** I decided to add this part about Stacey's diabetes, because, as a
diabetic myself, I've never liked the way Ann Martin handled Stacey's
disease. I think that she should have consulted a true diabetic teenager
for more input, rather than just doctors and stuff. So, here's Diabetes
from the viewpoint of a real kid!!
September 1st:
Wow. Can't believe it's September already. School starts in only four days- hard to believe, even though I've bought my books already. College books cost a fortune!! Good thing Dad offered to pay for them. I started looking over them, just to see what I was getting myself into. For the most part the don't look so bad. English 101 seems like it will be a breeze, as does History 101. I'm still waiting to see if I get into Sociology 101. I'm also taking Business 101, which hopefully won't be too hard. It seems pretty interesting. The one class I am really worried about is math- Calculus 201. I can't believe I'm starting out in Calc 2, but I guess it makes sense since I took Calc AP in high school. Ok, well I don't want to think about school anymore! Samantha is taking me shopping in a little bit… I'm going to hit Bloomies again for the first time in over a month! Yea! Samantha has actually turned out to be a very cool stepmother. Even though I kind of hated her at first (or maybe I hated how Dad kept her a secret from me), she's actually really nice and a lot of fun. She's young, about 28, which is only ten years older than me, and yet she's a really good mom to Rachael. Not that she's a substitute for my own mother. Sometimes I feel kinda guilty about that…but I just have to remind myself that mom will always be my mom, and that Samantha is NOT a replacement for mom.
September 4th:
OMG!!! Classes start tomorrow!!!! What the hell am I gunna wear? At first I was just excited, but now I'm getting kind of nervous. I hope the subway comes on time! And the bus! I don't want to be late for my first college class! I wonder how the rest of my friends are doing at school? I talked to Claudia yesterday, she doesn't start until next week, but Stoneybrook U started last Wednesday, and Mary Anne was supposed to start Monday. It's getting hard to keep in touch with everyone. I mean, when everyone but me lived in Stoneybrook it wasn't so hard, but now everyone is all scattered. Honestly sometimes I just don't care. Of course I want to keep in touch with Claudia, after all she's my best friend. But Kristy? And Mary Anne? I don't know. We're so different, that sometimes I'm not so sure it's worth the effort. And then there's Abby. After I moved back to NYC I've only seen Abby once or twice, when the entire (former) BSC got together. Abby and I were never close. I really wonder what will happen to all my friends in the next four years. Will they remain close, like me and Claud? Or will they fizzle, like Ethan and I did when we broke up my sophomore year? I just don't know.
September 5th:
8:15 am- FIRST DAY OF CLASSES!!!! I'm so nervous that I could barely eat this morning, but of course I had to, cuz of my Diabetes. I made it to the subway ontime, and now I'm writing this on the bus, sipping a Latte that I had to pick up at the station. Coffee is the only thing that can keep me sane! I'm shaking, not because of the caffeine, but because I am so nervous about starting college! Oh- the bus is gunna stop. More later!
11:20am- Sigh. Just got out of my first class- English 101. Doesn't seem as bad as I thought. All we have to do is read the book, and write response papers to what we read. Oh- there's also a big research paper at the end of the semester. My professor- Dr. Mitchell, seems really nice. She's young, and pretty laid back. I better go eat lunch now, because my Business class starts at 1:30. I AM SO RELIEVED that my first class is over! What was I so worried about?
4:45pm- Well I'm home again. I survived my first day of college! Yea! My second class, business, seems like it will be slightly tougher than English, but it seems manageable. It also seems very interesting- a lot of math involved!!! The professor is an older, British gentleman, Dr. Watson Lumley, but he seems pretty fair. Tomorrow I meet the rest of my professors- Sociology and Calculus. I really don't have much more say, and I am dead tired, so I'm going to take a nap.
**September 7th:
I HATE DIABETES!!!! It drives me nuts. All my friends look up to me because they think I'm so strong to resist all the sugar and do my shots and stuff, but the truth is, I'm not as good as they think. Sometimes I do give into the sugar cravings, especially when I'm stressed. Like this morning, I had my first Business quiz, so I ate a Snickers bar on the subway. Lately I haven't been testing my blood sugar either. It's just such a pain in the ass, you know? My parents have always just assumed I do it, and somewhere around Junior year I figured out that they do really know they difference if I do it or not, so sometimes I'll just skip it. I always try to take my shots, though. I just feel too sick if I don't. Not that I don't feel sick if I eat sugar- I feel AWFUL. My stomache hurts, and I have to pee a lot. And I get thirsty as all hell. I must have drank three Diet sodas before lunch today. But I'm just so fucking sick of being a diabetic!!! Everyone thinks Diabetes is an old person disease. I'd rather just be a normal teenager. Unfortuanetly, with Diabetes, there is no such thing.
**September 12th:
Sometimes I worry about the future. I worry about it a lot, actually. Not my career, necessarily, because I know that if I study business, I've got a good start. I worry about it because of my Diabetes. Sometimes I'm afraid that no one will want to marry me because of my diabetes. Who wants to take on the burden of wife who needs shots, and constantly has to be fed? Now I know this is silly, because Sam knows all about my diabetes and it doesn't phase him a bit, but I still think about it. And who knows if I'll ever have a baby? Pregnancy is so dangerous to a diabetic woman, even if you are in good control. Your baby can be born with birth defects, or it can be born too large. Sometimes the mother dies in labor. It really sucks. I try not to think about that because it's so far in the future, but hell, most women take it for granted that they'll have babies. With Diabetes you can't do that. I also worry about complications- will I lose my eyes? My legs? Will I have a heart attack at the age of thirty? All of these are complications to diabetics too. Man, life just really, really sucks. Sometimes, I just wish I were never born. Then I wouldn't have to deal with Diabetes.
