A/N: Hi everyone, sorry it's been such a long time. A very crazy Christmas holidays. Anyways I have this chapter and I am half way through the next one that I am hoping to finish and post before I start school on Monday. (fingers crossed) So I hope you enjoy!
Chapter 11- Legally Bonded
Lizzie stood there on the curb for a moment after Gordo left just staring down the street. Her heart was still racing from her almost confession and after a while she was relieved in a way for the reprieve. This relief was quickly dampened when she realized that this might have been the perfect opportunity that slipped through her hands. She tried to comfort herself by saying that inside his car was probably not the best place, but she couldn't come up with any other place that would have been better.
"Just face it," Lizzie muttered to herself, eyelids beginning to burn, "there is no perfect place or time." She began to regret not grabbing Gordo and telling him that there is something that he needed to hear; something more important that celluloid. The idea of fate had always been romantic to Lizzie; that certain things happen for a reason and because of this they should just be accepted. Now she was beginning to realize that fate could only take you so far. Yeah, Gordo's ringing phone had interrupted her in mid confession, but it was up to her to continue.
Lizzie wandered inside feeling slightly lost and very alone. She needed to talk to someone, but the only person she could talk to wasn't there. Lizzie tried Miranda's cell phone once again and once again got the voice mail. Lizzie was starting to worry; it wasn't like Miranda to not have her cell phone on? But, Lizzie reasoned with herself, if she's been at the hospital this whole time they might not allow cell phones. This reasoning didn't completely work however because Lizzie distinctly remembered Miranda's phone ringing several times in the delivery room the night Emily was born.
"Oh well," Lizzie decided to give her until the next day, if she hadn't heard from her by then, she would start digging around. Lizzie couldn't shake the feeling though that Miranda's letter hadn't been completely truthful; it seemed to perfect, more like a story than a reality. She remembered something that Matt had told her about people who lie. You can tell if someone is lying by how much detail they give, too much means that they are probably lying, to little means that they really don't care if you believe them and therefore it usually means that they are telling some truth. Perhaps as a means of keeping herself occupied, she went back inside to re-examine the letter that Miranda had written.
=-=-=
Miranda was tired and hot and very much in need of a shower just then.
"I don't get it," she started for the millionth time in four hours. "You were valedictorian of our class, you graduated MIT in only three years and went on to get a dual masters degrees in calculoid, or something, and astrophysics and you work for NASA, the people who put men on the MOON. How in heavens name did you manage to get lost in the Dallas airport and miss your connecting flight?"
"I'm sorry!" Larry exclaimed for the millionth and one time. "It's very confusing with the levels and the turns and the moving sidewalks and…" Larry regained his composure, "you know we missed the moon a few times, bad conversions, inches and centimeters....just little stuff." His voice trailed off as he noticed how tightly Miranda was gripping the steering wheel of the rental car and the look of panic etched on her face. He began to feel a twinge a worry creep into his stomach.
"You do still want to do this right? I mean I know that I messed up, and I can be the biggest dork sometimes but…"
Miranda, who had taken his lateness as a sign of intervening fate, finally managed a smile. "Of course I still want to do this, why else do think I would have driven to Reno to pick you up silly. I'm just nervous that we won't be able to get everything done in time and according to plan." That was the understatement of the year nothing was going according to plan and it was making Miranda a nervous wreck. The plan had been simple: Miranda would take an early flight to Las Vegas, check into the hotel and wait for Larry who was supposed to have been on the earliest flight into Las Vegas from Houston. Then they would spend the afternoon relaxing and shopping for rings. That night they had a seven o'clock appointment at the Little White chapel where they would be married, followed by a romantic dinner at the four star restaurant in their hotel. Next morning get up, check out and fly back into Los Angeles together, getting into Hilldridge mid afternoon and going straight to Miranda's parents house where they would begin calling their families to let them know of their nuptials and then heading over to tell Lizzie the big news.
But no, unlike most plans this one had worked better on paper. Larry had managed to catch his flight from Houston to Dallas, but had missed the pivotal connection to Las Vegas. The closest he could get the fastest was Reno. So Miranda had been forced to rent a car and drive to Reno to pick him up there. Of course she could have let him drive himself but she didn't actually trust him to get himself there in time. Now they would get back just in time to quickly buy a couple rings and the first place they could find them and get changed and to the chapel on time. Miranda had also had to cancel an appointment at a hairdresser and was going to have to do her own hair. That really was a minor detail, but Miranda had been looking forward to the pampering.
