My sleeps been pretty disturbed tonight, between the confrontation with
Linus and my call to Wesley I've had a lot to think about. It turns out
that magic is strongly tied to the soul of a magic user; vampires rarely
have access to their host's magic. Even when they do, it takes time to
develop, as fledglings they're unlikely to have any power. So the chances
are that Linus has shown up now rather than earlier, simply because he was
not powerful enough before. The question is what exactly is his problem
with Angel? True, when he was alive he would have plenty of reason to hate
Angelus, but why would he still feel that as a vampire? There were just too
many unanswered questions. Like how your meant to fight someone who can
stop you moving just by looking at you? Someone who with that same glance
could stop the heart of any of my friends? So I've spent most of the night
sitting, trying to work out how the hell we're meant to kill this guy.
I've woken up three times to the image of one of my friends slowly going blue as their heart stops beating while I'm held frozen, watching on as they slowly die. So it takes me a few moments to realise that the crying I hear isn't some remnant of my dream, or my own strangled sobs from seeing another friend die, but someone else's. The sun has barely risen, so nobody would normally be in the magic box. I quickly put some clothes on before creeping out into the training area; the sobbing is coming from a darkened corner where even my vampiric vision can only barely make out Tara's form. I walk over and sit beside her, gently placing my arm on her shoulders and waiting for her sobbing to subside.
"Thanks." "That's ok. What happened?" "Willow said she thinks we should stop seeing each other." The sobbing is back and I pull Tara tighter against me and stroke her hair, doing my best to figure out what's going on. "Did she say why?" She shakes her head, at the same time wiping her tears across my shirt. I'm about to speak when she starts to speak herself. "But I, I think it's b-because she likes s-someone else." "Shhh, I'm sure that's not true. Who else could she like enough to choose over you?" "You." She's looking me in the eyes now, and yes I admit it, it was a stupid thing to say. I know Willow loves me, but not like that, does she? It doesn't matter though; I've promised myself that I would help Tara. And it's the right thing to do, whatever Willow might be feeling I know in my heart that she loves Tara, and that they're meant to be together. "Look, whatever either of us might have thought at one time or another, me and Willow are destined to be friends, nothing more. You and Willow are meant to be together, I know it, I'm sure you know it, and deep down Willow knows it. She's just confused at the moment. But I promise we'll set things right. Ok?" She nod's shyly, rubbing her tears from her face. "Now why don't we go find some breakfast, I'm paying." And with that I put on my helmet and leathers and head for the door, Tara in tow.
We step into the dinner, which I've chosen because of its westward facing windows, and I know things are going to be awkward, I can't see him yet, but from the strength of his scent he's still here. I consider just turning around and leaving, but judging from Tara's face she's already spotted him. I follow her gaze over to the corner of the dinner, he's sitting there, breakfast not yet touched, his face not giving away the slightest glimpse of what he's feeling. I give a quick wave to my friend before turning to Tara. "Do you want to go somewhere else? Or just back to the magic box? I'm sure Giles must have some food in there somewhere." "Why on earth would I mind having breakfast with my ex-girlfriend's ex- boyfriend?" The tears that she wants to shed are evident in her voice, but she manages to hold them in, while promptly walking over to Oz's table and sitting down. "Boy this is going well..." I end up saying out loud, I can't really believe how badly it's going, didn't even think it was possible to get this bad.
"So, you staying in Sunnydale long?" It's the most awkward small talk ever. "No, I wasn't planning to stop at all, just thought a quick bite couldn't hurt." I can only imagine what this must be like for Oz, not only has Tara picked up a lot of Willows mannerisms, but Willows scent still comes of her in waves. I think he's picked the same method that I use to deal with the effect, focus on the fact that this girl makes Willow happy and ignore everything else. I don't need to imagine so much for Tara, the pain and grief are written across her face, and on more than one occasion she's angrily wiped away a tear that's managed to escape the iron clad control she seems to be displaying. "Where are you headed too?" "I was going to stay in LA for a few days, not sure where I'll head after that." "Could you do me a favour?" I go on to tell him about Angel, and about Linus. I feel better knowing I'll have someone who'll call me if things go wrong there, someone that Linus won't know about. With that sorted, I'm about to say goodbye and get Tara away from this cheer up plan from hell, but she starts speaking before I have the chance.
