I SO LOVE EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED, I AM NOW ON SUCH A HIGH FROM IT, LOVE
ALL YOU INTERNET PEOPLE I NU U CUD UPDATE AND U HAVE. JUST 2 SAYIT AGAIN I
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'I don't get it, what are we looking for again?' Xander asked confused. Xander, Willow, Tara and Buffy were sitting around the large wooden table in the magic box researching a demon while Anya busied herself with a customer.
'A slimy green demon that tears out children's intestines and feeds it to their young.' Willow said sighing at Xander.
'On behalf of all of us,' Xander said pointing to the group. 'Ewwww.' Tara smiled silently at Xander as she looked up from her book. Xander gently lowered his face on seeing Willow's scowl. 'So I guess this isn't time to ask someone to go and fetch donuts.' Xander said quietly as he carefully studied the book.
'Oh found him,' Xander shouted out suddenly a few minutes later grinning from ear to ear. Willow looked over his shoulder and began reading. 'Xander that's not the demon, and why are you reading a book in Russian? You don't speak Russian.'
'Yeah,' Xander said defensively. 'But the picture is like the one Anya described. Upon hearing her name Anya came over to the table from behind the counter and looked over Xander's other shoulder at the book.
'That's not the demon,' Anya said passively before stepping away.
'Sure it is,' Xander argued. 'It's got a squashed nose like you said and...um...it's got webbed feet.' Xander said realising it wasn't the demon.
'No,' Anya said pointing at the picture. 'His nose was squished making it really skinny not pig nosed; you've got it all wrong.' Anya sighed and began tidying up the books.
'Hey,' Xander said making Anya stop. 'Buffy hasn't finished looking at that book.' Upon hearing her name Buffy looked up from her book and around at the others in bewilderment.
'Buff are you done with this book?' Willow said softly. Buffy looked across at the book Anya was holding.
'I'm still good with this one,' she said softly her eyes returning to the book she was cradling in her arms.
'What a little bookworm,' Xander joked grinning. Buffy heard the joke but didn't look up. She had been on the same page for the last twenty minutes but hadn't read a word. She sighed quietly to herself; turning the page would be too much effort.
'What time's Dawn getting here?' Willow said to Buffy as she flicked through some old pieces of parchment before checking her watch. 'Buffy?' she repeated trying to catch her attention.
Buffy looked up towards Willow dazed unaware of what Willow had said.
'What time's Dawn getting here?' Willow asked again patiently.
'I don't know,' Buffy said looking around. 'I thought she was going home straight after school?' Buffy asked Tara who had just returned to the table.
'Oh,' Tara said upon hearing Buffy. 'I told Dawn to come here after school. She said she'd be here at about three thirty. She'll be here any minute' Tara added to Willow slightly worried face. Tara walked up to Willow gently rubbing her back to relax her. Willow smiled to her and nodded as Buffy made no attempt at communicate with her friends, instead choosing to appear to read the book again.
***************
Dawn hummed to herself happily as she walked down the main street past the espresso pump. She walked quickly towards the Magic Box smiling up at the sun. She was still thinking about seeing Spike earlier in the week after she had been to Janice's. Now Buffy was back she hadn't seen Spike as much but it just made the times she did see him extra special. She contemplated skipping going to the magic box and visiting Spike's crypt but she had told Tara she would come straight there and knew they would be expecting her.
Dawn pushed the door open and smiled at the bell.
'Hey guys,' she said to the others all sitting around the Magic Box. Looking around the shop she saw only a couple of customers.
'Hey Dawnie,' Xander shouted back animated hoping she could distract him from research.
'So what are we researching?' Dawn said casually picking up a book.
'Whoa,' Buffy said tipping the book up so she could see the cover. 'Since when have you done research? How long has she been doing research?' Buffy said looking around disapprovingly at the group.
'She doesn't,' Willow replied taking the book from Dawn and giving her a stern look. Dawn rolled her eyes and sighed before relaxing back in a chair.
