A/N: Sorry it took longer than I thought…school…enough said! This chapter is kind of a slower chapter, but I thought it was necessary to make the next chapter more plausible. This one is extremely long, sorry about that! But enjoy! Oh and I do not own Lizzie McGuire or most of the characters, Disney does. (I forgot that before)
Chapter 12 The Calm Before the Storm
Lizzie didn't know what had possessed her to let Gordo go upstairs and see Emily; it was extremely risky. If her parents woke up they would be horrified; they were still under the impression that Gordo had abandoned Lizzie. To avoid that mess, the whole, real story would have to come out to all of them and Lizzie didn't think she could handle that much drama tonight; she needed Miranda. She tried explaining to him that it was too late, that he could see her later and that she didn't want to wake her parents, but in the end she relented. It was easier than continuing to argue about it and wake everyone one up that way. She didn't want Emily's first meeting with her father to be while he was fighting with her mother.
So up the stairs they tiptoed and Lizzie softly pushed open the door to her parents room and flipped on the hall light so he could see. Emily had burrowed down into the blankets, but a portion of her face was still visible as well as her blonde ringlets. Gordo took a brief look and stepped back looking even more shocked than he had before. He whispered something that she could not make out before looking briefly over at Lizzie. What was that look? She felt her stomach tighten up when she saw that his eyes had grown dark; the curiousness that his face had held a few moments before was removed and in its place was a look of realization.
"I have to leave." He whispered turning and heading back down the stairs. Lizzie's heart began to sink as he retreated. It was déjà vu, New York, six years ago and her dream from only a few days before; all of it, all over again. She quietly shut the door to her parent's room, flipped off the light and followed down the stairs after Gordo.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the backdoor was slightly open and when she opened it she half expected him to be standing in the back yard waiting for her. He was not. The night had grown dark and all she could make out was his shadowy figure and if not for the soft swooshing of grass beneath his feet she might not have been able to locate him at all. He was nearing the fence when Lizzie finally caught up with him.
"Gordo wait!" she called as loudly as she dared and when he still didn't turn around she summoned all that she could allow. "GORDO!"
Finally he stopped and turned to face her.
"What?"
Lizzie was surprised by the coldness in his voice. Before, he had looked too shocked to seem that angry. "I…where are you going? I thought that maybe we could talk about this. If you want." Her voice carried a hint of desperation.
"I can't talk to you right now Lizzie, I…I don't know what to think right now or how I feel, if I talk right now I won't know what I'm saying and I don't want to do anything, or say anything that I might regret." He shrugged and shook his head, "I can't do this."
"Gordo!" Lizzie tried again trying to keep control of her voice; at this moment she wasn't sure if it was sadness or worry that was trying to break free.
Faintly she heard his voice. "I'll call you...tomorrow." He turned and began walking again. With each step he took, the darkness of the night covered him more and more until he was no longer visible, only the soft swooshing of the grass gave her comfort that he was still near, but soon that was gone as well and she was alone. Lizzie walked back and sank onto the porch finally letting the tears that had been building up fall.
=-=-=
Gordo made it back to his car but just stood staring for several moments, alternating his gaze between the car and back at the McGuire house. The house where he and Lizzie had had so many great times and now the house was where his daughter was. The concept of a child had yet to really sink in, sure he had seen a mass of curls and a small shadowy face, but the concept of that being his child had yet to register.
When Lizzie had said that she needed to tell him something he was thinking that maybe she had been married or what he had been truly hoping for that she was still in love with him, or even rejection. These were things that he had prepared himself for. A child though, that thought had never even appeared on the radar in his mind. Having a child is something that occurs over a lifetime and now he had found out he was going to be a father, had a baby, had a five year old, a five-and-a-half year old, in the blink of an eye; it was something that he wasn't able to handle, at least not yet.
As he finally unlocked the door to his car he gave one last look back and got a funny feeling that he was running away again. He wasn't though, he promised himself. He would be back, he had to come back, but he couldn't talk to Lizzie right then. He felt to confused, his emotions were a huge ball of shock, confusion, betray, anger and guilt. The guilt was the one that was killing him. He couldn't figure out why he felt guilty, Lizzie had the secret. Lizzie had lied, Lizzie had betrayed him, but he felt guilty? That wasn't right. Gordo knew that talking to her now would be counter productive. He couldn't face her until he knew how he felt and what he wanted. Hell, he hadn't asked for this kid, until about twenty minutes ago he didn't even know of her existence and now he was her father. That didn't sit well with Gordo, but he would be back.
"How can I have a five year old daughter, I never had a baby?"
The sound of his voice startled him and he realized that he was beginning to think in circles; this was always an indication that it was time to stop thinking and time to be distracted. He shook his head as though he were trying to shake some excess thoughts and then rested his head on the steering wheel. Closing his eyes he could see those curls again, they had looked dark, like his, but he knew it was a trick of the lighting, they were blonde.
His daughter, how strange was it to think like that, like you have a kid, like a parent. Gordo shuddered at the thought. Sure he liked kids, he had always known that someday he would have children of his own. From the time he was ten he had known that he would have children with Lizzie someday. This, however was not how he had pictured it, and besides that, he wasn't ready to be a father. He had a hard enough time taking care of himself, let alone a kid. That might not be an issue though, he thought to himself, apparently Lizzie had had no trouble doing it without him for the last six years. Gordo gripped the steering wheel even tighter as a fresh wave of confusion washed over him. Five-and-a-half years, no wait, six years? She had been pregnant for a few months after he left. She had waited six years to decide that he ought to be included in on this little event? How thoughtful of her.
