I said this all innocently, trying to pretend I didn't hear anything.or for
that matter, knew in any way shape or form that he and Picture had been up
on the roof together.
"You'se know exactly why's I ain't asleep. I cant sleep when I'se got someone eves droppin on me."
Dammit. he knew I was there.but how? I hadn't made any noise.as usual Spot was ahead of my lies and cover ups, I still played dumb:
"Someone was watching you? Oh my, that has to be creepy, did you see them watching you? Or did you just feel their eyes on you?"
My mock surprise and interest shocked him, his facial expression changed, and I could tell he was rethinking if he really didn't see me.it was just a cat.
"Don't make me beat it outa ya Blondie, I ain't in da mood ta be nice right now." His face loomed closer and he caught both my arms as I attempted to back away. "Why was you'se up deah in da foist place?"
"A girl can gather her thoughts cant she? It isn't a crime to sit on the steps is it Spot, Is it?" I told him accusingly, turning the blame from me, to him.
The sudden switch from complete denial to defense and accusation seemed to confuse him, "You'se weren't listen'n to me an Pictah's convoisation?"
"You were up there with Picture?" I changed my facial expression from accusing to confusion. "Yea, I'se was, I thought I saw ya up deah." "Well I was up there, but not listening to you.and Picture talking if that's what you were asking. What is your deal with her anyway?"
"Well, she's kinda like me goil," he realized he still was holding my arms and let go, looking down. "Oh.I didn't think, I'm sorry.I thought, oh who cares what I think anyway?" stop rambling damn you!
"What's wrong wit dat Jade?" He looked back up at me and stared at me, again confused. "Heh.oh nothing's wrong with you having a girlfriend-" he cut me off, laughing softly, "Pictah, me goilfriend? Dat goil drive me up da wall, I just keep ha around fer some fun every once in a while's,"
"Wait, you use her, just for fun?" "Well, she says she don't mind, so dat's just da way I'se like it anyway, no attachment, no hoit feelin's fer ha, and no disagreement's wit Manhattan," he seemed to think that it was genius logic, I was incredulous to this.
"Spot, that's just wrong!" I said in a hushed whisper, "You cant just.just.kiss someone and then expect them not to care about you!" "We'll she said she jist likes da way I'se look, and dat's all she wants."
"Spot, she has to be lying, she probably does care about you, but she knows that you aren't going to be a stable boyfriend, so doesn't expect you to be. She probably likes you a lot, but doesn't want her feelings to get hurt, and pretends that that's all she wants."
He squinted his eyes, "Look, I'm shoah dat you'se is right bout dat in most goils cases, but.Pictah, she ain't dat complicated. She knows what she wants, and doesn't like connections herself. She isn't emotional like dat, but on anotha note, what do you mean, kissin a goil means something?"
"Well maybe you've noticed, girls are emotional, like say, if some guy came up to me and kissed me, depending on whether I found him attractive or not, I'd have much stronger feelings for him if he kissed me."
"I can prove ya wrong on dat,"
"And how do you intend to do that exactly?"
"Like dis-" his face came out of the darkness quickly and suddenly, yet I knew I must resist this-if he tried to kiss me now, I wouldn't be able to control my building feelings toward him, I ducked.
"No, Spot, don't kiss me.please don't, not to prove a point."
His newly revealed face contorted, a look of complete confusion again passed his immaculate features, "Why not?"
"I don't think that's the way to prove your point, at least, not to me. I'm really tired, it has to be past ten thirty already.Good night Spot,"
I had tired of this conversation, I climbed into the window and lightly flopped on my top bunk looking down at his still perplexed face.
"Yea, well dis convoisation isn't ovah Jade, Ise'll see you'se tomorrah," with that he turned swiftly and walked off to the other side of the bunkroom and out of my sight.
After Spot left, I wasn't any closer to sleep than I had been an hour before that. With no promise of sleep in sight, I turned uneasily on my uncomfortable bed, twisting to find a soft piece of mattress.
To my dismay, as I lay there, my thoughts traveled to John, traveled to the night my parents died.
"Good evening John, would you join us for dinner?" Martha asked her nephew John on his visit to his aunt and uncles house in Brooklyn. "No thank you Aunt Martie, I had supper at my house almost an hour ago." John said smiling his most convincing polite smile. I could hear and see them talking downstairs. John looked up at me standing behind the stairs, "Good evening Ella, how has your day been cousin?" he asked unconvincingly civil to me. "Fine." I responded without inflection in my voice.