"Could you tell me about you and Willow?" That certainly was not what I was expecting. Tara slowly explains what's been going on, and Oz starts to tell her about his time with Willow. If anything the tension between them seems to evaporate and I soon make an excuse to go up to the counter, giving them some privacy, or at least the appearance of privacy, my vampire hearing means that a still hear chunks of their conversation even though I'm trying not to listen.
"You don't need to worry about Xander coming between you and Willow, once he's chosen you as a friend there's nothing that will make him betray that trust." I can't help but remember Cordelia, and how I betrayed her. How she looked lying unconscious with a metal spike sticking out of her stomach. I have a hard time believing that Oz actually means his words, but the tone of his voice says he does. I take another sip of coffee while my mind dwells on my relationship with Cordelia. My self recrimination is broken off when I hear Oz again.
"Just remember, they've known each other pretty much their whole lives. If Xander says she loves you then she does, and if he say's she's working through stuff then you'll just have to trust him. Nobody knows her better." He's probably right, but how well do I really know her at the moment? I haven't spoken to her about her problems with Tara, haven't really spoken to her at all since I got back. I can't help but feel that I'm letting all my friends down, and I don't know how to make it up to them.
So I've just had an hours training sessions with Giles which is meant to prepare me for this, he just looked at my sword and informed me that if I'm going to be swinging it around in battle then I should learn how to use it. I thought I'd been doing ok, but apparently not. So now Buffy is standing in front of me, sword in hand, with a grin that suggests I'm going to face everything short of actual limb loss.
"You don't think we could start with rubber swords and sort of work our way up?" I say with a weak grin on my face. "Stop being such a baby." And with that she leaps forward, thrusting her sword towards my chest. I quickly bring my own sword up, pushing her blow away from my body. She quickly arcs round, bringing a swing in from my left now, and I manage to deflect that blow as well. I try to remember Giles training, to watch her movements for clues to her next move, but I find that she's too quick to do anything but react to the barrage of blows raining down on me. Our swords clash again, but this time she flicks her sword somehow, knocking mine from my hand, she then spins round and sticks her sword right through my chest. I look down at the hilt of her sword and back up at her 'I'm perfectly innocent' face.
"Was that really necessary?"
"Just trying to make a point." "That's really bad."
A short rest and a sword removal later and I'm back. Once again fighting against pretty much impossible odds. A few week old vampire against a veteran vampire slayer. I mentally berate myself for paying more attention to her figure than her fighting style when I was alive. This time I'm more centred. As her sword dances around me I'm able to focus on how she leans into her attacks. How she prefers long swings over thrusts. How I can hear her hold and release her breath in time with her attacks, and how I can smell a change in her scent whenever she tries to trick me with a feint. Learning to incorporate my newly improved senses into the fight has definitely helped even the playing field a bit. I'm still very much the underdog, but I'm making Buffy work for it now. Her release of breath warns me of an upcoming swing, and I watch her muscles tense, allowing me to defend while thinking ahead.
"So you think you're starting to get the hang of it?" "Maybe a little." She's actually trying to distract me now, I'm quite proud of my self. She appears to be about to swing from my right, but her scent tells me she's faking, I take a step back, giving myself some room and narrowly avoid a kick to the stomach. She's off balance now and has to turn her kick into a step forward, turning her back on me in order to bring her sword round in a wide swing. I quickly shove my shoulder into her back, keeping her off balance and bringing my own sword round to block. I wait a beat, letting her breath tell me when she's in the middle of a movement, before thrusting at her, forcing her to quickly bring her sword down to block. I manage to keep this up for a few seconds, but the cues that I've learnt from Buffy are less use when she's responding to my attacks.