"This isn't productive, you are thinking in circles again," Gordo told himself this as he lifted his head from the steering wheel. He knew what he wanted to do more than anything at this moment. He couldn't talk to her tonight, he couldn't focus on work, and there was no way in hell in would ever be able to sleep, so he simply drove until he found a nice long stretch of beach and walked until morning.
=-=-=
Lizzie sat on the porch until she heard him leave. When she didn't hear him leave right away she hoped that it meant he had changed his mind and was coming back. He had not. She finally heard his car door slam and, and more than a few moments later, his car back out of the driveway.
It was then that she decided that it was time to go in and try to get some sleep, there was nothing else she could tonight, the ball was now in Gordo's court. Lizzie wiped away a few lingering tears and got up to go in. As she began to make her way up the stairs she heard a small crash followed by a surprised yelp that sounded a lot like her father.
"Cobras!"
Lizzie hurried into the living room and she heard her mother get up as well. Lizzie found her father sprawled on the ground by the couch surrounded by three of his prize gnomes.
"DAD!" Lizzie exclaimed running to help him up, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Sam replied pushing his glasses back up his nose, "I think I dozed off and then...rolled off of the couch."
"You were down here this whole time?" Lizzie asked, trying to hide the panic that was creeping into her voice. What had he seen or heard?
"Whole time?" Sam asked rubbing his upper lip, obviously still groggy, "What did I miss, where are the cobras?"
"Cobras?!" Lizzie asked jumping back before realizing that he must have been dreaming. "I think you were drea...," Lizzie began but was cut off by the sound of her mothers voice.
"SAM! What are you doing down here?" Jo hissed from up the stairs.
"Sorry sweetheart, I was working on my gnomes and dozed off and then when I went upstairs, you and Emily were already asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I came back down here for the night."
There was a pause before Jo whispered back, "Sorry about that, Emily fell asleep on my arm and I didn't want to wake her." Her voice got a little louder as she made her way down the stairs. Once at the bottom, Jo's eyes focused on her daughter, not in pajamas, but fully clothed and with slightly red puffy eyes.
"Lizzie, what are you doing down here?" Lizzie's mom walked over to her, "Are you okay, your eyes are all red?"
"Sure mom" Lizzie replied in her most convincing voice, while backing away, "I couldn't sleep so I sat outside for a few minutes." Her mother looked at her for a second with that—I don't believe a word of this look—and pressed on.
"Why are your eyes red, it looks like you've been crying?"
"Oh that, " Lizzie gave, what she hoped was a lighthearted laugh, "something got in my eye, I think it was a piece of a leaf, and it took me a second to get it out, and my eyes started watering pretty bad. That's why I came in." Too many details, Lizzie thought to herself.
Her mothers look suggested that she wasn't completely buying Lizzie's story so Lizzie decided to make a quick run for it. "So I'm going to go get Emily and take her back to our room so that dad can go to bed, night guys" Lizzie took off up the stairs before her parents had time to say anything else.
Jo gave Sam a look of concern but the look was not met. Sam was still brushing himself off and looking warily at the floor.
"Be careful honey, there may be snakes."
=-=-=
Once upstairs, Lizzie went into her parents room to collect Emily and to her surprise found the little girl already awake.
"Hey munchkin, what are you doing awake?" Lizzie sat down on the bed next to Emily and leaned over to kiss her cheek, which she noticed seemed a little warm. "Are you feeling okay Em? You feel warm."
"I'm okay mommy." Emily studied her mother for a moment, very glad that she had come to get her. Emily had started to feel a little scared, even with her grandmother there with her.
"I was downstairs, doing some work, but it's time for us to go to bed, lets get you back into our room."
"Carry me!" Emily whined pitifully lifting her arms up to her Lizzie.
"I don't know babe, you're getting heavy. I think you can walk." Emily's lower lip began to quiver
"Please mommy?" Emily begged one more time.
Lizzie sighed and reached down to pick her up. "Okay, come on." Lizzie ran into her parents who were coming upstairs for the night as she made her way with Emily down to room.
"Goodnight sweethearts." Her mom said kissing her cheek and then Emily's. Lizzie smiled and hoped that her mom would let everything from that night drop.
"Good night Em" Her dad was next as he kissed the top of Emily's head and than looked at Lizzie. "You know that you can tell us anything, right?" Lizzie began to feel nervous as the thoughts of what he may or may not have witnessed tonight.
"Sure dad, I know."
Her dad looked at second longer and than nodded, "Okay, good night sweetheart, I mean sweethearts." Lizzie let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding. If he did know something, he was doing a good job of looking like he didn't.
"Mommy," a little voice from Lizzie's shoulder spoke, "will you tell me a story?"
Lizzie looked down at Emily and smiled.
=-=-=
So there it is, Gordo thought to himself as he watched the sun slowly rise over the waves of the ocean. The waves seemed to be carrying the first rays of sunlight directly to him and he felt the most peace he had felt in a while. Although there was peace there was inner turmoil as well. He had questions, many questions, and he wanted answers.
Although he had no idea what time it was now, he had a reasonable guess that it was after six and if he could get home within the hour, he could sleep, take a shower and face the situation with better focus. He had spent the entire night walking on the beach as though somewhere the answer to his problems lay buried in the sand. Even if he had not figured anything out, he had at least taken time to think and not act on unreliable emotions that he had felt only a few hours ago. The last time he had acted rashly on emotion instead of reason he had walked out on the love of his life; and unknowingly, his own child.
