...Ok," Gordo stammered. "I have a DVD of my most recent documentary you can have it, I have many copies." At that moment, Gordo realized he was sitting in front of the love of his life. He knew she would never watch it, but just the act of asking, especially after all these years...
Lizzie smiled, she wasn't sure if she would watch it, but she wanted to make some kind of goodwill gesture towards his movies.
"How are your parents?" Gordo felt it was a good time to change the mood, without realizing his folly.
Lizzie looked a bit surprised by the question; hadn't he asked that already? Lizzie chalked it up to nerves. "Oh, they're good, goofy as ever. They like that I'm back in town for a couple weeks, they love spoiling Em...uh...me, yeah they love trying to spoil me while I'm here... because you know I don't live here... and I don't make it back much...you know..." Bite your tongue McGuire!!! She couldn't believe that she almost spilled the beans twice, on the same question. It was definitely time for a subject change.
"How are your parents?"
"Oh, good, busy, they both still have their practices. They're in New York seeing family right now though, they might make it home while your here, they'd love to see you."
Lizzie nodded and silence returned, yet again, this time, however Lizziehappened to glance down at her watch and was surprised to see that it was just after three, her mom and Emily would be home soon and she didn't want anyone to have time to question her afternoon whereabouts.
"Wow, times really flown, I better get back...I promised my mom I'd help her with ...some stuff." Gordo nodded, although he was a bit disappointed, despite the occasional awkward pauses he had really enjoyed spending time with Lizzie and was hoping to spend more time with her while they were both in town.
"Yeah, I have some calls to make for work." That wasn't a complete lie, there were several people he needed to get in touch with for the upcoming movie, but nothing too urgent, he didn't want too look pathetic to Lizzie though.
The drive back to the McGuire's wasn't nearly as awkward as the drive before, the two littered their conversation with various 'do you remembers' that kept them laughing.
"Do you remember that murder mystery party we had at my house?" Lizzie asked as they pulled up to her parents'. She noticed her mothers car was out front, but not Matt's, good, he wouldn't be there to interrogate her.
Gordo smiled at the memory. "Yeah, we competed all night, but I was really just trying to impress you."
"Yeah, I know" Lizzie grinned before she continued, "I gave the wrong answer so that you would win."
"WHAT!!" Gordo looked shocked "I never knew that, all these years and I never knew that!"
Lizzie shrugged, "I guess it never came up. Besides, if you had known that Kate had been the one to tell me, I don't think you could have handled it."
Gordo shook his head still processing this new information. "I almost asked you out that night."
Lizzie nodded her head again. "I know, but my dad interrupted."
"Would you have said yes?" Gordo had wondered this for years but had never asked. Before they were going out it was too awkward and later they had been going out so it had seemed irrelevant, but now seemed like an okay time to ask.
"I don't know." Lizzie answered honestly, "It seemed so strange to think of you that way at the time, but at the same time... I dunno, it felt kind of right, like seeing something so obvious for the first time. You know, like those magic eye pictures? One day you just appeared and I could see it perfectly."
They both gazed at each other for a moment and Lizzie felt all those old feeling come crashing back on her. The anger and resentment she had carried for all these years was, for a moment at least, pushed aside and she found herself once again getting lost in him...and them together. They had been great together, the perfect couple, best friends who had realized that the true love of their life was right in front of them. Fate had been good to them, but what had they done? Ruined it with dreams, and delusions and lies. Lies…her lies, she had lied, thoughts of her dream came crashing around her. The fog, the rain, Gordo, that horrible feeling of realizing how badly she had hurt so many people.
Just thinking about made her feel light headed and sick to her stomach. Gordo deserved the truth. Emily, her beautiful daughter, their beautiful daughter, deserved the truth, to know her father. No more hiding, she had to do this now, before she lost her nerve again or convinced herself it wasn't the "right time." She had even taken to lying to herself, always thinking that it was never the "right time", when really it may never be the "right time". The right time had been six years ago, after that….
"Gordo, I have to tell you something… important."
Gordo was relieved to hear her speak, for the last couple minutes Lizzie had begun to look…odd. She had gone from looking happy and fairly relaxed to looking slightly like a deer caught in the headlights. It was worrying Gordo, what if she realized how angry she still was with him, he felt like they had really connected again. He realized, yet again, how stupid he had been all those years ago, and how much he had missed having her in his life. He was clinging to a hope that maybe they could start over, but now, seeing her look so confused and scared made him question all of that. He wondered what she had to say, was it bad? Did she have a boyfriend or husband after all? Did she still hate him?
"Go ahead." Gordo nodded his head and began to mentally brace himself.
Lizzie took a deep breath, Oh god, what had she gotten herself into!?
