Part 4-Chou-ing down
Luna was late to work that day. Groggy and grumpy, she had cleaned up the corpses that littered the clearing around her cottage. No matter how strong you are, digging is hard work. She trudged into the restaurant just in time for the lunch-hour or what Gerofme called the lunch-hour, when all the gardeners would come in for a meal, and perhaps a pint of ale. Ale was a delicacy in this part of Zelphilia, as wine was common enough due to the presence of the many vineyards. In most other parts of the world, ale was cheap and wine was for the wealthy. In this part of Zelphilia however, good wine was easy to come by, and ales were rare and far between.
"Luna! Why are you late this time? Gerofme angrily called out in his peculiar accent as she walked through the back door into the kitchen. He then noticed her slightly singed hair and looked at her worriedly, "Another incident? How many this time?""
"Nearly forty."
"Forty?" scoffed the old cook. He had to remind himself, "They", whoever they are, must be getting desperate." He paused and then continued, "Whoever 'they' are, I'm sure you of all people can deal with it."
Luna nodded and stifled a laugh, "Of course I can handle a few measly trolls, sorcerers, and Brau demons. Didn't even work up a sweat giving them what they ordered. I was quick about it, just like you said to be. Always give the customer what they want when they ask for it."
Gerofme chuckled, gesturing with a huge two-tined fork he used for grilling steaks, "Yes indeed." The old man pirouetted on his heels, "You give it to them like this!" He thrust the two-pronged fork forward at whip-crack speed, sinking the fork into an onion that had the distinct misfortune of sitting on a countertop that was just the right height. "And then," the old cook continued. "You follow up like THIS!" He flicked the fork upward with a quick shake of his wrist, launching the onion into the air. There was a silvery blur of motion and the onion fell back to the countertop, neatly diced. Luna smiled, laughed a bit, and then went to serve tables.
To say that Luna Inverse is merely a good swordswoman would be wholly inadequate. She is quite possibly the pinnacle of the art. She has slain rampaging dragons with nothing more then a kitchen knife, and beat down entire bandit gangs with a rolling pin. At this moment she was becoming severely annoyed. Heroic types were very well and good, spending money like water—as Gerofme had often pointed out, but they often become disagreeable when drunk. Nevertheless, she was also the greatest part-time waitress to ever walk the face of the earth.
Right now, the greatest swordswoman in the world listened to a muscle-bound heroic type as he buried his sorrows in well-done steaks, and drowned his memories with ale. She had absolutely no clue what the fellow was going on about, but he seemed heartbroken so she decided to listen to the idiot in the hope that he might tip well.
Stupid brute…
"And then I discovered that my beautiful Lala was actually a ma…" The great hero Volun sobbed loudly. Luna handed him a handkerchief and pretended to listen. Volun slammed his head against the table "The only woman I ever loved was a man…and her love was a sham." A third party observer would have noticed that Volun was now standing on his chair as he told an epic tale of sorrow and loss. It was a deep and meaningful yarn, and had a profound impact on the lives of all the characters within hearing. Luna pretended to listen, and then thought of something else.
If this were the anime, the reader would have seen Volun's head grow to humongous size and his eyes spout veritable rivers of tears. As this would be wholly inappropriate to fanfiction of a serious tone and cause great confusion on the part of Ms. Inverse, we have decided to omit this detail of the Volun incident entirely. The silliness must stop somewhere. -The Auditors
The heroic fellow immediately launched into an epic tale about how he killed Ruby-Eye Shaburanigdo. Luna noticed that his eyes were glazed over; the stupid man was dead drunk. She immediately went to wait on a scantily clad sorceress who had just walked into the restaurant.
The black haired, bikini-clad sorceress let out a horrible laugh, the kind of laugh that scares small children, makes pigtailed martial artists flee in abject terror, and makes various barnyard animals nervous.
"Ohohohoho! Table for one."
Luna blinked. Things were getting interesting. "Over here." She beckoned and then led the sorceress over to an empty table. Handing the sorceress a menu Luna spoke in a cheerful tone, "Hello Miss, I'm Luna Inverse and I'll be serving you today."
"Inverse eh?" Naga glanced at Luna, and then back at the menu.
"Miss?" Luna nodded slowly, somewhat confused.
"Never mind." Naga squinted and ran a gloved finger down the menu.
"I'll take this, and this, and this..."
"Alright then..."
A few hours later, when Naga the White Serpent finally left the restaurant, Luna conceded that she had never seen someone eat so much food in her life. Naga had managed to eat enough food for twelve people, buying the most expensive dishes available. Gerofme stamped out of the kitchen, waving his grilling fork in the air. "Ye Gods, I've never seen someone eat so much food in my life...I'll have to visit the butchers' tonight." On he rambled, "That sorceress was a nice one to look at, but she ate enough meat for twelve men." Luna chuckled, "Yeah. My little sister used to eat like that." Then both cook and waitress went back to work
As evening came, business sped up, farmers got drunk, and Luna had to remove more then a few slightly tipsy--if not amorous customers from the restaurant. She shifted the weight of a dead drunk Volun slung over her shoulder. If he threw up, she swore, Volun would learn the meaning of being beaten silly. Great hero her foot, just another sword-swinging moron. She was halfway out the back door of the restaurant when she felt a hand groping her bosom...
WHAM
Insert anime-ish scene where a male character is punted into Low-Earth-Orbit
Some days, this job could be quite the drag. But that's how everyday life is.