That night, six years ago, had been playing in his head repeatedly since he had left Lizzie a few hours ago and he had developed a feeling of anger. He wasn't sure, however, if it was justifiable. Lizzie had given him the ultimatum; your movies or me. Only recently he had realized that now he would have made the right choice, her, but at the time he had at least walked out on her when she knew the possible outcome. He had not, nevertheless, walked out on his child; he would have had to know about it before that was possible. He may not have been innocent, but he had been ignorant and you cannot hold a person responsible if they were never informed. He could hold Lizzie responsible. She had, after all, shown a high level of immaturity in the situation.
He had unknowingly abandoned his daughter for six years thanks to Lizzie, and it was hanging heavy over his head. If given the chance, he was the kind of person who would do the right thing in a given situation. In this particular situation, he had not been given the chance and because of that he felt helpless and angry. He was also reasonable because he knew that the situation was imperfect. He had walked out and effectively severed ties with her the moment the door had shut behind him. The months following, he had almost all forms of communication cut off and it would have been impossible for her to locate him. On the other hand, she could have, at the very least, gotten in touch with his parents and set the situation straight; they were, after all, Emily's grandparents.
The sun was fully over the horizon now and Gordo stood up to leave. Another thought had not yet entered his head but would soon been completely open for discussion. What had she told her parents about their child? Did they know the truth or had she lied? These thoughts, however, had escaped him to this point but if they hadn't he probably would have been more cautious as he approached the McGuire's front door later that evening.
=-=-=
Lizzie awoke the next morning to an empty bed and the sounds of the TV going downstairs and the voices of her parents and Emily and she also thought she may have heard Matt mixed in with all of that. She lay in bed for a few minutes, not yet ready to face the problems that this day would present.
Gordo had been angry last night, he may not of even realized it when he left, but Lizzie could see it deep in his eyes. He had been in deep shock, not yet able to pin point his emotion, but Lizzie had seen it. Gordo would be back, and when he did, odds are he'd be looking for a something she couldn't give him.
An explanation? Six Years?
She hoped he wouldn't do it in front of her parents, who when they found out that Lizzie had never told Gordo about Emily and that she had let them think that she had would be almost as mad, if not more. After all she had lied right to their face, with Gordo it had been more like withholding a piece of information. She was also worried about Emily, if Gordo did calm down enough how would Lizzie explain this to her? She was only five, she had only known having a mom and she rarely questioned that. Emily had always been accepting of the way things were. Now…Lizzie covered her face just thinking about it.
"Hey Lizard breath, does your baby have a daddy yet?" Lizzie sat up straight in bed and found her younger brother smirking at her from the doorway.
"MATT!" Lizzie hissed, "keep your voice down."
"Relax," he waved her off as he walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Mom's showing Emily how to water the garden and dad is setting up his new lawn gnomes." He paused, eyeing her, "do you ever take care of your kid? Every time I'm here she's with mom or dad and you're asleep or doing nothing." Lizzie scowled at him and hit him over the head with a pillow.
"YES, I do, but mom likes taking care of her while we're here, she doesn't get to much."
"Whatever." Matt shrugged and looked around a minute before continuing. "So what happened with Gordo yesterday, or as I like to call it 'Days of all my Children and the Restless.'"
Lizzie glared at her brother. "You know Matt," Lizzie had a very annoyed tone, "this is serious, this is my life and Gordo's life and most of all it's Emily's life so if you are not going to take it seriously then butt out!"
Matt looked surprised by her outburst and then a little ashamed. "Sorry Lizzie, I really want to know. I just thought maybe you could use a little humor." His voice sounded sincere and the apologetic look on his face confirmed it.
"Fine," Lizzie eyeballed him for a moment before finishing. "I didn't have the nerve to tell him yesterday afternoon until he dropped me off and just before I could tell him he got a call about an emergency with his film and had to leave."
"Talk about bad timing," Matt stated matter-of-factly.
Lizzie nodded, "then he came back in the middle of the night and I told him and he was in shock and he wanted to see her so I let him peek in and then he kind of freaked and left, he looked confused and angry but he said he would call me today but he hasn't yet. On top of that I don't have Miranda, or even Larry, to help explain the situation."
Matt looked a bit taken aback by the last part of Lizzie's sudden monologue and then thought about it for a moment. "Did Emily see him?"
Lizzie shook her head no, "She was asleep."
"Did mom and Dad?"
"No, thank god, they would have freaked, and it turns out Dad was downstairs asleep on the couch the whole time." She shook her head in despair, "if he had woken up and seen him, or if Emily had…I don't know. I have a feeling a lot is going to go down today, if he calls, which he might not, hell I may never hear from him again."
"Gordo's not like that." Matt assured her, "Even if he is angry right now, in the end, he'll do what's right"
Lizzie nodded slowly and gave Matt a small smile.
Matt shrugged as if to say no problem. "Hey," Matt spoke up "why don't you let me take Emily for the day, I'm meeting Melina and Lanny in a little while. She can hang out with us." Lizzie quickly shook her head no.
"No way Matt, not after last time."
"What happened last time?" Matt asked indignantly.
"You said you were taking my three year old for ice cream and the next thing I know she's on the news playing with a police car siren while eye witness video shows you dropkick some mugger in the Baskin Robbins parking lot. Anything beginning to ring a bell?"
"Oh yeah," a slow grin spread across Matt's face, "look it was a quick bust, she got free ice cream and she got to play with a police siren, and she was perfectly safe."
"How was she 'perfectly' safe?" Lizzie asked sarcastically.
"Melina had her. Duh."
Lizzie looked as though she knew he had a good point yet didn't want to admit it. To be honest, she didn't mind Matt watching Emily, he was reliable and he knew more than a few forms of martial arts. It was just that she knew there should be at least one adult to chaperon them at all times.
