Notes: This has absolutely no plot. Pure sugar, everyone, so be sure to brush your teeth afterwards. Besides being purely sugar, it is also purely dialogue, but it should be fairly easy to follow who is saying what. PG purely for the biscuit mention, which can probably be overlooked anyway. Also, as always on this account, if you don't like slash, or simply don't like Sirius and Remus in love with each other, feel free to turn back. The rest of you, enjoy.
Disclaimer: Remus and Sirius, et al., belong to JKR. I'm just playing with them for a while, and they shall be returned completely intact, none the worse for wear, and probably fairly happy.
On Puns and Other Nonsense"Funny."
"What?"
"Oh, just thinking."
"About …?"
"I dunno. School. Life. You."
"In that order?"
"Probably. In order of least to greatest importance, of course."
"Sirius …"
"It's true."
"It's sappy as hell. I do concede that school is, yes, probably the least important of the things you just listed, but having life second to me is … sappy. As hell. As I said."
"Indeed. I think I prefer the words 'ridiculously poetic', as opposed to 'sappy as hell'."
"Aren't they synonyms?"
"Yes, but 'ridiculously poetic' sounds nicer. Sort of like serious is a nicer word than solemn."
"And which word is better, Sirius or Padfoot?"
" … You know, we have the silliest conversations."
"Hah. Pot calling the kettle black."
"I could make a really stupid pun right now."
"Please don't."
"I won't. Anyway, what were we talking about?"
"Kettles. Silly conversations. Whether Sirius or Padfoot was the better word."
"Sirius has better puns attached, I think."
"Ah, so you imply the word Padfoot has puns attached as well? I've never noticed them. Of course, I'm sure there are a number of horrible things you can imply about dogs –"
"Oh yes."
"I've never been able to understand how someone can claim to be a romantic and manage to have such a filthy mind."
"It's talent."
"As I can attest."
"I'm not the only one with a filthy mind, Moony."
"Did I ever say I was – as pure as the driven snow, or something?"
"If you're going to be silly, don't go around being cliché about it."
"So I'm not allowed to say things like 'pure as the driven snow'?"
"Definitely not. Actually, considering, I think the more appropriate metaphor would be 'pure as the moonlight'."
"Meaning not particularly pure at all. …I see your point, I suppose. Rather annoying, isn't it, that comparisons to the moon are actually quite fitting?"
"Not annoying, just ironic."
"Mmm. Sirius, weren't you supposed to be doing your homework, instead of having oh-so-philosophical conversations with me?"
"It's only Transfiguration, Moony. I know practically more than McGonagall does, and we both know it. She isn't about to give me a bad grade because I took time away from my homework to have silly discussions with you."
"Point taken."
"…Hey, guess what?"
"McGonagall had kittens, Lily Evans is eloping with Peter, and you're conducting a secret love affair with James while I'm off doing naughty things in the Shrieking Shack with Madam Pomfrey."
"Close."
"Really? So that's what you and James were doing when –"
"Shut up. The house-elves took the whole thing the wrong way."
"You know what, never mind. I really, really don't want to know. What did you want to tell me?"
"I'm not sure I should. Your theories were wilder than anything I've got to tell you."
"Oh, come on. Isn't truth stranger than fiction?"
"Something like that. I wanted to mention my lovely birthday present, actually."
"Your bike?"
"Yeah. I took her on a test flight, and she did fine – invisibility boosters worked like a dream, muffler's sound –"
"I'm glad to hear that."
"Don't frown. What's up?"
"Just … What if it hadn't worked? What if she didn't fly right, or a Muggle saw you … or – or heard you –"
"And what if the Animagi transformation hadn't worked, right? What if I'd turned into a tree, or a fish, or it hadn't worked at all? Where would we be then?"
"Right, right. Take risks. You don't live unless you try to live."
"Exactly."
"Somehow that would be sound advice if it came from anyone other than you."
"And from me?"
"Crazier than anything, but since you put it into practice and it seems to work – I suppose I have to believe in you. Anyway, about the Black Lady –"
"Right. I was wondering … Do you want to go for a ride?"
"What part of Sirius Black are you and what have you done with his sanity?"
"Packed away in my trunk for when it'll prove useful. Probably in time for the N.E.W.T.s, I imagine."
"Well, at least I'm totally clear that you are Sirius and not some mad imposter."
"Because no imposter is any madder than me, right?"
"Exactly."
"So will you come? Please? Just a short ride – I've got her stored up at the cave, we can go and fly around in the mountains for a bit …"
"I don't know …"
"Come on, Remus, motorcycles are sexy as hell."
"And …?"
"Uh … so am I?"
"You're silly."
"Please?"
"Puppy dog eyes don't work on me … No! Bad Padfoot! No biscuit!"
"Wow, you're evil. No biscuit until when?"
"Until you either stop prattling about your motorbike, give me an actual logical argument on why I should bother to get on the thing, or kidnap me and drag me there forcibly –"
"Ahh, the path of least resistance. Okay, Moony –"
"Ack! No! No tickling! That's not playing fair!"
"All is fair in love and war, Moony."
"Tickling isn't, dammit! Ahh! Stop that! This is not a dignified kidnapping!"
"Well, you never said it had to be dignified – c'mon, off we go, let's go for a ride and then we'll see about that biscuit …"
--Silly End--