'Whatever it's not as if...'Dawn started. She didn't finish her sentence when she realised everyone's attention was distracted by something behind her. She turned in time to see Buffy jump up and run toward Giles who was standing in the middle of the shop.
'Giles,' Willow said surprised, saying what they were all thinking. Buffy hugged Giles friendlily. Dawn stood up from her chair as surprised to see Giles as the others.
'Buffy,' he said taken aback. 'I spoke to Willow and she said...but I didn't want to believe it until I saw you.' Buffy smiled back at Giles obviously happy to see him while trying to hide her sadness. After Giles and Buffy emotional greeting Dawn walked up to Giles also smiling.
'Hey,' he said to the teenager giving her a quick hug. Dawn hugged him back pleased to see him.
'So how's England, G-man?' Xander said slapping Giles on the back.
'I'd forgotten how much it rains there actually,' Giles said smiling at all of them as he removed his glasses and began to clean them. Dawn smiled at the simple action relieved Giles was back.
As they all sat down again around the table they all chatted animatedly about what Giles had missed and about England. Only Buffy remained more reserved. She contributed when asked questions and smiled at jokes but was at the same time detached from the conversation. Only Giles and Dawn seemed to notice and gave each other concerned glance to and from Buffy.
Buffy sat on the sofa in the back room thinking. Just sitting relaxed resting was always so much simpler. Everything had just been too much for her in the Magic Box. They were sitting around animated and Buffy was just too tired to act happy. The smile she plastered on her face began to hurt as she excused herself to work out.
Hearing Xander laugh loudly Buffy screwed up her eyes in pain. It was all just too much. She stood up slowly walking delicately to the back door and outside for some fresh air.
As Buffy opened the door she again closed her eyes trying to block out the intense sunlight. She stepped out of the shadow and into the glaring sun before opening her eyes. The sun shone down on her skin warming it gently. Opening her eyes confronted by the sunlight she blinked before turning down the side street. She needed to be alone just to walk and think. When she was alone she didn't have to worry about how she appeared to others. She didn't have to pretend to her friends that she was ok. She crossed her arms protectively across her chest as she walked through the un-crowded streets.
Buffy didn't notice as dusk descended on Sunnydale until she finally stopped walking in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards. Surprised at how dark it was she looked at her watch. Her eyes widened in surprise discovering she had been walking around for nearly 4 hours. She preferred the dark, as it didn't hurt her eyes as much.
Looking around recognising where she was Buffy sat on one of the many tombs. Her eyes fell to the floor as she sat motionless as if made of stone.
'Spike?' She said looking up surprised. 'What are you doing?' She looked around before her eyes returned to him.
'I live here,' Spike said amused by Buffy's confusion pointing to his crypt behind her. She smiled quietly back at him.
'So what are you doing out here?' He asked concerned sitting next to her on the crypt.
'I was patrolling,' Buffy said making an attempt to look around for any vampires. Seeing Spike didn't believe she sighed looking down at her boots. 'Just taking a break from...' Buffy said. She wasn't sure what exactly she was avoiding but she knew being alone and quiet was better than in a crowded room. Spike nodded understandingly. 'I just wanted some time alone.' She added quietly.
'Oh right luv,' Spike said jumping up. 'I'll go.'
'No,' Buffy said gently. 'It's ok.' She smiled up at him as he sat next to her again. 'I can be alone here with you.' Buffy's gaze returned to the floor.
Spike watched Buffy. Her expression fell, as she looked at the floor, the hurt and pain still evident in her face. He didn't know what had happened to her after she had died but it was obvious she was still hurting.
'Buffy,' he said gently. 'Is everything ok?' Buffy didn't look up but remained looking at the floor. 'I don't know what happened to you but if there's anything I can do....'
'You can't,' Buffy said not looking up.
'I know you're still in pain Buffy.'
'I am now,' Buffy cut him off. Spike looked at her confused. 'I was happy,' Buffy said sadly. 'Everything was so clear. I knew everyone was ok; Xander, Willow and Giles. Dawn was happy.' Spike sighed at her. She looked up confused.