"C'mon." Matt, sensing that he had a very good argument, dug a little deeper. "Look, today all I'm doing is meeting Melina and Lanny at a carnival in the city. We're going to look for place to set up surveillance for a sting tomorrow night. We're looking for places that's it. We won't even have any weapons, unless you count Melina, and some people do. It will take twenty minutes tops and then we're off the rest of the day. We'll let her play at the carnival, go to the movies or the beach or whatever." Matt could tell that Lizzie was starting to give in so he threw in the sinker, "besides you said it yourself, Gordo may come by, do you really want her around if…it all hits the fan?"
God, she hated when Matt was right. "Fine, you can take her," Lizzie finally gave in, "but Matthew McGuire if anything, ANYTHING, crazy happens around my kid that was brought on by you, or a member of your insane dork posse, I will hold you responsible and I will personally rip your head off, got it?" By then Lizzie had gotten out of bed and had Matt cornered against the wall. Matt nodded quickly, Lizzie had developed that scary mom thing and she looked serious.
"Yes ma'am."
Downstairs, the door bell rang and for a moment a look of fright covered Lizzie's face. "Ah," Matt began in his best English accent, "The doorbell, I'll be getting that!" And then, sensing her fear, he reassured her, "That's just Lanny, I got off my cell phone with him a few minutes ago; he brought breakfast."
Lizzie's face relaxed and her posture slumped. She looked at Matt, "Thanks for doing this, I think I'll feel a lot better when Emily is out of harms way."
"No prob', bob...sis," Matt said as he began to leave the room, "We'll take care of her. She is in the hands of trained professionals."
"Speaking of," Lizzie eyeballed him again, "no more interrogation lessons okay?"
"What," Matt started but was cut off.
"She managed to get two of her birthday presents out of me this year and I know exactly where she learned it."
Matt's nodded slowly with a slight upward curve crossing his mouth. To Lizzie, he was beaming; he had the proud look of a teacher who has just found out their student is a prodigy. "Hey, she's a natural and you should be encouraging her talents…"
"MATT!" Lizzie picked up a chunky heel laying in the floor by her foot and aimed it at Matt in a threatening manner.
"Okay, okay" he relented backing out the door, "no interrogation lessons. We'll leave those to the professionals."
"Dork isn't a profession," Lizzie mumbled to herself.
"I heard that!"
=-=-=
By three that afternoon, Lizzie had the house to herself. Matt, Lanny and Melina had taken Emily earlier in the day and she had made them swear, with hands over their hearts, to have Emily back in one piece later that day. On top of bringing her back in one piece, Matt had told her that he would make periodic calls later to see if it was a good time to comeback.
There had been a very explicit list of items that Matt thought Emily might need during the day. She had been told to include two changes of clothes, a bathing suit, rain coat, sweat shirt, a pair of pajamas, sun screen, bug repellent, four juice boxes, a box of goldfish, college-ruled paper, markers, a camera, a red hat, a box of chalk, construction paper, string, a glue stick, and $20 dollars. What was this, a scavenger hunt? She didn't mind however, looking around for everything kept her mind off of other things. Matt had taken a quick look through the bag, when she had finally finished, and when he had determined everything was in there he had given her the thumbs up and told Lanny to fork over five dollars.
Lizzie hadn't seen Emily too much this morning, her dad had been giving Emily the inside info on how to correctly determine the difference between a lawn gnome and a house elf. Lizzie's mom had been showing Emily how to correctly trim roses and Emily had brought trimmed roses to Lizzie, Matt and Lanny. She had also trimmed one for Melina who was not there yet.
Melina had finally shown up, however she had not come in, she had parked next to the curb and honked the horn to let them know she was there. Melina also had a Bronco, but hers was in much better condition than Matt's. Lizzie wondered how far the one upsmanship went in their relationship. This question was answered when she saw Melina make Matt sit in the back, where there were no seats and lots of equipment, in favor of Emily, who got to sit in the front.
Emily's head had turned to Melina, as though she were receiving some instructions, and a moment later she looked to be surveying the front dash. A loud siren went off and Lanny, who had been loading up his stuff out side, stumbled backward, hamming it up for Emily. From the house, Lizzie had seen a large smile form on Emily's mouth and Lizzie felt relieved. Emily hadn't seemed very upbeat this morning. In the brief time Lizzie and her were together, she had noticed the little girl seemed to be lost in thought. A book had laid at her lap and she seemed to have no interest in it. When Lizzie asked if she was ok, Emily had slowly responded that she was reading. Lizzie kissed her on the forehead and gave her a hug. When Emily had smiled, she felt a little better because it was a genuine smile. After a day with Matt she would be full of giggles, Lizzie reassured herself.
A few hours later, Lizzie's parents had realized that they needed a few items for the garden. Her dad needed corn silk which would be hair his girl gnomes; he was making one of Lizzie and Emily. Lizzie had though about telling him to get curly brown yarn as well. Her mother needed more fertilizer and decided to go with him to their favorite store, Garden World.
Now that she was alone and Lizzie was beginning to wonder if Gordo was still going to call; several times already, she had double checked her cell phone to make sure it was still on. It was. She began to pace across the carpet in her room and by the time she heard a door slam out side she had begun to wear a trail across the carpet in her room. She ran downstairs relieved that Gordo had the insight to show up when her parents were out, but that relief disappeared when she saw her dad at the door.
"I forgot my wallet," Sam started, and then looked at Lizzie; her face held the same look of panic that Matt had seen a few hours before. Over her fathers shoulder, Lizzie saw a car pull up against the curb and a door slowly open. Before she saw his curly hair peak out over the tinted windows she knew who it was.