There were other things weighing on her as well. First of all as happy and sure that she was of getting married she was feeling slight twinges of guilt for sneaking around. Two nights ago on the couch listening to the rain the plan had sounded perfect and romantic. Larry and Miranda both agreed that they were doing this for themselves not everyone else and they planned on having another wedding ceremony within the next nine months to a year that their family and friends could be apart of. Still, Miranda hated sneaking around and not telling Lizzie had almost killed her. Luckily Lizzie had more than enough problems of her own to notice Miranda's edginess and frequent phone calls the night before.
Which led to something else on Miranda's mind, Lizzie and her "big secret" she just kept making it worse for herself and Miranda felt bad for leaving her best friend when she was needed the most. She had rationalized, however that they would only be gone one full day and Lizzie would be fine, in fact maybe she needed to deal with some of this on her own. Then there was…
"MIRANDA!" Larry's voice jolted her from her thought. She jumped a mile before turning to face him.
"What?"
"We're at the hotel," Larry stated with a hint of disbelief in his voice.
Miranda looked around surprised to see them sitting in a parking spot in front of the Bellagio where they were staying. "How long have we been here?" Miranda asked suspiciously.
Larry looked at her surprised, "Only about a minute, you don't remember getting here?" Miranda didn't answer and Larry began to look worried, "are you okay, do you still want to do this?"
Miranda felt so guilty about making him worry, she did want to do this, forget everyone else and their problems for a day, they were going to finally make this legal. Miranda leaned over and gave Larry a huge hug and an affirmative "YES."
"We're doing this babe, I've just had a bunch on my mind, but that is gone for now, this is about us. Now hurry up we need to get rings and get dressed and get this craziness done!"
"Yes ma'am" Larry gave a quick salute and added quickly "I love it when you're bossy!"
"Larry," Miranda said in a sweet tone.
"Yeah."
"If you make any remarks about being lord of the wedding rings again I am going to have to hurt you."
Larry looked a little hurt, but not surprised, and stated "Anything you asks us my precious, for you are more fair than Arwen and more valuable than the Arkenstone of Thráin." And before waiting for Miranda's reply, he quickly hobbled off.
=-=-=
Two and half hours later Miranda stood at the back of the chapel getting ready to walk down the aisle and become Mrs. Larry Tudgeman, Miranda Sanchez Tudgeman. Well that one was going to take some serious getting used to. She took a deep breath and smoothed her beige silk dress one last time. Perfect. One of the ladies that worked there smiled at her and nodded, it was time. Miranda was surprised when she began to get nervous on her way down the aisle. She didn't know why, her and Larry had all but been married for the last six years. Maybe it was the sneaking around, or wondering what her parents would say, or maybe it was—her thoughts were broken as she reached the alter, where Larry was standing looking nervous, yet handsome. Feeling nervous herself, she glanced up at him and he looked back and gave her a little wink. Suddenly everything was better, it was that wink, that yeah, I know I'm cool even though I do math problems for fun and go to science fiction convention, and you know you love it—wink. Good grief, she loved the boy and she was going to finally marry him. Miranda beamed back up at him as the ceremony began and they became man and wife.
=-=-=
The rest of the evening dragged on for Lizzie, she had given up on interpreting the letter and now her brain was trying to come up with as many ways to tell Gordo as possible; as well as preparing for every possible reaction he might have. Scenarios, that's what the FBI called them, scenarios, all possible things that can happen and all possible outcomes.
She imagined everything from Gordo breaking down into happy tears proclaiming that he had dreamed of her saying that for all these years to him being so angry that horns sprouted from his head and he began to spit fire. Finally she settled down in her room to work on some stuff for work while Emily and her mom curled up in her parents room to watch a movie and her dad painted gnomes downstairs. She wasn't sure what time she dozed off, one minute she was looking over some research for an article on childcare and the next thing she knew the phone was ringing. Without even thinking she leaned over to answer it.
"Hello." She mumbled trying to shake the sleep away, maybe it was Miranda.
"Lizzie?"
"Gordo?" Lizzie was shocked and suspicious, as memories of her dream came flooding back. "Am I dreaming this?" she asked warily.
"No," Gordo answered slowly sounding a bit confused, "if you are, then that means I'm not real."
He sounded real enough, but Lizzie wanted to be sure so she pinched her arm, bit her tongue and rammed her foot into the side of the night stand, just to be safe. "Sonofa,"—yeah, this was real all right.
Gordo hearing her yelp of pain became concerned, "Are you okay Lizzie?"
"Yeah," Lizzie winced and shook her foot several times trying to make the throbbing stop. "I'm fine just…" just breaking my toe to make sure you're not a figment of my imagination "Never mind, what's up? How's your movie?"