'Little Bit wasn't happy luv.' Buffy turned back looking at the floor.
'I was happy,' she said again. 'On the tower I knew everything was going to be ok, I just knew it. And then after,' Buffy paused still unable to say she had died. 'Nothing had shape but I was still me. I was warm and I was safe and I was finished. I was done. I don't know anything about the after life or dimensions but I always believed in somewhere because of my mom, where she'd be happy' Buffy paused for a moment thinking of her mother. 'But I think I was in heaven.' She closed her eyes, just thinking about where she'd been hurt.
Spike looked at her in shock. He wasn't sure how to react. He wanted to through his arms around Buffy, cry for her or go and kill all the Scooby's for doing this to her. He sat silent waiting for her.
'But because of my friends, I'm here. Everything here is harder and brighter. I wasn't in hell.' She paused thinking for a moment. 'This is hell.' Buffy said honestly.
She stood up awkwardly staring in the distance. She hadn't looked at Spike. She didn't want to see his reaction she didn't need to. She could predict what he was thinking. She stepped away still looking away before stopping.
'They must never know, never.' Buffy said certainly emphasising on the last word. Buffy didn't turn to look back at Spike as she walked home. Spike wouldn't have known what to say even if he had followed. He remained sitting staring out after Buffy not knowing what to do.
I TRIED UPDATING THIS CHAPTER LAST WEEK BUT IT EITHER DIDN'T WORK; IT SUCKED SO NO ONE REVIEWED OR MY COMPUTERS SCREWED UP.
THANK YOU AGAIN TO ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE REVIEWED, I AM BACK TO FLATTERY AS I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH AND YOU'VE MADE MY DAY /WEEKEND/WEEK/MONTH/YEAR GREAT. I AM NOW OFF TO DO A HAPPY DANCE AND THEN WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER. I'M SORRY I THREATENED A BREAK I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT BUT I WAS FEELING INSECURE ABOUT MY STORY. AGAIN THANKS AND KEEP REVIEWING X
I know I've used some words from Spike and Buffy's conversation but I've tried to change it a little.
'I don't get it, what are we looking for again?' Xander asked confused. Xander, Willow, Tara and Buffy were sitting around the large wooden table in the magic box researching a demon while Anya busied herself with a customer.
'A slimy green demon that tears out children's intestines and feeds it to their young.' Willow said sighing at Xander.
'On behalf of all of us,' Xander said pointing to the group. 'Ewwww.' Tara smiled silently at Xander as she looked up from her book. Xander gently lowered his face on seeing Willow's scowl. 'So I guess this isn't time to ask someone to go and fetch donuts.' Xander said quietly as he carefully studied the book.
'Oh found him,' Xander shouted out suddenly a few minutes later grinning from ear to ear. Willow looked over his shoulder and began reading. 'Xander that's not the demon, and why are you reading a book in Russian? You don't speak Russian.'
'Yeah,' Xander said defensively. 'But the picture is like the one Anya described. Upon hearing her name Anya came over to the table from behind the counter and looked over Xander's other shoulder at the book.
'That's not the demon,' Anya said passively before stepping away.
'Sure it is,' Xander argued. 'It's got a squashed nose like you said and...um...it's got webbed feet.' Xander said realising it wasn't the demon.
'No,' Anya said pointing at the picture. 'His nose was squished making it really skinny not pig nosed; you've got it all wrong.' Anya sighed and began tidying up the books.
'Hey,' Xander said making Anya stop. 'Buffy hasn't finished looking at that book.' Upon hearing her name Buffy looked up from her book and around at the others in bewilderment.
'Buff are you done with this book?' Willow said softly. Buffy looked across at the book Anya was holding.
'I'm still good with this one,' she said softly her eyes returning to the book she was cradling in her arms.
'What a little bookworm,' Xander joked grinning. Buffy heard the joke but didn't look up. She had been on the same page for the last twenty minutes but hadn't read a word. She sighed quietly to herself; turning the page would be too much effort.
