September 15th:
I just got off the phone with Claudia. She really seems to love the Art Institute- and why wouldn't she, she gets to study art all day long! I'm really glad that Claud got a scholarship there. She tends to feel really low, what with Janine attending Harvard and all. I think it's cool that she can make a life for herself in the art field. Sometimes I really wish that I had a hobby. Something creative. I remember mentioning that to my friends once, a long time ago when the BSC was still in existence. I remembered Claudia looking at me liking I was crazy and saying "You have math!" Math. What the hell kind of hobby is that? Maybe for Janine, that's fine, but I don't think liking math and business necessarily makes them a hobby. Growing up with a workaholic father I have learned that it's important to separate your work from your hobbies. Well, I guess it's okay if you really love your job, like Claudia and art, or Jessi and ballet, but I personally don't consider math and business to be my hobby. I guess shopping is kind of a hobby, but don't you think that makes me seem kind of materialistic? There's something to do this weekend- find a hobby!!!
September 19th:
I've been finding it harder and harder to keep in touch with my friends. My goal is to talk to them at least once each month, but now that we're all in college, that's getting hard to do. Claudia is not a problem. I talk to her once a week, not counting email and Instant Messenger. But the others are more difficult. Even though Kristy is at Stoneybrook U, she's never at home. I know that she had said something about joining the women's soccer team. I guess that takes up a lot of her time, because I only get her answering machine these days. I can usually find Mary Anne in her dorm at Pembrooke, but she can never talk too long, she's always studying. I think the pressure of being a psychology major is already taking its toll on Mary Anne!! Then there's Dawn. I'm not really sure WHAT is up with Dawn. I never call Dawn, I only write or email her, because phone calls to L.A. from New York are too expensive. But lately Dawn has been responding to my letters. Mary Anne says that she parties a lot with Sunny down at UCLA. I guess if Dawn doesn't want to take the time to keep up our friendship, then I shouldn't either. It kinda pisses me off though. I've always felt a connection to Dawn- I mean, we were both transfer students, are parents are divorced and remarried, and we both have little stepsisters (her sister is named Elizabeth Grace, and she's five years old.) But if Dawn wants to be a bitch about the whole thing, then I guess that's her problem, right? Mallory and Jessi I talk to less often- maybe once every few months. It's strange- Mal and Jessi are both sixteen years old and neither of them are living at home anymore. Mal is still at Riverbend Academy, along with her fourteen year old sister Margo. She seems to like it there. Jessi is actually here New York, studying dance at the School of American Ballet. I occasionally meet up with her for coffee, but as her dance schedule is very demanding, it doesn't happen too often. The only former BSC member I never really talk to is Abby. In fact, I never really liked Abby. She was always making those dumb jokes, trying to be the center of attention. She was kind of selfish. Her sister Anna wasn't too bad, but seriously, that girl needed to get a life away from her violin. In any event, Abby Stevenson was not one of my favorite people. So after I moved back to New York, I didn't keep in touch with. Frankly, I couldn't give a flying fuck where she is. Oh well, I guess whatever happens with my BSC friends happens. As Laine always said, " Shit comes and shit goes, whatcha gunna do about it?"
September 25th:
Just got my first Calculus test back!! I got a B! Not too bad for the first test of the semester. I can't believe I'm getting so freakin' excited over a B. In high school I would have died if I had gotten a B. But I guess a B at NYU is a little more prestigious than a B at Parker Academy. I still can't believe that I was valedictorian at Parker. It's not like I worked all that hard. I mean I studied, and I did well, but I didn't bust my ass or anything. I dunno, I guess I always pictured a valedictorian being someone serious and studious, like Janine. Not someone like me, who just had good luck. Frankly I put more effort into finding the perfect jeans at Express than into my studies. Well, I did work hard at math. That's because I care about math, everything else, I never really gave a shit. But I guess the little that I did give was more than the other forty-two girls at Parker gave. Like Laine. After Laine I became friends again Junior year, I found out what her life was truly like. Our teachers at Parker seemed to think Laine was an angel in plaid. There could have been nothing farther from the truth. On the weekends Laine would party until she passed out. She would smoke, drink, and do ecstasy at dance clubs. She would have pot- smoking parties in her parents fancy apartment when they weren't home. And Laine was a sex maniac. By the time she was sixteen she had already contracted an STD. (She actually volunteered the fact that she had Clamydia- If she wasn't trying to scare me away from unprotected sex, it had worked). Yet, despite everything Laine did, there was still something innocent about her. Behind all the sex and drugs, was my childhood best friend. I had to look past our fight in eighth grade, and accept the present Laine for who she was- she had changed. She was no longer snobby or sophisticated, she was bad. And she needed me. Whoops!! I have Sociology in ten minutes!!! More Later!