Chapter 12 The Calm Before the Storm
Lizzie didn't know what had possessed her to let Gordo go upstairs and see Emily; it was extremely risky. If her parents woke up they would be horrified; they were still under the impression that Gordo had abandoned Lizzie. To avoid that mess, the whole, real story would have to come out to all of them and Lizzie didn't think she could handle that much drama tonight; she needed Miranda. She tried explaining to him that it was too late, that he could see her later and that she didn't want to wake her parents, but in the end she relented. It was easier than continuing to argue about it and wake everyone one up that way. She didn't want Emily's first meeting with her father to be while he was fighting with her mother.
So up the stairs they tiptoed and Lizzie softly pushed open the door to her parents room and flipped on the hall light so he could see. Emily had burrowed down into the blankets, but a portion of her face was still visible as well as her blonde ringlets. Gordo took a brief look and stepped back looking even more shocked than he had before. He whispered something that she could not make out before looking briefly over at Lizzie. What was that look? She felt her stomach tighten up when she saw that his eyes had grown dark; the curiousness that his face had held a few moments before was removed and in its place was a look of realization.
"I have to leave." He whispered turning and heading back down the stairs. Lizzie's heart began to sink as he retreated. It was déjà vu, New York, six years ago and her dream from only a few days before; all of it, all over again. She quietly shut the door to her parent's room, flipped off the light and followed down the stairs after Gordo.
When she reached the bottom of the stairs, the backdoor was slightly open and when she opened it she half expected him to be standing in the back yard waiting for her. He was not. The night had grown dark and all she could make out was his shadowy figure and if not for the soft swooshing of grass beneath his feet she might not have been able to locate him at all. He was nearing the fence when Lizzie finally caught up with him.
"Gordo wait!" she called as loudly as she dared and when he still didn't turn around she summoned all that she could allow. "GORDO!"
Finally he stopped and turned to face her.
"What?"
Lizzie was surprised by the coldness in his voice. Before, he had looked too shocked to seem that angry. "I…where are you going? I thought that maybe we could talk about this. If you want." Her voice carried a hint of desperation.
"I can't talk to you right now Lizzie, I…I don't know what to think right now or how I feel, if I talk right now I won't know what I'm saying and I don't want to do anything, or say anything that I might regret." He shrugged and shook his head, "I can't do this."
"Gordo!" Lizzie tried again trying to keep control of her voice; at this moment she wasn't sure if it was sadness or worry that was trying to break free.
Faintly she heard his voice. "I'll call you...tomorrow." He turned and began walking again. With each step he took, the darkness of the night covered him more and more until he was no longer visible, only the soft swooshing of the grass gave her comfort that he was still near, but soon that was gone as well and she was alone. Lizzie walked back and sank onto the porch finally letting the tears that had been building up fall.
=-=-=
Gordo made it back to his car but just stood staring for several moments, alternating his gaze between the car and back at the McGuire house. The house where he and Lizzie had had so many great times and now the house was where his daughter was. The concept of a child had yet to really sink in, sure he had seen a mass of curls and a small shadowy face, but the concept of that being his child had yet to register.
When Lizzie had said that she needed to tell him something he was thinking that maybe she had been married or what he had been truly hoping for that she was still in love with him, or even rejection. These were things that he had prepared himself for. A child though, that thought had never even appeared on the radar in his mind. Having a child is something that occurs over a lifetime and now he had found out he was going to be a father, had a baby, had a five year old, a five-and-a-half year old, in the blink of an eye; it was something that he wasn't able to handle, at least not yet.
As he finally unlocked the door to his car he gave one last look back and got a funny feeling that he was running away again. He wasn't though, he promised himself. He would be back, he had to come back, but he couldn't talk to Lizzie right then. He felt to confused, his emotions were a huge ball of shock, confusion, betray, anger and guilt. The guilt was the one that was killing him. He couldn't figure out why he felt guilty, Lizzie had the secret. Lizzie had lied, Lizzie had betrayed him, but he felt guilty? That wasn't right. Gordo knew that talking to her now would be counter productive. He couldn't face her until he knew how he felt and what he wanted. Hell, he hadn't asked for this kid, until about twenty minutes ago he didn't even know of her existence and now he was her father. That didn't sit well with Gordo, but he would be back.
"How can I have a five year old daughter, I never had a baby?"
The sound of his voice startled him and he realized that he was beginning to think in circles; this was always an indication that it was time to stop thinking and time to be distracted. He shook his head as though he were trying to shake some excess thoughts and then rested his head on the steering wheel. Closing his eyes he could see those curls again, they had looked dark, like his, but he knew it was a trick of the lighting, they were blonde.
His daughter, how strange was it to think like that, like you have a kid, like a parent. Gordo shuddered at the thought. Sure he liked kids, he had always known that someday he would have children of his own. From the time he was ten he had known that he would have children with Lizzie someday. This, however was not how he had pictured it, and besides that, he wasn't ready to be a father. He had a hard enough time taking care of himself, let alone a kid. That might not be an issue though, he thought to himself, apparently Lizzie had had no trouble doing it without him for the last six years. Gordo gripped the steering wheel even tighter as a fresh wave of confusion washed over him. Five-and-a-half years, no wait, six years? She had been pregnant for a few months after he left. She had waited six years to decide that he ought to be included in on this little event? How thoughtful of her.
"This isn't productive, you are thinking in circles again," Gordo told himself this as he lifted his head from the steering wheel. He knew what he wanted to do more than anything at this moment. He couldn't talk to her tonight, he couldn't focus on work, and there was no way in hell in would ever be able to sleep, so he simply drove until he found a nice long stretch of beach and walked until morning.