'What time's Dawn getting here?' Willow said to Buffy as she flicked through some old pieces of parchment before checking her watch. 'Buffy?' she repeated trying to catch her attention.
Buffy looked up towards Willow dazed unaware of what Willow had said.
'What time's Dawn getting here?' Willow asked again patiently.
'I don't know,' Buffy said looking around. 'I thought she was going home straight after school?' Buffy asked Tara who had just returned to the table.
'Oh,' Tara said upon hearing Buffy. 'I told Dawn to come here after school. She said she'd be here at about three thirty. She'll be here any minute' Tara added to Willow slightly worried face. Tara walked up to Willow gently rubbing her back to relax her. Willow smiled to her and nodded as Buffy made no attempt at communicate with her friends, instead choosing to appear to read the book again.
***************
Dawn hummed to herself happily as she walked down the main street past the espresso pump. She walked quickly towards the Magic Box smiling up at the sun. She was still thinking about seeing Spike earlier in the week after she had been to Janice's. Now Buffy was back she hadn't seen Spike as much but it just made the times she did see him extra special. She contemplated skipping going to the magic box and visiting Spike's crypt but she had told Tara she would come straight there and knew they would be expecting her.
Dawn pushed the door open and smiled at the bell.
'Hey guys,' she said to the others all sitting around the Magic Box. Looking around the shop she saw only a couple of customers.
'Hey Dawnie,' Xander shouted back animated hoping she could distract him from research.
'So what are we researching?' Dawn said casually picking up a book.
'Whoa,' Buffy said tipping the book up so she could see the cover. 'Since when have you done research? How long has she been doing research?' Buffy said looking around disapprovingly at the group.
'She doesn't,' Willow replied taking the book from Dawn and giving her a stern look. Dawn rolled her eyes and sighed before relaxing back in a chair.
'Whatever it's not as if...'Dawn started. She didn't finish her sentence when she realised everyone's attention was distracted by something behind her. She turned in time to see Buffy jump up and run toward Giles who was standing in the middle of the shop.
'Giles,' Willow said surprised, saying what they were all thinking. Buffy hugged Giles friendlily. Dawn stood up from her chair as surprised to see Giles as the others.
'Buffy,' he said taken aback. 'I spoke to Willow and she said...but I didn't want to believe it until I saw you.' Buffy smiled back at Giles obviously happy to see him while trying to hide her sadness. After Giles and Buffy emotional greeting Dawn walked up to Giles also smiling.
'Hey,' he said to the teenager giving her a quick hug. Dawn hugged him back pleased to see him.
'So how's England, G-man?' Xander said slapping Giles on the back.
'I'd forgotten how much it rains there actually,' Giles said smiling at all of them as he removed his glasses and began to clean them. Dawn smiled at the simple action relieved Giles was back.
As they all sat down again around the table they all chatted animatedly about what Giles had missed and about England. Only Buffy remained more reserved. She contributed when asked questions and smiled at jokes but was at the same time detached from the conversation. Only Giles and Dawn seemed to notice and gave each other concerned glance to and from Buffy.
Buffy sat on the sofa in the back room thinking. Just sitting relaxed resting was always so much simpler. Everything had just been too much for her in the Magic Box. They were sitting around animated and Buffy was just too tired to act happy. The smile she plastered on her face began to hurt as she excused herself to work out.
Hearing Xander laugh loudly Buffy screwed up her eyes in pain. It was all just too much. She stood up slowly walking delicately to the back door and outside for some fresh air.
As Buffy opened the door she again closed her eyes trying to block out the intense sunlight. She stepped out of the shadow and into the glaring sun before opening her eyes. The sun shone down on her skin warming it gently. Opening her eyes confronted by the sunlight she blinked before turning down the side street. She needed to be alone just to walk and think. When she was alone she didn't have to worry about how she appeared to others. She didn't have to pretend to her friends that she was ok. She crossed her arms protectively across her chest as she walked through the un-crowded streets.