"Not quite as bad as I thought, but its going to take some work, I left detailed instructions for the next couple hours. I just," Gordo paused, "I had this feeling like you had something important to say and I felt bad about running out on you again." There was an uneasy pause, apparently he was deciding a better choice of words. "I kinda promised myself that I'd give you my full attention this weekend, well assuming that I was able to get it in the first place. I figure that this is the perfect time for my assistant to learn about bitter-sweet nature of film making." Gordo half laughed, remembering how much he hated doing grunt work for the 'professional' while in college.
Lizzie knew how big of an adjustment he was making, during college he would only allow a select group of people into the editing booth, never asking for an outside opinion for the direction of his film. Well he did ask Lizzie from time to time, but she always knew that he was asking for her sake; at the least it was so she didn't feel neglected. She knew her response, it was always something to boost his ego, which was was the real issue.
"Where are you?" Gordo's voice had a sort of urgency.
"At my parents, but I was hoping I could meet you someplace where we can talk." Lizzie chewed on her lip for a second, thinking quickly. Her parents were pretty sound sleepers and she had a feeling that Emily had dozed off during the movie and was still in with them. It might work, she half convinced herself, which was all she needed at the moment.
"Do you want to come here? We can talk in the backyard, if we're quiet."
Gordo hesitated a second before answering,
"Sure, I'll be over in about ten minutes."
"Come through the back fence, and I'll meet you on the deck."
"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes."
Lizzie hopped up and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt to change into and pulled her hair into a ponytail. If she was going down she wasn't going to do it in pajamas and with bed head. Before heading downstairs Lizzie peeked into her parents room to make sure everyone was accounted for. She saw her mom and Emily and a lump on the far end of the bed she assumed was her father. Good, hopefully there wouldn't be any yelling or screaming to wake them up. Lizzie got downstairs and slipped onto the deck before realizing she still had about five minutes before Gordo was to arrive. As Lizzie sat gazing around the back yard she once again found memories crashing around her. The water fight after she lost the class president election, gazing at the stars with Gordo and Miranda after her unsuccessful attempt to set up Miranda and Ryan Adams. Heck all the times her and Gordo, and sometimes Miranda had lain in the backyard gazing at the stars, sharing secrets and gossip. The night of the Sadie Hawkins dance when her and Gordo had danced while good'ol Lanny played the piano; that had been a good night.
Time, what was that Gordo used to say about time? It's the number one cause of death in the world? Lizzie couldn't remember, but she knew that time had changed everything over the past few years. The backyard was so innocent and now she was on the cusp of soiling this little sanctuary. She looked up at the night sky and took a deep breath. A small feeling of electricity ran through her stomach and her hands began to sweat. Biting her lip, she realized she was losing her nerve. I am going to do this she assured herself, good, bad, right or wrong, this was something that had to be done here and now. The stars in the night sky seemed to flicker in agreement with her thoughts. It was a beautiful moment, the calm before the storm, your last moment of Zen. And then she heard the soft whisper of her name; this is the way the argument begins, not with a bang, but with a whisper.
-=-=-=
Sitting on the back steps in the moonlight with a light breeze blowing a few stray wisps of hair across her face she looked so young and Gordo found himself wishing that they both were young again and he could redo all the past wrongs and make them right again. He knew he couldn't though, all he could do was try to make up for them the best that he could.
"Lizzie" he said quietly, walking over and sitting next to her on the step. She smiled at him as he set down and she resisted the urge to push a few stray dark curls off of his forehead like she used to.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Gordo finally asked noticing her silence.
Lizzie shook her head, "I was just thinking about all the good times we had out here when we were kids."
Gordo nodded and then laughed, "Remember that night we danced out here, well the first time. Then later Lanny ordered all those pizzas to that kids house...the one who shut down their club."
"I was just thinking about that! You were in a nice suit and I was in a nice pair of golf shorts!"
"You wore them well," Gordo admitted.
"Thanks" Lizzie answered, rolling her eyes. They both lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. The silence seemed to be for those carefree days. They were gone and now they can only be remembered. Gordo reached down to grab a pebble and contemplated tossing it.
"Nice night," Gordo finally broke the silence.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing," Lizzie replied.
Again there was a moment of silence, only interrupted by the sound of the pebble Gordo had tossed. She smiled at him, he smiled back. Lizzie wondered why Gordo hadn't asked her what was so urgent. She kinda wished he would force it out of her, or at least provide a helping hand. She needed some kind of sign to let her know when to begin. She looked at the sky again and the stars flickered to her. Tell him now.
"Gordo, I have to tell you something."
Gordo nodded as though he already knew.
"Please promise to let me finish, before you say anything, I've been practicing this for six years but I've never been able to figure out the best way to say it." Gordo nodded again, this time looking worried and confused; soon angry and betrayed would be added as well Lizzie thought.
"Six years ago, after you left I was really messed up. Really scared and sad… and angry, very angry." Gordo nodded, it was the first time she had acknowledged her feelings from back them and he was almost relieved to finally hear her voice them.
