Chapter Two: Doom in a miniskirt.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh! Why can't you accept that?

Friday 9:03pm

The pub door creaked open, and everyone turned around to see who it was. Next to him, Bakura could feel Malik slump against his chair, murmuring, "No…no…no…"

"I'll catch you if you fall over," Bakura whispered.

Anzu skipped into the pub. She was wearing a bright pink miniskirt, a boob tube, fake-fur boots and a big, sickly smile. Walking directly over to their table, she said brightly, "Bakura! Fancy seeing you here! How are you?"

Bakura muttered something unintelligible and shrank back against his chair.

"Here it comes," groaned Malik.

Anzu sidled up to her victim, blinking rapidly in a way that she obviously thought was attractive. "Hiya Malik," she said coyly.

Malik gave her a fake smile. "…Hello Anzu."

"Anyway dah-ling," she said (sounding as if they were a very close and intimate couple), "I was wondering if you were free sometime, we could, like, spend some time together.

Malik goggled at her, temporarily speechless. Sweet Ra, she comes on quick. "Er…" he played for time. "Look Anzu, I really don't think we should go out," he babbled desperately. "There…are things you don't know about me. I-I take drugs! I get pissed every night! I spend my free time beating up my sister! I-"

"He smokes," Bakura chipped in helpfully.

"I-yeah, that's it! I smoke! I smoke real, real bad."

Anzu leered at him. "I like baaaaaaad boys."

"No! No, I'm a good boy! Really I am!

Bakura started sniggering uncontrollably and hastily stuffed his fist into his mouth.

"Look, can't we discuss this over a few drinks?" Malik pleaded. And if she's as easy as I think she is, we could throw her out after the first glass.

Anzu shook her head. "No thanks, I don't drink."

"Malik's a naughty boy!" Yami Malik giggled.

Malik dropped his chin into his hands. Why me Why me Why me?

Suddenly his yami was in his face again. "Aww, Malik's upset. WHAT'S WRONG?" he screamed.

Malik pushed his yami away. "Go away. Go talk to Anzu, or something."

Yami Malik shrugged. "Okay." He walked over to Anzu. "Oi, Anny-Fanny. Will you join me in a pointless and boring conversation?"

"Ooooooh, he's so sweet!" Anzu squealed, enveloping him in a hug. The two weirdoes retreated to a dark corner of the pub, and started having a pointless and boring conversation.

9:11pm

Malik wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. "Thank Ra that's over. Hey you," he grabbed a passing barman by the collar, "get me a drink. I don't care what. Just something with alcohol in. A lot of it."

"How about no?" The barman smirked.

"Just get me a goddamn drink!"

"Why the hell should I?"

"Because I want one!"

"Get it yourself!"

A muscle was twitching in Malik's forehead. Pulling out the Millennium Rod, he pointed it threateningly at the annoying barman. "I command you to."

The man's eyes went blank. "Yes…master…" he walked slowly towards the counter, arms outstretched in front of him. He shuffled back a few minutes later, carrying what looked like most of Japan's supply of alcohol with him. It was all tipped onto their table. Malik smiled in satisfaction, and put away the Rod.

"Right, where do we start?"

10:57pm

Malik knocked back his fifth beer and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Mmm…beer."

Bakura was on his eighth beer. "Oooh, Malik's drunky!" he slurred. "Everyone point and laugh!" He pointed to a table on the other side of the room and started laughing hysterically.

Malik burst into tears. "Hey, I'm more drunk than you are anyway!"

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

"Am not!"

"Am too!"

"Am…urgh…" Bakura leaned over and threw up. "Am not…"

11:01pm

Anzu walked over. "Oh Malik, I'm sooooooo sorry but I've got to go! I promised daddy I'd be home by eleven and I'm a whole minute late! Well, see you tomorrow!"

Malik choked on his sixth beer. "WHAT?" Anzu slipped an arm around him and started rubbing his back.

"Malik's dyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!" screamed Yami Malik, and punched him in the back. Malik smashed into the table, and then slid to the floor, unconscious.

Bakura looked up from the table. "Hey Malik, you alright down there?"

"We're playing!" gurgled Yami Malik.

"Oh. Well that's alright then."

11:31pm

Malik opened his eyes. There appeared to be a giant pink pig in front of him. He hastily shut them again. "I think he's coming round!" Anzu purred.

Malik scrambled to his feet. "What just happened?"

"Anzu gave you the kiss of life!" Yami Malik screeched.

Things really can't get any worse.

"Actually, it looked like lot more than that," a familiar voice said smugly.

"Bye, Yami!" Anzu called as she left the pub.

Oh Ra, I really shouldn't think things like that.

"Pharaoh?" Malik croaked.