=-=-=
Lizzie sat on the porch until she heard him leave. When she didn't hear him leave right away she hoped that it meant he had changed his mind and was coming back. He had not. She finally heard his car door slam and, and more than a few moments later, his car back out of the driveway.
It was then that she decided that it was time to go in and try to get some sleep, there was nothing else she could tonight, the ball was now in Gordo's court. Lizzie wiped away a few lingering tears and got up to go in. As she began to make her way up the stairs she heard a small crash followed by a surprised yelp that sounded a lot like her father.
"Cobras!"
Lizzie hurried into the living room and she heard her mother get up as well. Lizzie found her father sprawled on the ground by the couch surrounded by three of his prize gnomes.
"DAD!" Lizzie exclaimed running to help him up, "are you okay?"
"Yeah," Sam replied pushing his glasses back up his nose, "I think I dozed off and then...rolled off of the couch."
"You were down here this whole time?" Lizzie asked, trying to hide the panic that was creeping into her voice. What had he seen or heard?
"Whole time?" Sam asked rubbing his upper lip, obviously still groggy, "What did I miss, where are the cobras?"
"Cobras?!" Lizzie asked jumping back before realizing that he must have been dreaming. "I think you were drea...," Lizzie began but was cut off by the sound of her mothers voice.
"SAM! What are you doing down here?" Jo hissed from up the stairs.
"Sorry sweetheart, I was working on my gnomes and dozed off and then when I went upstairs, you and Emily were already asleep. I didn't want to wake you so I came back down here for the night."
There was a pause before Jo whispered back, "Sorry about that, Emily fell asleep on my arm and I didn't want to wake her." Her voice got a little louder as she made her way down the stairs. Once at the bottom, Jo's eyes focused on her daughter, not in pajamas, but fully clothed and with slightly red puffy eyes.
"Lizzie, what are you doing down here?" Lizzie's mom walked over to her, "Are you okay, your eyes are all red?"
"Sure mom" Lizzie replied in her most convincing voice, while backing away, "I couldn't sleep so I sat outside for a few minutes." Her mother looked at her for a second with that—I don't believe a word of this look—and pressed on.
"Why are your eyes red, it looks like you've been crying?"
"Oh that, " Lizzie gave, what she hoped was a lighthearted laugh, "something got in my eye, I think it was a piece of a leaf, and it took me a second to get it out, and my eyes started watering pretty bad. That's why I came in." Too many details, Lizzie thought to herself.
Her mothers look suggested that she wasn't completely buying Lizzie's story so Lizzie decided to make a quick run for it. "So I'm going to go get Emily and take her back to our room so that dad can go to bed, night guys" Lizzie took off up the stairs before her parents had time to say anything else.
Jo gave Sam a look of concern but the look was not met. Sam was still brushing himself off and looking warily at the floor.
"Be careful honey, there may be snakes."
=-=-=
Once upstairs, Lizzie went into her parents room to collect Emily and to her surprise found the little girl already awake.
"Hey munchkin, what are you doing awake?" Lizzie sat down on the bed next to Emily and leaned over to kiss her cheek, which she noticed seemed a little warm. "Are you feeling okay Em? You feel warm."
"I'm okay mommy." Emily studied her mother for a moment, very glad that she had come to get her. Emily had started to feel a little scared, even with her grandmother there with her.
"I was downstairs, doing some work, but it's time for us to go to bed, lets get you back into our room."
"Carry me!" Emily whined pitifully lifting her arms up to her Lizzie.
"I don't know babe, you're getting heavy. I think you can walk." Emily's lower lip began to quiver
"Please mommy?" Emily begged one more time.
Lizzie sighed and reached down to pick her up. "Okay, come on." Lizzie ran into her parents who were coming upstairs for the night as she made her way with Emily down to room.
"Goodnight sweethearts." Her mom said kissing her cheek and then Emily's. Lizzie smiled and hoped that her mom would let everything from that night drop.
"Good night Em" Her dad was next as he kissed the top of Emily's head and than looked at Lizzie. "You know that you can tell us anything, right?" Lizzie began to feel nervous as the thoughts of what he may or may not have witnessed tonight.
"Sure dad, I know."
Her dad looked at second longer and than nodded, "Okay, good night sweetheart, I mean sweethearts." Lizzie let out a breath that she didn't realize she had been holding. If he did know something, he was doing a good job of looking like he didn't.
"Mommy," a little voice from Lizzie's shoulder spoke, "will you tell me a story?"
Lizzie looked down at Emily and smiled.
=-=-=
So there it is, Gordo thought to himself as he watched the sun slowly rise over the waves of the ocean. The waves seemed to be carrying the first rays of sunlight directly to him and he felt the most peace he had felt in a while. Although there was peace there was inner turmoil as well. He had questions, many questions, and he wanted answers.
Although he had no idea what time it was now, he had a reasonable guess that it was after six and if he could get home within the hour, he could sleep, take a shower and face the situation with better focus. He had spent the entire night walking on the beach as though somewhere the answer to his problems lay buried in the sand. Even if he had not figured anything out, he had at least taken time to think and not act on unreliable emotions that he had felt only a few hours ago. The last time he had acted rashly on emotion instead of reason he had walked out on the love of his life; and unknowingly, his own child.