I went into my room and locked the door. I crawled under my bed and curled into a protective ball. John, even at this young age he inspired fear as none other could. His young manhood caused him to have such a temper, and such a perverse taste in his actions. "My, dear Auntie, I do believe Ella is turning into quite a young lady, however she does seem to still prevail in the art of rudeness," I heard John say to my mother, and I heard her shut the door.
A tear rolled down my check, they never knew what was going to happen next. I was only thankful I did not see it until the end, until the end.but the end was so horrible. I convulsed upon the mattress, rolling myself into a ball.
More tears came down, why did this happen to me? Why didn't John just kill me too? I could have saved them, if I had been downstairs, if I had been brave enough, I could have stopped John, I could have, I COULD HAVE!
I was not one to cry loudly, but soon I was so wrapped up in my tears and thoughts, I could not hold in the noise of suddenly being unable to breath through my nose.
I sniffled loudly, and only once, but it was enough to wake one person. Hands upon my shoulder made me go still very suddenly, and I pretended I was sleep crying. The hand continued and rolled me over, I peeped my eyes open, JOHN!
I stifled a scream, and then rationalized the situation, no, wait.it was Sparks.
"Sparks?" I asked in little more than a whisper. "Yes, it's me, are you alright?" the obvious answer to this question was 'No, I'm crying, normally not a thing a person does when they are alright,' but instead I said, "Yea, I-I. I'll be fine at least."
"Want to talk about it?" his face loomed towards mine startlingly fast. My own words astounded me, "I'd love to."
A bright smile lit his pale face and I scooted over to let him come and sit on the bed with me. He climbed up and sat beside me, then did something that startled me, he put his arm around me, and a feeling of comfort, safety overwhelmed me. Oh, it was bliss.I hadn't felt this safe since.since.never.
He put his other arm around me and kept me halfway warm, he moved slightly back so that we could both sit against the wall. I laid my head upon his shoulder and sighed. "I barely know you and already you are witnessing a weakness of mine, crying. I hate crying.more than anything."
His left hand slipped from my shoulder and tilted my head to look into my eyes, "Crying isn't anything ta hate, it's jist your expression of ya emotions," he frowned, "But if you'se hate crying so much, what made you start sobbin like dat?"
"My parents.they.were killed, and Sparks," I felt anxiety build in my throat, "Sparks I could have stopped it! I could have, I could ha-" he put his hand on my mouth silencing me, and letting me succumb to my helpless tears that had begun to flow again.
The torrent flew from my eyes in a waterfall of silky salt liquid. Sparks pulled me closer to himself, and again put his arms around me protectively, "Listen ta me Jade, there isn't any way dat you'se coulda stopped what happened to ya parents. No, jist listen," he said as he felt me begin to interrupt, "No mattah what happened, dey were meant ta die, it was fate, Jade everything happens for a reason, everything."
"Sparks, how can you say that? How.I mean, I was there, I SAW."
"Shh."
"Don't shush me right now!"
"No I'm serious, I think we woke someone, shh!" Sparks said to me in a whisper.
"Oh," I said meekly as he softly shook me to make sure I wasn't going to say anything else for the moment.
The sinewy figure slowly walked toward the washroom, not even noticing us in the corner, huddled and not moving.
Sparks lowered his head towards mine and I felt his warm breath on my neck, goose bumps ran all over my body, "I'm gonna talk ta you'se about dis latah, I promise, good night Jade," with that he kissed the top of my head, and slid off of the top bunk softly landing on the floor.
I laid back down, and thought about Sparks, what in the world would posses a person to be so openly kind to a complete stranger?
In the background, I heard soft footsteps across the room.
Did he know how badly I needed someone right then? I wonder if he recognized the fear in my eyes at first.I rolled over away from the wall and came face to face with yet another person.
Doesn't anyone actually go to sleep in this place? I thought as I looked into the startled eyes of my sinewy companion.
"Need something Spot?" I asked softly.
"Nah, but I hoid you'se ovah heah wit whoevah dat wus," his light breath gently caressed my face, and out of nowhere, so did his hand.
"We'se really do need ta have a talk tomarrah don't we?" this was a rhetorical question, so I simply nodded, his smooth fingers tenderly stroked my cheek, tracing the trails of moisture the tears had left on my skin. He rubbed the newest ones forming in my eyes away, "Good night Jade," he breathed as he turned quickly away and tore his hand away from my face.
I rolled back over. What was it with Spot? I just couldn't figure him out. First he's sweet, then he hates me. Then he saves me from John.then he's mad, then he was so nice at Tibby's. After he just ignored me when Picture showed up.and then he was mad when he thought I was spying.and though I was.