"Anyway, almost immediately I started feeling sick, a different kind of sick, but I thought it was just part of the stress and being upset, which some of it probably was. I moved to Boston with Miranda and Larry and got a job and began to put my life back together. Almost two months to the day after you left I went to the doctor because I still wasn't feeling well and I was scared. Anyways, they told me I was sick for a reason," Lizzie paused, trying to gauge how the next sentence would be received, "I was pregnant, three months along."
Gordo's mouth fell open. Lizzie could tell he was trying to speak, but he couldn't seem to form words. She looked at him carefully to make sure he was still with her and kept going. "I was shocked, similar to how you must feel now, I guess," Lizzie tried to comfort him, "and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to find you, or if you wanted to be found, so—"
Gordo finally found his voice and jumped in despite his promise to let her finish.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry… I didn't… you were alone, I mean you had Miranda, but..." Gordo paused for a moment while coming to an even greater realization, "You had an-"
"No!' Lizzie broke in, noticing that he had used an AN instead of an A, "Gordo I didn't…"
Gordo's face got even paler. "Oh god, it was too much stress, you lost it…you miss..."
"NO," Lizzie tried again, "Gordo, listen I…"
"You," Gordo eyed her and Lizzie could tell that he was going through some kind of mental check list, "...adoption...?" The word adoption came out less like a question and more like a realization. "I don't know what...to do Lizzie. I thought I had a chance of making things right, but I don't know how to deal with this." Tears started to fall on his cheeks and a look of defeat filled his face, "Can you ever forgive me?"
"NO!" Lizzie said as loud as she dared not wanting to wake anyone up.
"I understand," Gordo clasped his hands tighter to his face, not even looking at Lizzie anymore.
"No, Gordo I…" she closed her eyes, here we go " Gordo, I kept the baby." His face quickly went from guilt, and anguish, to utter confusion.
"I don't understand," his mental checklist had only one more option, "if you…"
"I kept the baby Gordo." She said again, much more bluntly and she could see shocked realization begin to creep onto his face.
"You kept it?" He tried again to understand.
"Her" Lizzie corrected him, her voice beginning to wobble, "and she's not a baby anymore, she's five, well five and a half. Her birthday is in January…January 16th. Her name is Emily. She has blonde curls and blue eyes, she's beautiful." By now tears were beginning to form and her voice broke.
"Where is she?" Gordo asked in a strange quiet raspy voice Lizzie had never heard before.
"Upstairs…asleep."
**
Upstairs, Emily was sound asleep and looked almost lifeless except for the slight twitch in her nose. She was dreaming of aunt Miranda preparing a meal of her most feared vegetable: cabbage. The smell of boiling cabbage always made Emily nauseous and in her dream she felt as though she could not only smell it, she could also see it. It was a green mist slowly swirling around her in a manner that reminded her of how birds, or fish, move; chaotic yet organized. The mist began to form into the shape of a person and slowly she recognized who it was, the wicked witch of the west. She started to come towards Emily with a menacing look on her face; this caused Emily to lean back in the chair she was sitting in. Finally the witch got so close, with green cabbage smelling breath flowing into Emily's nostrils, that she spilled out of her chair and on to the floor.
Emily woke with a pleasant start. She felt relieved that it was just a dream as the last bits of cabbage odor left her nose. Her senses were usually not so keen when she first woke up, but the phantom smell of cabbage kept them awake. She closed her eyes again and tried to think of happy thoughts. She couldn't sleep, for a moment she grew scared, voices were coming from downstairs and all she could think of was the witch again. She was downstairs! Emily pulled the covers over her head to shield her from the witch. If she can't see me, she thought, she won't know I'm here. The voices began to get louder, though they were still in a whisper. She recognized her mother's voice and suddenly felt very relieved. She sat up and with a big smile on her face she waited for her mom to poke her head in. If she were lucky, mommy would smile and ask her what was the matter. Emily would ask for a glass of water and then ask for one of those rare late night stories. Not the kind in books, but the kind that mommy would make up on the spot. Sometimes the stories were entertaining and sometimes they were not, however, she really couldn't judge because she never stayed awake long enough to hear the exciting conclusion.
Emily's smile faded as she heard another voice, a man's voice. She strained and finally concluded that it was not Matt or grandpa, or anyone else she knew for that matter. Then who was it? The voices became louder and Emily quickly ducked under the covers and pretended to be asleep again. She could tell by the tone of mommy's voice that something was wrong, not in a bad way, but wrong nonetheless. Emily stayed curled up, lost in thought about what was going on, when she realized that the voices had stopped and a faint metal sound clicked. It was the doorknob, they were coming in.
