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Chapter 2: Softy Tasty
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Before I was Sakuma Ryuichi, lead singer of the immensely popular band 'Nittle Grasper', I was Sakuma Ryuichi, part-time clerk of the immensely popular ice cream store 'Softy Tasty'.
You don't believe me, do you?
It's true.
After I graduated from high school with a C average, my parents doled out the cash to help me enroll in a third-rate college where I was studying 'Music Theory'. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Anyway, I didn't like the way they analyzed music, broke it up, tore it into bits, made it into Math and History. Music is music, as far as I can tell, and not that other stuff. I hated studying, and it seemed very possible that I'd flunk out in the first year.
What I really wanted to do was spend most of my time at clubs, listening to my favorite bands. And, when I couldn't do that, Tohma and I jammed in his parents' basement.
Tohma's parents are loaded. Mine are rather middle-class travel agents from Kanagawa. For as long as I can remember, Tohma has known everyone. I mean seriously, we couldn't go anywhere without Tohma noticing someone he knew, or someone running up and saying hello to Tohma. The man has natural skills at networking, and an impressive knack for making connections.
Me, not really so much. I never have been good with people. I liked movies, and manga, and using my imagination whenever possible. People with large imaginations tend to get looked at a bit funny if they try to use them over the age of 13 or so.
Tohma and I were the perfect pair. I liked him because I could let him do all the talking. In any social situation, I just had to sit back and let Tohma do the work, and gain friends by my mere association with him. (The Tohma Show is quite amusing to watch.) Anyway, I suppose that Tohma liked me because I was an oddity. I had the spontaneity and imagination which kept his life interesting.
We had met in high school. Tohma didn't actually go to my school. However, he struck up a conversation with me one day when he heard me speaking English to someone. After that, we were pretty much inseperable. I should note that we were never -together- in the romantic sense. We were definitely very close friends, though.
But, I digress.
I was living in this awful one-room flat infested with cockroaches and lacking central air. To combat the sweltering heat of summer, when I had the cash, I would go down the block to the Softy Tasty and have an ice cream. When one of their workers unexpectedly quit one afternoon, I pitched in, deciding it would be better than going back to my room and sweating all over my guitar.
Next thing I knew, I had a part-time job.
My sempai-in-crime for the nighttime shifts I took was Yoshimi Tomiji.
Everyone called him Tomi.
This is going to sound stupid, but I liked Tomi straight away. (I like most people straight away, however.) Tomi about three years older than me, and he was unimaginably smart. But, it wasn't really the sort of smarts you noticed right off the bat. Tomi wasn't the kind of person who would try to make other people feel bad about how much they didn't know. He didn't use his intelligence to boss people around or make them feel low, but rather tried to help them feel better about themselves. I liked that a lot.
He was about to graduate from college early with a degree in writing, or journalism, or something like that. But, mostly what he wanted to do was to write children's books. Late at night in the back of the Softy Tasty, he would tell me the stories to pass the time.
His favorite ones were about a magical bunny named Kumagoro. Kumagoro could only speak to children, you see. And mostly he spoke to lonely, scared, sad, and sick children. He'd try to help them out, but he was also a big troublemaker. Kumagoro didn't mean to cause trouble, but he just didn't understand the human world correctly, so that led to problems.
When Tomi ran out of stories, I'd sing him whatever song I might be working on at the time. We had so much fun there, late at night at the Softy Tasty.
Yes. I think I had as much fun there as I ever had on stage. I didn't know anything about the world, then. I didn't know about sex, or people, or love. I'd certainly never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. (Even though Tohma tried to set me up on occasion. What disasters THOSE were!)
I definitely thought the worst thing that could happen in my life would be to flunk out of school and have to tell my parents they'd wasted their money.
And I thought the -best- thing that could happen would be I'd somehow pass, and end up teaching music to middle schoolers. I'd spend my weekends playing in our band at some crummy (but wonderful) club somewhere. I'd be just a normal guy, making ends meet, living a regular life.
I didn't know anything.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh, I think I drank too many sodas." I looked up at the ceiling. At night, the lights in the Softy Tasty cast everything in this barely discernable blue glow. The store sat on the corner of the block, and so two whole walls were covered in floor-to-ceiling windows. I imagined it was a lot like working in a snow globe. Except, we kept all the snow in vats and turned it into ice cream.
Tomi chuckled and adjusted his paper hat. He had this unruly black hair that was so light, it bounced when he moved. I called it 'puppet hair', because it didn't seem like it belonged on a person at all. He just never seemed to be able to make it do anything but stick out at funny angles. "Have I ever made you my specialty?"
"Specialty?"
"It's called a Train Wreck." Tomi picked up one of the medium sized cups and a spoon. "One spoon full of every flavor, and a sprinkle of every single topping."
Late at night like that, no one ever came into the Softy Tasty. I don't even know why they kept the place open 24 hours. But, they did, and so we passed the time however possible. Currently, I was sitting on a stool, half-heartedly trying to finish some homework.
"Sounds deadly."
"Why have only one flavor when you can have them all, that's what I think, na no da." Tomi winked at me and set to work. He was just like a really big kid, sometimes. We were listening to a tape of my current favorite band, 'Syrup'. Now that I think about it, they were just a really lame Japanese knockoff of The Cure, but I had no idea at the time. Tomi bopped around, lip synching to the words, using his spoon as a microphone when he wasn't digging it into the buckets of ice cream. He kept bumping into things because he was as clumsy as a monkey in a ballet. But, he didn't care, and it was really funny.
Tomi was all limbs. I remember him being tall, no, gangly. Like a hastily drawn stick figure in a 3D world. Tohma would later call him 'bendy boy', because he was a lot like those plastic toys you could get where you could bend in the limbs into all sorts of strange configurations.
"Here, Ryu," Tomi handed me his ice cream concoction. It looked a lot like a train wreck, indeed, with nuts and sprinkles and a zillion different colors of soft frozen cream. "Okay, the important part is to eat the first bites with your eyes closed. If you know what flavors you are getting, it doesn't work."
"But, how, exactly..."
"Just try."
So, I did. I took the cup of ice cream, closed my eyes, and brought it to my lips. Tomi was really right. When you don't know what flavors you are getting, when every bite is different, it's really fun. Like being on some sort of game show. Of course, with my eyes closed, I was getting ice cream all over my mouth.
And then, then there was a different taste. Very minty, but gently so. Instead of the freezing cold of the ice cream, this was warm. Warm as a beach in mid-spring, after you've waited all winter to feel the sun once more. The warmth lapped at the corners of my mouth, danced into the divot beneath my bottom lip and returned again to brush against my lips. When it finally left, I found myself breathless.
I opened my eyes to find Tomi's face only a few inches from mine. His blue eyes were staring at me with magnetic intensity. So guileless, so lacking in the harsh tones which coated every other person's motivations.
"I wasn't planning that from the beginning," Tomi said.
"I think you were."
"Well," Tomi's eyes sparkled with childlike mischief, "Either way, was it so bad?"
I didn't know what to say. It wasn't bad. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I knew right then that, with Tomi in my life, things would never be normal and regular. Tomi took everything bland and dull, swirled it together, topped it with sprinkles, and made it amazing.
I didn't know what to say at all.
So, instead, I just took what remained of my ice cream, and smushed it into Tomi's face.
And Tomi reached into the nearby vat of vanilla with his hand, scooped out a sizeable amount, and spread it into my hair.
