Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Bling
Chapter 1: Battleground
"Dude Harry wake up! We're going to be late for the battle" "Okay Ron, chill out." Harry Potter slowly rose out of his four poster bed, and wiped his vivid green eyes before placing his glasses firmly on the top of his nose. If it had not have been for his best friend Ron Weasley, Harry might have missed the most important day of his life. Today was the day, that he could finally settle the score with Malfoy and his gang of cronies. They were having a rap showdown at the end of the grounds. Harry wasn't troubled by this. He knew he wouldn't have to resort to magic to beat his arch enemy Draco Malfoy at rapping, but he was slightly anxious. The entire school was meeting outside to watch the competition. "Don't forget to just relax, homie. Remember, I got your back." "Okay Ron. I just hope that hot female from Potions shows up. Did you see that skirt she was wearing last week?" "Yeah, it was off the cauldron." "I'd give her a ride on my Nimbus any day." "Okay dude. If you need any help. Just tell Hermione and she'll transfer some hot rhymes into your head." The duo walked down the corridor as Hermione joined them. "That's some nice bling, Herm." "I know. Just hope that wack Snape teacher doesn't see. You know he'll take it away." "He's just a hater," said Harry. Rap Master Snape was their Potions as well as freestyle rap teacher. Everyone knew Snape hated Harry. Maybe it was because Harry had tighter rhymes, or maybe it was because James, Harry's dad, got all the hoes while Snape had none. At least, that's how it was when James was alive. James was killed in a fly-by when Harry was only one year old. The evil Lil' Voldemort had flown by on his new race broom and fired a killing curse at James, and his wife Lily. But miraculously, Harry had survived. Harry's triumph had been a mystery to him, until just last year. It was then, the wise owner of Witchy Records and headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore had told him that Harry was destined to kill Lil' Voldemort or be killed by him. "Okay, just chill out Harry." Harry was amidst cheering admirers from Gryffindor. As he glanced into the crowd, he saw Celestia Hearth's face. A gorgeous 4th year, she had just released her latest album "Ain't nothing but a Wizard Thang" and had a fan base almost as large as Harry's. "Hey Potter. If you got tight skills in this battle, maybe you and be could hook up some time and do a single for my next album," Celestia said. Harry smiled at her nervously before flashing a Gryffindor gang sign to the opposing Slytherin groupies. "Okay Potter. Let's do this thing. I'll even let you go first." Harry began to contemplate his rhymes while Ron was beat boxing in the background. What should he rap about? Malfoy's played out hairstyle? Maybe his cheap bling? Or maybe his momma? "Come on Potter. What you waiting for?" "Yo, yo. Malfoy he's a little punk, look like a skunk. His momma can't look at his face, he's a disgrace. I beat him in school, I beat him at Quidditch. Malfoy's such a girl. I'll make him cry like a little bit-" "Potter!" To Harry's surprise, Rap Master Snape's hand was firmly clasped on his shoulder. Snape turned him around and glared endlessly into Harry's eyes. "Detention Potter. This rap battle is unauthorized." "That's wack Professor! Malfoy's just called you 'cause he didn't wanna get dissed in front of the entire school." "That'll be another 5 hours to your detention Potter. Besides Malfoy could beat your lame rhymes any day."
Chapter 2: The Plan "Don't be upset man. Everyone knows you rocked the wand tonight." "Fo shizzle Harry. You were so tight." Hermione said. "I know. But it's not the same as Malfoy and those idiots admitting that I'm the hottest rapper." "He's never gonna admit that. But we all know who's the real MC," said Celestia as she walked in. She had the latest new designer Witch plaid robes, and a hot purse to match. Harry couldn't help but stare at Celestia. She was the flyest witch around. If only Harry could work up the nerve to ask her out. "Harry, my man! You were hotter than a pepper flavored Bertie Bott's fo real playa!" said Fred as he and his twin brother George walked in the room with a crowd of adoring girls. Fred and George were just visiting, as they had heard about the rap battle in a letter from Ron. Their record company "The Weasley Record Wheezes" had just taken off, and beat Lucius Malfoy's Company, "So Pure Records" in the latest wizard music charts. It was rumored that Lucius had planned an attack on the Weasley family in retaliation, but Fred and George weren't too scared. As George pointed out: "That old slick haired ferret. He's just hating, cause nobody likes his old school records." "Don't hate the wizard. Hate the Quidditch game." "Fo sheezy, Ron," Harry said in response to his comment. As Fred and George left with their adoring hoes, the trio of Harry Ron and Hermione headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The rap battle was still hot topic around school, and Harry could hear whispers from everyone contemplating the showdown. "Yo Harry! When you and ferret-face gonna finish of the battle?" asked Luna. She always had the strangest wizard gear on, and today she was wearing a hat with a large Gryffindor lion rested on top. The lion was gnarling and viciously flashing the Gryffindor gang sign. "Luna, chill out girl. Last time that little punk set me up just to get caught by Snape." "We gotta be more sneaky about it this time," piped in Neville, a shy boy, with rapping skills almost as bad as his memory. Neville tripped over his robes as he walked towards Harry. Most of Hogwarts viewed Neville as a blundering idiot, but Gryffindors knew better, for Neville showed his bravery in a break dancing contest against Lil Voldemort and his gang of groupies called the Death Eaters. "Fo real, dawg. If we ain't stealth about this business, I'll be on a one stop trip to Dumbledore's office." "Yeah, Neville's right. We can't do it all out in the open. We have to plan a surprise attack," said Luna. She was very anxious to defeat Malfoy. Even though she was a Ravenclaw, she was considered by many Gryffindors to be part of the Lion's Crew (an elite Gryffindor gang consisting of Harry, Ron, Neville, Hermione, and Ginny). "I've got a perfect plan H-dawg" Hermione said to Harry. The Lion Crew (except Luna and Ginny) headed to the grounds where Hagrid was teaching Care of Magical Creatures. This was the perfect place to defeat Malfoy.
