"Alright kiddies. Today we'll be handling the Crippins. The Crippins are a
notoriously rough creature, who like to crypt walk in their spare time. If
challenged to a crypt walking contest." Hagrid's voice trailed off in the
distance as Harry walked over to Hermione.
"What's the plan?"
"Say a yo momma joke to Malfoy, that will get him angry, and you guys can
rap battle it out."
"Hermione, that's the lamest trick in the book. You really think old ferret-
face ill fall for it?"
"Homie, Malfoy is about as smart as he is cute.and last time I checked, he
wasn't very cute."
"Okay, Okay." Harry walked over to Malfoy as Ron was talking to Lavender ("
If you were a broomstick, I'd never stop riding you", he said). Ron
quickly stopped flirting with Lavender when he say the grave look on
Harry's face. It was time to carry out the plan.
"Malfoy, you're such a little punk. You only got a record deal 'cause of
your rich daddy."
The class laughed, and Malfoy's pale place deepened to a bright red.
"Quit yo lip flappin Potter."
"Malfoy, yo mama's so ugly, when your daddy saw a boggart, it took the
shape of yo mamas ugly ass!"
"Stop it you little joke. Let's battle this out right here, right now. I'll
show you how it's done one more time kid." The class stopped laughing and
began to look on anxiously as Malfoy and Harry stared viciously at each
other. Harry began to rap, but before he could finish his first sentence,
Pansy Parkinson whispered a curse at him from behind..Harry's voice was
gone. While Malfoy was rapping, Harry was groping his throat, searching for
words. The curse wore off, just in time for Malfoy to defeat Harry.
"It's okay Harry. You win some you lose some, huh?" Ron said sadly.
"I didn't lose! Pansy cursed me." He said to Ron and Hermione. But as Harry
explained, he could tell that no one believed him. Harry was doomed to live
out the rest of his years as a loser. Defeated by his enemy, kicked to the
curb.
"Harry! There is a way to beat Malfoy fo shizzle."
"How Hermione?"
"We could find the Sorcerer's bling."
"The Sorcerer's bling?" Ron echoed in amazement. He rubbed his golden chain
with the words "Weasley fo lizzife" inscribed on it mysteriously as he
began to take in Hermione's words.
"It's an old myth. I read it in a book. Whoever wears the bling will have
the tightest rap skills around. They'll be off the cauldron, nobody could
defeat them."
"Yo, herm. Where's this bling at? I can't be playing around with no
legends. I need some fo real skills."
"It's located at Wizard's Paradise Club. It is supposedly in the basement's
underground." Hermione said with a look of determination
"Yo herm. That mess ain't happening. That club's in Hogsmeade. And you have
to be at least 17 to get in. There's no way we can get it." Harry's brief
candle of hope diminished.
"Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure I can convince a female to let us in, free of
charge, no questions asked." Ron said, while smiling at his own pimping
skills.
"I don't know who you're trying to fool, Ron. You couldn't get a girl if
you used a love potion," said Hermione while rolling her eyes. The truth of
the matter was that Ron was quite popular with the ladies. And as more
girls began to notice Ron, Hermione became increasingly edgy and annoyed.
"Don't be hatin' girl." Ron said while polishing his gold tooth.
"You're forgetting who you're talking to homie. I am the smartest with in
our year."
"True dat, true dat" Harry said while nodding in a agreement. Hermione
explained that a simple aging potion could transform them all into 17 year
olds.
"But this potion would be difficult to make. It calls for 5 pounds of
diamond bling, a designer watch, some Burberry cologne, and a couple of
galleons to show you got skills."
"Dude, we gotta prove to a potion that we're tight enough to make it?
That's dumb. I'm trying to make a potion, not date it!" Harry said in
amazement.
"Like Ron said Harry, 'Don't hate the wizard hate the Quidditch game'"
"Or in this case.don't hate the potion, hate the dumb idiots who made such
a stupid rule."
And so the trio set off in search of the fancy items they needed to start
the potion. The quest for the bling was on!