After that, we were laughing so hard, chasing each other around the Softy Tasty, having a crazy sprinkle war. By the time we collapsed on the floor from exhaustion, the place was a disaster zone on the magnitude of Godzilla. It took us the rest of our shift to clean everything up. I was sticky from the tip of my head down, and whenever I touched anything, I made this velcro -sssshhhppth- sound which made us both break into giggles again.
It had started raining sometime around 7:00, and by the time Tomi and I were off the clock, and standing under the awning of the Softy Tasty, it was raining 'Crazy Blue Elephants', as Tomi would say. I adjusted my backpack and watched Tomi look up the road. He had about three blocks to run to catch his bus. No doubt, with as clumsy as he was, he'd fall flat on his face six times before he got there.
"Tomi..." I even liked saying his name. I felt full of butterflies, like my skin would literally break open to reveal some insane taxidermist had stuffed me full of fluttering insects. "I only live one block from here."
I have no idea what Tomi's reaction was, because I had a hard time looking at him right then. All I do know is that I heard him say softly, "It isn't like that, Ryuichi, really. I didn't...I don't want to make you...do anything..."
"I want..." Somehow, I managed to find his hand. I threaded my sticky fingers through his, just to make sure he wouldn't get away. "I want all the flavors, Tomi. You promised all the flavors."
Before I knew it, we were running through the rain. It as just like in one of those old colorized movies, where the guy and the girl don't have an umbrella, and they are running through the rainy streets at dawn, breathless and alive. I suppose it was a little different because Tomi was a guy and I was a guy.
Well, last I checked, I still am a guy.
Anyway, we ended up at my dingy little flat, dripping ice cream flavored rain onto the floor. Between giggles, we peeled off each other's clothes. It was a lot like taking the wrapping off of a melted candy bar. Tug a little here, slide a little there, end up getting chocolate all over your fingers. Just as the Train Wreck, it was cold and hot. Chills from our rain-pelted skin, and warmth from tongues and greedy hands. There was passion, sure, but also laughter, and tenderness. All the flavors of Wonderful, that's what Tomi gave to me.
It far exceeded my expectations of the best thing that could ever happen in my life.
We ended up on the floor, wrapped in the one blanket I'd had the sense to bring with me from my parents' home, watching the rain out of my only window. Tomi had his head tucked into my neck, and I could feel his eyelashes move against my skin as he looked around. He had his arm draped across my chest, his gentle fingers stroking the baby hairs right behind my ear.
"Tomi?"
"Yup."
"Can we do that again, and again, and forever?"
Tomi touched his fingertip to the end of my nose. "But, when would we eat? Unless you want to do both at the same time, na no da."
"Well, you can never have too much of the best things, right?"
"That's right!" Tomi said with a laugh, his warm breath slithering across my neck as he giggled, "Ryu-chan, I think this may be the happiest I've ever been."
"Tomi?"
"That's me, na no da!"
"Is it too soon to say that I think I'm falling in love with you?"
Tomi rolled over and used his lanky arms and legs to push himself up until he was on top of me, his puppet hair falling onto my brow and cheeks. "Your eyes are shining," he said as he leaned down to kiss me, "Shiny, shiny. Like a brand new coin, like all the crinkly packages of candy in a vending machine. That's what I liked first about you, Ryuichi. Your eyes never lie."
But, I was lying.
I wasn't just falling in love with him.
I was already there.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I wake up at god-knows-what-o'clock, drenched in sweat and shaking violently. I've had that same dream again, that one where I can't find Tomi. I go to all the places we used to go. The apartment where we lived after the first Nittle Grasper LP was released. The clubs where I played. The library where Tomi worked in the children's section. 'Jingles' toy store. Our favorite restaurants. The arcade across from the river. My little cockroach infested flat. I'm running backwards in time, going back to the beginning.
Finally, I'm running towards the Softy Tasty. I know he has to be there. He has to be there, in that fake snow globe, wearing his paper hat, using a spoon for a microphone and bumping into things.
But, there is no Softy Tasty. It never existed. And Tomi never existed.
And I can't remember if Tomi was really real, or just a dream in the first place.
Kumagoro.
Where is Kumagoro?
I throw the blankets off my bed, scrambling around on my stomach in the dark. Where is he? The room is spinning, and I feel like I am going to throw up.
"Kumagoro."
I can't see anything, and I fall off my bed onto my shoulder, which hurts, but is more surprising than anything. I cry out and roll onto my other side.
"KUMAGORO!"
Why won't he answer me? Was Tomi really all a dream, after all? Where are they? Why have they left me here...
All alone.
"TOMI!" On my hands and knees, I'm heaving. I can't take in enough air. It's so dark. I can't see anything. Where am I? Am I in my house in America? Am I in my apartment in Tokyo where I lived with Tomi? Where? "Tomi, where are you? I'm scared! I don't like it here."
Finally, I feel something against my ankle. Something soft and light. Kumagoro.
Kuma-chan climbs into my arms and leans against my chest. He says he's so sorry for leaving me alone like that. He was just doing his midnight patrol, making sure everything was safe around here so I wouldn't have to worry. Everything is going to be fine now, and he won't leave again, so I can go back to sleep. He'll keep watch, he'll watch and make sure I don't have any more bad dreams.
"I was so worried, Kumagoro."
Kumagoro nods and begins to sing the sleepytime song with me. Tomi always sang that, horrible and off-key, whenever he was tired. It's a very silly song.
I'm the moon, I'm the stars...
Shiny, shiny, sea of blue...
I'm going to sail to sleepytime...
On a boat made for two.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are voices coming from the next room as I wake up. I'm curled up on the floor, using Kumagoro for a pillow. Someone's put a blanket over me. Molly, I suppose. She used to have Ten come in and put me back in bed whenever she found me sleeping in strange places. But, nowadays, she just lets me sleep.
"Coffee, Shindou-san?"
"Yeah, thanks..."
"So where were we?"
"You were telling me about Sakuma-san. About that name he was yelling last night." Shuichi's voice is stil very drained and flat, like he's the ghost of Shuichi trying to talk to us from beyond the curtain of death.
"Oh. Tomi. Right. So sad about that. I didn't know him, but from what I understand, it just broke poor Sakuma-san's heart. Sakuma-san was a real mess for a long time. Seguchi-san ended up putting him in a hospital because everyone was worried..."
Shuichi cuts her off. "Ohhh, so -that's- what happened. I always wondered why Nittle Grasper postponed their first tour. It seemed like such a horrible decision."
I pull the blanket over my head. I wish people wouldn't talk about me when I'm not around. Well, I suppose I am around but...
I wonder if Shuichi and I can have donuts for breakfast.
"Yes. The doctors were able to get him off the liquor and the drugs, but..." I hear the clinking of a mug against my glass coffee table, "Having such a horrible thing happen, and the subsequently becoming the most famous singer in Japan was a devastating combination. Well, maybe not exactly that but...you have to understand, Shindou-san, he's fragile."
Am I fragile? I'm not. I can do many things for myself. Okay, maybe a little with Kumagoro's help sometimes, but really everyone has to have help -sometimes-.
"You're trying to say that Ryuichi is crazy."
Molly sighs. "No. I'm saying that it's a struggle for him to live his life. He's a gift to this world from some strange God, a gift of innocence and emotion and giving. But, in an imperfect world like ours, such gifts get dented and torn, sometimes until they are unrecognizable from their original form. They try to adapt to live in our world, but never truly succeed. If he wasn't famous, if he didn't have a million people in his face day after day, I think Sakuma-san might have been able to heal after a while..."