Chapter 3: the Sorceror's Bling
"Alright kiddies. Today we'll be handling the Crippins. The Crippins are a notoriously rough creature, who like to crypt walk in their spare time. If challenged to a crypt walking contest..." Hagrid's voice trailed off in the distance, as Harry walked over to Hermione. "What's the plan?" "Say a yo momma joke to Malfoy, that will get him angry, and you guys can rap battle it out." "Hermione, that's the lamest trick in the book. You really think old ferret- face ill fall for it?" "Homie, Malfoy is about as smart as he is cute...and last time I checked, he was a troll." "Okay, Okay." Harry walked over to Malfoy as Ron was talking to Lavender (" If you were a broomstick, I'd never stop riding you", he said). Ron quickly stopped flirting with Lavender when he saw the grave look on Harry's face. It was time to carry out the plan. "Malfoy, you're such a little poseur. You only got a record deal 'cause of your rich daddy." The class laughed, and Malfoy's pale place deepened to a bright red. 0 "Quit yo lip flappin Potter." "Malfoy, yo mama's so ugly, when your daddy saw a boggart, it took the shape of yo mamas ugly ass!" "Stop it you little joke. Let's battle this out right here, right now. I'll show you how it's done one more time kid." The class stopped laughing and began to look on anxiously as Malfoy and Harry stared viciously at each other. Harry began to rap, but before he could finish his first sentence, Pansy Parkinson whispered a curse at him from behind...Harry's voice was gone. While Malfoy was rapping, Harry was groping his throat, searching for words. The curse wore off, just in time for Malfoy to defeat Harry. "It's okay Harry. You win some you lose some, huh?" Ron said sadly. "I didn't lose! That Pansy Parkinson cursed me," he said to Ron and Hermione. But as Harry explained, he could tell that no one believed him. Harry was doomed to live out the rest of his years as a loser. Defeated by his enemy, kicked to the curb. "Harry! There is a way to beat Malfoy fo shizzle." "How Hermione?" "We could find the Sorcerer's Bling." "The Sorcerer's Bling?" Ron echoed in amazement. He rubbed his golden chain with the words "Weasley fo lizzife" inscribed on it mysteriously as he began to take in Hermione's words. "It's an old myth. I read it in a book. Whoever wears the Bling will have the tightest rap skills around. They'll be off the cauldron, nobody could defeat them." "Yo, herm. Where's this Bling at? I can't be playing around with no legends. I need some fo real skills." "It's located at Wizard's Paradise Club. It is supposedly in the basement's underground," Hermione said with a look of determination. "Yo herm. That mess ain't happening. That club's in Hogsmeade. and you have to be at least 17 to get in. There's no way we can get it." Harry's brief candle of hope diminished. "Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure I can convince a female to let us in, free of charge, no questions asked." Ron said, while smiling at his own pimping skills. "I don't know who you're trying to fool, Ron. You couldn't get a girl if you used a love potion," said Hermione while rolling her eyes. The truth of the matter was that Ron was quite popular with the ladies. And as more girls began to notice Ron, Hermione became increasingly edgy and annoyed. "Don't be hatin' girl." Ron said while polishing his bling. "You're forgetting who you're talking to homie. I am the smartest with in our year." "True dat, true dat" Harry said while nodding in agreement. Hermione explained that a simple aging potion could transform them all into 17 year olds. "But this potion would be difficult to make. It calls for 5 pounds of diamond bling, a designer watch, some Burberry cologne, and a couple of galleons to show you got skills." "Dude, we gotta prove to a potion that we're tight enough to make it? That's dumb. I'm trying to make a potion, not date it!" Harry said in amazement. "Like Ron said Harry, 'Don't hate the wizard hate the Quidditch game'." "Or in this case, don't hate the potion, hate the dumb idiots who made such a stupid rule," Harry said. And so the trio set off in search of the fancy items they needed to start the potion. The quest for the Bling was on!
Chapter 4: The Secret Shakedown
Ron, Hermione and Harry ravaged the castle looking for the expensive items needed to please the potion. Ron was able to get some galleons from one of his hoes, but still, there was the matter of obtaining the diamonds, watch, and cologne. "There's no way we're going to find this stuff dude" Harry said with a melancholy expression. "I guess I'll have to accept defeat." "Don't talk that way, Harry." "Why don't we throw a party!" Ron said enthusiastically. "I think you've been breathing in those potion fumes for too long." "No I'm serious. Remember that Room of Requirement we used for our D.A. meetings last year? We could turn it into a club with hot records, and a bangin' dance floor." "I don't see how getting' our groove on will help us any," Hermione said while rolling her eyes. "Let me finish. We could charge 5 galleons each. Everybody would come! We would have plenty enough to buy the jewels and cologne then...and maybe there will be a little left over for us," Ron said happily. Harry pondered, while Hermione began to scoff disbelievingly. She obviously thought that would be impossible to do. "What are the odds of this trick working yo? Rap Master Snape's bound to catch us." "You need to loosen up, girlie," Ron said while shaking Hermione's shoulders. "You need to follow the rules." But, despite Hermione's protests, Harry ad Ron began to discuss the party. By the next week, the whole school had learned of Harry's defeat and they all became considerably colder towards him. Even Celestia didn't smile as Harry waved at her, and Harry overheard her whisper "I can't believe I thought he was tight." to her friend. The fiasco seemed to motivate Luna however, and she promised to inform her fellow Ravenclaws of the party. "We need a name for this dance." "Dude, Ginny, it's not a 'dance'. That sounds lame," Ron said. "We still need a name fool." "How about the 'Secret Shakedown'" Neville said as he searched for his wand at the Gryffindor table. "Actually Neville, I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said," Ginny remarked while giving Neville a smile. Neville turned away, just quick enough to hide his red face. The Lion Crew dashed up to the Common Room and began making flyers (in invisible ink of course) to hand out to Hogwarts students. "Don't give these to any Slytherins. Those wack nerds screw up all the fun," Ron said. "Not to mention they'll rat us out like Wormtail himself," Harry nodded in agreement. The crew worked endlessly to make flyers, and finally, The Secret Shakedown was on!
Chapter 5: A Kodak Moment When Harry awoke the next morning and entered the Great Hall, everyone seemed to have forgotten Malfoy's triumph in the battle. Celestia apologized, and even asked him to the Shakedown. Everywhere, people were waving enthusiastically at him with broad grins. "What's with these chumps? One minute they're all on my back, the next they're cheesin' all up in my grill? I don't t like this phony stuff," Harry said while adjusting his backwards cap to reveal the Witchy Records logo, of Dumbledore in a large cauldron with 3 scantily clad witches. " "Don't get all tense man. I told them that the Secret Shakedown was your idea" Ron said nonchalantly while meticulously combing his red hair. "Dude, do you know how much booty you could get off that idea? Why would you do that?" "I figured that you weren't doing to well with the kids at school. You needed this. The entire school was mad at you for losing." "I didn't lose! That little cow Pansy cursed me!" "We know that, but no one else does," Hermione said sympathetically. "I always got your back, H-dawg." Ron and Harry hugged each other after doing their secret handshake. "Well isn't this a Kodak moment?" Malfoy said while striding up to the Gryffindor table, his goons Crabbe and Goyle close behind. " "Go away Malfoy. You beat me, alright. I can still kick your pale bum on the Quidditch field." "Keep thinking that Potter." Malfoy said. He looked puzzled as several students patted Harry on the back as they passed. "Do these lame brains know I beat you?" Malfoy said with a tone of resentment. "I guess so. But they also know something you don't," Ron said with satisfaction as he, Harry and Hermione headed down the corridor to Charms. "What are you talking about Weasel?" Malfoy shouted after them, but the three continued to walk on without the slightest hint of disturbance. Ron took his usual seat next to Harry in Charms, and as the other students were practicing Banishing Spells, Harry and Ron talked avidly. "Celestia asked me to the dance..sorry the Shakedown," said Harry when he saw Ron's annoyed look. "What? We're bringing girls to this thing?" Ron said surprised. "There's nothing you have to worry about. Just pick one from your fan club," Harry said jokingly. "Well, there's this special girl I've been thinking of." "I'm sure she'd love to be your girl. Just ask her." "I wouldn't be too confident. This girl...well, this girl is quite...fierce." "What is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked while laughing. Harry knew quite well that Ron could get any girl he wanted in the entire school. Even seventh years were throwing themselves at him. If Ron was this troubled over a girl, she had to be special. "She's not like everyone else dude. I really like her. I'd throw down my player status for one kiss from her." "Sounds like you're whipped to me." While Harry made comic cracking motions, as if he was whipping Ron, Ron stares idly out the window. "I'm serious, dude. Besides I'm not a player. Everyone just labels me." "You're not a player, you just crush a lot." The two laughed hysterically, as Hermione banished a pillow right to the middle of Ron's face. "Dude, Herm. What's wrong with you?" Ron said with a confused look. "I guess I must have done it improperly," Hermione said sarcastically, which made Harry think that she hit her target with perfect aim purposely.