September 26th:
Well, things got busy yesterday, so I guess I'll finish now. What was I talking about? Oh yea- Laine. I was there for Laine, and she was there for me too. Like the night Sam and I first had sex. I'll never forget it… we were in his dorm room. It was March of my senior year. I had figured it would be a night just like all the others- we'd rent a movie and pop some popcorn. We would make out for a while, and then he'd drive me back to Dad's. But no… this night was different. The kissing led to foreplay, and foreplay let to sex. We both wound up naked on the carpet, going at it. And it hurt like hell. I remember begging him to stop because it hurt so much. And he did—that's why I love Sam. He cares about what I want. But by that time I was bleeding all over the place, and I felt like someone had just taken a knife and cut me open. I couldn't control my tears either. Sam felt helpless. I just couldn't face him much longer. Not that I was mad at him, I was more embarrassed. I felt like such a baby. My first time having sex and I make him stop halfway through because I hurt. So I called Laine. She was there in twenty minutes. She led me downstairs to her smoky Buick and drove me back to her apartment, where she called Dad and Samantha and told them I was spending the night. I will be eternally grateful for what she did that night.
September 30th:
Big campus party this weekend. Sam and I are going. I hope there's not too much alcohol there. What the hell am I saying? A college party without alcohol? HA! That's like having school without the teachers. I really hate alcohol. Not that I mind the taste, or how it feels to get drunk (although hangovers kinda suck). It's just that alcohol is pure sugar and it makes me feel really bad. I've only been drunk once in my life and that was on prom night. We had a huge bash at Laine's house and I got carried away. So did Sam. Laine had every kind of liquor imaginable: vodka, beer, wine… and I kept taking shots. I think I took a total of six before I felt like I would die. So I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning, not only with a hangover, but also with the highest blood sugar I've ever had. I felt like my bladder (and my head) was going to explode. My mouth was as dry as sandpaper. I vowed at that point never to drink again. Well… I broke that promise two weeks later when some of Sam's buddies threw a summer bash. But I never got drunk like that again. I limit myself to one drink per party. I don't waste it on beer either! Yech- I hate the taste of beer. I go for something more fun- Blue Hawaii's, Amaretto Sours, creative fruity drinks. Anyway, what am I gunna wear to this party? I need something fun… something sexy. I need to go shopping!
I just got off the phone with Claudia. She really seems to love the Art Institute- and why wouldn't she, she gets to study art all day long! I'm really glad that Claud got a scholarship there. She tends to feel really low, what with Janine attending Harvard and all. I think it's cool that she can make a life for herself in the art field. Sometimes I really wish that I had a hobby. Something creative. I remember mentioning that to my friends once, a long time ago when the BSC was still in existence. I remembered Claudia looking at me liking I was crazy and saying "You have math!" Math. What the hell kind of hobby is that? Maybe for Janine, that's fine, but I don't think liking math and business necessarily makes them a hobby. Growing up with a workaholic father I have learned that it's important to separate your work from your hobbies. Well, I guess it's okay if you really love your job, like Claudia and art, or Jessi and ballet, but I personally don't consider math and business to be my hobby. I guess shopping is kind of a hobby, but don't you think that makes me seem kind of materialistic? There's something to do this weekend- find a hobby!!!
September 19th:
I've been finding it harder and harder to keep in touch with my friends. My goal is to talk to them at least once each month, but now that we're all in college, that's getting hard to do. Claudia is not a problem. I talk to her once a week, not counting email and Instant Messenger. But the others are more difficult. Even though Kristy is at Stoneybrook U, she's never at home. I know that she had said something about joining the women's soccer team. I guess that takes up a lot of her time, because I only get her answering machine these days. I can usually find Mary Anne in her dorm at Pembrooke, but she can never talk too long, she's always studying. I think the pressure of being a psychology major is already taking its toll on Mary Anne!! Then there's Dawn. I'm not really sure WHAT is up with Dawn. I never call Dawn, I only write or email her, because phone calls to L.A. from New York are too expensive. But lately Dawn has been responding to my letters. Mary Anne says that she parties a lot with Sunny down at UCLA. I guess if Dawn doesn't want to take the time to keep up our friendship, then I shouldn't either. It kinda pisses me off though. I've always felt a connection to Dawn- I mean, we were both transfer students, are parents are divorced and remarried, and we both have little stepsisters (her sister is named Elizabeth Grace, and she's five years old.) But if Dawn wants to be a bitch about the whole thing, then I guess that's her problem, right? Mallory and Jessi I talk to less often- maybe once every few months. It's strange- Mal and Jessi are both sixteen years old and neither of them are living at home anymore. Mal is still at Riverbend Academy, along with her fourteen year old sister Margo. She seems to like it there. Jessi is actually here New York, studying dance at the School of American Ballet. I occasionally meet up with her for coffee, but as her dance schedule is very demanding, it doesn't happen too often. The only former BSC member I never really talk to is Abby. In fact, I never really liked Abby. She was always making those dumb jokes, trying to be the center of attention. She was kind of selfish. Her sister Anna wasn't too bad, but seriously, that girl needed to get a life away from her violin. In any event, Abby Stevenson was not one of my favorite people. So after I moved back to New York, I didn't keep in touch with. Frankly, I couldn't give a flying fuck where she is. Oh well, I guess whatever happens with my BSC friends happens. As Laine always said, " Shit comes and shit goes, whatcha gunna do about it?"
