Hey everybody! This fic was inspired by a moment of insanity, which was the result of sugar and boredom! This fic is centered around the Acolytes and may be slightly AU. And since this fic is just another one of my sad attempts at humor, there are no romances except between Pyro and fire. Speaking of which, I can't really do Australian accents really well so I won't even try. I'd rather not have an accent then try and completely slaughter it. Ok, enough rambling...on with the fic!
Disclaimer: Yes! I own them! They are mine...ALL MINE!!! Mwhahahaha! –gets dragged away by men in white jackets-
Remy, Pyro, and Piotr: O.O
Remy: Can anyone explain why all o' de fans be raving lunatics?
Piotr: -points to John-
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A silence settled upon the city of Bayville as the citizens fell into a quiet slumber. That is, all except one. A lone figure wearing a long trench coat stalked through the alleyways, barely making a sound. It stopped when it reached its destination. Twin glowing red orbs stood out, scanning the building looming before it, before falling to rest upon a sign resting on the building.
Wal-mart.
"What de hell?!"
The figure, known as Remy Lebeau aka Gambit cried out in shock when he realized where he was.
"Merde. Remy t'ought dis was gonna be an actual mission, not some stupid trip to de store."
He kicked a stone before grudgingly making his way across the parking lot, muttering french obscenities under his breath. When he reached the door, he searched through the pockets of his coat before producing a lock pick. With careful precision, he opened the lock and silently walked in. His first instinct was to look around for cameras but he found none. (A/N: I know there are cameras in Wal-mart but this is prolly gonna end up being AU so XP)
"O' course. What kinda homme is just gonna t' steal from de Wal-mart?"
'One dat wants t' take over de world.' He thought bitterly.
"Lets see what de ole buckethead wants dat be so important dat Remy gotta steal."
He pulled out a piece of paper from the depths of his trench coat. He carefully unfolded it and gave a groan as he saw a single word written in neat handwriting.
"Rogaine? ROGAINE?! Remy be missin' Scooby Doo just t' get ROGAINE?! Why doesn't Mags get his boyfriend t' wheel his butt down here and get it fo' him?! Or why don't he send dat daddy's boy t' get it?! Remy supposed to be de Prince o' T'ieves, not de errand boy."
He gave a pout as he shuffled down to the men's hair care products, grumbling in French.
"Maybe dats why he be wearing dat bucket on his head all de time. Dat also explains why de fire homme was babbling 'bout wigs de ot'er day."
He snickered to himself, imaging a bald Magneto. He was almost at the aisle when he felt something land on his head.
"AAAHHH!!!"
He ran around in circles, trying to get his attacker off his head.
"Get it off! Get it off! It be messin' Remy's hair up!"
He was too preoccupied with getting the thing off his head to notice where he was going. With a great CRASH, he ran into the shelf and caused it to fall, creating a domino effect with all the other shelves. Soon it looked as though a tornado had blown through the store.
Remy sat up, rubbing his head as he looked for the mysterious assailant. His eyes fell upon a moving box that was slowly creeping away. He reached out and yanked the box up.
"Ah ha...awww!"
A little kitten stared innocently up at him. It was black with splashes of white on her face, tummy, under her paws, and the tip of her tail. She had large green eyes, which were fixed on Remy.
Carefully he picked her up, examining her.
"So, you were de little scamp dat attacked Remy. If you weren't so cute, Remy would've given you to de fire homme. And Remy don't t'ink you'd taste good well done."
She mewed loudly, as if in agreement. He chuckled then surveyed the destruction around them.
"Uh...Remy t'inks we should leave. Now."
And with that he picked up the kitty and went on his merry way, whistling the theme from Scooby Doo. The box of Rogaine lay on the floor forgotten.
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Later, At the Base
St. John, a.k.a Pyro, sat on the couch in the dark living room., clicking his lighter on and off. He watched with a childlike expression as the fire came on. His face fell however when the fire went away. This had been going on for over and hour and the residents of the base ignored him, as it was his usual routine. Suddenly the door burst open and Remy stepped in, his eyes glowing in the darkness. He saw Pyro flicking the lighter off and on and raised and eyebrow. He turned the lights on and earned a hiss from Pyro as he was blinded momentarily.
"Whatcha do that for?! You could've blinded me and...whats that?"
He pointed to the squirming bundle in Remy's trench coat. Before Remy could answer, Pyro's eyes bulged out.
"Its one of those alien things, ain't it? Its gonna bust outta your stomach and then kill all of us." He then reatreated to a corner of the room and started rocking back and forth, muttering about aliens.
Remy was just processing what he said when Fluffy...I mean Sabertooth walked in. Immediately he sniffed the air and growled. The kitty popped its head out of Remy's coat and hissed at him. Without warning she leapt towards Sabertooth, causing him to shriek like a schoolgirl. He then bent on all fours and started running around the room like a frightened mouse. The kitty leapt out of the coat and started running after Sabertooth. Remy immediately jumped up and ran after them, trying to stop them.
"Non! C'mere kitty! Nice kitty. Heel! Sit! Bit 'im!"
Hearing the commotion, the master of magnetism walked out of his evil and mysterious office, wearing his helmet and his rubber ducky pajamas and carrying a teddy bear with a matching helmet.
"Remy did you get me my...EEEKKKKK!!!!" He spotted the cat and flew up above them, shaking like a housewife who had just seena mouse.
"Squish it! Squish it! Squish it! Squish it!"
Then Mastermind decided to join the fiasco. He took one look at the scene before his monkey instincts kicked in. He jumped on the couch and proceeded to shriek and scream like a chimp as he jumped up and down.
Yawning, Piotr walked out, intending to get a midnight snack. He stopped to survey the scene before him. His gaze went from Pyro rocking back and forth in the corner to Mastermind on the couch, to the chase around the room, and finally it landed on Mr. Buckethead screaming like a girl above the whole thing. He slowly backed off and went back to bed, deciding he wasn't hungry after all.
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A few hours later
The Brotherhood boarding house was filled with the shrieks of laughter. They were sitting around a t.v screen watching a tape of what happened a few hours earlier at the Acolyte's base.
"Man, good thing we planted a camera in there when they went to Disneyworld. This is priceless." Lance then lost control and started laughing, causing the house to shake.
Mystique just smiled.
"Lets see what happens with Xavier and his pupils."
She then transformed into a familiar looking kitten and walked out the door, leaving the Brotherhood still laughing their heads off.
The end?
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The reason I wanted to write this story was because I head the idea of the last scene with the Acolytes that has Piotr walking in on the insanity. Just imagine his face looking like O.O Hoped ya'll enjoyed it! I might post an Epilogue so I can put up the reviews. If this gets a good response I might try a Romance or Angst next. Or maybe another comedy. Who knows. Lets just see how this turns out. Later!
-TL