Title : What Do You Really Want?
Author : Jaggie 107
Disclaimer : JAG characters belong to DPB, CBS and Paramount. I hope all parties will allow me to have fun for a little while, and replace them all when I'm done. Thank you.
Rating : G to PG-13
A/N : I just had to post this - it was written after TJ and before HAF, so ignore everything that happened in the season finale, and please read on!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the end of 'Trojan Horse' -
"You know, we've been dancing around this for a year now," Harm spoke, and Mac turned around to face him.
"Are you in love with Webb?" he asked, watching her face.
"I might be," Mac nodded as she answered, but she paused there, and Harm shook his head.
"So, you're doing what you always do; not committing, leaving your options open."
"Are you trying to throw me into his arms, Harm?" Mac smiled as she spoke, making a move to start up the stairs again. "Is that really what you want?"
"If you love him, it wouldn't really matter what I want," Harm replied in a low voice, and turned from her, walking away down the corridor. He didn't see the look of pained surprise on her face, or the tears in her eyes.
Harm heard the knock on the metal. 'Not now,' he thought to himself. 'I can't deal with anyone just now. I need some time, to lick my wounds, and get over her, again.'
The knocking came again, louder, accompanied by her voice. "Harm? It's Mac. Please, let me in?"
Harm unlocked the hatch but didn't open it so Mac did that herself, from the outside. Stepping over the knee knocker she turned and closed the hatch, locking it again. The noise of the lock dropping reached him and he turned away from the wall to face her.
"You planning on staying for a while?" he asked, and he couldn't help the half smile that tilted his lips.
"I..." Mac faltered, watching the smile, seeing that it didn't reach his eyes. "I've never told him," she began again, "that I love him."
Harm flinched.
"Maybe you ought to, then at least he'll know where he stands with you, and so will I."
"If I loved him, I would. But I don't." There. She'd said it! It was officially out on the table, so to speak. Mac denied loving Webb."And now?"
"I want to know what you 'want', Harm. It really matters to me," Mac was almost whispering, as though the softness of her voice would cushion the blow of his words when he told her he didn't want her.
"Mattie asked me a few weeks ago if I loved you," Harm began, and Mac's eyes widened. This change of conversation wasn't what she'd been expecting.
"Oh!" was all she could manage in response.
"I said 'yes'; through all that has happened to us since that first meeting, Mac, I do love you. What Mattie didn't ask me was if I was 'in love' with you."
"'In love' with me...?" Mac repeated, making it a question. "Are you?"
"Yes."
"Oh..." was all that Mac could manage again. At that same moment the telephone rang. Harm picked up the receiver, but his eyes never left Mac's face.
"Rabb." He paused, and then spoke again. "Yes, sir. I'll be there. I just have to finish up."
"Finish up?" Mac's voice came out almost as a squeak, and her eyes flared up at him.
"I couldn't very well tell Captain Johnson that he would have to wait while I found out if Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine Mackenzie is 'in love' with me, too, could I?"
"Yes." Mac managed her answer, her smile lighting up her face and reaching her eyes without any doubts whatsoever about her feelings for Harm . He, however, was confused.
"I 'should' tell Captain Johnson?""No, silly! Yes, I'm 'in love' with you!"
"Oh," Harm became as monosyllabic as Mac had been. It didn't last long, and once he started speaking, it was practically a flood of words.
"I love you, Sarah, and I'm 'in love' with you. I knew from the first meeting that you'd turned my world upside down, I just didn't realize how fast I'd fallen in love with you."
"Where do we go from here?" Mac asked, her face wreathed in the most beautiful smile, her eyes shining.
"Ideally, a quiet room with a soft bed on which I can lay down with you and make love with you. No words, none necessary. Just you and me. Us."
"There's a definite 'but' coming up..." Mac spoke, but she wasn't angry. His words were hers; they were thinking the same thoughts.
"But I have to be on the bridge to see the captain. There's a helo coming in."
"Is Simon coming back?"
"No. Webb's coming in." Harm raised his hands in a gesture of submission. "I honestly didn't know about this, Mac. Given the conversation we've just had, and the declarations we've just made, I don't know how to handle this situation now."
