Chapter 3
Timing, in addition to being one of the most important elements of presentation, was always the most difficult. It was what turned something merely amusing into something utterly hilarious.
There was a point, though, with some jokes, where waiting for just the right moment meant waiting too long, and killing it. Emishi routinely wondered, each time he went to Madoka's place, if he'd missed that elusive moment. Or maybe it would never come. Or maybe this wasn't like a joke at all.
Sometimes, if you waited too long, some rude person in the audience would shout out the punch line for you. And well, Shido had never been much for what counted as manners among humans. Not that Emishi expected anything out of the ordinary at all when one night, after a peaceful dinner with the two of them, Shido invited Emishi to take a walk with him around the grounds.
"Something wrong?" Emishi asked, puzzled, as they walked through the darkness to the trees that hedged in the back of Madoka's property. "You don't think anyone's lurking around out here, do you? Or," he suggested with a grin, "are you just planning to do a little more yardwork in the dark, where no one can see if you mess it up?"
"What is it, Emishi?" Shido's sudden question, delivered in his usual stern manner, startled Emishi. "I know you better than you think - something's had you on edge every time you've come over here, and it's been getting worse. You're like a mouse being backed into a corner."
Emishi stared for a moment before he managed to squeak out a reply, which he supposed didn't help Shido's comparison. "I... can't tell you that - not now!" he protested. "The time isn't right - no dramatic build! No sense of dire urgency!"
"I don't care." Shido's voice was as flat as his expression. "That look on your face says something's wrong. Is it something with the Volts? MakubeX...?"
"No, no, it's not that!" Emishi snapped, throwing up his hands. "I'm a performer, and you ask me to just come out and tell you something? Geez, Shido - you have no flair for the dramatic."
"Emishi..."
He grimaced, realizing it was inevitable. "Fine, fine... it's not really the stuff of legends anyhow," he muttered. "Or even the silver screen..."
"You're stalling," Shido stated, halting beneath a tree and crossing his arms across his chest. "I won't demand answers, but I'd just as soon have one this year, if you're willing to supply it at all."
Emishi hesitated. In a way, this was Shido being kind and friendly, despite the slightly grim look he was shooting over his folded arms; it was the equivalent of someone a little softer saying something like You don't have to tell me, but I'm willing to listen. "...We know each other too well," he observed aloud.
Shido nodded. "You followed me around for a long time." There was no belittling in the statement - it was just how things had been, and they both knew it. "Even if we've been apart for a while..."
He stopped there, comprehension glinting in his eyes. "It's me, isn't it?"
For once, Emishi was sort of relieved that someone had stolen a line he planned to use. "Well... not just you..." he mumbled, "but... yeah."
Shido nodded again. "I thought so. I should have known, back when I left the Infinite Castle, that you'd be hurt and angry." He smirked wryly. "After all, we were all the same way when Ginji left to be with that snake guy."
Emishi chuckled out of nervousness rather than humor. "Now that it's been explained, do you still hate him?"
"Yes," Shido said without hesitation. "But for different reasons."
There was the hint of a smile as he looked over at Emishi. In a way, it tore him up, seeing that bit of a sparkle in Shido's eyes. It was what he'd been chasing all along - and now that it was there, and Shido actually had something like a sense of humor, and Emishi had nothing to do with it...
"And now that you've seen why I didn't come back," Shido continued, "it still bothers you."
"It's not that I ever thought you might come back, really," Emishi mumbled, twiddling his fingers glumly. "It's not a fun place. Why would anyone who came out go back?"
"The same reasons you went back after I invited you out to dinner. Friendship and responsibility to those who depended on you."
Shido had summed it up, more or less, and Emishi said nothing in response for a long time. Finally he spoke up, saying what they both knew already. "I don't think, even if I met someone special, I could stay outside. After my clan was destroyed, Volts was... everything. No - you were, really, because you weren't there and I was angry. The old Volts was everything, and the new Volts was almost everything." He breathed a heavy sigh, even though his next words were honest. "But I don't blame you, Shido-kun. Even though I keep wondering why you've given up the life of leadership and freedom to do whatever you like for... for clipping bushes and mowing lawns and dinner parties, I don't blame you. I can see that you're happy now. For some reason."
Shido's eyes narrowed slightly at the comment. "We'll always have things we don't like to do no matter where we go or how we live," he pointed out. "The most we can do is find a way to live where the good times are worth the hard work."
"Wasn't Volts like that for you?"
Shido nodded slightly. "Under Ginji, with all my friends at my side, it was. I can't blame MakubeX for wanting things back as they were, but they can't be."
Emishi shook his head, getting frustrated. "No, that's not the problem at all. I'm not trying to get you to go back."
"Then what is the problem?"
There was no way to say it without sounding foolish, Emishi thought, and although he didn't mind sounding foolish normally, he didn't much care for it when he was being serious. "Heh heh... it's selfish, really," he said with a grin like he was about to go into battle, reaching up to adjust his glasses idly. "You see, Shido-kun, I'll be direct - I always thought of you as sort of a special project of mine. I don't know if you ever realized, but it was you I joked with more than anyone else. Even when you didn't laugh - even when you'd tell me to shut up, or you smacked me, or called me an idiot - I kept coming back."