I only get the slightest warning of the thrust as she exhales; her back is currently to me but she turns almost around the sword with a blow thrust aimed at my chest. I manage to fall backwards, avoiding the sword, while placing my left hand on the ground and bringing my legs up around Buffy's sword arm, swinging her down to the ground while I stand, bringing my sword to point at her neck while my left foot rests lightly on her sword hand. I flash a quick grin before being tackled heavily from the side. Whoever's attacking me has me pinned to the ground and is punching me across the face repeatedly, they're strong too, I'm not going to be conscious much longer if this keeps up. I vamp out, putting all my might into throwing off the attacker. I manage to throw them off and I quickly jump up into a fighting stance, although blood is running into my eyes, effectively blinding me. I can hear a brief struggle across the room though.
"Stop it." "But he was attacking you." "We were sparring" "But he's a vampire" "He's got a soul." "Bloody hell, I've only been gone a fortnight."
Scooby meetings, something that have been missing from my life the past few weeks, it's not the same though, doughnuts tasted much better when I was alive, and Scooby meetings without doughnuts are just wrong. It seems like everyone is here, Giles and Spike sit across the table while Willow and Tara are to my left, Buffy's sat to my right, ignoring the chair Spike pulled out for her next to him. It seems some pretty weird stuff happened the night I died. An entire town in Arizona went nuts, when Giles heard about it he bribed spike into checking out what was going on. I don't know if he's exaggerating to impress Buffy, but what happened seems pretty weird even by our standards. When he got into town a huge tower had been built the main park, most of the inhabitants were milling around the base of the tower. Then a green glowing ball of energy formed, demons sprang up all over the place, some blond lady walks into the energy, then everything goes back to normal. Except the inhabitants; who apparently are still nuts. Spike stuck around for a week trying to find out what happened, but eventually came back empty handed.
All our contacts say that Linus has left Sunnydale, so we don't have anything to do on that front either. So it seems that there's nothing to do but train and patrol until the next big bad comes along. And eventually Giles lets everybody go. Trouble is I know Linus is going to be back, and I know I can't let my friends go up against him. I've got to find a way to take him out myself. I can only think of one way to do that, which is why I take Tara aside before she leaves.
"What's up?" "I was wondering if you could do me a favour." "Sure, what do you need?" "I need you to teach me some magic." "W-why?" Her face has fallen and I pull her a bit further away from the others, hushing my tone a lot. "Because I want to keep Willow and Buffy out of the fight when Linus next comes calling." "But..." "He's got the power to stop their hearts with a glance." Her mind seems to be made up instantly; she nods quickly and tells me she'll be back later tonight.
I'm running with all my might, last month it would have been from something, tonight I'm chasing a vampire, the third one tonight whose run the moment he has laid eyes on me and Buffy. He's about to learn that running is pointless, especially when you've managed to go round in a circle and are about to run into the clearing where a certain slayer is waiting for me to return. I'm only about five seconds behind him, but when I reach the clearing he's already turning to dust.
"What? Were you taking a leisurely jog after him?" "Just thought you might like to keep in the game, he'd be the first vampire you've actually staked tonight, wouldn't he?" "Well what's the point of the vampire best friend if you can't take it easy every now and again?" I've got a pretty big grin on my fast after the last comment, but Buffy seems to have fallen silent. "Thinking about Angel?" "No, just another vampire that I can't have." "Actually I'm pretty sure Spike's available" "Ewwww, just don't go there. Not even to joke." "Ok, not even to joke. Did you speak to Willow?" "Yeh, although I don't think I can tell you what she said, I think only Willow can do that." "That she's dumped Tara and thinks she's in love with me? Tara told me." "Or I guess Tara could tell you. I think you need to talk with her." "You too huh? Ok, I'll pop round after patrol." Buffy grabs my arm and turns me round to face her; she's looking into my eyes when she starts speaking again. "Do you know what you're going to say?" "No, but I've got to find some way to fix this." "So you're going to try and get her back with Tara?" "Of course." "Not, you know, ahh..." "Are you trying to ask if I'm in love with Willow?"
Her eyes have filled with tears and she just stares at the ground. I quickly pull her into a hug as sobs wrack her body. I can't help but think how much easier things would be if I could just will myself to be in love with Buffy, but I realised a long time ago that my feelings for her had become the just friends kind. I hate not being able to do better, but I comfort my friend as best I can.