I've had enough of this. Everyone has problems. Mine just happen to be a bit more noticable, maybe. Ugh. I'm so sweaty that the blanket is sticking to my skin. This is yucky, Kumagoro.
No, I do not think it would be a good idea to trash my bedroom. What made you think of that, Kuma-chan?
Stop biting me.
Stop it.
Don't be like that Kumagoro. We have a guest. I think it will be okay if we go take a shower. Just like any other regular day, right?
I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to throw up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are you excited?"
I nodded as Tomi buttoned up my shirt. Excited. Maybe. Scared out of my wits, definitely. Nittle Grasper had played some little clubs before, but nothing like this. I could hear the crowd, screaming, cheering, crazy. And it was just the opening band. -We- had an opening band! That was new.
"I've got great big butterflies, Tomi." My hands were shaking. I just couldn't stay still. Noriko and Tohma were counting on me. There were scouts in the crowd, we'd heard. "I think I'm going to throw up."
Tomi leaned forward, and slid his hands around my hips. He pulled me close, gave me the stillness that I needed with his arms. "Softly, softly, Ryu-chan. Softly, softly goes the airy butterfly. They are there to pick you up and help you soar. To fly above the clouds, to see all that can be seen. That's why the butterflies are there. You will fly and when you look down, you will see Tomi-chan looking back up at you, smiling."
"You'll love me even if...if I don't..."
"I've heard you sing, Ryuichi. Just sing. Don't worry about the other stuff." I felt Tomi's nose rooting around in my hair, ticking the top of my head with his breath, "And I love you, upside-down, backwards and forwards, inside-out, na no da!"
Those butterflies stopped causing a riot. I was going to sing. For me, and Tohma, and Noriko, and everyone. But, mostly for Tomi. I stopped feeling afraid, and started feeling like I was the King of Christmas.
Which was funny because that's when Tomi said, "Hey! I got you a present."
"Really?"
"Yup." Tomi took my hand and dragged me to the other side of my dressing room. "Where is it...uh..." He rummaged through his bookbag, he always had a lot of books. "I got it to cheer you up the next time you made a bad mark on a test. But..."
"You make it sound like I am stupid."
"Nah, they just ask stupid questions. You know far more about music than those crummy teachers, na no da." Tomi spun around, his puppet hair bouncing in synch with his excitement. He held up a plush pink bunny like it was a trophy. "Ta da! It's Kumagoro!"
And so it was. After that day, there were three in our family. Tomi, and me, and Kumagoro.
I was so excited. Things just kept getting better and better.
But, I was a fool. I never noticed how pale Tomi looked that day.
I never noticed how his hug was just a little more ginger, his breath just a little ragged.
I wish...
I would...
I would still give it all away just to have Tomi back again.
Everything. I'd give up everything.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My mind is fuzzy. I think there may be some fungus growing in my head. Everything seems to have a buzz inside of it. The sink. Buzz. The toilet. Buzz. The walls. Buzz.
Kumagoro is not helping me. Kumagoro is giving me the silent treatment.
I grab my bunny friend and slog into my bedroom. I've got to help Shuichi. I don't want Shu-chan to end up like me. I love him too much to see him consigned to my fate.
I'm forgetting something. What am I...
I look around my buzzy buzz room. Crap. What am I forgetting?
It doesn't matter. I need to take my pills, so maybe I can think straight and things will stop spinning and buzzing and I have a headache now. I could really use a drink, well actually more than a drink, but lets not talk about that because they don't let me keep alcohol here anyway.
I want to smash something. No. Concentrate on Shuichi. Need...need...
I walk into the front room of my apartment, Kumagoro in hand.
Shuichi, who is wrapped in about a million blankets, looks like a tiny baby bird in a nest. He looks up from the mug of coffee in his hands...
Well, that's a strange look, even for Shuichi. His mouth is open and he's making some sort of squeaking noise.
"Sakuma...san?"
"Yes?" Why is he calling me Sakuma-san? Well, I suppose that is my name.
"You..." Shuichi's eyes grow wider than I've ever seen, "You're naked!"
I look down. Ah. That must be what I forgot. Kumagoro, you knew about this, and you didn't say anything? Well, can't be helped, now. "So?"
"Uh..." Shuichi looks up at the ceiling, "Um...nevermind."
I shrug and head for the kitchen. Molly meets me halfway, "Oh good gracious, Sakuma-san. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz." She's wrapping me up in a towel she produced from somewhere, saying something I can't understand.
"Molly..." I'm thirsty. My throat is very dry. "Bad...badly..."
She nods and pulls me into the kitchen. "Always after the nightmares buzz. Buzz buzz sleeping pills. Buzz buzz do this to yourself buzz buzz buzz."
I sit down and take the pills Molly hands me. Afterwards, I lean my head against the kitchen table. The wood is so cool against my skin.
Why don't I ever listen? Maybe I should have listened to Ten, and Molly, and Tohma. I don't have any plans on how, exactly, I am supposed to help Shuichi. I'm not all that smart, na no da.
"You alright, Sakuma-san?" The voice is Shuichi's, and it is coming from somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen door.
Great. I brought Shuichi here to help him out, and now he's...
Why does he keep calling me Sakuma-san? Aren't we friends? Haven't we been friends for a while? Is he angry with me? Probably. Everyone else is.
"I'm alright." I attempt a smile in Shuichi's direction, even though the air is still a bit buzzy.
Suddenly, Kumagoro hops off the table into my lap. He says he's sorry. He didn't mean to make trouble. He likes Shu-chan, too, and we're going to do our best. Yes.
We'll do our best to make everything shiny shiny once more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm not sure, exactly, what people do with time off.
Shuichi and I are sitting in my living room. After Molly made us breakfast (eggs, pancakes, fruit, some mashed meat stuff that I don't know what it was, but it tasted good, and juice) she left to go to NG. She has to re-schedule all my appointments and go to the stockholders meeting.
I -hate- stockholders meetings. I'm so glad I don't have to go this time. Tohma usually makes me go, but they are more boring than...
Well, I can't really think of anything even remotely close to being that boring.
It doesn't matter. Molly and Tohma manage my stock, anyway.
Did you know that I own 10% of NG Productions?
Yup.
Apparently, I do.
Anyway, Shu-chan and I are sitting in my front room, watching the city of Tokyo out of my giant floor-to-ceiling windows. Oh, oh, they have automagic blinds on them that you can control with a remote. Which is good, because sometimes photographers in helicopters try to get pictures of me.
They're the bad photographers. The ones who don't get invited to NG press conferences. Naughty, naughty, na no da.
Anyway, Shuichi didn't eat much at breakfast. Some eggs, I think, and a few bites of fruit. He has his back against one of my couches, and is tapping his fingers on his bony knees,
The beat...I recognize. It's from the fourth track on Critical Sunshine.
Which means he is thinking about Yuki-san.
"Shu-chan?"
"Hm?"
"Wanna use my shower? I can give you some clothes, na no da. I have lots."
Shuichi leans his head to one side, his eyes glazed over like some sort of zombie. "I guess."
"I'll get dressed, too! And we can go somewhere. Let's go shopping, na no da!" Because Shuichi needs clothes. I tried to find all of his stuff in his hotel room before we left, but there just really wasn't much to find, two changes of clothes, his cellphone, and a portable CD player. I guess he did leave Yuki-san in a rush.
