Chapter 31
Jack sat down next to Irina and looked at her with an odd expression on his face. "What is it?" Irina asked.
"Just thinking," Jack said. "A few years ago, I believed you were dead, I didn't have a very good relationship with Sydney, my life was...not good. And now you're here, and Sydney and I are getting along, and suddenly I have another daughter...it's all a bit much, I guess."
Irina nodded. "I keep looking at Tatiana and just being amazed. She actually seems to have turned out decently somehow, despite her upbringing." She paused for a moment, considering. "Jack...I never said how sorry I am. For everything I've done. And the worst part is that if I had it to do over again, I think I'd make the same decisions." She looked down at her hands, then back up at Jack with tears in her eyes. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Jack pulled her into an embrace. "I already have." He held her silently for a long moment. "The last year—when I was in solitary—I had a lot of time to think, naturally. And I thought about what I would have done if I'd been in your position. The truth is I think I'd have done the exact same things—with one exception." She looked at him curiously. "I wouldn't have come back. When you turned yourself in to the CIA—there have to have been other ways to get to the Rambaldi artifacts. I could only conclude that your main reason was to get close to Sydney again—and to me." She nodded. "If I'd been in your position, if I'd left you and Sydney, I wouldn't have come back. I'd have been too afraid that you'd hate me, that you could never forgive me."
Irina was silent for a moment. "I was afraid of that, Jack. But I needed to see you—both of you—with my own eyes, find out how much damage I'd caused...and just maybe have the chance to explain. I never dreamed it would work out this well."
They were quiet for a moment. "Tell me about Tatiana," Jack said. "Your pregnancy, her birth, all of that."
Irina took a deep breath. She really preferred not to think about that time in her life, but Jack deserved to know. She fixed her eyes on a point over Jack's shoulder and began to speak. "When I was extracted, I suspected that I might be pregnant, but I didn't know for sure. I was on birth control; I shouldn't have gotten pregnant."
"Just like with Sydney?" When Sydney had been conceived, he and "Laura" had had nebulous plans to have children "someday", but neither had been ready yet; he'd known she'd been on birth control. But despite not missing a single pill, she'd somehow conceived.
Irina nodded. "By the time I got back to Moscow and had a medical exam, a week later, I was sure that I was pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, but they did a blood test, and they must have tested for pregnancy." She paused and looked down at her hands. "I've wondered for years why they let me keep her, why they didn't just order an abortion. I suppose they must have wanted her for Medea even then." She glanced up at Jack, who was watching her silently, his expression encouraging. She looked away again. "They sent me to prison, accused me of no longer being loyal to my country. It wasn't true when I went in, but it was true when I came out."
Jack leaned forward. "Irina, what did they do to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She blinked rapidly a few times, then turned to Jack. "Suffice it to say that they wanted me to have a healthy baby; physically they treated me quite well." She paused, then remembered that he'd wanted to hear about Tatiana's birth. "When I went into labor...the whole time, I'd been certain that they'd take the baby as soon as I gave birth. So I tried to make as little noise as possible, to not call attention to myself. I was alone when she was born. They found out the next day, took us to the infirmary, took her into a different room. I thought I'd never see her again." Tears began to spill down her cheeks. She remembered clearly the awful wrench in her heart when the nurse had taken her daughter from her arms. It had taken all her strength not to fight; she'd decided before that she wouldn't, afraid the baby would be hurt. "When they gave her back..." Her shoulders began to shake. "It was the only time I ever cried in front of them."
She saw understanding in Jack's eyes; he reached out and ran a thumb over her cheek, brushing away the tears. "How long did they keep her?"
"Not long—a few hours."
She wasn't exactly sure how long it had been; after the doctor had examined her, he'd sedated her, and she'd awakened back in her cell. About an hour after that, Gerard Cuvee had appeared carrying her daughter. He hadn't said a word as he'd placed the baby in her arms, or as the guard that followed placed a pile of baby clothes and blankets on her bed. Only after the guard was gone had he spoken. "You will repay me later," he'd said. She'd merely nodded, knowing that he could take her child easily if she didn't do exactly as he wanted. She'd paid the price for keeping her child later, but she wouldn't think about that.
Jack leaned forward and kissed her gently, making her forget all of it momentarily. Her family was together now, and really, that was all that mattered.