"I know it's not how you want, but I do love you, and I always will. One day I know that you'll meet the perfect guy, and maybe he won't even be part of the legion of undead." "But how am I meant to meet guy's outside of work?" her voice is frail and choked while she makes the joke, but I feel better knowing she is able to. "Come on, let's get you home. We can't have any vampires saying that they saw the big bad slayer cry." And although her tears are still running I can see the hint of a grin as we head for her home.
I've woken up three times to the image of one of my friends slowly going blue as their heart stops beating while I'm held frozen, watching on as they slowly die. So it takes me a few moments to realise that the crying I hear isn't some remnant of my dream, or my own strangled sobs from seeing another friend die, but someone else's. The sun has barely risen, so nobody would normally be in the magic box. I quickly put some clothes on before creeping out into the training area; the sobbing is coming from a darkened corner where even my vampiric vision can only barely make out Tara's form. I walk over and sit beside her, gently placing my arm on her shoulders and waiting for her sobbing to subside.
"Thanks." "That's ok. What happened?" "Willow said she thinks we should stop seeing each other." The sobbing is back and I pull Tara tighter against me and stroke her hair, doing my best to figure out what's going on. "Did she say why?" She shakes her head, at the same time wiping her tears across my shirt. I'm about to speak when she starts to speak herself. "But I, I think it's b-because she likes s-someone else." "Shhh, I'm sure that's not true. Who else could she like enough to choose over you?" "You." She's looking me in the eyes now, and yes I admit it, it was a stupid thing to say. I know Willow loves me, but not like that, does she? It doesn't matter though; I've promised myself that I would help Tara. And it's the right thing to do, whatever Willow might be feeling I know in my heart that she loves Tara, and that they're meant to be together. "Look, whatever either of us might have thought at one time or another, me and Willow are destined to be friends, nothing more. You and Willow are meant to be together, I know it, I'm sure you know it, and deep down Willow knows it. She's just confused at the moment. But I promise we'll set things right. Ok?" She nod's shyly, rubbing her tears from her face. "Now why don't we go find some breakfast, I'm paying." And with that I put on my helmet and leathers and head for the door, Tara in tow.
We step into the dinner, which I've chosen because of its westward facing windows, and I know things are going to be awkward, I can't see him yet, but from the strength of his scent he's still here. I consider just turning around and leaving, but judging from Tara's face she's already spotted him. I follow her gaze over to the corner of the dinner, he's sitting there, breakfast not yet touched, his face not giving away the slightest glimpse of what he's feeling. I give a quick wave to my friend before turning to Tara. "Do you want to go somewhere else? Or just back to the magic box? I'm sure Giles must have some food in there somewhere." "Why on earth would I mind having breakfast with my ex-girlfriend's ex- boyfriend?" The tears that she wants to shed are evident in her voice, but she manages to hold them in, while promptly walking over to Oz's table and sitting down. "Boy this is going well..." I end up saying out loud, I can't really believe how badly it's going, didn't even think it was possible to get this bad.
"So, you staying in Sunnydale long?" It's the most awkward small talk ever. "No, I wasn't planning to stop at all, just thought a quick bite couldn't hurt." I can only imagine what this must be like for Oz, not only has Tara picked up a lot of Willows mannerisms, but Willows scent still comes of her in waves. I think he's picked the same method that I use to deal with the effect, focus on the fact that this girl makes Willow happy and ignore everything else. I don't need to imagine so much for Tara, the pain and grief are written across her face, and on more than one occasion she's angrily wiped away a tear that's managed to escape the iron clad control she seems to be displaying. "Where are you headed too?" "I was going to stay in LA for a few days, not sure where I'll head after that." "Could you do me a favour?" I go on to tell him about Angel, and about Linus. I feel better knowing I'll have someone who'll call me if things go wrong there, someone that Linus won't know about. With that sorted, I'm about to say goodbye and get Tara away from this cheer up plan from hell, but she starts speaking before I have the chance.
"Could you tell me about you and Willow?" That certainly was not what I was expecting. Tara slowly explains what's been going on, and Oz starts to tell her about his time with Willow. If anything the tension between them seems to evaporate and I soon make an excuse to go up to the counter, giving them some privacy, or at least the appearance of privacy, my vampire hearing means that a still hear chunks of their conversation even though I'm trying not to listen.