That night, six years ago, had been playing in his head repeatedly since he had left Lizzie a few hours ago and he had developed a feeling of anger. He wasn't sure, however, if it was justifiable. Lizzie had given him the ultimatum; your movies or me. Only recently he had realized that now he would have made the right choice, her, but at the time he had at least walked out on her when she knew the possible outcome. He had not, nevertheless, walked out on his child; he would have had to know about it before that was possible. He may not have been innocent, but he had been ignorant and you cannot hold a person responsible if they were never informed. He could hold Lizzie responsible. She had, after all, shown a high level of immaturity in the situation.
He had unknowingly abandoned his daughter for six years thanks to Lizzie, and it was hanging heavy over his head. If given the chance, he was the kind of person who would do the right thing in a given situation. In this particular situation, he had not been given the chance and because of that he felt helpless and angry. He was also reasonable because he knew that the situation was imperfect. He had walked out and effectively severed ties with her the moment the door had shut behind him. The months following, he had almost all forms of communication cut off and it would have been impossible for her to locate him. On the other hand, she could have, at the very least, gotten in touch with his parents and set the situation straight; they were, after all, Emily's grandparents.
The sun was fully over the horizon now and Gordo stood up to leave. Another thought had not yet entered his head but would soon been completely open for discussion. What had she told her parents about their child? Did they know the truth or had she lied? These thoughts, however, had escaped him to this point but if they hadn't he probably would have been more cautious as he approached the McGuire's front door later that evening.
=-=-=
Lizzie awoke the next morning to an empty bed and the sounds of the TV going downstairs and the voices of her parents and Emily and she also thought she may have heard Matt mixed in with all of that. She lay in bed for a few minutes, not yet ready to face the problems that this day would present.
Gordo had been angry last night, he may not of even realized it when he left, but Lizzie could see it deep in his eyes. He had been in deep shock, not yet able to pin point his emotion, but Lizzie had seen it. Gordo would be back, and when he did, odds are he'd be looking for a something she couldn't give him.
An explanation? Six Years?
She hoped he wouldn't do it in front of her parents, who when they found out that Lizzie had never told Gordo about Emily and that she had let them think that she had would be almost as mad, if not more. After all she had lied right to their face, with Gordo it had been more like withholding a piece of information. She was also worried about Emily, if Gordo did calm down enough how would Lizzie explain this to her? She was only five, she had only known having a mom and she rarely questioned that. Emily had always been accepting of the way things were. Now…Lizzie covered her face just thinking about it.
"Hey Lizard breath, does your baby have a daddy yet?" Lizzie sat up straight in bed and found her younger brother smirking at her from the doorway.
"MATT!" Lizzie hissed, "keep your voice down."
"Relax," he waved her off as he walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed, "Mom's showing Emily how to water the garden and dad is setting up his new lawn gnomes." He paused, eyeing her, "do you ever take care of your kid? Every time I'm here she's with mom or dad and you're asleep or doing nothing." Lizzie scowled at him and hit him over the head with a pillow.
"YES, I do, but mom likes taking care of her while we're here, she doesn't get to much."
"Whatever." Matt shrugged and looked around a minute before continuing. "So what happened with Gordo yesterday, or as I like to call it 'Days of all my Children and the Restless.'"
Lizzie glared at her brother. "You know Matt," Lizzie had a very annoyed tone, "this is serious, this is my life and Gordo's life and most of all it's Emily's life so if you are not going to take it seriously then butt out!"
Matt looked surprised by her outburst and then a little ashamed. "Sorry Lizzie, I really want to know. I just thought maybe you could use a little humor." His voice sounded sincere and the apologetic look on his face confirmed it.
"Fine," Lizzie eyeballed him for a moment before finishing. "I didn't have the nerve to tell him yesterday afternoon until he dropped me off and just before I could tell him he got a call about an emergency with his film and had to leave."
"Talk about bad timing," Matt stated matter-of-factly.
Lizzie nodded, "then he came back in the middle of the night and I told him and he was in shock and he wanted to see her so I let him peek in and then he kind of freaked and left, he looked confused and angry but he said he would call me today but he hasn't yet. On top of that I don't have Miranda, or even Larry, to help explain the situation."
Matt looked a bit taken aback by the last part of Lizzie's sudden monologue and then thought about it for a moment. "Did Emily see him?"
Lizzie shook her head no, "She was asleep."
"Did mom and Dad?"
"No, thank god, they would have freaked, and it turns out Dad was downstairs asleep on the couch the whole time." She shook her head in despair, "if he had woken up and seen him, or if Emily had…I don't know. I have a feeling a lot is going to go down today, if he calls, which he might not, hell I may never hear from him again."
"Gordo's not like that." Matt assured her, "Even if he is angry right now, in the end, he'll do what's right"
Lizzie nodded slowly and gave Matt a small smile.
Matt shrugged as if to say no problem. "Hey," Matt spoke up "why don't you let me take Emily for the day, I'm meeting Melina and Lanny in a little while. She can hang out with us." Lizzie quickly shook her head no.
"No way Matt, not after last time."
"What happened last time?" Matt asked indignantly.
"You said you were taking my three year old for ice cream and the next thing I know she's on the news playing with a police car siren while eye witness video shows you dropkick some mugger in the Baskin Robbins parking lot. Anything beginning to ring a bell?"
"Oh yeah," a slow grin spread across Matt's face, "look it was a quick bust, she got free ice cream and she got to play with a police siren, and she was perfectly safe."
"How was she 'perfectly' safe?" Lizzie asked sarcastically.
"Melina had her. Duh."
Lizzie looked as though she knew he had a good point yet didn't want to admit it. To be honest, she didn't mind Matt watching Emily, he was reliable and he knew more than a few forms of martial arts. It was just that she knew there should be at least one adult to chaperon them at all times.