Chapter 6: Neville's Triumph Over the next few days, the Lion Crew planned meticulously for the Shakedown. The Shakedown was to be held in the Room of Requirement, which could be easily decorated, but there still was the matter of the over 500 students who were coming to the event. "How are 550 kids gonna manage to leave their Common Rooms without noticing? Won't the teachers be a little suspicious" "What's the dealio, Ron? You think I haven't planned for that?" said Hermione. "It's simple Hermione told everyone to come at a different time. That way, it won't look like a load of kids just came bursting down the corridor." "I'm feeling this plan. Yo Harry, how was detention last night?" Ron said while nodding. "You know the deal. Just old wack Snape telling me how worthless I am as I cleaned out his old potion jars." "So, Ron. Who are you bringing to the dance?" Hermione said with a grimace that made her twitch slightly as if she was ailed with disease. "Oh, I don't know. Um, listen guys I gotta bounce. I'm supposed to, um...well.I just gotta go." Ron said while eyeing the floor and running swiftly out of the room. "What's with you two? You've been all wacked out lately." "Well, Harry. Some dudes just can't let the truth come out." Hermione bounced out of the room, while Harry, very puzzled continued to plan alone.
The Shakedown was in just one week. The school was buzzing with excitement, as were Hermione Ron and Harry. Finally, within a few days, they would have the precious items needed to fulfill the Aging potion's requirements. Those few items would bring them closer to discovering the Bling, thereby re- establishing Harry's reign as King of Rhymes. As Harry wearily walked down to the dungeons for Freestyle class, he ran into Ron and Hermione. "Hey, Ron looks like that chickenhead over there is smiling at you." Hermione said in an unctuous tone. "Shut yo mouth woman! All you do is talk and talk." "Yeah, player. At least I don't talk out of my bum." "And just what is that supposed to mean?" "You know what's there. Put it together yourself fool." Hermione said and she ran hurriedly ahead of the boys to the dungeons. "Why are you two always arguing?" "Dude, I'm telling you Harry. That girl is worse than Winky's butterbeer hangover ." Harry laughed as he opened the door to find Rap Master Snape staring at him with a penetrating look of disgust. Ron and Harry ran to their assigned seats as Snape began to explain the intricacies of freestyling. "Now, I don't expect all you chumps to be a freestyler. Freestylin' is more than waving a played out wand or chanting some words. It's a way of life. Now then, Malfoy get up here and show the other kids how it's done. You, Neville. You can attempt to battle against Malfoy." Neville slowly rose out of his seat to the front of the class where Malfoy stood waiting. Hermione sighed as Neville cleared his throat, and she seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Harry: There was no way Neville Longbottom could possibly beat Malfoy. "Yo, um...Malfoy is so...um. Malfoy is...he can't." Neville said as he face turned red, while the Slytherins laughed. "Here, Longbottom I'll start first. Neville is fool, how'd he even get into this school? He's just a little baby, and my rhymes are way hotter. He ain't even got parents just like his hero Potter," Malfoy said as Neville began to twitch. Malfoy had obviously struck a nerve when he mentioned Neville's parents, who were unable to remember him. Neville took a deep breath and began to rap. " "Malfoy, what the hell is wrong with you? Yo momma looks like something I pulled off the bottom of my shoe. Yo daddy's such a little punk, he wears a bow in is hair. Malfoy were you born this ugly, or did a curse hit you somewhere?" Neville said with a look of astonishment at the words that just echoed from his mouth. The Gryffindors erupted with cheers and congratulations, before Snape had silenced them. "Obviously, that know-it-all Granger helped him rehearse before class. 50 points from Gryffindor" But it didn't matter. Everyone knew that Neville had triumphed. As class ended and the room emptied, Neville exited with the biggest grin imaginable and a happy spring in his thug walk.
Chapter 7: Let There be Bling
Hermione and Celestia talked avidly in a corner while Ron and Harry were chatting on the couch of the Common Room. They had all decided to trade their robes in for stylish clothing. Hermione was wearing a long black dress, while Celestia wore white leather pants and a matching jacket with black stilettos. "The girls are looking fine tonight, eh Ron?" "Yea, I guess so," said Ron absentmindedly, as if he was not really focusing on Harry's words. "You never told me who you're taking to the Shakedown tonight." "Oh yeah that reminds me. Hermione, get over here, you're coming with me to the Shakedown," Ron yelled across the room. Hermione snapped around with a vicious look on her face. "Ronald Weasley, do you expect me to drop everything and hang on your dumb little invite." Hermione said with utmost attitude. "Yeah, that sounds about right." Ron said. "Well, I already have a date fool." "Dude Hermione, stop the bull. You know I'm the only one who'll put up with your nagging." Ron said matter-of-factly as if he was not insulting her at all. Harry could tell this was Ron's way of being sincere, but Hermione was not impressed. "Ron, you collect girls like Wizard Cards. Well, I for one, am not going to be added to that collection" Hermione said while heading back upstairs to the girls dormitory. Harry's eyes widened. He was completely clueless that Ron and Hermione even had stronger feelings for each other. "Dude, I didn't know you was feeling Herm." "I'm not. She just completely missed the point. I don't...I was just...she is so wrong...I never...H-dawg. Let's just go to the Shakedown," Ron said very flustered "Should we wait for Herm?" Celestia asked thoughtfully. "You can. But I'm leaving." Ron grabbed his jacket and climbed out of the portrait hole, which led to the corridor. Celestia and Harry gave each other a surprised look as Hermione ran down the stairs wearing a new outfit. The dress she was now wearing was as short as it was tight, and her hoop earrings blended perfectly with her straightened hair. "How'd you straighten your hair that quick, girlfriend? It looks tight," Celestia said while playing with Hermione's beautiful golden brown hair. "I learned this new charm out of Teen Witch magazine. Come on let's go. I want Ro-...I mean I want everyone to see my new outfit." Harry raised his eyebrows while Celestia suppressed a chuckle. The kids began to walk down to the Room of Requirement when they saw Dumbledore standing by an armored suit. "Wassup Harry! I haven't seen you in awhile. What are you guys wandering around for?" Dumbledore said this without the slightest hint of suspicion, but asked as if he was simply inquiring about the weather. "Well you see, Professor...Harry, Hermione, and I...we, uh-" Celestia said, trying to think of an excuse why three Gryffindors would be in the corridor at night. "Oh I understand. Play on playa. Well, of course, you learned form the master. Just don't get into too much trouble," Dumbledore said with a twinkling wink before he started towards his office. "He thought we're on a date? But there's three of us. I don't get it," Hermione said. "I'll explain to you later Herm" Harry said while laughing. Soon, the three met up with Ron. "You remember how this thing works right?" Harry said and the other nodded. They walked up and down the corridor, concentrating on the items needed for the Secret Shakedown. A great sound system, the latest music, food and drinks, and plenty of room. After pacing the hall three times, a door appeared. As Harry entered the room, his mouth opened in disbelief. There was a large dance floor, flashing with lights as loud music played in the background. There were mounds of chips stacked against the wall with hundreds of foaming bottles of butterbeer. Harry looked around and discovered a staircase leading to a second floor, filled with chairs and enormous purple chairs that looked extremely comfortable. "This is going to be great." Celestia said as she explored the dance floor. "Look, every time you move, the floor flashes a different color!" Ron said amazedly. "You act like you've never seen color before" Hermione scoffed while rolling her eyes. "Ron, you stand by the door and collect the money."
Within minutes, the first guest of the Shakedown began to arrive. Even Hermione's date, Roger Davies arrived happily, much to Ron's displeasure. Ron's pockets were soon so full of money that they began to overflow. Everyone danced wildly, and Celestia even did a surprise performance of her latest single "All About the Galleons". "That party was dope. It should be an annual event!" an excited Hufflepuff said at the party's end. But Harry, Ron, and Hermione had earned much more than just a good time. They now could begin the Aging Potion.
