Psychometric Musings #2
In Absentia
Summary: The center cannot hold. Set during "Heal the Pain" or "Dilemma."
Rating: PG
So, what do you do when things fall apart?
You pull them back together and hold on with your teeth, that's what. That's all I've been doing for the past six weeks, and ... I don't even know why I'm doing it.
Michael and I are fine. Sakaki's leg will heal, and Doujima seems to actually be making an effort to be useful. But without Robin and Amon ... and we don't even know if they're dead or alive.
Of course, the idea of Amon being dead is completely ridiculous. I've worked with him for over five years, and that man has more lives than a cat. I swear, he was James Bond in a former life. He can take the most horrendous risks, and come out without dirtying that goddamn trenchcoat, sauntering in for the kill with his signature cold stare. It's incredibly irritating, especially when I (still!) screw up on a regular basis. Who the hell wants to work alongside Mr. Perfect?
I'm not fooling anyone, am I? I'll tell you a secret. Amon and I used to have coffee together, every once in a while. It wasn't anything like dating, or even a friendship – we'd just sit in Harry's, being silent together. Sometimes he'd ask me a question about one case or another, usually something about the Witch's motivations. Sometimes I'd talk to him about the way the other members were performing, and how we should handle the next Hunt. In a way, we were really one another's partners. He got insight into people from me, and I learned tactics and leadership ... under his wing, if you will.
And now I'm frantically pulling every memory of those late-night sessions out of my head, and using them to glue myself together. The STN-J needs a leader, and it looks like I've been tapped. (As much affection as I have for Sakaki and Doujima ... no. Not possible.) But I still look out my window at night and wish he were here. He can't be dead. I'd know if he were.
Who would have thought I'd actually miss him?