"I noticed." Shido's grumble may have been gruff, but still slightly fond.
"I didn't just want to make you laugh," Emishi explained, the grin faltering somewhat. "I... I wanted to change that sharp look in your eyes to that little glimmer of soft light that told me you were happy - really happy. And sometimes I'd see a little of it, but then they'd go all hard again. It never seemed to stick."
Shido nodded. "It wasn't that your humor wasn't appreciated. Not that it was, either," he added, deadpan, and Emishi chuckled. "Life in the Infinite Castle was difficult. Was there anyone there at all who was happy?"
"Not happy, exactly," Emishi agreed. "But even during the hard times, you could look around and see a happiness in some of their eyes that came from within, because they had each other. MakubeX, Kazuki-han and Jubei-han... But you always looked like you were about to stab someone with that stare of yours. ...Until I came to dinner here."
Shido must have realized what he was getting at, because he frowned slightly, looking at Emishi seriously. "Yes!" Emishi confirmed. "When you were sitting next to Madoka, when she would touch your arm, I saw that look in your eyes - that same look I'd been trying to reach all these years! Do you have any idea...?"
Apparently lost for words, Shido hesitated, and then sighed heavily. "Emishi..."
"Don't worry, I don't blame you," Emishi said with a bitter laugh. "We can't help what we respond to, right? You can't please everyone? And... I don't blame her either. She's been too nice to me for me to be angry. And besides, I know I can't... I can't provide you with everything she can," he admitted. "Not materially, and not... otherwise," he finished. He could say any number of ridiculous things to attract any sort of attention at all, but something like this still made him feel awkward.
Shido regarded him with little expression, as usual, though the implications made him blush faintly in the patches of moonlight through the leaves. "I always wondered that about you, Emishi."
"So did I!" Emishi threw his hands up in frustration, turning away to walk - not pace, really, that would have been something done out of nervousness, but he couldn't sit still and look into Shido's eyes and admit something like that. "...Kazuki-han and Jubei-han were always around, you know, and at first I thought it was a little weird, but... they made it seem so natural," he admitted, his voice lowering. He stole a glance over his shoulder at Shido, who was still as stoic as ever. "And so, the way I thought of you, for awhile I started thinking, maybe I was... like them..."
Shido usually could read between the lines with Emishi as he couldn't for most people - and it was a rare thing with Emishi, who everyone else saw as uncomplicated. This time was no exception. "But you aren't."
"Nope." Emishi folded his hands behind his head, stretching and relaxing into a casual smile. "I like girls too much - they're way cuter than us guys. And no offense, Shido-kun," he added, "but all this time we've spent together? I could have jumped you plenty of times while you were in the bath if I really liked the sight of you naked."
The hint of a smile turned Shido's lips upward. "You did jump me in the bath once."
"Oh, that - I was joking," Emishi told him, grinning. "That, and... I wanted to see if you had a rubber duck, or a real one."
"Why would you care?"
"I was hungry."
Shido swatted him on the head, but lightly. "Idiot."
"I'm sorry!" Emishi exclaimed, feigning hurt. "But... but mmm, rubber duck in sauce..."
Shido smiled, just a little. It was the most Emishi had ever been able to coax from him - at times, he thought Shido's face was made of stone.
"Emishi..." he said, finally. "I'm not really sure what I can tell you. It's too bad things can't always work out the way we want them to, but life is sometimes like that."
Emishi's own smile fell slightly. "Yeah... and there's not really anything we can do to change things. Unless..." He grinned again, suddenly. "I could fight Madoka-han to the death for your happiness."
Shido just shook his head. "As usual, not funny."
"Then why are you smiling?" Emishi teased.
After a moment's pause, he sighed reluctantly. "I know I should just be glad you're happy now - but even knowing what finally made you happy, and knowing I couldn't serve that purpose for you even if I wanted to, I'm still jealous," he mumbled, leaning back against a tree sulkily. "S'okay though - getting it out in the open helped a little..."
They were silent for a little while after that; that was normal. Shido didn't talk much with words, and Emishi respected it, even if he didn't understand it. Their silence was broken, though, as Shido put two fingers to his mouth and gave a shrill whistle. Emishi looked around, wondering which of his friends he was calling - but this was not a battle, and there were no hordes of animals rushing to join them. Instead, there was just a soft meow and a soft tail brushing against the ankles of his jeans.
"Ah, Kitty-kun..." Emishi knelt down to run his hands over the familiar fur. He wasn't anywhere near the animal person Shido was, obviously, but there was definitely something about petting little fuzzy animals that made him feel better.
Shido knew this, and he nodded as he looked down at the two of them. "He wouldn't mind going back to the Infinite Castle with you, you know. He's been complaining that life is too dull around here."
"Hmm, really?" Emishi turned his face up to look at Shido again, instead of the cat. "Can't say as I blame him..."