Chapter 8: Wizard's Paradise
Ron Harry and Hermione had successfully satisfied the potion's requirements and made the Aging Potion with prowess. "Yo, just take one hit and we'll look old enough to get into the club. "Herm...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" said Ron. "It's okay homie," Hermione said, clearly wanting to avoid conversation. The trio each took one sip of the potion and began to undergo transformation. Ron and Hermione grew taller, as Harry grew a black goatee. Ron's previously baggy robes had become slightly tighter, while Hermione's dress clang to all her newly discovered curves. "Damn! I look fine." "Herm, you can admire yourself later, we gotta jet!" Harry said as he dug the handy Marauder's Map out of his old robes. The kids made their way to the secret passage leading to Hogsmeade under Harry's trusty Invisibility Cloak. Within an hour, they were standing outside Wizard's Paradise Club. "Dude, there are like a thousand wizards and witches out here. There's no way we're gonna get in." "Ron, chill out. Here let me try something..." Hermione said as she waltzed to the front of the line. She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously with the bouncer and twirled her hair. The bouncer turned considerably red and let the three of them enter the club. "I didn't know you knew how to play. "There's a lot you don't know about me," Hermione said darkly and ordered a butterbeer from the bar. The trio danced happily with several witches and wizards, before setting to the task of finding the Bling. "Let's go guys. I see a trapdoor by the bar. It must lead underground." Hermione and Ron followed Harry towards the trap door. "Alohomora! Now quickly climb in. I don't want anyone seeing us. That leads to questions," Harry said as he shoved Hermione and Ron down the dark tunnel. The trapdoor closed with a thud as Harry looked around. The tunnel was covered in darkness, before Hermione lit her wand with a charm. "Which way is it?" Harry asked. Hermione pulled a torn page from a book out of her robes, and read aloud. "The Sorcerer's Bling is said to be beneath the Wizard's Paradise Club, established in 100 A.D. It is along a dark tunnel, lined with rubies and emeralds. At the end of the tunnel, there is a golden door that will only open for a person worthy. All those deemed "unworthy" will suffer an instant beating with the force of a thousand wizards.
"You forgot to mention that part before!" "What are you yappin' about?" "What if none of us is worthy Hermione? All of this would be a waste of time!" Harry said while walking considerably faster than Ron and Hermione. Had all of their trouble been in vain? Would they arrive at the golden door and be turned away? After an arduous hour, hey arrived at the Golden Door. "It's...well, it's bling-tastic!" Ron said in amazement. The Golden Door shone so brightly, that it illuminated all the dark crevices along the tunnel. It had to be centuries old, but still it stood so beautifully, as if it had never been spoiled by dirt. It's handle gleamed endlessly as Harry reached for it. Harry had not even touched the door before it sprang open, revealing the most gorgeous piece of jewelry imaginable. It was an enormous platinum chain, glowing red, with the initials G.G. on it. The array of white diamonds arranged were arranged in the shape of a lion's paw. The necklace flew around Harry's neck. "I guess we didn't have to worry about you being the chosen one." Hermione said. "Do we ever? H-dawg is always the one," Ron said jokingly. "Yo, Harry look!" Hermione said while pointing at the Bling. The Bling had transformed into the shape of a lightning bolt, with the large letters H.P. Now they had the Bling. Now they could defeat Malfoy.
Chapter 9: Who's Afraid of Harry Potter?
Harry finally coaxed Malfoy into another battle, set for the end of the week. Although Hermione was often caught pacing around, worrying about Harry's safety, Ron seemed very relaxed.
"Herm, what's yo problem? Harry's got the Bling, he can't be beat."
"What if he gets cursed again, Ron! What if it's worse this time? What if-"Hermione started but Ron quickly put a finger to her lips.
"What if I did this?" Ron said while brushing Hermione's hair out of her face and giving her a slow kiss. Her hands remained limp at first, but then she wrapped him in a hug.
"Finally you idiot!" She said while hitting them on the head with a house-elf do-rag she was knitting.
"What was that for?"
"For taking so long! You don't know how much I hated dancing with that fool Davies."
"Then why did you?"
"To make you jealous," Hermione blushed
"Well, it worked," Ron said laughing while hugging her.
"Finally. Me and Ginny over here have been bettin' how long it would take for you two to finally hook it up," Harry said appearing with Ginny from behind a pile of house-elve garments on the floor of the Common Room.
"I didn't know you was creepin' over there!"
"I won. I said it would take until 6th year"
"How long this bet been going on?" Hermione said suspiciously.
"Since last summer," Harry and Ginny laughed.
Harry smiled and congratulated his friends on their new relationship.
"Harry come quick! Malfoy's trash-talkin' in the Great Hall!" Celestia said. The Gryffindors ran along the corridors to find Malfoy bashing Harry to a full audience.
"And then I was like, 'It's okay Potter. I'm sure they got a special ward at St. Mungo's for delusional fools like you," Malfoy said amidst laughter.
"The only one who's delusional is this joker who thinks he can out- rap me," Harry said while pushing several first-years aside to meet Malfoy face-to-face.
"Yo, yo, yo. Look who back for another beating."
"Give it up loser. I know you cheated last time. But that mess ain't goin' down again," Harry said. And he was quite right; Luna had locked Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle in North Tower the previous night to ensure this battle was fair.
"Can't you wait till your scheduled beatdown on Friday. I gotta take care of some business..." Malfoy said while eyeing some fourth-year Slytherin hoes.
"You can pimp it later. You're about to go down."
The crowd began to cheer rambunctiously, as Malfoy and Harry looked dead into each other's eyes, pacing around and grimacing. Neville appeared with a boombox. Harry was finally going to redeem himself. He grabbed his Bling for good look...but wait! He left it in the Common Room. There was no time to run and get it, the battle had already commenced.
"Who's afraid of Harry Potter, the little git, he's just a rotter. He take's a beatin' like a whore, keeps coming back for more. When he knows he's got no game, just lay it down you're lame."
"Yo check this out. You been jealous of me since you were 3. Read me in a book and cried to daddy. But papa can't save you now neither can that tosser Snape. I'll toss you up and serve you out like a plate of eggs with a side of hater. You can't rhyme you little fake, hey look out Crabbe took a step and started an earthquake!"
The Lion Crew ran at Harry with full speed knocking Malfoy to the ground and showered him in hugs and congratulations.
"That was pretty tight Potter. Maybe we can work out a hit for my next album in your dorm sometime," Celestia said and gave Harry a passionate kiss which made him blush and his friends giggle.
"Thanks Celestia."
"The Bling really hooked you up right," Hermione said.
"I didn't even have the Bling. Obviously didn't need it either."
"Hey Harry...I found this piece of hotness on the chair," Neville said while stumbling on his own robes.
"Nev, dude NO!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione shouted in unison. But Neville had already placed the Sorcerer's Bling around his head. Instead of beating him senseless, the initials N.L. replaced H.P. and the Bling transformed into the outline of a shield. Ginny ran over to admire Neville's new bling.
"Hey that gear is off the cauldron."
"it could never be hotter than you Ginny Weasley," he said while grabbing Ginny (much to her surprise) and kissing her firmly on the lips.
"Alright dude, cut that shit out," Ron ssaid angrily in a cornere while the others laughed.
"I guess Neville was worthy," Hermione said with a shrug.
"I always knew that," shrugged Harry.
Harry Potter's fame was restored while Malfoy would endure endless taunts for the remainder of the school year. Harry smiled at Neville, but dwelled on the thought that he didn't need the Bling to defeat his nemesis.
"You got game, Harry. You are King of Rhymes, with or without the Bling," Ron said.
No truer words were ever spoken.
