Thanks for all the supportive reviews! I really appreciate your comments.
Here's the next chapter and hopefully I'll get another one up soon.
Disclaimer is in chapter 1... you know the drill.
Buffy stared in disbelief as a trail of tears streamed down Spike's cheek and fell like raindrops onto the basement floor. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder but Spike jumped up before she had the chance.
"No," he whispered. "I don't want you to look at me while I tell you this."
He walked a few yards away, finding safety in the covering of darkness. Buffy could no longer see him but she could hear his footsteps as he passed from shadow to shadow. Every now and then she caught a glimpse of his blond hair in the moonlight.
"It happened the night I left," he began. "I... I knew I could never face you again after what I did. I wanted to give you what I thought you deserved."
Buffy's shoulders tensed. 'What does he mean by giving me what I deserve?' she wondered. 'Is he talking about killing me?' Buffy straightened up and realized that she had to be careful. Even now Spike might have something dangerous up his sleeve.
Spike paused a moment and then continued. "I had heard of a demon that had power, great power. I knew it could help me get what I needed. So I went to him and... well to put it quiet bluntly... he tortured me... didn't think the Big Bad could handle it but I showed him."
Buffy could just about stand the anticipation. What was it that Spike wanted so badly?
"After I passed his tests he gave me what I wanted, what you deserved."
Spike's footsteps stopped and Buffy realized she was holding her breath.
"I didn't know it would hurt so much... that I would feel this... remorse... this hatred of everything I've ever done. If only Angel had told me..."
Buffy gasped. For a moment time seemed to stop. Everything suddenly made sense and yet it was too hard to believe. His soul. He had gotten back his soul, for her.
There was silence for a moment while the slayer processed all she had just heard.
'I knew it. She hates me now,' thought Spike. 'I shouldn't have told her.'
"No." Buffy stood up and slowly walked towards the man who had gone through hell for her.
"Thank you for telling me." She reached up her hand and brushed away a tear from his cheek. Then, without thinking, she pulled him near and kissed him. It lasted for only a second but it was the gentlest kiss she had ever felt. A surprising thought crossed her mind while she was lost in his embrace. This was the first time she had ever truly seen him... not Spike... but William.
Spike spent the next hour telling Buffy everything he had felt after receiving his soul. They sat on a small cot in the corner of the basement, Spike holding Buffy in his arms and she resting her head on his shoulder. It felt so good confiding in someone and he knew he could trust Buffy with everything. She listened patiently as he spoke of the first horrible nights after he had regained his soul, the ideas of suicide he had wrestled with for hours. The only thing that had gotten him through that difficult time was the thought of Buffy hating him. He couldn't die without telling her how sorry he was for all he had put her through.
Buffy promised him she would help him get through this. She told him he was capable of so much good and his past didn't matter. What mattered was what he would do with the rest of his life. Somehow, she even convinced him to talk to Angel, the only other person in the world who knew what Spike was going through. After his initial objection to the idea, Spike agreed he would "call the ponce if only to rub it in his face that he wasn't the only vampire with a soul anymore."
Buffy giggled and Spike smiled. It felt good to hear her laugh again.
"Come on," she argued. "Angel's not that bad a..."
Suddenly Buffy let out a painful groan and squeezed Spike's hand. Spike immediately knew something was wrong.
"Buffy! What is it?" He lifted her head and looked into her eyes, cringing at the expression of pain on her face.
She struggled to speak. "I don't... know..."
With that she fell unconscious in Spike's arms. "Buffy!" he pleaded desperately. "Buffy wake up!" but it was no use. The slayer didn't move. The only response was the steady beating of her heart.
Buffy stared in disbelief as a trail of tears streamed down Spike's cheek and fell like raindrops onto the basement floor. She reached out a hand to touch his shoulder but Spike jumped up before she had the chance.
"No," he whispered. "I don't want you to look at me while I tell you this."
He walked a few yards away, finding safety in the covering of darkness. Buffy could no longer see him but she could hear his footsteps as he passed from shadow to shadow. Every now and then she caught a glimpse of his blond hair in the moonlight.
"It happened the night I left," he began. "I... I knew I could never face you again after what I did. I wanted to give you what I thought you deserved."
Buffy's shoulders tensed. 'What does he mean by giving me what I deserve?' she wondered. 'Is he talking about killing me?' Buffy straightened up and realized that she had to be careful. Even now Spike might have something dangerous up his sleeve.
Spike paused a moment and then continued. "I had heard of a demon that had power, great power. I knew it could help me get what I needed. So I went to him and... well to put it quiet bluntly... he tortured me... didn't think the Big Bad could handle it but I showed him."
Buffy could just about stand the anticipation. What was it that Spike wanted so badly?
"After I passed his tests he gave me what I wanted, what you deserved."
Spike's footsteps stopped and Buffy realized she was holding her breath.
"I didn't know it would hurt so much... that I would feel this... remorse... this hatred of everything I've ever done. If only Angel had told me..."
Buffy gasped. For a moment time seemed to stop. Everything suddenly made sense and yet it was too hard to believe. His soul. He had gotten back his soul, for her.
There was silence for a moment while the slayer processed all she had just heard.
'I knew it. She hates me now,' thought Spike. 'I shouldn't have told her.'
"No." Buffy stood up and slowly walked towards the man who had gone through hell for her.
"Thank you for telling me." She reached up her hand and brushed away a tear from his cheek. Then, without thinking, she pulled him near and kissed him. It lasted for only a second but it was the gentlest kiss she had ever felt. A surprising thought crossed her mind while she was lost in his embrace. This was the first time she had ever truly seen him... not Spike... but William.
Spike spent the next hour telling Buffy everything he had felt after receiving his soul. They sat on a small cot in the corner of the basement, Spike holding Buffy in his arms and she resting her head on his shoulder. It felt so good confiding in someone and he knew he could trust Buffy with everything. She listened patiently as he spoke of the first horrible nights after he had regained his soul, the ideas of suicide he had wrestled with for hours. The only thing that had gotten him through that difficult time was the thought of Buffy hating him. He couldn't die without telling her how sorry he was for all he had put her through.
Buffy promised him she would help him get through this. She told him he was capable of so much good and his past didn't matter. What mattered was what he would do with the rest of his life. Somehow, she even convinced him to talk to Angel, the only other person in the world who knew what Spike was going through. After his initial objection to the idea, Spike agreed he would "call the ponce if only to rub it in his face that he wasn't the only vampire with a soul anymore."
Buffy giggled and Spike smiled. It felt good to hear her laugh again.
"Come on," she argued. "Angel's not that bad a..."
Suddenly Buffy let out a painful groan and squeezed Spike's hand. Spike immediately knew something was wrong.
"Buffy! What is it?" He lifted her head and looked into her eyes, cringing at the expression of pain on her face.
She struggled to speak. "I don't... know..."
With that she fell unconscious in Spike's arms. "Buffy!" he pleaded desperately. "Buffy wake up!" but it was no use. The slayer didn't move. The only response was the steady beating of her heart.