Gah, now he was just nice again.
"You'se know exactly why's I ain't asleep. I cant sleep when I'se got someone eves droppin on me."
Dammit. he knew I was there.but how? I hadn't made any noise.as usual Spot was ahead of my lies and cover ups, I still played dumb:
"Someone was watching you? Oh my, that has to be creepy, did you see them watching you? Or did you just feel their eyes on you?"
My mock surprise and interest shocked him, his facial expression changed, and I could tell he was rethinking if he really didn't see me.it was just a cat.
"Don't make me beat it outa ya Blondie, I ain't in da mood ta be nice right now." His face loomed closer and he caught both my arms as I attempted to back away. "Why was you'se up deah in da foist place?"
"A girl can gather her thoughts cant she? It isn't a crime to sit on the steps is it Spot, Is it?" I told him accusingly, turning the blame from me, to him.
The sudden switch from complete denial to defense and accusation seemed to confuse him, "You'se weren't listen'n to me an Pictah's convoisation?"
"You were up there with Picture?" I changed my facial expression from accusing to confusion. "Yea, I'se was, I thought I saw ya up deah." "Well I was up there, but not listening to you.and Picture talking if that's what you were asking. What is your deal with her anyway?"
"Well, she's kinda like me goil," he realized he still was holding my arms and let go, looking down. "Oh.I didn't think, I'm sorry.I thought, oh who cares what I think anyway?" stop rambling damn you!
"What's wrong wit dat Jade?" He looked back up at me and stared at me, again confused. "Heh.oh nothing's wrong with you having a girlfriend-" he cut me off, laughing softly, "Pictah, me goilfriend? Dat goil drive me up da wall, I just keep ha around fer some fun every once in a while's,"
"Wait, you use her, just for fun?" "Well, she says she don't mind, so dat's just da way I'se like it anyway, no attachment, no hoit feelin's fer ha, and no disagreement's wit Manhattan," he seemed to think that it was genius logic, I was incredulous to this.
"Spot, that's just wrong!" I said in a hushed whisper, "You cant just.just.kiss someone and then expect them not to care about you!" "We'll she said she jist likes da way I'se look, and dat's all she wants."
"Spot, she has to be lying, she probably does care about you, but she knows that you aren't going to be a stable boyfriend, so doesn't expect you to be. She probably likes you a lot, but doesn't want her feelings to get hurt, and pretends that that's all she wants."
He squinted his eyes, "Look, I'm shoah dat you'se is right bout dat in most goils cases, but.Pictah, she ain't dat complicated. She knows what she wants, and doesn't like connections herself. She isn't emotional like dat, but on anotha note, what do you mean, kissin a goil means something?"
"Well maybe you've noticed, girls are emotional, like say, if some guy came up to me and kissed me, depending on whether I found him attractive or not, I'd have much stronger feelings for him if he kissed me."
"I can prove ya wrong on dat,"
"And how do you intend to do that exactly?"
"Like dis-" his face came out of the darkness quickly and suddenly, yet I knew I must resist this-if he tried to kiss me now, I wouldn't be able to control my building feelings toward him, I ducked.
"No, Spot, don't kiss me.please don't, not to prove a point."
His newly revealed face contorted, a look of complete confusion again passed his immaculate features, "Why not?"
"I don't think that's the way to prove your point, at least, not to me. I'm really tired, it has to be past ten thirty already.Good night Spot,"
I had tired of this conversation, I climbed into the window and lightly flopped on my top bunk looking down at his still perplexed face.
"Yea, well dis convoisation isn't ovah Jade, Ise'll see you'se tomorrah," with that he turned swiftly and walked off to the other side of the bunkroom and out of my sight.
After Spot left, I wasn't any closer to sleep than I had been an hour before that. With no promise of sleep in sight, I turned uneasily on my uncomfortable bed, twisting to find a soft piece of mattress.
To my dismay, as I lay there, my thoughts traveled to John, traveled to the night my parents died.
"Good evening John, would you join us for dinner?" Martha asked her nephew John on his visit to his aunt and uncles house in Brooklyn. "No thank you Aunt Martie, I had supper at my house almost an hour ago." John said smiling his most convincing polite smile. I could hear and see them talking downstairs. John looked up at me standing behind the stairs, "Good evening Ella, how has your day been cousin?" he asked unconvincingly civil to me. "Fine." I responded without inflection in my voice.