Chapter 1: Battleground
"Dude Harry wake up! We're going to be late for the battle" "Okay Ron, chill out." Harry Potter slowly rose out of his four poster bed, and wiped his vivid green eyes before placing his glasses firmly on the top of his nose. If it had not have been for his best friend Ron Weasley, Harry might have missed the most important day of his life. Today was the day, that he could finally settle the score with Malfoy and his gang of cronies. They were having a rap showdown at the end of the grounds. Harry wasn't troubled by this. He knew he wouldn't have to resort to magic to beat his arch enemy Draco Malfoy at rapping, but he was slightly anxious. The entire school was meeting outside to watch the competition. "Don't forget to just relax, homie. Remember, I got your back." "Okay Ron. I just hope that hot female from Potions shows up. Did you see that skirt she was wearing last week?" "Yeah, it was off the cauldron." "I'd give her a ride on my Nimbus any day." "Okay dude. If you need any help. Just tell Hermione and she'll transfer some hot rhymes into your head." The duo walked down the corridor as Hermione joined them. "That's some nice bling, Herm." "I know. Just hope that wack Snape teacher doesn't see. You know he'll take it away." "He's just a hater," said Harry. Rap Master Snape was their Potions as well as freestyle rap teacher. Everyone knew Snape hated Harry. Maybe it was because Harry had tighter rhymes, or maybe it was because James, Harry's dad, got all the hoes while Snape had none. At least, that's how it was when James was alive. James was killed in a fly-by when Harry was only one year old. The evil Lil' Voldemort had flown by on his new race broom and fired a killing curse at James, and his wife Lily. But miraculously, Harry had survived. Harry's triumph had been a mystery to him, until just last year. It was then, the wise owner of Witchy Records and headmaster of Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore had told him that Harry was destined to kill Lil' Voldemort or be killed by him. "Okay, just chill out Harry." Harry was amidst cheering admirers from Gryffindor. As he glanced into the crowd, he saw Celestia Hearth's face. A gorgeous 4th year, she had just released her latest album "Ain't nothing but a Wizard Thang" and had a fan base almost as large as Harry's. "Hey Potter. If you got tight skills in this battle, maybe you and be could hook up some time and do a single for my next album," Celestia said. Harry smiled at her nervously before flashing a Gryffindor gang sign to the opposing Slytherin groupies. "Okay Potter. Let's do this thing. I'll even let you go first." Harry began to contemplate his rhymes while Ron was beat boxing in the background. What should he rap about? Malfoy's played out hairstyle? Maybe his cheap bling? Or maybe his momma? "Come on Potter. What you waiting for?" "Yo, yo. Malfoy he's a little punk, look like a skunk. His momma can't look at his face, he's a disgrace. I beat him in school, I beat him at Quidditch. Malfoy's such a girl. I'll make him cry like a little bit-" "Potter!" To Harry's surprise, Rap Master Snape's hand was firmly clasped on his shoulder. Snape turned him around and glared endlessly into Harry's eyes. "Detention Potter. This rap battle is unauthorized." "That's wack Professor! Malfoy's just called you 'cause he didn't wanna get dissed in front of the entire school." "That'll be another 5 hours to your detention Potter. Besides Malfoy could beat your lame rhymes any day."
Chapter 2: The Plan "Don't be upset man. Everyone knows you rocked the wand tonight." "Fo shizzle Harry. You were so tight." Hermione said. "I know. But it's not the same as Malfoy and those idiots admitting that I'm the hottest rapper." "He's never gonna admit that. But we all know who's the real MC," said Celestia as she walked in. She had the latest new designer Witch plaid robes, and a hot purse to match. Harry couldn't help but stare at Celestia. She was the flyest witch around. If only Harry could work up the nerve to ask her out. "Harry, my man! You were hotter than a pepper flavored Bertie Bott's fo real playa!" said Fred as he and his twin brother George walked in the room with a crowd of adoring girls. Fred and George were just visiting, as they had heard about the rap battle in a letter from Ron. Their record company "The Weasley Record Wheezes" had just taken off, and beat Lucius Malfoy's Company, "So Pure Records" in the latest wizard music charts. It was rumored that Lucius had planned an attack on the Weasley family in retaliation, but Fred and George weren't too scared. As George pointed out: "That old slick haired ferret. He's just hating, cause nobody likes his old school records." "Don't hate the wizard. Hate the Quidditch game." "Fo sheezy, Ron," Harry said in response to his comment. As Fred and George left with their adoring hoes, the trio of Harry Ron and Hermione headed down to the Great Hall for breakfast. The rap battle was still hot topic around school, and Harry could hear whispers from everyone contemplating the showdown. "Yo Harry! When you and ferret-face gonna finish of the battle?" asked Luna. She always had the strangest wizard gear on, and today she was wearing a hat with a large Gryffindor lion rested on top. The lion was gnarling and viciously flashing the Gryffindor gang sign. "Luna, chill out girl. Last time that little punk set me up just to get caught by Snape." "We gotta be more sneaky about it this time," piped in Neville, a shy boy, with rapping skills almost as bad as his memory. Neville tripped over his robes as he walked towards Harry. Most of Hogwarts viewed Neville as a blundering idiot, but Gryffindors knew better, for Neville showed his bravery in a break dancing contest against Lil Voldemort and his gang of groupies called the Death Eaters. "Fo real, dawg. If we ain't stealth about this business, I'll be on a one stop trip to Dumbledore's office." "Yeah, Neville's right. We can't do it all out in the open. We have to plan a surprise attack," said Luna. She was very anxious to defeat Malfoy. Even though she was a Ravenclaw, she was considered by many Gryffindors to be part of the Lion's Crew (an elite Gryffindor gang consisting of Harry, Ron, Neville, Hermione, and Ginny). "I've got a perfect plan H-dawg" Hermione said to Harry. The Lion Crew (except Luna and Ginny) headed to the grounds where Hagrid was teaching Care of Magical Creatures. This was the perfect place to defeat Malfoy.
