Canuck Combat

I do not own any of the DOA characters, Tecmo Team Ninja owns all characters, places, situations and about 40% of my brain.

This fic was originally planned to be a homour story, but somehow an actual storyline hit me midway through, so this will be going from comedy to not-so-comedy about midway through the story.

Be warned, I will be making fun of Canada, the United States and likely any other country that I mention as the story progresses, not to mention maybe hair and fashion styles, hey if I have a chance to poke fun at it, I will. All of the following situations are to be taken VERY lightly. I am in no way intentionally offending any country, state, province, ethnicity or religious background, just having some good fun.

one last note: Italics will represent what the main character is thinking, not saying out loud

Chapter 1: Y'all from Canada?
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now arriving to our destination, we ask that you please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened until further notice." the southern stewardess said over the plane's P.A. system. Phil sat staring out his window, listening to his headphones. The plane finally touched down at the airstrip and slowed almost immediately. He kept staring out the window, trying to absorb the massive DOAtec complex that was laid out around the landing strip. When the seatbelt light went out, Phil gathered his belongings and hurried himself out the door and down the steps. The DOAtec private airfield was quite extravagant even compared to the many airports he had seen back home in Toronto. A handful of others followed him off the plane. Phil eyed his competition for the tournament, this being his first time in the Dead Or Alive tournament, he tried to analyze his future opponents as best as possible. A small bus waited several feet away, obviously here to pick up the combatants and take them to the arena. Phil adjusted his backpack on his shoulder and sped up his pace, noticing he had fallen behind and was one of the last to climb aboard the bus. A man sat next to the driver with a clipboard with a list on it.
"Name?" the man spoke with a dull tone.
I'm fine, thank you, yourself? "Phil Conners." Phil answered. The man flipped through the list.
"From Toronto?" the man asked, again very dryly and nasally. Phil reminded himself where he was and kept a polite front.
"Yes sir." he said. The man checked a box next to his name.
"Not like it makes a difference, you're the only Phil Conners we got."
HAVE, the only Phil Conners you HAVE. Phil gave a polite chuckle at the man's comment.
"Go sit down son, you're holding us up." Phil nodded and walked down the aisle, finding an unoccupied seat and settling into it. A blonde lady sat behind him, eyeing him, then his backpack. Phil looked at her in the corner of his eye, but didn't speak.
Yeah, THOSE are fake. The lady pointed at the Canadian flag patch sewn on his backpack.
"Y'all from Canada?" the young lady spoke with a heavy southern drawl. Phil raised an eyebrow.
Oh yeah, all of us... I'm sitting alone, who the hell are you looking at you goof? "Yes, I am. Toronto." The lady's eyes grew wide.
"Wow, so you're from the capital." Phil shook his head and smiled politely.
"No, actually Ottawa is our capital." Not that I expect you to even be able to pronounce it let alone remember it. The blonde lady giggled.
"Sure it is, ya almost had me goin' for a sec there." she said, pausing to take a sip of her drink. "So, you dress awful light for a Canadian." Phil looked down at himself. Sporting a worn pair of converse one stars, baggy jeans, a black Tshirt and a black baseball cap, he couldn't find anything unusual about himself.
"I'm sorry?" he asked her. The lady laid her head down on the backrest of his seat, making herself comfortable.
"I mean, isn't it kinda cold up there to be wearing just a shirt?"
Is this chick for real? he thought. It's July for crying out loud."Actually it's rather warm back home right now, probably the same temperature there as it is here really." The blonde looked shocked.
"What? I heard Canada was all snowy and stuff." Phil let out a fake laugh, keeping a friendly smile on his face.
Yes, the snow is neck deep all year around, and I live in an igloo and ride a dogsled. "No, I'm sorry it seems you were misinformed." The blonde looked confused again.
"You sure talk awful funny."
Speak awfully funny! You uneducated dolt! "Well, I'll work on it." He let out another fake social laugh. The blonde smiled and stuck out her hand.
"I'm Tina, Tina Armstrong." Phil shook her hand, surprised for a moment that her handshake had hurt his hand.
"Phil Conners. That's quite a grip you have there, Tina." Tina laughed and flexed her arms playfully.
"Well you know what they say about us Texas girls."
Actually no I don't, and I'm okay with that

Well, we're off. Phil has met Tina and already he's exhasperated, too bad he can't say anything because he's Canadian and it wouldn't be nice : )
Who will Phil meet next? Will he be ready for the impending mocking that awaits him? Tune in next chapter to find out!