September 1st:
Wow. Can't believe it's September already. School starts in only four days- hard to believe, even though I've bought my books already. College books cost a fortune!! Good thing Dad offered to pay for them. I started looking over them, just to see what I was getting myself into. For the most part the don't look so bad. English 101 seems like it will be a breeze, as does History 101. I'm still waiting to see if I get into Sociology 101. I'm also taking Business 101, which hopefully won't be too hard. It seems pretty interesting. The one class I am really worried about is math- Calculus 201. I can't believe I'm starting out in Calc 2, but I guess it makes sense since I took Calc AP in high school. Ok, well I don't want to think about school anymore! Samantha is taking me shopping in a little bit… I'm going to hit Bloomies again for the first time in over a month! Yea! Samantha has actually turned out to be a very cool stepmother. Even though I kind of hated her at first (or maybe I hated how Dad kept her a secret from me), she's actually really nice and a lot of fun. She's young, about 28, which is only ten years older than me, and yet she's a really good mom to Rachael. Not that she's a substitute for my own mother. Sometimes I feel kinda guilty about that…but I just have to remind myself that mom will always be my mom, and that Samantha is NOT a replacement for mom.
September 4th:
OMG!!! Classes start tomorrow!!!! What the hell am I gunna wear? At first I was just excited, but now I'm getting kind of nervous. I hope the subway comes on time! And the bus! I don't want to be late for my first college class! I wonder how the rest of my friends are doing at school? I talked to Claudia yesterday, she doesn't start until next week, but Stoneybrook U started last Wednesday, and Mary Anne was supposed to start Monday. It's getting hard to keep in touch with everyone. I mean, when everyone but me lived in Stoneybrook it wasn't so hard, but now everyone is all scattered. Honestly sometimes I just don't care. Of course I want to keep in touch with Claudia, after all she's my best friend. But Kristy? And Mary Anne? I don't know. We're so different, that sometimes I'm not so sure it's worth the effort. And then there's Abby. After I moved back to NYC I've only seen Abby once or twice, when the entire (former) BSC got together. Abby and I were never close. I really wonder what will happen to all my friends in the next four years. Will they remain close, like me and Claud? Or will they fizzle, like Ethan and I did when we broke up my sophomore year? I just don't know.
September 5th:
8:15 am- FIRST DAY OF CLASSES!!!! I'm so nervous that I could barely eat this morning, but of course I had to, cuz of my Diabetes. I made it to the subway ontime, and now I'm writing this on the bus, sipping a Latte that I had to pick up at the station. Coffee is the only thing that can keep me sane! I'm shaking, not because of the caffeine, but because I am so nervous about starting college! Oh- the bus is gunna stop. More later!
11:20am- Sigh. Just got out of my first class- English 101. Doesn't seem as bad as I thought. All we have to do is read the book, and write response papers to what we read. Oh- there's also a big research paper at the end of the semester. My professor- Dr. Mitchell, seems really nice. She's young, and pretty laid back. I better go eat lunch now, because my Business class starts at 1:30. I AM SO RELIEVED that my first class is over! What was I so worried about?
4:45pm- Well I'm home again. I survived my first day of college! Yea! My second class, business, seems like it will be slightly tougher than English, but it seems manageable. It also seems very interesting- a lot of math involved!!! The professor is an older, British gentleman, Dr. Watson Lumley, but he seems pretty fair. Tomorrow I meet the rest of my professors- Sociology and Calculus. I really don't have much more say, and I am dead tired, so I'm going to take a nap.
**September 7th:
I HATE DIABETES!!!! It drives me nuts. All my friends look up to me because they think I'm so strong to resist all the sugar and do my shots and stuff, but the truth is, I'm not as good as they think. Sometimes I do give into the sugar cravings, especially when I'm stressed. Like this morning, I had my first Business quiz, so I ate a Snickers bar on the subway. Lately I haven't been testing my blood sugar either. It's just such a pain in the ass, you know? My parents have always just assumed I do it, and somewhere around Junior year I figured out that they do really know they difference if I do it or not, so sometimes I'll just skip it. I always try to take my shots, though. I just feel too sick if I don't. Not that I don't feel sick if I eat sugar- I feel AWFUL. My stomache hurts, and I have to pee a lot. And I get thirsty as all hell. I must have drank three Diet sodas before lunch today. But I'm just so fucking sick of being a diabetic!!! Everyone thinks Diabetes is an old person disease. I'd rather just be a normal teenager. Unfortuanetly, with Diabetes, there is no such thing.
**September 12th:
Sometimes I worry about the future. I worry about it a lot, actually. Not my career, necessarily, because I know that if I study business, I've got a good start. I worry about it because of my Diabetes. Sometimes I'm afraid that no one will want to marry me because of my diabetes. Who wants to take on the burden of wife who needs shots, and constantly has to be fed? Now I know this is silly, because Sam knows all about my diabetes and it doesn't phase him a bit, but I still think about it. And who knows if I'll ever have a baby? Pregnancy is so dangerous to a diabetic woman, even if you are in good control. Your baby can be born with birth defects, or it can be born too large. Sometimes the mother dies in labor. It really sucks. I try not to think about that because it's so far in the future, but hell, most women take it for granted that they'll have babies. With Diabetes you can't do that. I also worry about complications- will I lose my eyes? My legs? Will I have a heart attack at the age of thirty? All of these are complications to diabetics too. Man, life just really, really sucks. Sometimes, I just wish I were never born. Then I wouldn't have to deal with Diabetes.