Chapter 3: the Sorceror's Bling
"Alright kiddies. Today we'll be handling the Crippins. The Crippins are a notoriously rough creature, who like to crypt walk in their spare time. If challenged to a crypt walking contest..." Hagrid's voice trailed off in the distance, as Harry walked over to Hermione. "What's the plan?" "Say a yo momma joke to Malfoy, that will get him angry, and you guys can rap battle it out." "Hermione, that's the lamest trick in the book. You really think old ferret- face ill fall for it?" "Homie, Malfoy is about as smart as he is cute...and last time I checked, he was a troll." "Okay, Okay." Harry walked over to Malfoy as Ron was talking to Lavender (" If you were a broomstick, I'd never stop riding you", he said). Ron quickly stopped flirting with Lavender when he saw the grave look on Harry's face. It was time to carry out the plan. "Malfoy, you're such a little poseur. You only got a record deal 'cause of your rich daddy." The class laughed, and Malfoy's pale place deepened to a bright red. 0 "Quit yo lip flappin Potter." "Malfoy, yo mama's so ugly, when your daddy saw a boggart, it took the shape of yo mamas ugly ass!" "Stop it you little joke. Let's battle this out right here, right now. I'll show you how it's done one more time kid." The class stopped laughing and began to look on anxiously as Malfoy and Harry stared viciously at each other. Harry began to rap, but before he could finish his first sentence, Pansy Parkinson whispered a curse at him from behind...Harry's voice was gone. While Malfoy was rapping, Harry was groping his throat, searching for words. The curse wore off, just in time for Malfoy to defeat Harry. "It's okay Harry. You win some you lose some, huh?" Ron said sadly. "I didn't lose! That Pansy Parkinson cursed me," he said to Ron and Hermione. But as Harry explained, he could tell that no one believed him. Harry was doomed to live out the rest of his years as a loser. Defeated by his enemy, kicked to the curb. "Harry! There is a way to beat Malfoy fo shizzle." "How Hermione?" "We could find the Sorcerer's Bling." "The Sorcerer's Bling?" Ron echoed in amazement. He rubbed his golden chain with the words "Weasley fo lizzife" inscribed on it mysteriously as he began to take in Hermione's words. "It's an old myth. I read it in a book. Whoever wears the Bling will have the tightest rap skills around. They'll be off the cauldron, nobody could defeat them." "Yo, herm. Where's this Bling at? I can't be playing around with no legends. I need some fo real skills." "It's located at Wizard's Paradise Club. It is supposedly in the basement's underground," Hermione said with a look of determination. "Yo herm. That mess ain't happening. That club's in Hogsmeade. and you have to be at least 17 to get in. There's no way we can get it." Harry's brief candle of hope diminished. "Don't worry, Harry. I'm sure I can convince a female to let us in, free of charge, no questions asked." Ron said, while smiling at his own pimping skills. "I don't know who you're trying to fool, Ron. You couldn't get a girl if you used a love potion," said Hermione while rolling her eyes. The truth of the matter was that Ron was quite popular with the ladies. And as more girls began to notice Ron, Hermione became increasingly edgy and annoyed. "Don't be hatin' girl." Ron said while polishing his bling. "You're forgetting who you're talking to homie. I am the smartest with in our year." "True dat, true dat" Harry said while nodding in agreement. Hermione explained that a simple aging potion could transform them all into 17 year olds. "But this potion would be difficult to make. It calls for 5 pounds of diamond bling, a designer watch, some Burberry cologne, and a couple of galleons to show you got skills." "Dude, we gotta prove to a potion that we're tight enough to make it? That's dumb. I'm trying to make a potion, not date it!" Harry said in amazement. "Like Ron said Harry, 'Don't hate the wizard hate the Quidditch game'." "Or in this case, don't hate the potion, hate the dumb idiots who made such a stupid rule," Harry said. And so the trio set off in search of the fancy items they needed to start the potion. The quest for the Bling was on!
Chapter 4: The Secret Shakedown
Ron, Hermione and Harry ravaged the castle looking for the expensive items needed to please the potion. Ron was able to get some galleons from one of his hoes, but still, there was the matter of obtaining the diamonds, watch, and cologne. "There's no way we're going to find this stuff dude" Harry said with a melancholy expression. "I guess I'll have to accept defeat." "Don't talk that way, Harry." "Why don't we throw a party!" Ron said enthusiastically. "I think you've been breathing in those potion fumes for too long." "No I'm serious. Remember that Room of Requirement we used for our D.A. meetings last year? We could turn it into a club with hot records, and a bangin' dance floor." "I don't see how getting' our groove on will help us any," Hermione said while rolling her eyes. "Let me finish. We could charge 5 galleons each. Everybody would come! We would have plenty enough to buy the jewels and cologne then...and maybe there will be a little left over for us," Ron said happily. Harry pondered, while Hermione began to scoff disbelievingly. She obviously thought that would be impossible to do. "What are the odds of this trick working yo? Rap Master Snape's bound to catch us." "You need to loosen up, girlie," Ron said while shaking Hermione's shoulders. "You need to follow the rules." But, despite Hermione's protests, Harry ad Ron began to discuss the party. By the next week, the whole school had learned of Harry's defeat and they all became considerably colder towards him. Even Celestia didn't smile as Harry waved at her, and Harry overheard her whisper "I can't believe I thought he was tight." to her friend. The fiasco seemed to motivate Luna however, and she promised to inform her fellow Ravenclaws of the party. "We need a name for this dance." "Dude, Ginny, it's not a 'dance'. That sounds lame," Ron said. "We still need a name fool." "How about the 'Secret Shakedown'" Neville said as he searched for his wand at the Gryffindor table. "Actually Neville, I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said," Ginny remarked while giving Neville a smile. Neville turned away, just quick enough to hide his red face. The Lion Crew dashed up to the Common Room and began making flyers (in invisible ink of course) to hand out to Hogwarts students. "Don't give these to any Slytherins. Those wack nerds screw up all the fun," Ron said. "Not to mention they'll rat us out like Wormtail himself," Harry nodded in agreement. The crew worked endlessly to make flyers, and finally, The Secret Shakedown was on!
Chapter 5: A Kodak Moment When Harry awoke the next morning and entered the Great Hall, everyone seemed to have forgotten Malfoy's triumph in the battle. Celestia apologized, and even asked him to the Shakedown. Everywhere, people were waving enthusiastically at him with broad grins. "What's with these chumps? One minute they're all on my back, the next they're cheesin' all up in my grill? I don't t like this phony stuff," Harry said while adjusting his backwards cap to reveal the Witchy Records logo, of Dumbledore in a large cauldron with 3 scantily clad witches. " "Don't get all tense man. I told them that the Secret Shakedown was your idea" Ron said nonchalantly while meticulously combing his red hair. "Dude, do you know how much booty you could get off that idea? Why would you do that?" "I figured that you weren't doing to well with the kids at school. You needed this. The entire school was mad at you for losing." "I didn't lose! That little cow Pansy cursed me!" "We know that, but no one else does," Hermione said sympathetically. "I always got your back, H-dawg." Ron and Harry hugged each other after doing their secret handshake. "Well isn't this a Kodak moment?" Malfoy said while striding up to the Gryffindor table, his goons Crabbe and Goyle close behind. " "Go away Malfoy. You beat me, alright. I can still kick your pale bum on the Quidditch field." "Keep thinking that Potter." Malfoy said. He looked puzzled as several students patted Harry on the back as they passed. "Do these lame brains know I beat you?" Malfoy said with a tone of resentment. "I guess so. But they also know something you don't," Ron said with satisfaction as he, Harry and Hermione headed down the corridor to Charms. "What are you talking about Weasel?" Malfoy shouted after them, but the three continued to walk on without the slightest hint of disturbance. Ron took his usual seat next to Harry in Charms, and as the other students were practicing Banishing Spells, Harry and Ron talked avidly. "Celestia asked me to the dance..sorry the Shakedown," said Harry when he saw Ron's annoyed look. "What? We're bringing girls to this thing?" Ron said surprised. "There's nothing you have to worry about. Just pick one from your fan club," Harry said jokingly. "Well, there's this special girl I've been thinking of." "I'm sure she'd love to be your girl. Just ask her." "I wouldn't be too confident. This girl...well, this girl is quite...fierce." "What is that supposed to mean?" Harry asked while laughing. Harry knew quite well that Ron could get any girl he wanted in the entire school. Even seventh years were throwing themselves at him. If Ron was this troubled over a girl, she had to be special. "She's not like everyone else dude. I really like her. I'd throw down my player status for one kiss from her." "Sounds like you're whipped to me." While Harry made comic cracking motions, as if he was whipping Ron, Ron stares idly out the window. "I'm serious, dude. Besides I'm not a player. Everyone just labels me." "You're not a player, you just crush a lot." The two laughed hysterically, as Hermione banished a pillow right to the middle of Ron's face. "Dude, Herm. What's wrong with you?" Ron said with a confused look. "I guess I must have done it improperly," Hermione said sarcastically, which made Harry think that she hit her target with perfect aim purposely.