September 25th:
Just got my first Calculus test back!! I got a B! Not too bad for the first test of the semester. I can't believe I'm getting so freakin' excited over a B. In high school I would have died if I had gotten a B. But I guess a B at NYU is a little more prestigious than a B at Parker Academy. I still can't believe that I was valedictorian at Parker. It's not like I worked all that hard. I mean I studied, and I did well, but I didn't bust my ass or anything. I dunno, I guess I always pictured a valedictorian being someone serious and studious, like Janine. Not someone like me, who just had good luck. Frankly I put more effort into finding the perfect jeans at Express than into my studies. Well, I did work hard at math. That's because I care about math, everything else, I never really gave a shit. But I guess the little that I did give was more than the other forty-two girls at Parker gave. Like Laine. After Laine I became friends again Junior year, I found out what her life was truly like. Our teachers at Parker seemed to think Laine was an angel in plaid. There could have been nothing farther from the truth. On the weekends Laine would party until she passed out. She would smoke, drink, and do ecstasy at dance clubs. She would have pot- smoking parties in her parents fancy apartment when they weren't home. And Laine was a sex maniac. By the time she was sixteen she had already contracted an STD. (She actually volunteered the fact that she had Clamydia- If she wasn't trying to scare me away from unprotected sex, it had worked). Yet, despite everything Laine did, there was still something innocent about her. Behind all the sex and drugs, was my childhood best friend. I had to look past our fight in eighth grade, and accept the present Laine for who she was- she had changed. She was no longer snobby or sophisticated, she was bad. And she needed me. Whoops!! I have Sociology in ten minutes!!! More Later!
September 26th:
Well, things got busy yesterday, so I guess I'll finish now. What was I talking about? Oh yea- Laine. I was there for Laine, and she was there for me too. Like the night Sam and I first had sex. I'll never forget it… we were in his dorm room. It was March of my senior year. I had figured it would be a night just like all the others- we'd rent a movie and pop some popcorn. We would make out for a while, and then he'd drive me back to Dad's. But no… this night was different. The kissing led to foreplay, and foreplay let to sex. We both wound up naked on the carpet, going at it. And it hurt like hell. I remember begging him to stop because it hurt so much. And he did—that's why I love Sam. He cares about what I want. But by that time I was bleeding all over the place, and I felt like someone had just taken a knife and cut me open. I couldn't control my tears either. Sam felt helpless. I just couldn't face him much longer. Not that I was mad at him, I was more embarrassed. I felt like such a baby. My first time having sex and I make him stop halfway through because I hurt. So I called Laine. She was there in twenty minutes. She led me downstairs to her smoky Buick and drove me back to her apartment, where she called Dad and Samantha and told them I was spending the night. I will be eternally grateful for what she did that night.
September 30th:
Big campus party this weekend. Sam and I are going. I hope there's not too much alcohol there. What the hell am I saying? A college party without alcohol? HA! That's like having school without the teachers. I really hate alcohol. Not that I mind the taste, or how it feels to get drunk (although hangovers kinda suck). It's just that alcohol is pure sugar and it makes me feel really bad. I've only been drunk once in my life and that was on prom night. We had a huge bash at Laine's house and I got carried away. So did Sam. Laine had every kind of liquor imaginable: vodka, beer, wine… and I kept taking shots. I think I took a total of six before I felt like I would die. So I fell asleep. I woke up the next morning, not only with a hangover, but also with the highest blood sugar I've ever had. I felt like my bladder (and my head) was going to explode. My mouth was as dry as sandpaper. I vowed at that point never to drink again. Well… I broke that promise two weeks later when some of Sam's buddies threw a summer bash. But I never got drunk like that again. I limit myself to one drink per party. I don't waste it on beer either! Yech- I hate the taste of beer. I go for something more fun- Blue Hawaii's, Amaretto Sours, creative fruity drinks. Anyway, what am I gunna wear to this party? I need something fun… something sexy. I need to go shopping!