Disclaimer: I do not own Smaug. He is Tolkein's. Thank god, really. I mean, can you imagine how expensive a dragon must be to own?

A/N: Set between Smaug's arrival at the Lonely Mountain and the return of Thorin and the dwarves. I was just wondering how Smaug occupied himself during that time. No, not like that! Rather a pervy dragon fancier, aren't you, what?

1 Month After The Invasion

Smaug curled his long tail around the treasure pile he was lying on, and sighed loudly. By Melkor, he was boooored. At first, it had been so much fun, killing dwarves, freaking out the people of Esgaroth. But now, one month on from invading the Lonely Mountain, life sucked.

"I miss frying people." Mused Smaug. There were a few pesky elves down in Mirkwood he wouldn't mind roasting, but that was so far away, and it meant getting up from the treasure pile.

"Maybe tomorrow I'll fly off and burn some trees in North Mirkwood." He muttered contentedly to himself, stretching out his huge wings.

"He always says that." Piped a small voice from a tunnel leading into the cave from the Great Gate. "He never does though. Look at him, a lazy, fat excuse for a dragon!"

Smaug looked around wildly. Who said that? How dare they insult him? He should toast the insolent fiend....Ah, maybe later, he contemplated with a yawn. It was just too comfortable lying on the hoard of dwarvish gold.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about. I should fry alive for what I just said, but I won't, because he's too lazy!"

Smaug tried to bury his head in the treasure, and murmured a muffled "Go away."

"Don't you want to know who we are?" said the voice.

"No." came the stifled reply of the dragon. "I just killed a bunch of dwarves and men. I need sleep!"

"I am a thrush, and with me is Carc the raven. You killed our dwarvish masters."

Smaug smiled wickedly. "I know. They were yummy."

"Know this, mighty Smaug: you did not kill all the dwarves. The king under the mountain escaped." Said Carc croakily.

"Fascinating." Said Smaug patronizingly.

"They will return, one day. You will be slain and there will be a King under the mountain once more."

Smaug raised his head. "Listen, feather-boy, I'll make a deal with you. If Thrain and Co return in the next 50 years I won't kill you, and I'll even let you annoy me as much as you want. If they don't return, I still won't kill you, lovely dragon that I am, but you must promise to shut up."

"You jest in ignorance, worm." Said Carc furiously. "A day will come when you are made to eat your words!"

"Blah blah blah. You just keep going on, don't you? Are you, like, the Duracell Raven or something?" said Smaug, rolling onto his stomach and looking the birds, who were perched on one of the many spears hanging from the walls.

"The king will show you no mercy, dragon! You will die..."

"Bored now." Said Smaug, picking up a great cup in his claws and bouncing it from wing to wing. "Lets talk about something else. How's it going in Gondor? Who's King now? And what's up with the Witch-King? Is he still in Angmar?"

There was no reply.

"Well that's just rude." Said Smaug passively. "I'll start singing if you don't reply, y'know."

Still no reply.

"Have it your way." Said Smaug serenely. He cleared his throat, involuntarily sending sparks over the treasure.

'This is the song that neeeever ends
It just goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it not knowing what it was
And now we keep singing it forever just because
This is the song that never ends...'

"Stop! STOP!" cried the birds, terrified.

"I knew I'd get you to talk!" said Smaug joyfully. "Hey, has fifty years gone by yet?"

"No." said the thrush.

"Oh. I know! Let's play a game! How about I Spy? I'll go first! I spy with my little eye, something beginning with....... Um....... 'T'!"

"Treasure?" sneered the thrush.

"Wrong!" grinned Smaug. "Guess again!"

"Trophies?" asked the raven

"Nooo!"

"Trinkets?"

"Ha! You'll never get it in a thousand years!"

"Er..." said the thrush. "tapestries?"

"You are sooo cold!"

"I give up!" said Carc. "What was it?"

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Alright, alright, keep your feathers on. I spied with my little eyed, heh, 'Thrush'!"

The birds groaned in unison.

"Ok! Your turn!" said Smaug happily.

"Alright." Said Carc pompously. "I spy with my little eye... something beginning with 'C'"

"Ceiling?" said Smaug immediately.

Carc muttered something incoherently.

"What was that?"

"I said 'yes'!" said the old raven angrily, furious the dragon had got it in one guess.

"Whee! I win!" said Smaug, shooting a spout of flame into the air in triumph. "This is fun!"

Carc's feathers bristled, and he flapped his wings, nearly knocking the thrush off the spear.

"I bid you farewell, dragon." Said Carc ferociously.

"Ohh. Off so soon?" said Smaug disappointedly. He was rather enjoying their company. "Come back tomorrow! We can play hide and seek!"

The birds flapped noiselessly from their perch and soared through the halls of the mountain towards the front gate.

Smaug flopped his head down with a resounding crash upon the treasure once more, but happily this time. At least he wasn't alone on this dwarvish rock, he thought. And now he had a way to occupy himself until the dwarves returned. If they returned. Carc seemed sure Thrain had escaped, possibly Thror as well, but it was merely speculation from an old bird. Who, Smaug mused, was rubbish at I Spy.

He yawned widely. Tomorrow, he would fly to Mirkwood and burn some trees. Right after hide and seek with the birds.

A/N: That's it! What do you think? Bit random I know, but I just re-read the hobbit and needed Smaug fluff! Not sure whether to continue. Your thoughts, please. xx-Natz-xx