Chapter 6: Neville's Triumph Over the next few days, the Lion Crew planned meticulously for the Shakedown. The Shakedown was to be held in the Room of Requirement, which could be easily decorated, but there still was the matter of the over 500 students who were coming to the event. "How are 550 kids gonna manage to leave their Common Rooms without noticing? Won't the teachers be a little suspicious" "What's the dealio, Ron? You think I haven't planned for that?" said Hermione. "It's simple Hermione told everyone to come at a different time. That way, it won't look like a load of kids just came bursting down the corridor." "I'm feeling this plan. Yo Harry, how was detention last night?" Ron said while nodding. "You know the deal. Just old wack Snape telling me how worthless I am as I cleaned out his old potion jars." "So, Ron. Who are you bringing to the dance?" Hermione said with a grimace that made her twitch slightly as if she was ailed with disease. "Oh, I don't know. Um, listen guys I gotta bounce. I'm supposed to, um...well.I just gotta go." Ron said while eyeing the floor and running swiftly out of the room. "What's with you two? You've been all wacked out lately." "Well, Harry. Some dudes just can't let the truth come out." Hermione bounced out of the room, while Harry, very puzzled continued to plan alone.
The Shakedown was in just one week. The school was buzzing with excitement, as were Hermione Ron and Harry. Finally, within a few days, they would have the precious items needed to fulfill the Aging potion's requirements. Those few items would bring them closer to discovering the Bling, thereby re- establishing Harry's reign as King of Rhymes. As Harry wearily walked down to the dungeons for Freestyle class, he ran into Ron and Hermione. "Hey, Ron looks like that chickenhead over there is smiling at you." Hermione said in an unctuous tone. "Shut yo mouth woman! All you do is talk and talk." "Yeah, player. At least I don't talk out of my bum." "And just what is that supposed to mean?" "You know what's there. Put it together yourself fool." Hermione said and she ran hurriedly ahead of the boys to the dungeons. "Why are you two always arguing?" "Dude, I'm telling you Harry. That girl is worse than Winky's butterbeer hangover ." Harry laughed as he opened the door to find Rap Master Snape staring at him with a penetrating look of disgust. Ron and Harry ran to their assigned seats as Snape began to explain the intricacies of freestyling. "Now, I don't expect all you chumps to be a freestyler. Freestylin' is more than waving a played out wand or chanting some words. It's a way of life. Now then, Malfoy get up here and show the other kids how it's done. You, Neville. You can attempt to battle against Malfoy." Neville slowly rose out of his seat to the front of the class where Malfoy stood waiting. Hermione sighed as Neville cleared his throat, and she seemed to be thinking along the same lines as Harry: There was no way Neville Longbottom could possibly beat Malfoy. "Yo, um...Malfoy is so...um. Malfoy is...he can't." Neville said as he face turned red, while the Slytherins laughed. "Here, Longbottom I'll start first. Neville is fool, how'd he even get into this school? He's just a little baby, and my rhymes are way hotter. He ain't even got parents just like his hero Potter," Malfoy said as Neville began to twitch. Malfoy had obviously struck a nerve when he mentioned Neville's parents, who were unable to remember him. Neville took a deep breath and began to rap. " "Malfoy, what the hell is wrong with you? Yo momma looks like something I pulled off the bottom of my shoe. Yo daddy's such a little punk, he wears a bow in is hair. Malfoy were you born this ugly, or did a curse hit you somewhere?" Neville said with a look of astonishment at the words that just echoed from his mouth. The Gryffindors erupted with cheers and congratulations, before Snape had silenced them. "Obviously, that know-it-all Granger helped him rehearse before class. 50 points from Gryffindor" But it didn't matter. Everyone knew that Neville had triumphed. As class ended and the room emptied, Neville exited with the biggest grin imaginable and a happy spring in his thug walk.
Chapter 7: Let There be Bling
Hermione and Celestia talked avidly in a corner while Ron and Harry were chatting on the couch of the Common Room. They had all decided to trade their robes in for stylish clothing. Hermione was wearing a long black dress, while Celestia wore white leather pants and a matching jacket with black stilettos. "The girls are looking fine tonight, eh Ron?" "Yea, I guess so," said Ron absentmindedly, as if he was not really focusing on Harry's words. "You never told me who you're taking to the Shakedown tonight." "Oh yeah that reminds me. Hermione, get over here, you're coming with me to the Shakedown," Ron yelled across the room. Hermione snapped around with a vicious look on her face. "Ronald Weasley, do you expect me to drop everything and hang on your dumb little invite." Hermione said with utmost attitude. "Yeah, that sounds about right." Ron said. "Well, I already have a date fool." "Dude Hermione, stop the bull. You know I'm the only one who'll put up with your nagging." Ron said matter-of-factly as if he was not insulting her at all. Harry could tell this was Ron's way of being sincere, but Hermione was not impressed. "Ron, you collect girls like Wizard Cards. Well, I for one, am not going to be added to that collection" Hermione said while heading back upstairs to the girls dormitory. Harry's eyes widened. He was completely clueless that Ron and Hermione even had stronger feelings for each other. "Dude, I didn't know you was feeling Herm." "I'm not. She just completely missed the point. I don't...I was just...she is so wrong...I never...H-dawg. Let's just go to the Shakedown," Ron said very flustered "Should we wait for Herm?" Celestia asked thoughtfully. "You can. But I'm leaving." Ron grabbed his jacket and climbed out of the portrait hole, which led to the corridor. Celestia and Harry gave each other a surprised look as Hermione ran down the stairs wearing a new outfit. The dress she was now wearing was as short as it was tight, and her hoop earrings blended perfectly with her straightened hair. "How'd you straighten your hair that quick, girlfriend? It looks tight," Celestia said while playing with Hermione's beautiful golden brown hair. "I learned this new charm out of Teen Witch magazine. Come on let's go. I want Ro-...I mean I want everyone to see my new outfit." Harry raised his eyebrows while Celestia suppressed a chuckle. The kids began to walk down to the Room of Requirement when they saw Dumbledore standing by an armored suit. "Wassup Harry! I haven't seen you in awhile. What are you guys wandering around for?" Dumbledore said this without the slightest hint of suspicion, but asked as if he was simply inquiring about the weather. "Well you see, Professor...Harry, Hermione, and I...we, uh-" Celestia said, trying to think of an excuse why three Gryffindors would be in the corridor at night. "Oh I understand. Play on playa. Well, of course, you learned form the master. Just don't get into too much trouble," Dumbledore said with a twinkling wink before he started towards his office. "He thought we're on a date? But there's three of us. I don't get it," Hermione said. "I'll explain to you later Herm" Harry said while laughing. Soon, the three met up with Ron. "You remember how this thing works right?" Harry said and the other nodded. They walked up and down the corridor, concentrating on the items needed for the Secret Shakedown. A great sound system, the latest music, food and drinks, and plenty of room. After pacing the hall three times, a door appeared. As Harry entered the room, his mouth opened in disbelief. There was a large dance floor, flashing with lights as loud music played in the background. There were mounds of chips stacked against the wall with hundreds of foaming bottles of butterbeer. Harry looked around and discovered a staircase leading to a second floor, filled with chairs and enormous purple chairs that looked extremely comfortable. "This is going to be great." Celestia said as she explored the dance floor. "Look, every time you move, the floor flashes a different color!" Ron said amazedly. "You act like you've never seen color before" Hermione scoffed while rolling her eyes. "Ron, you stand by the door and collect the money."
Within minutes, the first guest of the Shakedown began to arrive. Even Hermione's date, Roger Davies arrived happily, much to Ron's displeasure. Ron's pockets were soon so full of money that they began to overflow. Everyone danced wildly, and Celestia even did a surprise performance of her latest single "All About the Galleons". "That party was dope. It should be an annual event!" an excited Hufflepuff said at the party's end. But Harry, Ron, and Hermione had earned much more than just a good time. They now could begin the Aging Potion.