Buffy didn't notice as dusk descended on Sunnydale until she finally stopped walking in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards. Surprised at how dark it was she looked at her watch. Her eyes widened in surprise discovering she had been walking around for nearly 4 hours. She preferred the dark, as it didn't hurt her eyes as much.
Looking around recognising where she was Buffy sat on one of the many tombs. Her eyes fell to the floor as she sat motionless as if made of stone.
'Spike?' She said looking up surprised. 'What are you doing?' She looked around before her eyes returned to him.
'I live here,' Spike said amused by Buffy's confusion pointing to his crypt behind her. She smiled quietly back at him.
'So what are you doing out here?' He asked concerned sitting next to her on the crypt.
'I was patrolling,' Buffy said making an attempt to look around for any vampires. Seeing Spike didn't believe she sighed looking down at her boots. 'Just taking a break from...' Buffy said. She wasn't sure what exactly she was avoiding but she knew being alone and quiet was better than in a crowded room. Spike nodded understandingly. 'I just wanted some time alone.' She added quietly.
'Oh right luv,' Spike said jumping up. 'I'll go.'
'No,' Buffy said gently. 'It's ok.' She smiled up at him as he sat next to her again. 'I can be alone here with you.' Buffy's gaze returned to the floor.
Spike watched Buffy. Her expression fell, as she looked at the floor, the hurt and pain still evident in her face. He didn't know what had happened to her after she had died but it was obvious she was still hurting.
'Buffy,' he said gently. 'Is everything ok?' Buffy didn't look up but remained looking at the floor. 'I don't know what happened to you but if there's anything I can do....'
'You can't,' Buffy said not looking up.
'I know you're still in pain Buffy.'
'I am now,' Buffy cut him off. Spike looked at her confused. 'I was happy,' Buffy said sadly. 'Everything was so clear. I knew everyone was ok; Xander, Willow and Giles. Dawn was happy.' Spike sighed at her. She looked up confused.
'Little Bit wasn't happy luv.' Buffy turned back looking at the floor.
'I was happy,' she said again. 'On the tower I knew everything was going to be ok, I just knew it. And then after,' Buffy paused still unable to say she had died. 'Nothing had shape but I was still me. I was warm and I was safe and I was finished. I was done. I don't know anything about the after life or dimensions but I always believed in somewhere because of my mom, where she'd be happy' Buffy paused for a moment thinking of her mother. 'But I think I was in heaven.' She closed her eyes, just thinking about where she'd been hurt.
Spike looked at her in shock. He wasn't sure how to react. He wanted to through his arms around Buffy, cry for her or go and kill all the Scooby's for doing this to her. He sat silent waiting for her.
'But because of my friends, I'm here. Everything here is harder and brighter. I wasn't in hell.' She paused thinking for a moment. 'This is hell.' Buffy said honestly.
She stood up awkwardly staring in the distance. She hadn't looked at Spike. She didn't want to see his reaction she didn't need to. She could predict what he was thinking. She stepped away still looking away before stopping.
'They must never know, never.' Buffy said certainly emphasising on the last word. Buffy didn't turn to look back at Spike as she walked home. Spike wouldn't have known what to say even if he had followed. He remained sitting staring out after Buffy not knowing what to do.
I TRIED UPDATING THIS CHAPTER LAST WEEK BUT IT EITHER DIDN'T WORK; IT SUCKED SO NO ONE REVIEWED OR MY COMPUTERS SCREWED UP.
THANK YOU AGAIN TO ALL THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE WHO HAVE REVIEWED, I AM BACK TO FLATTERY AS I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH AND YOU'VE MADE MY DAY /WEEKEND/WEEK/MONTH/YEAR GREAT. I AM NOW OFF TO DO A HAPPY DANCE AND THEN WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTER. I'M SORRY I THREATENED A BREAK I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT BUT I WAS FEELING INSECURE ABOUT MY STORY. AGAIN THANKS AND KEEP REVIEWING X
I know I've used some words from Spike and Buffy's conversation but I've tried to change it a little.