Jack sat down next to Irina and looked at her with an odd expression on his face. "What is it?" Irina asked.
"Just thinking," Jack said. "A few years ago, I believed you were dead, I didn't have a very good relationship with Sydney, my life was...not good. And now you're here, and Sydney and I are getting along, and suddenly I have another daughter...it's all a bit much, I guess."
Irina nodded. "I keep looking at Tatiana and just being amazed. She actually seems to have turned out decently somehow, despite her upbringing." She paused for a moment, considering. "Jack...I never said how sorry I am. For everything I've done. And the worst part is that if I had it to do over again, I think I'd make the same decisions." She looked down at her hands, then back up at Jack with tears in her eyes. "Can you ever forgive me?"
Jack pulled her into an embrace. "I already have." He held her silently for a long moment. "The last year—when I was in solitary—I had a lot of time to think, naturally. And I thought about what I would have done if I'd been in your position. The truth is I think I'd have done the exact same things—with one exception." She looked at him curiously. "I wouldn't have come back. When you turned yourself in to the CIA—there have to have been other ways to get to the Rambaldi artifacts. I could only conclude that your main reason was to get close to Sydney again—and to me." She nodded. "If I'd been in your position, if I'd left you and Sydney, I wouldn't have come back. I'd have been too afraid that you'd hate me, that you could never forgive me."
Irina was silent for a moment. "I was afraid of that, Jack. But I needed to see you—both of you—with my own eyes, find out how much damage I'd caused...and just maybe have the chance to explain. I never dreamed it would work out this well."
They were quiet for a moment. "Tell me about Tatiana," Jack said. "Your pregnancy, her birth, all of that."
Irina took a deep breath. She really preferred not to think about that time in her life, but Jack deserved to know. She fixed her eyes on a point over Jack's shoulder and began to speak. "When I was extracted, I suspected that I might be pregnant, but I didn't know for sure. I was on birth control; I shouldn't have gotten pregnant."
"Just like with Sydney?" When Sydney had been conceived, he and "Laura" had had nebulous plans to have children "someday", but neither had been ready yet; he'd known she'd been on birth control. But despite not missing a single pill, she'd somehow conceived.
Irina nodded. "By the time I got back to Moscow and had a medical exam, a week later, I was sure that I was pregnant. I didn't tell anyone, but they did a blood test, and they must have tested for pregnancy." She paused and looked down at her hands. "I've wondered for years why they let me keep her, why they didn't just order an abortion. I suppose they must have wanted her for Medea even then." She glanced up at Jack, who was watching her silently, his expression encouraging. She looked away again. "They sent me to prison, accused me of no longer being loyal to my country. It wasn't true when I went in, but it was true when I came out."
Jack leaned forward. "Irina, what did they do to you?"
"I don't want to talk about it," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She blinked rapidly a few times, then turned to Jack. "Suffice it to say that they wanted me to have a healthy baby; physically they treated me quite well." She paused, then remembered that he'd wanted to hear about Tatiana's birth. "When I went into labor...the whole time, I'd been certain that they'd take the baby as soon as I gave birth. So I tried to make as little noise as possible, to not call attention to myself. I was alone when she was born. They found out the next day, took us to the infirmary, took her into a different room. I thought I'd never see her again." Tears began to spill down her cheeks. She remembered clearly the awful wrench in her heart when the nurse had taken her daughter from her arms. It had taken all her strength not to fight; she'd decided before that she wouldn't, afraid the baby would be hurt. "When they gave her back..." Her shoulders began to shake. "It was the only time I ever cried in front of them."
She saw understanding in Jack's eyes; he reached out and ran a thumb over her cheek, brushing away the tears. "How long did they keep her?"
"Not long—a few hours."
She wasn't exactly sure how long it had been; after the doctor had examined her, he'd sedated her, and she'd awakened back in her cell. About an hour after that, Gerard Cuvee had appeared carrying her daughter. He hadn't said a word as he'd placed the baby in her arms, or as the guard that followed placed a pile of baby clothes and blankets on her bed. Only after the guard was gone had he spoken. "You will repay me later," he'd said. She'd merely nodded, knowing that he could take her child easily if she didn't do exactly as he wanted. She'd paid the price for keeping her child later, but she wouldn't think about that.
Jack leaned forward and kissed her gently, making her forget all of it momentarily. Her family was together now, and really, that was all that mattered.