Shido nodded again. "I have to stay for the same reasons you have to go back, Emishi. But I won't ask the same of my friends. So if you'd like to escort each other..."
"I told you I wasn't like that, Shido!" Emishi grinned as he looked back down at the cat, who rubbed his face against Emishi's knees. He understood. Shido was going to stay with Madoka, and that was just how it was going to be. He could send a little something of himself along with Emishi, though. "...Thanks."
"Don't thank me - he's the one who wanted to go." Undoubtedly there would have been someone else among Shido's friends who wanted to, Emishi thought, if the cat hadn't. "Just one thing..." Shido added.
"Yeah?"
"Give him a real name instead of calling him 'Kitty-kun'."
Emishi laughed a little, stroking the cat's tail. "It's a deal. But hey, he's been with you for awhile - doesn't he already have a name?"
"Not one you could pronounce." Shido knelt down as well, and scratched behind the cat's ears fondly. "I bet you can think of something that'll please both of you."
"How about Fluffy?" Emishi's words were soon followed by a quiet yelp as the cat bit his finger. "...Stripey?" Shido just chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Aha, I've got it!" Emishi exclaimed. "Rover!"
Shido's eyes narrowed for a moment, then widened slightly. "...You and this cat are a good match, Emishi. He actually kind of likes that idea."
"Oooh, we'll get on wonderfully, then - won't we, Rover?" He gave the cat a cheesy grin, which softened as he looked back to Shido. "...Though maybe not so well without an interpreter. I'm not exactly fluent in cat."
"I think you'll get by. And if not, you know where to find me." Shido's hand fell lightly on Emishi's shoulder. "Anytime you want, Emishi. I wouldn't turn away any of my friends."
"Even the ones with not so much hair, eh?" Emishi teased. "Oh wait..." He tossed his head, letting his long hair bounce. "So that's why you tolerated me."
Shido snorted. "See," Emishi continued, "and now you sound like a horse! This ponytail must've made you feel right at home, huh?"
"You should get on back to the Infinite Castle before I'm tempted to trample you," Shido said, standing up. "Unless you want dessert?"
"What the heck, Shido-kun," Emishi complained as he accepted Shido's offered hand. "You get a sense of humor when I'm not here to coach you? That's no fair."
Instead of the sarcastic reply Emishi expected, Shido met his eyes for a moment. "I guess I needed jokes. Deep down."
Neither of them was very good at the serious, sentimental stuff - Shido was too introverted and Emishi had a tendancy to brush everything off with a joke. After Emishi's small smile of acknowledgement, all he could think of to say as they moved towards the house was a reminder that Shido had mentioned dessert, and Shido seemed content to answer him.
"He still needs you," MakubeX said later, not looking up from the computer screen where he was inputting data faster than Emishi could read it. Despite the speed at which he was typing, Emishi knew the boy was listening - his mind was capable of handling at least a handful of difficult problems at once. "Just like you need him."
Emishi nodded, patting the cat who rested beside him as they sat in MakubeX's control room. "I still dunno, though. If he wants to be a leashed animal, or yoked, or whatever, then that's his choice. I believe him when he says he's where he wants to be. But it's like, you know what happens to animals when they're domesticated. They get all content with doing nothing, when once they were wild, ready for adventure - like me and Rover here."
MakubeX raised an eyebrow a little at the cat's name, but didn't comment further. "You've answered your own concern, Emishi. You do realize that... Rover... isn't really a wild cat - he's a domestic cat who's been around wild animals and without a keeper for a long time. Now he may have decided to stay with you, but that was his decision, just as Shido's was to stay with Madoka. And Rover's not going to forget everything he learned through the rest of his life just because you give him food and shelter and friendship. As long as you give him the freedom to go out and associate with other cats that have lived the same kind of life he has, he'll stay in touch with that side of himself."
"Of course I will..." Emishi knew there was some sort of parable in there, but it took him a second to wade through all the metaphor. When he figured it out, he smiled. "And I'll visit Shido a lot too - can't let him lose touch with the wild side either."
MakubeX nodded and smiled as well, though still not looking up from the monitor. "I know you will. And if you're hoping to keep him from ever being completely domesticated, I really can't think of any better person than you."
"Heh, thanks! ...I think. You know what they say, jokers are wild!" He scratched his head, feigning thought. "...But hey, lay off - at least I haven't chewed through any of your computer cords lately."
"I do appreciate that."
Rover was happy to be back in the Infinite Castle, it seemed. Just as MakubeX had said, he'd been going out to prowl with the alley cats every night, even if he did return and accept the petting and innocent playing that Emishi offered. He caught his own food when he felt like it, and yowled his annoyance at things as loudly as any other stray.
Emishi could hardly go and visit Shido every night, but he'd make the effort to visit on a pretty regular basis - at least every couple weeks. Which, he noted with amusement upon glancing at a calendar, meant he'd be showing up at the full moon. Perfect for a couple of wild beasts to do a little howling... or for one to howl, and the other to smack him. As long as it meant Shido was the same old Shido, Emishi could take it.