I really want to go talk to Yuki-san. Where 'talk to' means 'yell at'. But, I promised Tohma.
"Want to, Shu-chan? Want to go?"
Shu-chan doesn't say anything, so I grab his hand, pull him up, and drag him into my bedroom. I think he is saying something, something like "Ow! Sakuma-san! What the..."
"Here is the shower, see? Okay, towels and...soaps...and...I'm not sure what this stuff is for, but it smells nice."
I start the water for Shuichi and leave him there.
While Kumagoro and I are picking out some clothes, I'm trying to decide if this is a good plan or not. Maybe Shuichi doesn't want to go outside. Maybe I'm just making things worse. No. No, this is good.
People should shower. And Shuichi did still smell a bit like liquor and grossness. So, that seems right. And going out will get his mind off Yuki-san, because I don't think Yuki-san took him out places very much.
I put on a white silk shirt with ruffles at the neck and sleeve. I like ruffles. They are quite bouncy bouncy. I'll wear a black cowboy hat today, with a white brim. Yup and...um..red leather pants with the silver chains, don't you think, Kumagoro? Yes, Kumagoro agrees. Now, what should we find for Shuichi. Wait, no, lets have Shuichi pick out what he wants.
I put on my tall black boots with all the straps and buckles. After that, I call Ten and tell him we're going. He's still grumpy, but he says okay. Then, I call my a couple of my favorite shops and tell them we're going to be coming.
It is always best to call ahead, because then they can make sure that like a million zillion fans aren't there. I like my fans very much, but you can only write so many autographs before your hand wants to fall off.
Okay, so I have all that done, but...
Shuichi has been in the shower for quite a while now.
Hm.
"Shuuuuu-chan?" I knock on the bathroom door lightly, "Shuuuuu-chan?"
Nothing.
"Shuichi?"
This seems quite ungood.
"Shuichi, it's me, na no da. You okay?"
I'm giving him to the count of five. Okay. One. Two. Three. Four. "Shuichi?" Five. He didn't answer, so I am going in. That's right, sn't it, Kumagoro? That's the right thing to do? I think so.
I turn the bathroom door's knob and barge inside. Blinking into the brightness of my pink-and-yellow bathroom, I don't see Shuichi right away. The shower is running, but I can't see him standing in...
And then I see it, just a twinge of beige and pink, a melting, shivering shadow on the other side of my transparent shower curtain, right near the ground. I pull back the corner of the curtain to find Shuichi curled in a ball. He has his knees gathered up to his chest, and his pink and blue striped hair is plastered to his cheeks and forearms where he has his head tucked.
And, my god. There are...so many bruises. Blue-purple welts. And cuts, too. On his legs and his upper-arms, straight dashes of black-red. Some of them look fresher than others.
I don't think...I don't think most of this was done by Yuki-san.
Towel. Yes. Okay.
I reach into the shower and turn off the water. Before Shuichi can get too cold, I drape my largest purple towel over him. He flinches a bit at my touch, but I dry him off really gentle, even though there are still pools of water at the bottom of my shower.
"Shuichi..." I stroke his wet hair, pulling it away from his face with my fingernail. "Shuichi, it's just Ryuichi. Look at me, okay?"
He slowly lifts his head. Does he even see me? He looks like he is far away, like everything which ever was Shuichi is getting dragged farther and farther away from the real world. His eyes are puffy and his skin is pink. I think maybe he's been crying a bit.
"Want to tell me?"
"I miss him," Shuichi whispers as I take a corner of the towel and dab at his face, "After all that, and I still miss him. Why? Why can't I just hate him, and be done?"
"I don't know, Shu-chan. I don't know why it works that way." I wish Tomi were here. He'd know what to say. He'd know the answer to this.
Shuichi leans his head back against the white tile of the shower, his unfocused eyes staring into space. "It hurts so much, so much I think I want to die."
"No, Shuichi, no. I forbid it." Oh, way to sound forceful there, Ryuichi. This is good. I think you have his attention now. "And no more hurting yourself, either. Are you my friend?"
Shuichi's eyes finally find my face. "Huh?"
"Is Shindou Shuichi a friend to Sakuma Ryuichi?"
"Well, yes..."
"Do you want to see your friend get hurt?"
"I don't..."
"If you cut yourself, then I'm going to do it too. In fact, everything you do, I'm going to also do. So, unless you want to watch me drip blood all over my carpets, this will end. Yes, Shuichi?"
"Y...yes...okay."
I smile at him. He's a good person, Shindou Shuichi. And he has the biggest heart. I pick up a limp end of one of the longer bits of his hair and use it to tickle his nose. He emits a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
"That's a pretty cool noise, Shu-chan. Can you do that again later so I can record it?"
"You'll have to speak to my manager about that." The corner of Shuichi's lips upturn a bit. In the very, very deepest depths of his eyes, I can see the smallest of sparkle.
"Let's go out, Shuichi. I know this place where we can get the best ice cream. We'll eat so much that our brains will freeze off."
"I don't think that's possible, Ryu-chan."
He called me Ryu-chan. I'm so happy. I'm so happy we're friends.
"I don't believe in impossible, Shuichi."
Not when it comes to ice cream, anyway.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In The Next Chapters: Ryuichi and Shuichi unleashed into the shopping district. Shuichi gets phone call from Yuki. Ryuichi remembers he has a television of sorts. And a lot of angst.
Author Notes:
I should note that the band names and place names are mostly made up. I have no idea of what bands might have been popular in Japan in the late 80's, early 90's, but if anyone wants to send me that information, it would be great. Also, names of posh shops in Tokyo would be useful for the next section.
Tomi is, of course, an original character. I imagine him as a really soft-spoken, gentle, and caring sort of guy. In this story, Ryuichi picks up some of Tomi's speech patterns after a while. And, of course, Kumagoro, too.
Review Notes:
Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far. And I'm glad that no one has flamed the OOCness of some characters yet. Thanks again, and so much, for your kind words. (And Sou-roo, my plush bunny, thanks you, too.)
So, double shiny pika pika thanks to: hidesfaerie, Zacarane, anon, forgottenfayth (Is this story sad? Oh no! I didn't mean it to be!), Elk (Thanks for adding me! Glad you are enjoying the story!), The Demonic Duo, pinksakuya, and Rath.
Ranger: Please do check out my RK fics if you get bored. 'A Sakabatou For Baka Saitou' and 'Sundial' are probably my favorites. Both quite humorous, I hope.
April-san: Someone forgot to tie me to the Kamiya dojo, and I wandered off. I should find my way back, eventually. :D I've been Kumagoro Beamed! *swoon* Now I can die happy. :D
Anna Sartin: Addictive, eh? Well, I hope the addiction continues with this new chapter. :D
Veleda: Sleep deprivation is -awful-. Make sure to get yoru ZZZs! I actually started on this story a few months ago, but could't figure out where to make it go...
Kyaroru-chan: Ryuichi might break his promise. It is hard to say. As for Shuichi's phone conversations with Yuki, we'll learn more about that in the next chapter.
Yma: I'm so glad you are enjoying the story! I think Ryuichi is pretty easy to characterize, especially in comparison to Yuki, though. Now, -he's- a tough one to crack. Yikes. ANyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, too.