I went into my room and locked the door. I crawled under my bed and curled into a protective ball. John, even at this young age he inspired fear as none other could. His young manhood caused him to have such a temper, and such a perverse taste in his actions. "My, dear Auntie, I do believe Ella is turning into quite a young lady, however she does seem to still prevail in the art of rudeness," I heard John say to my mother, and I heard her shut the door.
A tear rolled down my check, they never knew what was going to happen next. I was only thankful I did not see it until the end, until the end.but the end was so horrible. I convulsed upon the mattress, rolling myself into a ball.
More tears came down, why did this happen to me? Why didn't John just kill me too? I could have saved them, if I had been downstairs, if I had been brave enough, I could have stopped John, I could have, I COULD HAVE!
I was not one to cry loudly, but soon I was so wrapped up in my tears and thoughts, I could not hold in the noise of suddenly being unable to breath through my nose.
I sniffled loudly, and only once, but it was enough to wake one person. Hands upon my shoulder made me go still very suddenly, and I pretended I was sleep crying. The hand continued and rolled me over, I peeped my eyes open, JOHN!
I stifled a scream, and then rationalized the situation, no, wait.it was Sparks.
"Sparks?" I asked in little more than a whisper. "Yes, it's me, are you alright?" the obvious answer to this question was 'No, I'm crying, normally not a thing a person does when they are alright,' but instead I said, "Yea, I-I. I'll be fine at least."
"Want to talk about it?" his face loomed towards mine startlingly fast. My own words astounded me, "I'd love to."
A bright smile lit his pale face and I scooted over to let him come and sit on the bed with me. He climbed up and sat beside me, then did something that startled me, he put his arm around me, and a feeling of comfort, safety overwhelmed me. Oh, it was bliss.I hadn't felt this safe since.since.never.
He put his other arm around me and kept me halfway warm, he moved slightly back so that we could both sit against the wall. I laid my head upon his shoulder and sighed. "I barely know you and already you are witnessing a weakness of mine, crying. I hate crying.more than anything."
His left hand slipped from my shoulder and tilted my head to look into my eyes, "Crying isn't anything ta hate, it's jist your expression of ya emotions," he frowned, "But if you'se hate crying so much, what made you start sobbin like dat?"
"My parents.they.were killed, and Sparks," I felt anxiety build in my throat, "Sparks I could have stopped it! I could have, I could ha-" he put his hand on my mouth silencing me, and letting me succumb to my helpless tears that had begun to flow again.
The torrent flew from my eyes in a waterfall of silky salt liquid. Sparks pulled me closer to himself, and again put his arms around me protectively, "Listen ta me Jade, there isn't any way dat you'se coulda stopped what happened to ya parents. No, jist listen," he said as he felt me begin to interrupt, "No mattah what happened, dey were meant ta die, it was fate, Jade everything happens for a reason, everything."
"Sparks, how can you say that? How.I mean, I was there, I SAW."
"Shh."
"Don't shush me right now!"
"No I'm serious, I think we woke someone, shh!" Sparks said to me in a whisper.
"Oh," I said meekly as he softly shook me to make sure I wasn't going to say anything else for the moment.
The sinewy figure slowly walked toward the washroom, not even noticing us in the corner, huddled and not moving.
Sparks lowered his head towards mine and I felt his warm breath on my neck, goose bumps ran all over my body, "I'm gonna talk ta you'se about dis latah, I promise, good night Jade," with that he kissed the top of my head, and slid off of the top bunk softly landing on the floor.
I laid back down, and thought about Sparks, what in the world would posses a person to be so openly kind to a complete stranger?
In the background, I heard soft footsteps across the room.
Did he know how badly I needed someone right then? I wonder if he recognized the fear in my eyes at first.I rolled over away from the wall and came face to face with yet another person.
Doesn't anyone actually go to sleep in this place? I thought as I looked into the startled eyes of my sinewy companion.
"Need something Spot?" I asked softly.
"Nah, but I hoid you'se ovah heah wit whoevah dat wus," his light breath gently caressed my face, and out of nowhere, so did his hand.
"We'se really do need ta have a talk tomarrah don't we?" this was a rhetorical question, so I simply nodded, his smooth fingers tenderly stroked my cheek, tracing the trails of moisture the tears had left on my skin. He rubbed the newest ones forming in my eyes away, "Good night Jade," he breathed as he turned quickly away and tore his hand away from my face.
I rolled back over. What was it with Spot? I just couldn't figure him out. First he's sweet, then he hates me. Then he saves me from John.then he's mad, then he was so nice at Tibby's. After he just ignored me when Picture showed up.and then he was mad when he thought I was spying.and though I was.
Gah, now he was just nice again.