Hey, sorry about the delay... I've been working extra-hard... well, moderately hard... on my original story, and there are only so many hours in a day. :P

Thankee greatly, Nienna of Sorrow, Satara, Esselar, BoromirDefender, Sweet A.K. and of course Queen Isis. *blushes at compliments* Esselar - tell me when your fic's up, I want to read it! And sorry, A.K., can't TELL you who the romance is gonna be with, that would RUIN it. ^_^

Disclaimer: I'm a kleptomaniac and steal storylines for fun. Whee!

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Chapter Fourteen: Seeking Redemption

Saali awoke the morning after the brawl and opened her eyes.

No, actually, she opened her right eye. Her left was swollen completely shut, and when she tried to move the lids at all, her muscles screamed in agony. Wonderful. I suppose it is a beautiful black-and-blue color as well.

Alarms went off in her head. If her eye looked as awful as it felt, Sir would know she had been involved in the fighting. She had not known what Sir had wanted with Kentai last night, and her friend had refused to tell her, and by the time she had heard him return, she was half-asleep. But she was fairly sure that whatever it was, it meant the fact that she had started the fight was still secret. Plus, if Sir saw her eye, he might take pity on her - and pity was the last thing she wanted.

After slipping on her usual three undershirts, tunic, breeches and boots, Saali grabbed her headscarf and wrapped it around the top of her head so that it hung down over the top of her face, putting both her eyes in shadow, and tied it firmly at her chin. No one was going to see weakness in her, not if she could help it.

The young widow slipped her head through the tent-flaps. All was dark. She peeked into Kentai's half of the tent to see if she'd awakened him, and was surprised to see her tentie wasn't there. Oh, well, at least I did not wake him.

She picked up an already-lit lantern from where it waited outside the tent and headed off toward the tunnel-mouth, where Sir was to meet her for the first time since her disastrous first mission. He had, Saali noticed, made a point of telling her to meet him before dawn - perhaps he was as afraid of the animosity of the soldiers toward her as she was? But she wasn't afraid, she remembered belatedly. Just inclined to stay out of their way for a while.

The noise of running feet stopped Saali in her tracks, and she whirled about just a bit hastily, holding the lantern up and squinting with her good eye into the dark. A lone soldier approached with a lantern of his own, bouncing up and down merrily as he ran.

"Tai?" Saali called out, confused. Tai didn't seem the type for an early-morning jog to her.

"Hello, princess," Tai replied cheerily, panting slightly. "Beautiful morning, is it not?"

"What are you doing?" Saali questioned bluntly.

"Ten laps around the cave... just as the doctor ordered," Tai informed her as he drew up beside her. Saali began to jog with him.

"The doctor in question being Sir," Saali said slowly as realization dawned.

Tai nodded and shrugged.

"You... took the blame for me," Saali stated incredulously.

Tai nodded and shrugged a second time.

"You should not have done that," Saali informed him, shaking her head. All she needed now was for Tai to start resenting her. Then she'd really be happy here.

"Yes, I should have," Tai said simply, grinning as usual. "You would have been out of here in two seconds if he knew it was you."

Saali flinched and adjusted her makeshift headdress. "Can you... see that I have a black eye?" she asked, looking up at her friend as they ran.

Tai squinted at her face, holding up his lantern. "No, not really," he said finally.

Saali sighed with relief, and they trotted along in silence for a while.

"You should go meet 'the doctor' now," Tai suggested, breaking the silence.

"Oh. Right," Saali sighed. She looked up at Kentai. Her lack of an eye made everything look strangely two-dimensional, and the flames of the lantern danced in a peculiar way about his face. And she realized what a good friend he was. "Thank you.... so much," she mumbled, and looked down at her feet.

"No problem, princess" was the cheerful reply.

"But... you should not have to be doing this. Not for me," Saali insisted, feeling awful.

Tai laughed dismissively. "One day or another, he is going to figure out that I like to run," he mused.

Saali gave a small chuckle. That was Kentai. She stopped jogging, caught her breath, and began again to make her way toward the tunnel-mouth.

When she got there, Sir was already tapping his toes impatiently. "You are late," was the lovely greeting she got from him.

"Sorry about that, sir," Saali apologized without really meaning it. She tugged nervously at her headscarf and looked down guiltily. I did it! I did it, it was me, not Tai! ME!

"Well, then, we might as well get on with it. Today you will try again to locate the Rangers. And this time you will be sure you can find them again, am I correct?" Sir said in a way that made one think he had better be correct, or else.

"Yessir," Saali agreed. She could do it this time, she was sure. It was her only chance to get any respect. She knew the land, she knew their language... she could do it. She could. At least she hoped so.

When she dared to glance up, Sir was looking quizzically at the scarf. "Is your head cold, Tasaali?" he inquired, looking suspicious.

"No, sir," was all she could manage, and then she could have slapped herself. Should have said yes, you idiot!

"Then why is it wrapped in a scarf that way?" Sir said slowly. He was getting more suspicious by the moment.

"I, er..." Think of something! Quick! This is what you are supposed to be able to do... "I thought it would be useful for, er, blending into the surrounding... foliage... on my mission, sir."