"So this is her," a whispering voice acknowledged, "...my daughter?
Chapter 11- Legally Bonded
Lizzie stood there on the curb for a moment after Gordo left just staring down the street. Her heart was still racing from her almost confession and after a while she was relieved in a way for the reprieve. This relief was quickly dampened when she realized that this might have been the perfect opportunity that slipped through her hands. She tried to comfort herself by saying that inside his car was probably not the best place, but she couldn't come up with any other place that would have been better.
"Just face it," Lizzie muttered to herself, eyelids beginning to burn, "there is no perfect place or time." She began to regret not grabbing Gordo and telling him that there is something that he needed to hear; something more important that celluloid. The idea of fate had always been romantic to Lizzie; that certain things happen for a reason and because of this they should just be accepted. Now she was beginning to realize that fate could only take you so far. Yeah, Gordo's ringing phone had interrupted her in mid confession, but it was up to her to continue.
Lizzie wandered inside feeling slightly lost and very alone. She needed to talk to someone, but the only person she could talk to wasn't there. Lizzie tried Miranda's cell phone once again and once again got the voice mail. Lizzie was starting to worry; it wasn't like Miranda to not have her cell phone on? But, Lizzie reasoned with herself, if she's been at the hospital this whole time they might not allow cell phones. This reasoning didn't completely work however because Lizzie distinctly remembered Miranda's phone ringing several times in the delivery room the night Emily was born.
"Oh well," Lizzie decided to give her until the next day, if she hadn't heard from her by then, she would start digging around. Lizzie couldn't shake the feeling though that Miranda's letter hadn't been completely truthful; it seemed to perfect, more like a story than a reality. She remembered something that Matt had told her about people who lie. You can tell if someone is lying by how much detail they give, too much means that they are probably lying, to little means that they really don't care if you believe them and therefore it usually means that they are telling some truth. Perhaps as a means of keeping herself occupied, she went back inside to re-examine the letter that Miranda had written.
=-=-=
Miranda was tired and hot and very much in need of a shower just then.
"I don't get it," she started for the millionth time in four hours. "You were valedictorian of our class, you graduated MIT in only three years and went on to get a dual masters degrees in calculoid, or something, and astrophysics and you work for NASA, the people who put men on the MOON. How in heavens name did you manage to get lost in the Dallas airport and miss your connecting flight?"
"I'm sorry!" Larry exclaimed for the millionth and one time. "It's very confusing with the levels and the turns and the moving sidewalks and…" Larry regained his composure, "you know we missed the moon a few times, bad conversions, inches and centimeters....just little stuff." His voice trailed off as he noticed how tightly Miranda was gripping the steering wheel of the rental car and the look of panic etched on her face. He began to feel a twinge a worry creep into his stomach.
"You do still want to do this right? I mean I know that I messed up, and I can be the biggest dork sometimes but…"
Miranda, who had taken his lateness as a sign of intervening fate, finally managed a smile. "Of course I still want to do this, why else do think I would have driven to Reno to pick you up silly. I'm just nervous that we won't be able to get everything done in time and according to plan." That was the understatement of the year nothing was going according to plan and it was making Miranda a nervous wreck. The plan had been simple: Miranda would take an early flight to Las Vegas, check into the hotel and wait for Larry who was supposed to have been on the earliest flight into Las Vegas from Houston. Then they would spend the afternoon relaxing and shopping for rings. That night they had a seven o'clock appointment at the Little White chapel where they would be married, followed by a romantic dinner at the four star restaurant in their hotel. Next morning get up, check out and fly back into Los Angeles together, getting into Hilldridge mid afternoon and going straight to Miranda's parents house where they would begin calling their families to let them know of their nuptials and then heading over to tell Lizzie the big news.
But no, unlike most plans this one had worked better on paper. Larry had managed to catch his flight from Houston to Dallas, but had missed the pivotal connection to Las Vegas. The closest he could get the fastest was Reno. So Miranda had been forced to rent a car and drive to Reno to pick him up there. Of course she could have let him drive himself but she didn't actually trust him to get himself there in time. Now they would get back just in time to quickly buy a couple rings and the first place they could find them and get changed and to the chapel on time. Miranda had also had to cancel an appointment at a hairdresser and was going to have to do her own hair. That really was a minor detail, but Miranda had been looking forward to the pampering.
There were other things weighing on her as well. First of all as happy and sure that she was of getting married she was feeling slight twinges of guilt for sneaking around. Two nights ago on the couch listening to the rain the plan had sounded perfect and romantic. Larry and Miranda both agreed that they were doing this for themselves not everyone else and they planned on having another wedding ceremony within the next nine months to a year that their family and friends could be apart of. Still, Miranda hated sneaking around and not telling Lizzie had almost killed her. Luckily Lizzie had more than enough problems of her own to notice Miranda's edginess and frequent phone calls the night before.
