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Wow, I've gotten some really nice reviews already, thanks people, I hope to keep you entertained as the story moves on.

Chapter 3: Nice Hat
Tina regained her composure as Phil questioned himself as to why he was actually waiting for her.
"You're too much!" Tina said, taking his arm and leading him down the hall towards the apartments.
"Thanks, I think." he spoke with another social chuckle. He was also a little uneasy as to how quickly Tina just latched onto him, he didn't want people to think that he was actually WITH this airhead. He then sighed to himself. Not that it matters I guess, I'm already the goofy Canadian.
 "Let me see your paper." Tina said more than asked, snatching it out of Phil's hand. "Let's see, you're in room 307. Hey that's right next door to daddy!"
Dear Lord, there's TWO of them? Phil looked at his paper. "Daddy?" Tina nodded.
"I'm sure you've heard of Bass Armstrong, undefeated world heavyweight champion." Phil smiled for real this time.
"You mean the wrestler guy? He's your dad? That's pretty cool." And right after I get his autograph I'm going to ask him what the hell he was thinking when he reproduced. Tina smiled.
"I'm sure he'll like you, he doesn't approve of most guys though."
Did that even make any sense? He'll like me, but not likely? And why do I need approval it's not like I'm trying to date you! Phil stopped thinking about it, all it accomplished was making his head hurt. They reached his room, and there he stood. Even bigger than he looked on television, he puffed on a cigarette, which looked more like a toothpick in his fingers. Wow there he is and... wait a minute... is that a ten gallon hat? Great so now I have Britney Spears AND Pacos Bill. He leaned against the wall of the hallway.
"Daddy I want you to meet Phil, he'll be staying next door to you." Bass eyed Phil for a moment, then stuck out his hand.
"Bass Armstrong." Phil shook his hand. Before he could introduce himself, Bass interrupted. "Now if you want to keep that hand, I recommend you not go around playing pussyfoot with my daughter, comprende?" Phil's eyes widened.
Pussyfoot? Dude I'm not playing ANYTHING with your daughter... please don't eat me. Phil chuckled again, going with the comment, hoping that Bass wouldn't take it as Phil laughing AT him.
"Now Daddy, Phil came all the way from Canada so be nice to him." Bass smiled now, acting more friendly.
"Really? Y'all from Canada?"
Haven't we covered this already?
"Well golly son, welcome to the U.S. of A, you're in God's country now ya know." Phil nodded.
"Thank you, sir." Seriously dude, lose the hat, it's making me angry. Bass shooed Tina away and followed Phil into his room. Sure, yeah, come on in, make yourself comfortable. Bass sat down in a lounge chair and put his feet up on a glass topped table. Phil sat in another lounge chair across from him, staring at the glass, waiting for it to crack.
"So you're a Canuck, huh?" Phil nodded.
"Indeed I am, sir." Bass chuckled as he pulled out another cigarette. Oh come on man, not in my room, I have to sleep in here. Bass sparked it and offered one to Phil, Phil raised his hand. "Thanks anyways."
"So tell me." Bass began, scratching himself freely. "Y'all got the internet in Canada yet?" Phil was about to answer, then paused and decided to have some fun. He shook his head.
"Oh, no, no, the internet isn't up there yet, hell we just got power in my neighborhood two months ago." Bass shook his head.
"Well fancy that, you oughta check it out when it reaches your parts, son, darn fine resource."
Yeah you just like the porn. "I will look into it, thank you." Bass raised the left side of his backside momentarily, then readjusted himself. Oh dude you did NOT just do that in my room, you... you did. Phil coughed lightly, Bass chuckled.
"That oughta be a fan favorite." he said in a satisfied tone while he kept chuckling.
Man you just... I can't believe... I... you just farted in my room man! My room! And not just any fart... Geez man what did you eat?! I didn't know a human could create that kind of an odor! Bass stood up from his chair and stretched, scratching himself as he saw fit.
"Well, on that note I oughta be heading down for some chow, ya wanna join me?" Phil fanned his nose with his hand and shook his head.
"No, thank you, I really should unpack." And bleach my room, cripes. Bass tipped his hat and left the room. The second the door closed, Phil ran for the window and shot it open. More air is needed! he thought to himself. He saw a large sliding door at the other end of his room and ran to that, throwing it open as well. The sliding door led to a very nice balcony with a beautiful view of the distant fields. The sun was setting over the mountains, and Phil stopped to admire the sight. The moment was ruined however by a loud crash. Phil glanced to his left. He saw a man standing on the next balcony, a clay jug lay broken on his balcony with liquid scattered. The man staggered and grumbled about the mess. He then looked up at Phil and tried to maintain his balance. He stumbled to the rail and leaned out. There was about a 10 foot gap between the balconies, but the drunken man leaned out over the railing regardless, motioning for Phil to come over. Phil slowly walked towards his railing, keeping his guard up. The man pulled a flask out from his belt and slammed back a mouthful of something strong in odor. Phil could smell it from his balcony. The man held it up in a motion of offering.
"Hmm?" the drunk man grunted as he offered. Phil raised his hands to decline, but the man didn't lower the flask, he just kept pushing his arm out and grunting. Phil finally gave in and nodded. The man tossed the flask to him and Phil unplugged the cap. He took a whiff and instantly his eyes watered. He took a deep breath and allowed himself to take a sip of the contents. The burning sensation coated his mouth and throat and he gasped for air. The drunk laughed to himself while Phil tossed the flask back.
"Thanks." Phil managed to squeak. The drunk leaned against the railing.
"I Brad, Brad Wong." Phil nodded and waved, still unable to make an audible sound. "You American, no?" Phil shook his head.
"No sir, Canadian." Brad laughed.
"Ah ha, ah Canadian." Brad laughed again, then quickly gave Phil a crook-eyed look like he had caught Phil doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. Brad just stared at him with that look, not moving, not even blinking. Phil began to walk away.
"Well, I should be going." he said as he backed towards his door. He then realized Brad was still glaring at where Phil had been standing, even though Phil was no longer there. Phil slammed the sliding door closed and locked it, then paused. Oh my God the smell is STILL here!

The poor guy just can't seem to catch a break can he? Maybe next chapter Phil will have more luck, but not likely.