"You don't need to worry about Xander coming between you and Willow, once he's chosen you as a friend there's nothing that will make him betray that trust." I can't help but remember Cordelia, and how I betrayed her. How she looked lying unconscious with a metal spike sticking out of her stomach. I have a hard time believing that Oz actually means his words, but the tone of his voice says he does. I take another sip of coffee while my mind dwells on my relationship with Cordelia. My self recrimination is broken off when I hear Oz again.
"Just remember, they've known each other pretty much their whole lives. If Xander says she loves you then she does, and if he say's she's working through stuff then you'll just have to trust him. Nobody knows her better." He's probably right, but how well do I really know her at the moment? I haven't spoken to her about her problems with Tara, haven't really spoken to her at all since I got back. I can't help but feel that I'm letting all my friends down, and I don't know how to make it up to them.
So I've just had an hours training sessions with Giles which is meant to prepare me for this, he just looked at my sword and informed me that if I'm going to be swinging it around in battle then I should learn how to use it. I thought I'd been doing ok, but apparently not. So now Buffy is standing in front of me, sword in hand, with a grin that suggests I'm going to face everything short of actual limb loss.
"You don't think we could start with rubber swords and sort of work our way up?" I say with a weak grin on my face. "Stop being such a baby." And with that she leaps forward, thrusting her sword towards my chest. I quickly bring my own sword up, pushing her blow away from my body. She quickly arcs round, bringing a swing in from my left now, and I manage to deflect that blow as well. I try to remember Giles training, to watch her movements for clues to her next move, but I find that she's too quick to do anything but react to the barrage of blows raining down on me. Our swords clash again, but this time she flicks her sword somehow, knocking mine from my hand, she then spins round and sticks her sword right through my chest. I look down at the hilt of her sword and back up at her 'I'm perfectly innocent' face.
"Was that really necessary?"
"Just trying to make a point." "That's really bad."
A short rest and a sword removal later and I'm back. Once again fighting against pretty much impossible odds. A few week old vampire against a veteran vampire slayer. I mentally berate myself for paying more attention to her figure than her fighting style when I was alive. This time I'm more centred. As her sword dances around me I'm able to focus on how she leans into her attacks. How she prefers long swings over thrusts. How I can hear her hold and release her breath in time with her attacks, and how I can smell a change in her scent whenever she tries to trick me with a feint. Learning to incorporate my newly improved senses into the fight has definitely helped even the playing field a bit. I'm still very much the underdog, but I'm making Buffy work for it now. Her release of breath warns me of an upcoming swing, and I watch her muscles tense, allowing me to defend while thinking ahead.
"So you think you're starting to get the hang of it?" "Maybe a little." She's actually trying to distract me now, I'm quite proud of my self. She appears to be about to swing from my right, but her scent tells me she's faking, I take a step back, giving myself some room and narrowly avoid a kick to the stomach. She's off balance now and has to turn her kick into a step forward, turning her back on me in order to bring her sword round in a wide swing. I quickly shove my shoulder into her back, keeping her off balance and bringing my own sword round to block. I wait a beat, letting her breath tell me when she's in the middle of a movement, before thrusting at her, forcing her to quickly bring her sword down to block. I manage to keep this up for a few seconds, but the cues that I've learnt from Buffy are less use when she's responding to my attacks.
I only get the slightest warning of the thrust as she exhales; her back is currently to me but she turns almost around the sword with a blow thrust aimed at my chest. I manage to fall backwards, avoiding the sword, while placing my left hand on the ground and bringing my legs up around Buffy's sword arm, swinging her down to the ground while I stand, bringing my sword to point at her neck while my left foot rests lightly on her sword hand. I flash a quick grin before being tackled heavily from the side. Whoever's attacking me has me pinned to the ground and is punching me across the face repeatedly, they're strong too, I'm not going to be conscious much longer if this keeps up. I vamp out, putting all my might into throwing off the attacker. I manage to throw them off and I quickly jump up into a fighting stance, although blood is running into my eyes, effectively blinding me. I can hear a brief struggle across the room though.