Which led to something else on Miranda's mind, Lizzie and her "big secret" she just kept making it worse for herself and Miranda felt bad for leaving her best friend when she was needed the most. She had rationalized, however that they would only be gone one full day and Lizzie would be fine, in fact maybe she needed to deal with some of this on her own. Then there was…
"MIRANDA!" Larry's voice jolted her from her thought. She jumped a mile before turning to face him.
"What?"
"We're at the hotel," Larry stated with a hint of disbelief in his voice.
Miranda looked around surprised to see them sitting in a parking spot in front of the Bellagio where they were staying. "How long have we been here?" Miranda asked suspiciously.
Larry looked at her surprised, "Only about a minute, you don't remember getting here?" Miranda didn't answer and Larry began to look worried, "are you okay, do you still want to do this?"
Miranda felt so guilty about making him worry, she did want to do this, forget everyone else and their problems for a day, they were going to finally make this legal. Miranda leaned over and gave Larry a huge hug and an affirmative "YES."
"We're doing this babe, I've just had a bunch on my mind, but that is gone for now, this is about us. Now hurry up we need to get rings and get dressed and get this craziness done!"
"Yes ma'am" Larry gave a quick salute and added quickly "I love it when you're bossy!"
"Larry," Miranda said in a sweet tone.
"Yeah."
"If you make any remarks about being lord of the wedding rings again I am going to have to hurt you."
Larry looked a little hurt, but not surprised, and stated "Anything you asks us my precious, for you are more fair than Arwen and more valuable than the Arkenstone of Thráin." And before waiting for Miranda's reply, he quickly hobbled off.
=-=-=
Two and half hours later Miranda stood at the back of the chapel getting ready to walk down the aisle and become Mrs. Larry Tudgeman, Miranda Sanchez Tudgeman. Well that one was going to take some serious getting used to. She took a deep breath and smoothed her beige silk dress one last time. Perfect. One of the ladies that worked there smiled at her and nodded, it was time. Miranda was surprised when she began to get nervous on her way down the aisle. She didn't know why, her and Larry had all but been married for the last six years. Maybe it was the sneaking around, or wondering what her parents would say, or maybe it was—her thoughts were broken as she reached the alter, where Larry was standing looking nervous, yet handsome. Feeling nervous herself, she glanced up at him and he looked back and gave her a little wink. Suddenly everything was better, it was that wink, that yeah, I know I'm cool even though I do math problems for fun and go to science fiction convention, and you know you love it—wink. Good grief, she loved the boy and she was going to finally marry him. Miranda beamed back up at him as the ceremony began and they became man and wife.
=-=-=
The rest of the evening dragged on for Lizzie, she had given up on interpreting the letter and now her brain was trying to come up with as many ways to tell Gordo as possible; as well as preparing for every possible reaction he might have. Scenarios, that's what the FBI called them, scenarios, all possible things that can happen and all possible outcomes.
She imagined everything from Gordo breaking down into happy tears proclaiming that he had dreamed of her saying that for all these years to him being so angry that horns sprouted from his head and he began to spit fire. Finally she settled down in her room to work on some stuff for work while Emily and her mom curled up in her parents room to watch a movie and her dad painted gnomes downstairs. She wasn't sure what time she dozed off, one minute she was looking over some research for an article on childcare and the next thing she knew the phone was ringing. Without even thinking she leaned over to answer it.
"Hello." She mumbled trying to shake the sleep away, maybe it was Miranda.
"Lizzie?"
"Gordo?" Lizzie was shocked and suspicious, as memories of her dream came flooding back. "Am I dreaming this?" she asked warily.
"No," Gordo answered slowly sounding a bit confused, "if you are, then that means I'm not real."
He sounded real enough, but Lizzie wanted to be sure so she pinched her arm, bit her tongue and rammed her foot into the side of the night stand, just to be safe. "Sonofa,"—yeah, this was real all right.
Gordo hearing her yelp of pain became concerned, "Are you okay Lizzie?"
"Yeah," Lizzie winced and shook her foot several times trying to make the throbbing stop. "I'm fine just…" just breaking my toe to make sure you're not a figment of my imagination "Never mind, what's up? How's your movie?"
"Not quite as bad as I thought, but its going to take some work, I left detailed instructions for the next couple hours. I just," Gordo paused, "I had this feeling like you had something important to say and I felt bad about running out on you again." There was an uneasy pause, apparently he was deciding a better choice of words. "I kinda promised myself that I'd give you my full attention this weekend, well assuming that I was able to get it in the first place. I figure that this is the perfect time for my assistant to learn about bitter-sweet nature of film making." Gordo half laughed, remembering how much he hated doing grunt work for the 'professional' while in college.