Chapter 8: Wizard's Paradise
Ron Harry and Hermione had successfully satisfied the potion's requirements and made the Aging Potion with prowess. "Yo, just take one hit and we'll look old enough to get into the club. "Herm...I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean-" said Ron. "It's okay homie," Hermione said, clearly wanting to avoid conversation. The trio each took one sip of the potion and began to undergo transformation. Ron and Hermione grew taller, as Harry grew a black goatee. Ron's previously baggy robes had become slightly tighter, while Hermione's dress clang to all her newly discovered curves. "Damn! I look fine." "Herm, you can admire yourself later, we gotta jet!" Harry said as he dug the handy Marauder's Map out of his old robes. The kids made their way to the secret passage leading to Hogsmeade under Harry's trusty Invisibility Cloak. Within an hour, they were standing outside Wizard's Paradise Club. "Dude, there are like a thousand wizards and witches out here. There's no way we're gonna get in." "Ron, chill out. Here let me try something..." Hermione said as she waltzed to the front of the line. She batted her eyelashes flirtatiously with the bouncer and twirled her hair. The bouncer turned considerably red and let the three of them enter the club. "I didn't know you knew how to play. "There's a lot you don't know about me," Hermione said darkly and ordered a butterbeer from the bar. The trio danced happily with several witches and wizards, before setting to the task of finding the Bling. "Let's go guys. I see a trapdoor by the bar. It must lead underground." Hermione and Ron followed Harry towards the trap door. "Alohomora! Now quickly climb in. I don't want anyone seeing us. That leads to questions," Harry said as he shoved Hermione and Ron down the dark tunnel. The trapdoor closed with a thud as Harry looked around. The tunnel was covered in darkness, before Hermione lit her wand with a charm. "Which way is it?" Harry asked. Hermione pulled a torn page from a book out of her robes, and read aloud. "The Sorcerer's Bling is said to be beneath the Wizard's Paradise Club, established in 100 A.D. It is along a dark tunnel, lined with rubies and emeralds. At the end of the tunnel, there is a golden door that will only open for a person worthy. All those deemed "unworthy" will suffer an instant beating with the force of a thousand wizards.
"You forgot to mention that part before!" "What are you yappin' about?" "What if none of us is worthy Hermione? All of this would be a waste of time!" Harry said while walking considerably faster than Ron and Hermione. Had all of their trouble been in vain? Would they arrive at the golden door and be turned away? After an arduous hour, hey arrived at the Golden Door. "It's...well, it's bling-tastic!" Ron said in amazement. The Golden Door shone so brightly, that it illuminated all the dark crevices along the tunnel. It had to be centuries old, but still it stood so beautifully, as if it had never been spoiled by dirt. It's handle gleamed endlessly as Harry reached for it. Harry had not even touched the door before it sprang open, revealing the most gorgeous piece of jewelry imaginable. It was an enormous platinum chain, glowing red, with the initials G.G. on it. The array of white diamonds arranged were arranged in the shape of a lion's paw. The necklace flew around Harry's neck. "I guess we didn't have to worry about you being the chosen one." Hermione said. "Do we ever? H-dawg is always the one," Ron said jokingly. "Yo, Harry look!" Hermione said while pointing at the Bling. The Bling had transformed into the shape of a lightning bolt, with the large letters H.P. Now they had the Bling. Now they could defeat Malfoy.
Chapter 9: Who's Afraid of Harry Potter?
Harry finally coaxed Malfoy into another battle, set for the end of the week. Although Hermione was often caught pacing around, worrying about Harry's safety, Ron seemed very relaxed.
"Herm, what's yo problem? Harry's got the Bling, he can't be beat."
"What if he gets cursed again, Ron! What if it's worse this time? What if-"Hermione started but Ron quickly put a finger to her lips.
"What if I did this?" Ron said while brushing Hermione's hair out of her face and giving her a slow kiss. Her hands remained limp at first, but then she wrapped him in a hug.
"Finally you idiot!" She said while hitting them on the head with a house-elf do-rag she was knitting.
"What was that for?"
"For taking so long! You don't know how much I hated dancing with that fool Davies."
"Then why did you?"
"To make you jealous," Hermione blushed
"Well, it worked," Ron said laughing while hugging her.
"Finally. Me and Ginny over here have been bettin' how long it would take for you two to finally hook it up," Harry said appearing with Ginny from behind a pile of house-elve garments on the floor of the Common Room.
"I didn't know you was creepin' over there!"
"I won. I said it would take until 6th year"
"How long this bet been going on?" Hermione said suspiciously.
"Since last summer," Harry and Ginny laughed.
Harry smiled and congratulated his friends on their new relationship.
"Harry come quick! Malfoy's trash-talkin' in the Great Hall!" Celestia said. The Gryffindors ran along the corridors to find Malfoy bashing Harry to a full audience.
"And then I was like, 'It's okay Potter. I'm sure they got a special ward at St. Mungo's for delusional fools like you," Malfoy said amidst laughter.
"The only one who's delusional is this joker who thinks he can out- rap me," Harry said while pushing several first-years aside to meet Malfoy face-to-face.
"Yo, yo, yo. Look who back for another beating."
"Give it up loser. I know you cheated last time. But that mess ain't goin' down again," Harry said. And he was quite right; Luna had locked Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle in North Tower the previous night to ensure this battle was fair.
"Can't you wait till your scheduled beatdown on Friday. I gotta take care of some business..." Malfoy said while eyeing some fourth-year Slytherin hoes.
"You can pimp it later. You're about to go down."
The crowd began to cheer rambunctiously, as Malfoy and Harry looked dead into each other's eyes, pacing around and grimacing. Neville appeared with a boombox. Harry was finally going to redeem himself. He grabbed his Bling for good look...but wait! He left it in the Common Room. There was no time to run and get it, the battle had already commenced.
"Who's afraid of Harry Potter, the little git, he's just a rotter. He take's a beatin' like a whore, keeps coming back for more. When he knows he's got no game, just lay it down you're lame."
"Yo check this out. You been jealous of me since you were 3. Read me in a book and cried to daddy. But papa can't save you now neither can that tosser Snape. I'll toss you up and serve you out like a plate of eggs with a side of hater. You can't rhyme you little fake, hey look out Crabbe took a step and started an earthquake!"
The Lion Crew ran at Harry with full speed knocking Malfoy to the ground and showered him in hugs and congratulations.
"That was pretty tight Potter. Maybe we can work out a hit for my next album in your dorm sometime," Celestia said and gave Harry a passionate kiss which made him blush and his friends giggle.
"Thanks Celestia."
"The Bling really hooked you up right," Hermione said.
"I didn't even have the Bling. Obviously didn't need it either."
"Hey Harry...I found this piece of hotness on the chair," Neville said while stumbling on his own robes.
"Nev, dude NO!" Harry, Ron, and Hermione shouted in unison. But Neville had already placed the Sorcerer's Bling around his head. Instead of beating him senseless, the initials N.L. replaced H.P. and the Bling transformed into the outline of a shield. Ginny ran over to admire Neville's new bling.
"Hey that gear is off the cauldron."
"it could never be hotter than you Ginny Weasley," he said while grabbing Ginny (much to her surprise) and kissing her firmly on the lips.
"Alright dude, cut that shit out," Ron ssaid angrily in a cornere while the others laughed.
"I guess Neville was worthy," Hermione said with a shrug.
"I always knew that," shrugged Harry.
Harry Potter's fame was restored while Malfoy would endure endless taunts for the remainder of the school year. Harry smiled at Neville, but dwelled on the thought that he didn't need the Bling to defeat his nemesis.
"You got game, Harry. You are King of Rhymes, with or without the Bling," Ron said.
No truer words were ever spoken.