"See, Gordo…well…uh…" Oh god her mouth was dry, and why did her tongue suddenly feel ten times its normal size? Lizzie took a deep breath before continuing. "Okay see…um…I should have done this a long time ago…well I…it…I wanted…to, but I…I didn't, well…" this was not going well, for some reason the words just wouldn't form, her brain felt completely empty. Empty and lightheaded, 'oh lord don't let me faint' Lizzie prayed silently.
"Lizzie what's wrong, you can tell me." Gordo was concentrating at her, a concerned look on his face and in his eyes. His blue eyes, Emily's eyes. Suddenly Lizzie remembered why she was doing all this, for her daughter. Lizzie had always sworn to herself that she would do anything for her little girl, but here she was unable to something as simple as inform her daughters father that she existed. Lizzie was being selfish, she had to do this and she had to do this now. One more deep breath and she was ready to continue.
Gordo I need to tell you something I should have a long time ago, and I didn't. I'm very sorry for that. This isn't easy…"
"Lizzie just tell me." Gordo said gently, "I'm here, tell me." Lizzie nodded and began.
"See, when you…"
Beep! Beep! Beep!
Lizzie and Gordo both jumped and looked at the cell phone sitting on the console. Gordo glanced at it briefly.
"Oh crap, it's my assistant Lauren,"
Lizzie nodded unable to say anything as her heart as well as most of the air in her body was lodged in her throat.
"I told her to only call if was an emergency… and I know her, it…well it must be…." Gordo looked trapped, desperate to know what Lizzie was about to reveal, but at the same time knowing that phone call could be just as important.
"Take it." Lizzie finally gasped feeling relieved at this divine intervention. "It's okay."
Gordo looked relieved as her picked up the phone.
"What's up? What…how… it took us three days to get that shot perfect! How…I know we have to have it ready for the backers in four days, I made time in my vacation to show it to them. Oh god…if we work all night and most of tomorrow we should be able to…yeah. I'm in Hilldridge, yeah, it's not your fault, I'll be there as soon as I can and we'll get started. Bye." Gordo turned of the phone, leaned his head back against the seat and let out a long sigh.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry, this scene it didn't…I have to…." Gordo shook his head, it was same old excuse it had always been, and here it was being used again.
"It's okay." Lizzie assured him. "I understand, this isn't a film class project, this is real, this is your job, go." It taken everything in Lizzie to say that and she felt that old feeling of disappointment creep in, she had felt it so many times before.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry." The words seemed futile, how many times had he said them, over and over. He had sworn to himself that if she would just talk to him it would be different, but here he was uttering those completely useless words all over again. She was ready to reveal something big to him and he had to leave.
"What did you want to tell me?" Lizzie looked at him for a moment, smiled weakly and shook her head.
"It can wait."
Gordo felt lower than low. "Please tell me, I have a minute…or…" He glanced quickly at his watch, "two."
Lizzie shook her head again, leaned over and kissed his cheek. She smelled like she always did, like roses. Gordo felt his brain turn to mush. He had missed her so much.
"Go save your movie Gordo, this might take a little longer than two minutes. Call me when you can and we'll talk then. I'll be here. I promise." Gordo nodded as Lizzie opened the car door and prepared to get out.
"It'll work out, your movie, it always did, remember?" Gordo nodded again remembering all those late nights, all of those emergency's. When everything had seemed to be going wrong Lizzie had always been there, quietly, by his side doing whatever she could to help. He hadn't deserved that kind of loyalty from her, but she had given it and he had pushed it away. He was a fool, but he was also a fool with a lot of people counting on him to come save the day.
"Lizzie…."
She shook her head. "Please don't say it, I know."
Gordo nodded, "I'll only be in L.A. so I'll call you tomorrow or the next day when I get back. I promise." Lizzie smiled encouragingly and gave his hand a final squeeze.
"Good luck. But you don't need it," she teased playfully, "you're the brilliant David Zephyr Gordon, you managed to make a documentary on running shoes interesting at the age of fourteen, heaven knows what you're capable of at twenty-eight!"
"Thanks Lizzie!" She nodded and stepped out of the car, closing the door behind her. She watched Gordo drive away, filled with mixed emotions. Disappointment, anger and relief seemed to be the most prevalent. She had finally gotten the nerve to tell him the most important thing she had ever needed to tell him and he had taken of, again. She had hoped things would have changed, but they hadn't. However, she was relieved to, at least temporarily, be off the hook, and it wasn't even her fault this time. Lizzie stood in the driveway staring down the road trying to decide what to do next. She'd call Miranda for some advice.
A/N: Well there it is, two months and that's the best I could do!! I have no clue when the next update will be, it might be the Christmas holidays, but that's not so far away. I will give you this preview: the chapter will probably focus on Miranda and where she is; let's just say she's not in San Diego! Thank you to everyone one who has reviewed, it really helps keep me motivated!