Lizzie knew how big of an adjustment he was making, during college he would only allow a select group of people into the editing booth, never asking for an outside opinion for the direction of his film. Well he did ask Lizzie from time to time, but she always knew that he was asking for her sake; at the least it was so she didn't feel neglected. She knew her response, it was always something to boost his ego, which was was the real issue.
"Where are you?" Gordo's voice had a sort of urgency.
"At my parents, but I was hoping I could meet you someplace where we can talk." Lizzie chewed on her lip for a second, thinking quickly. Her parents were pretty sound sleepers and she had a feeling that Emily had dozed off during the movie and was still in with them. It might work, she half convinced herself, which was all she needed at the moment.
"Do you want to come here? We can talk in the backyard, if we're quiet."
Gordo hesitated a second before answering,
"Sure, I'll be over in about ten minutes."
"Come through the back fence, and I'll meet you on the deck."
"Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes."
Lizzie hopped up and grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt to change into and pulled her hair into a ponytail. If she was going down she wasn't going to do it in pajamas and with bed head. Before heading downstairs Lizzie peeked into her parents room to make sure everyone was accounted for. She saw her mom and Emily and a lump on the far end of the bed she assumed was her father. Good, hopefully there wouldn't be any yelling or screaming to wake them up. Lizzie got downstairs and slipped onto the deck before realizing she still had about five minutes before Gordo was to arrive. As Lizzie sat gazing around the back yard she once again found memories crashing around her. The water fight after she lost the class president election, gazing at the stars with Gordo and Miranda after her unsuccessful attempt to set up Miranda and Ryan Adams. Heck all the times her and Gordo, and sometimes Miranda had lain in the backyard gazing at the stars, sharing secrets and gossip. The night of the Sadie Hawkins dance when her and Gordo had danced while good'ol Lanny played the piano; that had been a good night.
Time, what was that Gordo used to say about time? It's the number one cause of death in the world? Lizzie couldn't remember, but she knew that time had changed everything over the past few years. The backyard was so innocent and now she was on the cusp of soiling this little sanctuary. She looked up at the night sky and took a deep breath. A small feeling of electricity ran through her stomach and her hands began to sweat. Biting her lip, she realized she was losing her nerve. I am going to do this she assured herself, good, bad, right or wrong, this was something that had to be done here and now. The stars in the night sky seemed to flicker in agreement with her thoughts. It was a beautiful moment, the calm before the storm, your last moment of Zen. And then she heard the soft whisper of her name; this is the way the argument begins, not with a bang, but with a whisper.
-=-=-=
Sitting on the back steps in the moonlight with a light breeze blowing a few stray wisps of hair across her face she looked so young and Gordo found himself wishing that they both were young again and he could redo all the past wrongs and make them right again. He knew he couldn't though, all he could do was try to make up for them the best that he could.
"Lizzie" he said quietly, walking over and sitting next to her on the step. She smiled at him as he set down and she resisted the urge to push a few stray dark curls off of his forehead like she used to.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Gordo finally asked noticing her silence.
Lizzie shook her head, "I was just thinking about all the good times we had out here when we were kids."
Gordo nodded and then laughed, "Remember that night we danced out here, well the first time. Then later Lanny ordered all those pizzas to that kids house...the one who shut down their club."
"I was just thinking about that! You were in a nice suit and I was in a nice pair of golf shorts!"
"You wore them well," Gordo admitted.
"Thanks" Lizzie answered, rolling her eyes. They both lapsed into a comfortable silence for a few minutes. The silence seemed to be for those carefree days. They were gone and now they can only be remembered. Gordo reached down to grab a pebble and contemplated tossing it.
"Nice night," Gordo finally broke the silence.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing," Lizzie replied.
Again there was a moment of silence, only interrupted by the sound of the pebble Gordo had tossed. She smiled at him, he smiled back. Lizzie wondered why Gordo hadn't asked her what was so urgent. She kinda wished he would force it out of her, or at least provide a helping hand. She needed some kind of sign to let her know when to begin. She looked at the sky again and the stars flickered to her. Tell him now.
"Gordo, I have to tell you something."
Gordo nodded as though he already knew.
"Please promise to let me finish, before you say anything, I've been practicing this for six years but I've never been able to figure out the best way to say it." Gordo nodded again, this time looking worried and confused; soon angry and betrayed would be added as well Lizzie thought.
"Six years ago, after you left I was really messed up. Really scared and sad… and angry, very angry." Gordo nodded, it was the first time she had acknowledged her feelings from back them and he was almost relieved to finally hear her voice them.