"C'mon." Matt, sensing that he had a very good argument, dug a little deeper. "Look, today all I'm doing is meeting Melina and Lanny at a carnival in the city. We're going to look for place to set up surveillance for a sting tomorrow night. We're looking for places that's it. We won't even have any weapons, unless you count Melina, and some people do. It will take twenty minutes tops and then we're off the rest of the day. We'll let her play at the carnival, go to the movies or the beach or whatever." Matt could tell that Lizzie was starting to give in so he threw in the sinker, "besides you said it yourself, Gordo may come by, do you really want her around if…it all hits the fan?"
God, she hated when Matt was right. "Fine, you can take her," Lizzie finally gave in, "but Matthew McGuire if anything, ANYTHING, crazy happens around my kid that was brought on by you, or a member of your insane dork posse, I will hold you responsible and I will personally rip your head off, got it?" By then Lizzie had gotten out of bed and had Matt cornered against the wall. Matt nodded quickly, Lizzie had developed that scary mom thing and she looked serious.
"Yes ma'am."
Downstairs, the door bell rang and for a moment a look of fright covered Lizzie's face. "Ah," Matt began in his best English accent, "The doorbell, I'll be getting that!" And then, sensing her fear, he reassured her, "That's just Lanny, I got off my cell phone with him a few minutes ago; he brought breakfast."
Lizzie's face relaxed and her posture slumped. She looked at Matt, "Thanks for doing this, I think I'll feel a lot better when Emily is out of harms way."
"No prob', bob...sis," Matt said as he began to leave the room, "We'll take care of her. She is in the hands of trained professionals."
"Speaking of," Lizzie eyeballed him again, "no more interrogation lessons okay?"
"What," Matt started but was cut off.
"She managed to get two of her birthday presents out of me this year and I know exactly where she learned it."
Matt's nodded slowly with a slight upward curve crossing his mouth. To Lizzie, he was beaming; he had the proud look of a teacher who has just found out their student is a prodigy. "Hey, she's a natural and you should be encouraging her talents…"
"MATT!" Lizzie picked up a chunky heel laying in the floor by her foot and aimed it at Matt in a threatening manner.
"Okay, okay" he relented backing out the door, "no interrogation lessons. We'll leave those to the professionals."
"Dork isn't a profession," Lizzie mumbled to herself.
"I heard that!"
=-=-=
By three that afternoon, Lizzie had the house to herself. Matt, Lanny and Melina had taken Emily earlier in the day and she had made them swear, with hands over their hearts, to have Emily back in one piece later that day. On top of bringing her back in one piece, Matt had told her that he would make periodic calls later to see if it was a good time to comeback.
There had been a very explicit list of items that Matt thought Emily might need during the day. She had been told to include two changes of clothes, a bathing suit, rain coat, sweat shirt, a pair of pajamas, sun screen, bug repellent, four juice boxes, a box of goldfish, college-ruled paper, markers, a camera, a red hat, a box of chalk, construction paper, string, a glue stick, and $20 dollars. What was this, a scavenger hunt? She didn't mind however, looking around for everything kept her mind off of other things. Matt had taken a quick look through the bag, when she had finally finished, and when he had determined everything was in there he had given her the thumbs up and told Lanny to fork over five dollars.
Lizzie hadn't seen Emily too much this morning, her dad had been giving Emily the inside info on how to correctly determine the difference between a lawn gnome and a house elf. Lizzie's mom had been showing Emily how to correctly trim roses and Emily had brought trimmed roses to Lizzie, Matt and Lanny. She had also trimmed one for Melina who was not there yet.
Melina had finally shown up, however she had not come in, she had parked next to the curb and honked the horn to let them know she was there. Melina also had a Bronco, but hers was in much better condition than Matt's. Lizzie wondered how far the one upsmanship went in their relationship. This question was answered when she saw Melina make Matt sit in the back, where there were no seats and lots of equipment, in favor of Emily, who got to sit in the front.
Emily's head had turned to Melina, as though she were receiving some instructions, and a moment later she looked to be surveying the front dash. A loud siren went off and Lanny, who had been loading up his stuff out side, stumbled backward, hamming it up for Emily. From the house, Lizzie had seen a large smile form on Emily's mouth and Lizzie felt relieved. Emily hadn't seemed very upbeat this morning. In the brief time Lizzie and her were together, she had noticed the little girl seemed to be lost in thought. A book had laid at her lap and she seemed to have no interest in it. When Lizzie asked if she was ok, Emily had slowly responded that she was reading. Lizzie kissed her on the forehead and gave her a hug. When Emily had smiled, she felt a little better because it was a genuine smile. After a day with Matt she would be full of giggles, Lizzie reassured herself.
A few hours later, Lizzie's parents had realized that they needed a few items for the garden. Her dad needed corn silk which would be hair his girl gnomes; he was making one of Lizzie and Emily. Lizzie had though about telling him to get curly brown yarn as well. Her mother needed more fertilizer and decided to go with him to their favorite store, Garden World.
Now that she was alone and Lizzie was beginning to wonder if Gordo was still going to call; several times already, she had double checked her cell phone to make sure it was still on. It was. She began to pace across the carpet in her room and by the time she heard a door slam out side she had begun to wear a trail across the carpet in her room. She ran downstairs relieved that Gordo had the insight to show up when her parents were out, but that relief disappeared when she saw her dad at the door.
"I forgot my wallet," Sam started, and then looked at Lizzie; her face held the same look of panic that Matt had seen a few hours before. Over her fathers shoulder, Lizzie saw a car pull up against the curb and a door slowly open. Before she saw his curly hair peak out over the tinted windows she knew who it was.