"Stop it." "But he was attacking you." "We were sparring" "But he's a vampire" "He's got a soul." "Bloody hell, I've only been gone a fortnight."
Scooby meetings, something that have been missing from my life the past few weeks, it's not the same though, doughnuts tasted much better when I was alive, and Scooby meetings without doughnuts are just wrong. It seems like everyone is here, Giles and Spike sit across the table while Willow and Tara are to my left, Buffy's sat to my right, ignoring the chair Spike pulled out for her next to him. It seems some pretty weird stuff happened the night I died. An entire town in Arizona went nuts, when Giles heard about it he bribed spike into checking out what was going on. I don't know if he's exaggerating to impress Buffy, but what happened seems pretty weird even by our standards. When he got into town a huge tower had been built the main park, most of the inhabitants were milling around the base of the tower. Then a green glowing ball of energy formed, demons sprang up all over the place, some blond lady walks into the energy, then everything goes back to normal. Except the inhabitants; who apparently are still nuts. Spike stuck around for a week trying to find out what happened, but eventually came back empty handed.
All our contacts say that Linus has left Sunnydale, so we don't have anything to do on that front either. So it seems that there's nothing to do but train and patrol until the next big bad comes along. And eventually Giles lets everybody go. Trouble is I know Linus is going to be back, and I know I can't let my friends go up against him. I've got to find a way to take him out myself. I can only think of one way to do that, which is why I take Tara aside before she leaves.
"What's up?" "I was wondering if you could do me a favour." "Sure, what do you need?" "I need you to teach me some magic." "W-why?" Her face has fallen and I pull her a bit further away from the others, hushing my tone a lot. "Because I want to keep Willow and Buffy out of the fight when Linus next comes calling." "But..." "He's got the power to stop their hearts with a glance." Her mind seems to be made up instantly; she nods quickly and tells me she'll be back later tonight.
I'm running with all my might, last month it would have been from something, tonight I'm chasing a vampire, the third one tonight whose run the moment he has laid eyes on me and Buffy. He's about to learn that running is pointless, especially when you've managed to go round in a circle and are about to run into the clearing where a certain slayer is waiting for me to return. I'm only about five seconds behind him, but when I reach the clearing he's already turning to dust.
"What? Were you taking a leisurely jog after him?" "Just thought you might like to keep in the game, he'd be the first vampire you've actually staked tonight, wouldn't he?" "Well what's the point of the vampire best friend if you can't take it easy every now and again?" I've got a pretty big grin on my fast after the last comment, but Buffy seems to have fallen silent. "Thinking about Angel?" "No, just another vampire that I can't have." "Actually I'm pretty sure Spike's available" "Ewwww, just don't go there. Not even to joke." "Ok, not even to joke. Did you speak to Willow?" "Yeh, although I don't think I can tell you what she said, I think only Willow can do that." "That she's dumped Tara and thinks she's in love with me? Tara told me." "Or I guess Tara could tell you. I think you need to talk with her." "You too huh? Ok, I'll pop round after patrol." Buffy grabs my arm and turns me round to face her; she's looking into my eyes when she starts speaking again. "Do you know what you're going to say?" "No, but I've got to find some way to fix this." "So you're going to try and get her back with Tara?" "Of course." "Not, you know, ahh..." "Are you trying to ask if I'm in love with Willow?"
Her eyes have filled with tears and she just stares at the ground. I quickly pull her into a hug as sobs wrack her body. I can't help but think how much easier things would be if I could just will myself to be in love with Buffy, but I realised a long time ago that my feelings for her had become the just friends kind. I hate not being able to do better, but I comfort my friend as best I can.
"I know it's not how you want, but I do love you, and I always will. One day I know that you'll meet the perfect guy, and maybe he won't even be part of the legion of undead." "But how am I meant to meet guy's outside of work?" her voice is frail and choked while she makes the joke, but I feel better knowing she is able to. "Come on, let's get you home. We can't have any vampires saying that they saw the big bad slayer cry." And although her tears are still running I can see the hint of a grin as we head for her home.