"Anyway, almost immediately I started feeling sick, a different kind of sick, but I thought it was just part of the stress and being upset, which some of it probably was. I moved to Boston with Miranda and Larry and got a job and began to put my life back together. Almost two months to the day after you left I went to the doctor because I still wasn't feeling well and I was scared. Anyways, they told me I was sick for a reason," Lizzie paused, trying to gauge how the next sentence would be received, "I was pregnant, three months along."
Gordo's mouth fell open. Lizzie could tell he was trying to speak, but he couldn't seem to form words. She looked at him carefully to make sure he was still with her and kept going. "I was shocked, similar to how you must feel now, I guess," Lizzie tried to comfort him, "and I didn't know what to do and I didn't know how to find you, or if you wanted to be found, so—"
Gordo finally found his voice and jumped in despite his promise to let her finish.
"Lizzie, I'm so sorry… I didn't… you were alone, I mean you had Miranda, but..." Gordo paused for a moment while coming to an even greater realization, "You had an-"
"No!' Lizzie broke in, noticing that he had used an AN instead of an A, "Gordo I didn't…"
Gordo's face got even paler. "Oh god, it was too much stress, you lost it…you miss..."
"NO," Lizzie tried again, "Gordo, listen I…"
"You," Gordo eyed her and Lizzie could tell that he was going through some kind of mental check list, "...adoption...?" The word adoption came out less like a question and more like a realization. "I don't know what...to do Lizzie. I thought I had a chance of making things right, but I don't know how to deal with this." Tears started to fall on his cheeks and a look of defeat filled his face, "Can you ever forgive me?"
"NO!" Lizzie said as loud as she dared not wanting to wake anyone up.
"I understand," Gordo clasped his hands tighter to his face, not even looking at Lizzie anymore.
"No, Gordo I…" she closed her eyes, here we go " Gordo, I kept the baby." His face quickly went from guilt, and anguish, to utter confusion.
"I don't understand," his mental checklist had only one more option, "if you…"
"I kept the baby Gordo." She said again, much more bluntly and she could see shocked realization begin to creep onto his face.
"You kept it?" He tried again to understand.
"Her" Lizzie corrected him, her voice beginning to wobble, "and she's not a baby anymore, she's five, well five and a half. Her birthday is in January…January 16th. Her name is Emily. She has blonde curls and blue eyes, she's beautiful." By now tears were beginning to form and her voice broke.
"Where is she?" Gordo asked in a strange quiet raspy voice Lizzie had never heard before.
"Upstairs…asleep."
**
Upstairs, Emily was sound asleep and looked almost lifeless except for the slight twitch in her nose. She was dreaming of aunt Miranda preparing a meal of her most feared vegetable: cabbage. The smell of boiling cabbage always made Emily nauseous and in her dream she felt as though she could not only smell it, she could also see it. It was a green mist slowly swirling around her in a manner that reminded her of how birds, or fish, move; chaotic yet organized. The mist began to form into the shape of a person and slowly she recognized who it was, the wicked witch of the west. She started to come towards Emily with a menacing look on her face; this caused Emily to lean back in the chair she was sitting in. Finally the witch got so close, with green cabbage smelling breath flowing into Emily's nostrils, that she spilled out of her chair and on to the floor.
Emily woke with a pleasant start. She felt relieved that it was just a dream as the last bits of cabbage odor left her nose. Her senses were usually not so keen when she first woke up, but the phantom smell of cabbage kept them awake. She closed her eyes again and tried to think of happy thoughts. She couldn't sleep, for a moment she grew scared, voices were coming from downstairs and all she could think of was the witch again. She was downstairs! Emily pulled the covers over her head to shield her from the witch. If she can't see me, she thought, she won't know I'm here. The voices began to get louder, though they were still in a whisper. She recognized her mother's voice and suddenly felt very relieved. She sat up and with a big smile on her face she waited for her mom to poke her head in. If she were lucky, mommy would smile and ask her what was the matter. Emily would ask for a glass of water and then ask for one of those rare late night stories. Not the kind in books, but the kind that mommy would make up on the spot. Sometimes the stories were entertaining and sometimes they were not, however, she really couldn't judge because she never stayed awake long enough to hear the exciting conclusion.
Emily's smile faded as she heard another voice, a man's voice. She strained and finally concluded that it was not Matt or grandpa, or anyone else she knew for that matter. Then who was it? The voices became louder and Emily quickly ducked under the covers and pretended to be asleep again. She could tell by the tone of mommy's voice that something was wrong, not in a bad way, but wrong nonetheless. Emily stayed curled up, lost in thought about what was going on, when she realized that the voices had stopped and a faint metal sound clicked. It was the doorknob, they were coming in.
"So this is her," a whispering voice acknowledged, "...my daughter?