"I do..." Mac murmured, and stepped up to Harm, lifting her lips to his, waiting for him to drop his lips to her. It took all of one second, and then they were together. If not in the biblical sense, it was the nearest thing to it! When Harm lifted his lips, his smile was wide. Mac's eyes came open slowly and she grinned up at him.
"Oh, boy, are we in trouble!" she murmured, pulling his head down for a second kiss. "Okay, we have to find that quiet room with the big bed sometime soon!"
Harm laughed softly, holding her close, her head on his chest as he dropped a kiss on the crown of her hair. "I promise. In the meantime, hang tight here while I go see what Captain Johnson wants, and then I'll be right back."The sound of hammering on the hatch was unexpected, and loud, and Mac jumped a little. Harm glanced at her, and went to unlock the hatch as Webb's voice called out.
"Rabb, I need to speak to you! Open up!" Gone were the days of their friendship.
Harm nodded at Mac and she smiled as he opened the hatch, and Webb stepped into the cabin quickly, initially not seeing Mac standing behind Harm.
"I have the captain's permission for you to come back with me. There's a mission..." Webb began.
"No." Harm spoke clearly. His voice steady, steely, and determined.
"What do you mean...oh, Sarah! What the hell are you doing here?"
"I'm here with Harm," Mac answered.
"On a case, I know. I meant, what are you doing here, in his cabin?"
"We have to talk," Mac began, but she was cut off by Webb's snide remark.
"Talk? We don't usually just 'talk' when we get together after I've been away, Sarah. I expected you to be in your cabin."
"And how would I know to be in my cabin, when I haven't heard from you for almost two months? Unlike some of your other women, I don't just wait at home for your call."
"I called you..." Webb tried to defend himself, but Mac shook her head.
"No. You had your secretary call me. That doesn't cut it with me."
"You love me, Sarah!" Webb honestly thought he was playing his trump card. Mac glanced at Harm and he gave her a reassuring nod before she looked at Webb."No, I don't love you, Clay. I...I thought a lot about you, after what we went through in...down there," Mac couldn't bring herself to say 'Paraguay' out loud. "You went through hell for me, and for that I can never thank you enough, or repay you. It wasn't love, though, and it never can be. Not when my heart belongs to someone else..." Mac turned to face Harm. His expression was puzzled as she tried to find the words she should have said a year before.
"Mac?" he questioned gently, touching her cheek with a finger. Mac took a deep breath and then smiled at him.
"It's okay, Harm. I just...I never said those words to you. I never thanked you for saving us; saving me. I don't believe Clay thanked you either. I know it's late in coming, it's probably too late even, but you have my thanks. I would have died on that table...and the only thing I could think of when I was fastened down was that I never got to tell you that I loved you."
"Oh, my poor bleeding heart! Sarah, you can't be doing this...you hate him! You told me you loved me!"
Mac rounded on Webb. "I have never said I hated Harm. To anyone, least of all you! And I never told you I loved you either."
"Of course you did! When you came to me about Sadiq, you told me you killed him because he hurt someone you lov... Oh, no, Sarah...no!"
"I was talking about Harm. He hurt Harm with the device in the car; he could have been killed!"
Harm looked between Mac and Webb, and realized that it was an unending repeat of their same words, only now between Mac and another.
"We could keep this going until the end of time, Webb, but I'm not prepared to keep going that long." Harm opened the hatch to his cabin again, and looked pointedly at Webb. "I was ordered to the bridge, so I'm going there now. Mac?"
"I'll be here when you get back," Mac nodded at Harm.
"Sarah, please, don't do this. Don't go to him."
"I'm not 'going' to him, Clay. I'm already 'with' him. I always have been, I just never admitted it before." Although Mac spoke the words to Webb, her eyes were fixed on Harm, and without spoken words they gave their commitment to each other in that one look.END
You know that feeling when you just 'have' to get something down on paper? Well, this was one of my feelings. Whether you like or not, I'm just glad I wrote it down and posted it. Hope someone out there will like it too!