Chapter 2: Softy Tasty
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Before I was Sakuma Ryuichi, lead singer of the immensely popular band 'Nittle Grasper', I was Sakuma Ryuichi, part-time clerk of the immensely popular ice cream store 'Softy Tasty'.
You don't believe me, do you?
It's true.
After I graduated from high school with a C average, my parents doled out the cash to help me enroll in a third-rate college where I was studying 'Music Theory'. It's a lot harder than it sounds. Anyway, I didn't like the way they analyzed music, broke it up, tore it into bits, made it into Math and History. Music is music, as far as I can tell, and not that other stuff. I hated studying, and it seemed very possible that I'd flunk out in the first year.
What I really wanted to do was spend most of my time at clubs, listening to my favorite bands. And, when I couldn't do that, Tohma and I jammed in his parents' basement.
Tohma's parents are loaded. Mine are rather middle-class travel agents from Kanagawa. For as long as I can remember, Tohma has known everyone. I mean seriously, we couldn't go anywhere without Tohma noticing someone he knew, or someone running up and saying hello to Tohma. The man has natural skills at networking, and an impressive knack for making connections.
Me, not really so much. I never have been good with people. I liked movies, and manga, and using my imagination whenever possible. People with large imaginations tend to get looked at a bit funny if they try to use them over the age of 13 or so.
Tohma and I were the perfect pair. I liked him because I could let him do all the talking. In any social situation, I just had to sit back and let Tohma do the work, and gain friends by my mere association with him. (The Tohma Show is quite amusing to watch.) Anyway, I suppose that Tohma liked me because I was an oddity. I had the spontaneity and imagination which kept his life interesting.
We had met in high school. Tohma didn't actually go to my school. However, he struck up a conversation with me one day when he heard me speaking English to someone. After that, we were pretty much inseperable. I should note that we were never -together- in the romantic sense. We were definitely very close friends, though.
But, I digress.
I was living in this awful one-room flat infested with cockroaches and lacking central air. To combat the sweltering heat of summer, when I had the cash, I would go down the block to the Softy Tasty and have an ice cream. When one of their workers unexpectedly quit one afternoon, I pitched in, deciding it would be better than going back to my room and sweating all over my guitar.
Next thing I knew, I had a part-time job.
My sempai-in-crime for the nighttime shifts I took was Yoshimi Tomiji.
Everyone called him Tomi.
This is going to sound stupid, but I liked Tomi straight away. (I like most people straight away, however.) Tomi about three years older than me, and he was unimaginably smart. But, it wasn't really the sort of smarts you noticed right off the bat. Tomi wasn't the kind of person who would try to make other people feel bad about how much they didn't know. He didn't use his intelligence to boss people around or make them feel low, but rather tried to help them feel better about themselves. I liked that a lot.
He was about to graduate from college early with a degree in writing, or journalism, or something like that. But, mostly what he wanted to do was to write children's books. Late at night in the back of the Softy Tasty, he would tell me the stories to pass the time.
His favorite ones were about a magical bunny named Kumagoro. Kumagoro could only speak to children, you see. And mostly he spoke to lonely, scared, sad, and sick children. He'd try to help them out, but he was also a big troublemaker. Kumagoro didn't mean to cause trouble, but he just didn't understand the human world correctly, so that led to problems.
When Tomi ran out of stories, I'd sing him whatever song I might be working on at the time. We had so much fun there, late at night at the Softy Tasty.
Yes. I think I had as much fun there as I ever had on stage. I didn't know anything about the world, then. I didn't know about sex, or people, or love. I'd certainly never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend. (Even though Tohma tried to set me up on occasion. What disasters THOSE were!)
I definitely thought the worst thing that could happen in my life would be to flunk out of school and have to tell my parents they'd wasted their money.
And I thought the -best- thing that could happen would be I'd somehow pass, and end up teaching music to middle schoolers. I'd spend my weekends playing in our band at some crummy (but wonderful) club somewhere. I'd be just a normal guy, making ends meet, living a regular life.
I didn't know anything.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Oh, I think I drank too many sodas." I looked up at the ceiling. At night, the lights in the Softy Tasty cast everything in this barely discernable blue glow. The store sat on the corner of the block, and so two whole walls were covered in floor-to-ceiling windows. I imagined it was a lot like working in a snow globe. Except, we kept all the snow in vats and turned it into ice cream.
Tomi chuckled and adjusted his paper hat. He had this unruly black hair that was so light, it bounced when he moved. I called it 'puppet hair', because it didn't seem like it belonged on a person at all. He just never seemed to be able to make it do anything but stick out at funny angles. "Have I ever made you my specialty?"
"Specialty?"
"It's called a Train Wreck." Tomi picked up one of the medium sized cups and a spoon. "One spoon full of every flavor, and a sprinkle of every single topping."
Late at night like that, no one ever came into the Softy Tasty. I don't even know why they kept the place open 24 hours. But, they did, and so we passed the time however possible. Currently, I was sitting on a stool, half-heartedly trying to finish some homework.
"Sounds deadly."
"Why have only one flavor when you can have them all, that's what I think, na no da." Tomi winked at me and set to work. He was just like a really big kid, sometimes. We were listening to a tape of my current favorite band, 'Syrup'. Now that I think about it, they were just a really lame Japanese knockoff of The Cure, but I had no idea at the time. Tomi bopped around, lip synching to the words, using his spoon as a microphone when he wasn't digging it into the buckets of ice cream. He kept bumping into things because he was as clumsy as a monkey in a ballet. But, he didn't care, and it was really funny.
Tomi was all limbs. I remember him being tall, no, gangly. Like a hastily drawn stick figure in a 3D world. Tohma would later call him 'bendy boy', because he was a lot like those plastic toys you could get where you could bend in the limbs into all sorts of strange configurations.
"Here, Ryu," Tomi handed me his ice cream concoction. It looked a lot like a train wreck, indeed, with nuts and sprinkles and a zillion different colors of soft frozen cream. "Okay, the important part is to eat the first bites with your eyes closed. If you know what flavors you are getting, it doesn't work."
"But, how, exactly..."
"Just try."
So, I did. I took the cup of ice cream, closed my eyes, and brought it to my lips. Tomi was really right. When you don't know what flavors you are getting, when every bite is different, it's really fun. Like being on some sort of game show. Of course, with my eyes closed, I was getting ice cream all over my mouth.
And then, then there was a different taste. Very minty, but gently so. Instead of the freezing cold of the ice cream, this was warm. Warm as a beach in mid-spring, after you've waited all winter to feel the sun once more. The warmth lapped at the corners of my mouth, danced into the divot beneath my bottom lip and returned again to brush against my lips. When it finally left, I found myself breathless.
I opened my eyes to find Tomi's face only a few inches from mine. His blue eyes were staring at me with magnetic intensity. So guileless, so lacking in the harsh tones which coated every other person's motivations.
"I wasn't planning that from the beginning," Tomi said.
"I think you were."
"Well," Tomi's eyes sparkled with childlike mischief, "Either way, was it so bad?"
I didn't know what to say. It wasn't bad. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I knew right then that, with Tomi in my life, things would never be normal and regular. Tomi took everything bland and dull, swirled it together, topped it with sprinkles, and made it amazing.
I didn't know what to say at all.
So, instead, I just took what remained of my ice cream, and smushed it into Tomi's face.
And Tomi reached into the nearby vat of vanilla with his hand, scooped out a sizeable amount, and spread it into my hair.