"But the scarf is black," Sir pointed out the obvious. "And trees are green. Look at me, Tasaali."

Saali's heart was going a mile a minute. Her stomach clenched as she forced herself to look up. Could he see her eye?

"Pull back the scarf, Tasaali." Sir's hoarse voice was stern.

Well, if he hadn't been able to see it before, he would sure be able to see it now, thought Saali in dismay. Gritting her teeth, she untied the scarf and let it drop to her shoulders. Then she looked at the very interesting patterns in the rock at her feet.

Sir made a little hissing sound as he caught sight of the bruise. "Look at me."

Saali looked dully at her captain, out of one eye at least.

Sir said nothing for a much longer amount of time than anyone should ever say nothing for.

"I... it was my fault, sir. It was provoked," Saali spoke up defiantly. She wanted to be pitied less than she wanted to have her hair pulled out, strand by strand.

"And why did you provoke it?" Sir asked. He did not sound angry. More like tired.

"I had to defend myself, sir, I could not let them walk all over me," Saali said recklessly, heart pounding.

"They have been walking all over you, then," Sir murmured wearily, and Saali had the feeling he knew now who really started the fight. He sighed and added, "But you still should not have attacked anyone. That is sinking to their level, and you must never let yourself do that. And it could also be called treason."

"I know I should not have hit anyone, sir, I know I should not sink to their level, I know all that, but can you not understand?" Saali had let herself go now, and she could not stop. "Do you know what it is like to live as an outcast, and to be constantly insulted, and hated, and disrespected, and never to be able to sink to the level of your enemies? I was tired of keeping myself above them, because even though it may make you the better person in the end, I was tired of being strong; it brought me no satisfaction. Every time they ignore me, every time they insult me to my face, I want to scream, but I never let myself. Do you know what it feels like, to have all those stifled screams inside you? I know it was wrong, sir, and I will not do it again, but can you not forgive me for just this once?" And with that Saali realized she was on a rant, fell silent and gasped for breath, and looked fiercely into her captain's eyes.

Said eyes were filled with mixed emotions - disbelief, and anger, and sadness, and empathy, all at once. Sir sighed and looked at Saali with a troubled expression on his face.

"Can you forgive me?" Saali repeated.

Sir paused before saying, "Yes, Tasaali, I can forgive you. Just - NEVER do it again, do you understand me?"

Saali breathed a sigh of relief, and suddenly she was exhausted. "Thank you, sir. I will not do it again, I swear."

Sir bit his lip, apparently deep in thought. "I assume it was not Kentai who started the fight last night, then."

"No," Saali affirmed. "He just... did not want me in trouble, I suppose."

"He said he was defending your honor, actually," Sir told her gently.

"Really?" Saali said, surprised. "Wait... he told you what An - what the soldiers said, then." She clenched her fists just remembering Anrami's words.

"Not word-for-word, no. He just said that a certain man insulted your honor, and he had to defend it." If Sir had not still looked predominately thoughtful, he might have looked amused.

"Oh." Saali was, at the moment, fervently wishing Tai had said nothing at all.

After a moment, Sir said quietly, "Tasaali... do not hesitate to tell me if you are being hurt."

"Yessir," Saali agreed, knowing she would never tell him anything.

With that, Sir glanced briskly up the tunnel. "Well, it is getting late. You may go," he dismissed her. "Oh, and ten laps around the cave tomorrow. Just to make up for Private Kentai's having to do them."

Saali nodded gratefully and turned to begin the climb up the tunnel.
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Captain Nineyi watched her go. At the moment, it would probably be best for him not to talk to anyone, since he felt like strangling the world.

Vividly, the images came unbidden: Bhila at her husband's burial. The Fatespeaker with the knife. The Fatespeaker taking a lock of her delicate hair in his holy hand and slicing it viciously off. Her tears, his own tears. How he had looked away, like everyone else. Bhila sobbing, calling for her brother. How their eyes had hated her. Himself talking to her, their hatred for him...

Sir shook his head vigorously, as if to force the memories out of his mind. But the questions came anyway.

How could they treat his sweet sister that way?

How could they treat anyone that way?

He didn't know.

But he understood Tasaali better than he would have liked to.

And he couldn't protect her from society.

He had been like her once.

Sir walked slowly away from the tunnel-mouth. Kentai shouldn't have to do any more laps than he deserved.
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Saali, still in shock that she had blown up at Sir that way, shoved the rock aside and emerged from the tunnel-mouth. At least she wasn't in trouble. She wondered why. Sir didn't seem like the type to let anyone get away with anything.

But she knew what she had to do this time. The spy slipped a dagger out of her pocket and made a deep slash in the trunk of the nearest tree, then set off in the direction the tree was away from the Big Rock. Every few trees, she made another slash with the dagger. She would not lose her trail this time.

The trilling of birds and the rhythm of walk-walk-slash, walk-walk-slash were hypnotically calming, and the young widow found herself recovering from the shock of her outburst. And to replace it came a steely determination. This was her potential redemption. She needed it. She WOULD have it.

She would prove Sir right.