After that, we were laughing so hard, chasing each other around the Softy Tasty, having a crazy sprinkle war. By the time we collapsed on the floor from exhaustion, the place was a disaster zone on the magnitude of Godzilla. It took us the rest of our shift to clean everything up. I was sticky from the tip of my head down, and whenever I touched anything, I made this velcro -sssshhhppth- sound which made us both break into giggles again.
It had started raining sometime around 7:00, and by the time Tomi and I were off the clock, and standing under the awning of the Softy Tasty, it was raining 'Crazy Blue Elephants', as Tomi would say. I adjusted my backpack and watched Tomi look up the road. He had about three blocks to run to catch his bus. No doubt, with as clumsy as he was, he'd fall flat on his face six times before he got there.
"Tomi..." I even liked saying his name. I felt full of butterflies, like my skin would literally break open to reveal some insane taxidermist had stuffed me full of fluttering insects. "I only live one block from here."
I have no idea what Tomi's reaction was, because I had a hard time looking at him right then. All I do know is that I heard him say softly, "It isn't like that, Ryuichi, really. I didn't...I don't want to make you...do anything..."
"I want..." Somehow, I managed to find his hand. I threaded my sticky fingers through his, just to make sure he wouldn't get away. "I want all the flavors, Tomi. You promised all the flavors."
Before I knew it, we were running through the rain. It as just like in one of those old colorized movies, where the guy and the girl don't have an umbrella, and they are running through the rainy streets at dawn, breathless and alive. I suppose it was a little different because Tomi was a guy and I was a guy.
Well, last I checked, I still am a guy.
Anyway, we ended up at my dingy little flat, dripping ice cream flavored rain onto the floor. Between giggles, we peeled off each other's clothes. It was a lot like taking the wrapping off of a melted candy bar. Tug a little here, slide a little there, end up getting chocolate all over your fingers. Just as the Train Wreck, it was cold and hot. Chills from our rain-pelted skin, and warmth from tongues and greedy hands. There was passion, sure, but also laughter, and tenderness. All the flavors of Wonderful, that's what Tomi gave to me.
It far exceeded my expectations of the best thing that could ever happen in my life.
We ended up on the floor, wrapped in the one blanket I'd had the sense to bring with me from my parents' home, watching the rain out of my only window. Tomi had his head tucked into my neck, and I could feel his eyelashes move against my skin as he looked around. He had his arm draped across my chest, his gentle fingers stroking the baby hairs right behind my ear.
"Tomi?"
"Yup."
"Can we do that again, and again, and forever?"
Tomi touched his fingertip to the end of my nose. "But, when would we eat? Unless you want to do both at the same time, na no da."
"Well, you can never have too much of the best things, right?"
"That's right!" Tomi said with a laugh, his warm breath slithering across my neck as he giggled, "Ryu-chan, I think this may be the happiest I've ever been."
"Tomi?"
"That's me, na no da!"
"Is it too soon to say that I think I'm falling in love with you?"
Tomi rolled over and used his lanky arms and legs to push himself up until he was on top of me, his puppet hair falling onto my brow and cheeks. "Your eyes are shining," he said as he leaned down to kiss me, "Shiny, shiny. Like a brand new coin, like all the crinkly packages of candy in a vending machine. That's what I liked first about you, Ryuichi. Your eyes never lie."
But, I was lying.
I wasn't just falling in love with him.
I was already there.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I wake up at god-knows-what-o'clock, drenched in sweat and shaking violently. I've had that same dream again, that one where I can't find Tomi. I go to all the places we used to go. The apartment where we lived after the first Nittle Grasper LP was released. The clubs where I played. The library where Tomi worked in the children's section. 'Jingles' toy store. Our favorite restaurants. The arcade across from the river. My little cockroach infested flat. I'm running backwards in time, going back to the beginning.
Finally, I'm running towards the Softy Tasty. I know he has to be there. He has to be there, in that fake snow globe, wearing his paper hat, using a spoon for a microphone and bumping into things.
But, there is no Softy Tasty. It never existed. And Tomi never existed.
And I can't remember if Tomi was really real, or just a dream in the first place.
Kumagoro.
Where is Kumagoro?
I throw the blankets off my bed, scrambling around on my stomach in the dark. Where is he? The room is spinning, and I feel like I am going to throw up.
"Kumagoro."
I can't see anything, and I fall off my bed onto my shoulder, which hurts, but is more surprising than anything. I cry out and roll onto my other side.
"KUMAGORO!"
Why won't he answer me? Was Tomi really all a dream, after all? Where are they? Why have they left me here...
All alone.
"TOMI!" On my hands and knees, I'm heaving. I can't take in enough air. It's so dark. I can't see anything. Where am I? Am I in my house in America? Am I in my apartment in Tokyo where I lived with Tomi? Where? "Tomi, where are you? I'm scared! I don't like it here."
Finally, I feel something against my ankle. Something soft and light. Kumagoro.
Kuma-chan climbs into my arms and leans against my chest. He says he's so sorry for leaving me alone like that. He was just doing his midnight patrol, making sure everything was safe around here so I wouldn't have to worry. Everything is going to be fine now, and he won't leave again, so I can go back to sleep. He'll keep watch, he'll watch and make sure I don't have any more bad dreams.
"I was so worried, Kumagoro."
Kumagoro nods and begins to sing the sleepytime song with me. Tomi always sang that, horrible and off-key, whenever he was tired. It's a very silly song.
I'm the moon, I'm the stars...
Shiny, shiny, sea of blue...
I'm going to sail to sleepytime...
On a boat made for two.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
There are voices coming from the next room as I wake up. I'm curled up on the floor, using Kumagoro for a pillow. Someone's put a blanket over me. Molly, I suppose. She used to have Ten come in and put me back in bed whenever she found me sleeping in strange places. But, nowadays, she just lets me sleep.
"Coffee, Shindou-san?"
"Yeah, thanks..."
"So where were we?"
"You were telling me about Sakuma-san. About that name he was yelling last night." Shuichi's voice is stil very drained and flat, like he's the ghost of Shuichi trying to talk to us from beyond the curtain of death.
"Oh. Tomi. Right. So sad about that. I didn't know him, but from what I understand, it just broke poor Sakuma-san's heart. Sakuma-san was a real mess for a long time. Seguchi-san ended up putting him in a hospital because everyone was worried..."
Shuichi cuts her off. "Ohhh, so -that's- what happened. I always wondered why Nittle Grasper postponed their first tour. It seemed like such a horrible decision."
I pull the blanket over my head. I wish people wouldn't talk about me when I'm not around. Well, I suppose I am around but...
I wonder if Shuichi and I can have donuts for breakfast.
"Yes. The doctors were able to get him off the liquor and the drugs, but..." I hear the clinking of a mug against my glass coffee table, "Having such a horrible thing happen, and the subsequently becoming the most famous singer in Japan was a devastating combination. Well, maybe not exactly that but...you have to understand, Shindou-san, he's fragile."
Am I fragile? I'm not. I can do many things for myself. Okay, maybe a little with Kumagoro's help sometimes, but really everyone has to have help -sometimes-.
"You're trying to say that Ryuichi is crazy."
Molly sighs. "No. I'm saying that it's a struggle for him to live his life. He's a gift to this world from some strange God, a gift of innocence and emotion and giving. But, in an imperfect world like ours, such gifts get dented and torn, sometimes until they are unrecognizable from their original form. They try to adapt to live in our world, but never truly succeed. If he wasn't famous, if he didn't have a million people in his face day after day, I think Sakuma-san might have been able to heal after a while..."
I've had enough of this. Everyone has problems. Mine just happen to be a bit more noticable, maybe. Ugh. I'm so sweaty that the blanket is sticking to my skin. This is yucky, Kumagoro.
No, I do not think it would be a good idea to trash my bedroom. What made you think of that, Kuma-chan?
Stop biting me.
Stop it.
Don't be like that Kumagoro. We have a guest. I think it will be okay if we go take a shower. Just like any other regular day, right?
I don't feel so good. I think I'm going to throw up.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Are you excited?"
I nodded as Tomi buttoned up my shirt. Excited. Maybe. Scared out of my wits, definitely. Nittle Grasper had played some little clubs before, but nothing like this. I could hear the crowd, screaming, cheering, crazy. And it was just the opening band. -We- had an opening band! That was new.
"I've got great big butterflies, Tomi." My hands were shaking. I just couldn't stay still. Noriko and Tohma were counting on me. There were scouts in the crowd, we'd heard. "I think I'm going to throw up."
Tomi leaned forward, and slid his hands around my hips. He pulled me close, gave me the stillness that I needed with his arms. "Softly, softly, Ryu-chan. Softly, softly goes the airy butterfly. They are there to pick you up and help you soar. To fly above the clouds, to see all that can be seen. That's why the butterflies are there. You will fly and when you look down, you will see Tomi-chan looking back up at you, smiling."
"You'll love me even if...if I don't..."
"I've heard you sing, Ryuichi. Just sing. Don't worry about the other stuff." I felt Tomi's nose rooting around in my hair, ticking the top of my head with his breath, "And I love you, upside-down, backwards and forwards, inside-out, na no da!"
Those butterflies stopped causing a riot. I was going to sing. For me, and Tohma, and Noriko, and everyone. But, mostly for Tomi. I stopped feeling afraid, and started feeling like I was the King of Christmas.
Which was funny because that's when Tomi said, "Hey! I got you a present."
"Really?"
"Yup." Tomi took my hand and dragged me to the other side of my dressing room. "Where is it...uh..." He rummaged through his bookbag, he always had a lot of books. "I got it to cheer you up the next time you made a bad mark on a test. But..."
"You make it sound like I am stupid."
"Nah, they just ask stupid questions. You know far more about music than those crummy teachers, na no da." Tomi spun around, his puppet hair bouncing in synch with his excitement. He held up a plush pink bunny like it was a trophy. "Ta da! It's Kumagoro!"
And so it was. After that day, there were three in our family. Tomi, and me, and Kumagoro.
I was so excited. Things just kept getting better and better.
But, I was a fool. I never noticed how pale Tomi looked that day.
I never noticed how his hug was just a little more ginger, his breath just a little ragged.
I wish...
I would...
I would still give it all away just to have Tomi back again.
Everything. I'd give up everything.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My mind is fuzzy. I think there may be some fungus growing in my head. Everything seems to have a buzz inside of it. The sink. Buzz. The toilet. Buzz. The walls. Buzz.
Kumagoro is not helping me. Kumagoro is giving me the silent treatment.
I grab my bunny friend and slog into my bedroom. I've got to help Shuichi. I don't want Shu-chan to end up like me. I love him too much to see him consigned to my fate.
I'm forgetting something. What am I...
I look around my buzzy buzz room. Crap. What am I forgetting?
It doesn't matter. I need to take my pills, so maybe I can think straight and things will stop spinning and buzzing and I have a headache now. I could really use a drink, well actually more than a drink, but lets not talk about that because they don't let me keep alcohol here anyway.
I want to smash something. No. Concentrate on Shuichi. Need...need...
I walk into the front room of my apartment, Kumagoro in hand.
Shuichi, who is wrapped in about a million blankets, looks like a tiny baby bird in a nest. He looks up from the mug of coffee in his hands...
Well, that's a strange look, even for Shuichi. His mouth is open and he's making some sort of squeaking noise.
"Sakuma...san?"
"Yes?" Why is he calling me Sakuma-san? Well, I suppose that is my name.
"You..." Shuichi's eyes grow wider than I've ever seen, "You're naked!"
I look down. Ah. That must be what I forgot. Kumagoro, you knew about this, and you didn't say anything? Well, can't be helped, now. "So?"
"Uh..." Shuichi looks up at the ceiling, "Um...nevermind."
I shrug and head for the kitchen. Molly meets me halfway, "Oh good gracious, Sakuma-san. Buzz. Buzz. Buzz." She's wrapping me up in a towel she produced from somewhere, saying something I can't understand.
"Molly..." I'm thirsty. My throat is very dry. "Bad...badly..."
She nods and pulls me into the kitchen. "Always after the nightmares buzz. Buzz buzz sleeping pills. Buzz buzz do this to yourself buzz buzz buzz."
I sit down and take the pills Molly hands me. Afterwards, I lean my head against the kitchen table. The wood is so cool against my skin.
Why don't I ever listen? Maybe I should have listened to Ten, and Molly, and Tohma. I don't have any plans on how, exactly, I am supposed to help Shuichi. I'm not all that smart, na no da.
"You alright, Sakuma-san?" The voice is Shuichi's, and it is coming from somewhere in the vicinity of the kitchen door.
Great. I brought Shuichi here to help him out, and now he's...
Why does he keep calling me Sakuma-san? Aren't we friends? Haven't we been friends for a while? Is he angry with me? Probably. Everyone else is.
"I'm alright." I attempt a smile in Shuichi's direction, even though the air is still a bit buzzy.
Suddenly, Kumagoro hops off the table into my lap. He says he's sorry. He didn't mean to make trouble. He likes Shu-chan, too, and we're going to do our best. Yes.
We'll do our best to make everything shiny shiny once more.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I'm not sure, exactly, what people do with time off.
Shuichi and I are sitting in my living room. After Molly made us breakfast (eggs, pancakes, fruit, some mashed meat stuff that I don't know what it was, but it tasted good, and juice) she left to go to NG. She has to re-schedule all my appointments and go to the stockholders meeting.
I -hate- stockholders meetings. I'm so glad I don't have to go this time. Tohma usually makes me go, but they are more boring than...
Well, I can't really think of anything even remotely close to being that boring.
It doesn't matter. Molly and Tohma manage my stock, anyway.
Did you know that I own 10% of NG Productions?
Yup.
Apparently, I do.
Anyway, Shu-chan and I are sitting in my front room, watching the city of Tokyo out of my giant floor-to-ceiling windows. Oh, oh, they have automagic blinds on them that you can control with a remote. Which is good, because sometimes photographers in helicopters try to get pictures of me.
They're the bad photographers. The ones who don't get invited to NG press conferences. Naughty, naughty, na no da.
Anyway, Shuichi didn't eat much at breakfast. Some eggs, I think, and a few bites of fruit. He has his back against one of my couches, and is tapping his fingers on his bony knees,
The beat...I recognize. It's from the fourth track on Critical Sunshine.
Which means he is thinking about Yuki-san.
"Shu-chan?"
"Hm?"
"Wanna use my shower? I can give you some clothes, na no da. I have lots."
Shuichi leans his head to one side, his eyes glazed over like some sort of zombie. "I guess."
"I'll get dressed, too! And we can go somewhere. Let's go shopping, na no da!" Because Shuichi needs clothes. I tried to find all of his stuff in his hotel room before we left, but there just really wasn't much to find, two changes of clothes, his cellphone, and a portable CD player. I guess he did leave Yuki-san in a rush.
I really want to go talk to Yuki-san. Where 'talk to' means 'yell at'. But, I promised Tohma.
"Want to, Shu-chan? Want to go?"
Shu-chan doesn't say anything, so I grab his hand, pull him up, and drag him into my bedroom. I think he is saying something, something like "Ow! Sakuma-san! What the..."
"Here is the shower, see? Okay, towels and...soaps...and...I'm not sure what this stuff is for, but it smells nice."
I start the water for Shuichi and leave him there.
While Kumagoro and I are picking out some clothes, I'm trying to decide if this is a good plan or not. Maybe Shuichi doesn't want to go outside. Maybe I'm just making things worse. No. No, this is good.
People should shower. And Shuichi did still smell a bit like liquor and grossness. So, that seems right. And going out will get his mind off Yuki-san, because I don't think Yuki-san took him out places very much.
I put on a white silk shirt with ruffles at the neck and sleeve. I like ruffles. They are quite bouncy bouncy. I'll wear a black cowboy hat today, with a white brim. Yup and...um..red leather pants with the silver chains, don't you think, Kumagoro? Yes, Kumagoro agrees. Now, what should we find for Shuichi. Wait, no, lets have Shuichi pick out what he wants.
I put on my tall black boots with all the straps and buckles. After that, I call Ten and tell him we're going. He's still grumpy, but he says okay. Then, I call my a couple of my favorite shops and tell them we're going to be coming.
It is always best to call ahead, because then they can make sure that like a million zillion fans aren't there. I like my fans very much, but you can only write so many autographs before your hand wants to fall off.
Okay, so I have all that done, but...
Shuichi has been in the shower for quite a while now.
Hm.
"Shuuuuu-chan?" I knock on the bathroom door lightly, "Shuuuuu-chan?"
Nothing.
"Shuichi?"
This seems quite ungood.
"Shuichi, it's me, na no da. You okay?"
I'm giving him to the count of five. Okay. One. Two. Three. Four. "Shuichi?" Five. He didn't answer, so I am going in. That's right, sn't it, Kumagoro? That's the right thing to do? I think so.
I turn the bathroom door's knob and barge inside. Blinking into the brightness of my pink-and-yellow bathroom, I don't see Shuichi right away. The shower is running, but I can't see him standing in...
And then I see it, just a twinge of beige and pink, a melting, shivering shadow on the other side of my transparent shower curtain, right near the ground. I pull back the corner of the curtain to find Shuichi curled in a ball. He has his knees gathered up to his chest, and his pink and blue striped hair is plastered to his cheeks and forearms where he has his head tucked.
And, my god. There are...so many bruises. Blue-purple welts. And cuts, too. On his legs and his upper-arms, straight dashes of black-red. Some of them look fresher than others.
I don't think...I don't think most of this was done by Yuki-san.
Towel. Yes. Okay.
I reach into the shower and turn off the water. Before Shuichi can get too cold, I drape my largest purple towel over him. He flinches a bit at my touch, but I dry him off really gentle, even though there are still pools of water at the bottom of my shower.
"Shuichi..." I stroke his wet hair, pulling it away from his face with my fingernail. "Shuichi, it's just Ryuichi. Look at me, okay?"
He slowly lifts his head. Does he even see me? He looks like he is far away, like everything which ever was Shuichi is getting dragged farther and farther away from the real world. His eyes are puffy and his skin is pink. I think maybe he's been crying a bit.
"Want to tell me?"
"I miss him," Shuichi whispers as I take a corner of the towel and dab at his face, "After all that, and I still miss him. Why? Why can't I just hate him, and be done?"
"I don't know, Shu-chan. I don't know why it works that way." I wish Tomi were here. He'd know what to say. He'd know the answer to this.
Shuichi leans his head back against the white tile of the shower, his unfocused eyes staring into space. "It hurts so much, so much I think I want to die."
"No, Shuichi, no. I forbid it." Oh, way to sound forceful there, Ryuichi. This is good. I think you have his attention now. "And no more hurting yourself, either. Are you my friend?"
Shuichi's eyes finally find my face. "Huh?"
"Is Shindou Shuichi a friend to Sakuma Ryuichi?"
"Well, yes..."
"Do you want to see your friend get hurt?"
"I don't..."
"If you cut yourself, then I'm going to do it too. In fact, everything you do, I'm going to also do. So, unless you want to watch me drip blood all over my carpets, this will end. Yes, Shuichi?"
"Y...yes...okay."
I smile at him. He's a good person, Shindou Shuichi. And he has the biggest heart. I pick up a limp end of one of the longer bits of his hair and use it to tickle his nose. He emits a sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
"That's a pretty cool noise, Shu-chan. Can you do that again later so I can record it?"
"You'll have to speak to my manager about that." The corner of Shuichi's lips upturn a bit. In the very, very deepest depths of his eyes, I can see the smallest of sparkle.
"Let's go out, Shuichi. I know this place where we can get the best ice cream. We'll eat so much that our brains will freeze off."
"I don't think that's possible, Ryu-chan."
He called me Ryu-chan. I'm so happy. I'm so happy we're friends.
"I don't believe in impossible, Shuichi."
Not when it comes to ice cream, anyway.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In The Next Chapters: Ryuichi and Shuichi unleashed into the shopping district. Shuichi gets phone call from Yuki. Ryuichi remembers he has a television of sorts. And a lot of angst.
Author Notes:
I should note that the band names and place names are mostly made up. I have no idea of what bands might have been popular in Japan in the late 80's, early 90's, but if anyone wants to send me that information, it would be great. Also, names of posh shops in Tokyo would be useful for the next section.
Tomi is, of course, an original character. I imagine him as a really soft-spoken, gentle, and caring sort of guy. In this story, Ryuichi picks up some of Tomi's speech patterns after a while. And, of course, Kumagoro, too.
Review Notes:
Thank you to everyone who reviewed. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far. And I'm glad that no one has flamed the OOCness of some characters yet. Thanks again, and so much, for your kind words. (And Sou-roo, my plush bunny, thanks you, too.)
So, double shiny pika pika thanks to: hidesfaerie, Zacarane, anon, forgottenfayth (Is this story sad? Oh no! I didn't mean it to be!), Elk (Thanks for adding me! Glad you are enjoying the story!), The Demonic Duo, pinksakuya, and Rath.
Ranger: Please do check out my RK fics if you get bored. 'A Sakabatou For Baka Saitou' and 'Sundial' are probably my favorites. Both quite humorous, I hope.
April-san: Someone forgot to tie me to the Kamiya dojo, and I wandered off. I should find my way back, eventually. :D I've been Kumagoro Beamed! *swoon* Now I can die happy. :D
Anna Sartin: Addictive, eh? Well, I hope the addiction continues with this new chapter. :D
Veleda: Sleep deprivation is -awful-. Make sure to get yoru ZZZs! I actually started on this story a few months ago, but could't figure out where to make it go...
Kyaroru-chan: Ryuichi might break his promise. It is hard to say. As for Shuichi's phone conversations with Yuki, we'll learn more about that in the next chapter.
Yma: I'm so glad you are enjoying the story! I think Ryuichi is pretty easy to characterize, especially in comparison to Yuki, though. Now, -he's- a tough one to crack. Yikes. ANyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, too.