La Femme Chikara: *bows without meaning to* (apologetic) Sorry for the
wait... [Damnit! I've gotten so used to this bowing thing I'm doing it
outside the dojo!] So how do you like the story so far? Not too over-
complicated, is it? Good. Now start reading chapter three!
Bulma was almost glad to see the look of shock—and even a faint childish excitement—on Vegeta's face when he saw his dad for the first time in years; she had almost given up hope of Vegeta ever showing any visible proof that there was a heart beating under the tough outer shell.
"Surprised?" she asked him, "I would be."
Vegeta looked up when he heard Bulma's voice. "Surprised...? Perhaps if I were someone else—nothing catches me completely off guard. Ever."
"Hm? Hey, isn't that your dad walking this way?"
Vegeta turned abruptly and, sure enough, there was his father.
"...Dad..."
"So, I understand you've got a half-breed son sitting up there in the rafters."
"Is that a bad thing...?" Vegeta asked uncertainly.
"It is a little odd, you must admit, that when it came to finding a mate, you picked such a weak species." He said disapprovingly "You would think that you would have picked someone from a warrior bloodline at least. Where is the boy's mother anyway?"
Vegeta gestured dumbly towards Bulma.
"Her?"
Vegeta nodded, deliberately trying not to make eye contact with his father.
"I suppose she could be considered a fine specimen of a female—for a non- Saiyan, I mean—you should consider yourself fairly lucky."
"Pardon!?" Bulma was annoyed to have him appraising her like a fine horse or a rare species of insect. "Do I look like pleasant scenery you point out when you drive past?! I thought not!" and then she stormed off to get herself ready.
Vegeta was about to explain her behaviour when Goku said something very distracting.
"What's 'incest' mean?"
Every time it had popped up in the script, Goku had wondered what it meant, and now his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
"Gee dad, I uh...don't really know how to explain this..."
But Gohan's discomfort was short-lived, as the curtain raised once more for the next act.
***
Dr. Briefs (Polonius) was in the middle of a meeting.
"Here, give Goku (Laertes) this money."
"Okay!" agreed Chiaotzu (Reynaldo)
"Thanks. Ask him how he's doing, and keep him out of trouble for me."
"Goku in trouble? What kind of trouble?"
Dr. Briefs looked down at his script. "Gee Chiaotzu, none of these sound like our Goku at all; apparently I'm supposed to tell you to keep him out of sword duels, bars, and brothels. I can't imagine any of those and him in the same sentence—especially the last one."
Off to the side Bulma was getting annoyed with this. "Dad!" she hissed, "it's only acting!"
"Oh? I guess you're right, but I just said everything anyhow."
Chiaotzu sighed and walked off-stage, shortly before a hysterical-looking Bulma walked on-stage.
"Hmm?"
"Dad! I just ran into Vegeta (Hamlet) and he's a mess! His outfit was all messed up, he was shaking, and he was just staring at me like—I don't know what like! Oh, I was so scared!"
"Being in love probably made him crazy."
"Well, maybe he's just mad that I haven't been seeing him much lately—I did follow your advice, you know."
"That's probably it; we should let his uncle know, though. Come on." He said as he and his daughter walked away.
***
Backstage, the self-appointed director was having a problem. It would seem that some of the cast members had left for a while. Now where would they find people to fill in some of the smaller roles? And no one could find Trunks or Goten either! But just then, Bulma spied Yajirobe, Puar, Oolong, and Dende...
***
In another part of the castle, others were worried about the prince's behaviour as well.
"Hello Yajirobe (Rosencrantz)! Hi Dende! (Guildenstern)," said Gohan (Claudius), "I guess you heard about Vegeta's odd behaviour lately. Could you do us a favour, and see if you can tell what's wrong with him?"
"I've heard a lot about you two, and I'm sure you can help us." Said Chi- Chi (Gertrude) brightly, "If you can help us out you'll be rewarded. My husband (at this she blushed a little upon calling Gohan her husband) is a king you know."
"We can do that, if you want us to—an order from royalty is an order from royalty." Replied Dende.
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Said a not-exactly-enthusiastic Yajirobe (he was supposed to say something along the lines of "as you wish").
"Thank you!" replied Gohan and Chi-Chi politely.
"Be nice to my little boy you two, and help him as much as possible."
"Thanks, we will."
"*grumble*"
And as Yajirobe and Dende walked off, Dr. Briefs (Polonius) entered.
"So the Norwegian ambassadors have returned; that's good."
"Dr. Briefs! You usually have something to tell us. Is it something good this time?" asked Gohan.
"Er...not really; it would seem that I found the root of Vegeta's behaviour...."
"Tell me."
"I'll bring the ambassadors back, if I've already found the problem then there's no sense in them looking too."
And at this point Dr. Briefs left the stage.
"Hey Mo—I mean 'my darling Chi-Chi'. I think Dr. Briefs know what our...uhh...son's problem is."
"*sigh* I'm sure it's probably what we thought earlier: his dad's death and our hasty," and here's where she paused uncomfortably, "marriage."
***
Backstage, Vegeta and...Vegeta were having a much-needed father to son chat.
"So...you and Kakarot—and I suppose myself—are the only ones left?"
"...Yes."
"Oh well...life goes on as always, I guess..."
"Speaking of life...how did they bring you back?"
"How should I know? One moment I'm fantasizing about ripping Frieza and the Ginyu idiots into their component atoms, and the next I'm sitting on the floor and looking up at some old geezer with a cat on his shoulder."
"Hmm... Dr. Briefs did say he was working on transporting things to other places via another dimension, but I thought he was working on apples and oranges..."
"I tried to force him to duplicate it and bring back some others, but apparently my being here was just a freak accident."
"So much for the 'Saiyan Empire' idea..."
***
Gohan and Chi-Chi were still talking, when in came Dr. Briefs with two Norwegian courtiers: Oolong (Voltemand), and Puar (Cornelius).
"Hi Oolong, how are things in Norway?"
"Norway? Things have been fine, and we stopped the trouble caused by Fortinbras."
"That's good, now how about you stay for supper?" asked Gohan as the two left.
"That went well." Commented Dr. Briefs, "Now, to business: I think Vegeta's just plain crazy."
"Crazy? How?" asked Chi-Chi.
"I have a daughter named Bulma (Ophelia)—at least she's mine at the moment—who showed me this letter she got from him," he replied before reading directly from the script: "'To the celestial, and my soul's idol, the most beautified Ophelia in her excellent white bosom, these, and etc.'"
"Vegeta sent THAT?!" Chi-Chi exclaimed.
"Yep, and there's a little more: 'Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this machine is to him, HAMLET.' She showed it to me, so I thought I should do something about it."
"And how did Bulma handle it?" asked Gohan.
"She took my advice to ignore him, and then Vegeta got really depressed, because he was being ignored, until he went crazy."
"You sure about that?" asked Gohan.
"It might be..." answered Chi-Chi.
"Would I lie to you two?"
"No." answered Gohan honestly.
"Well, if I'm wrong then cross my heart and hope to die. Tell you what: Vegeta sometimes walks here in the lobby. Next time he's here I'll give Bulma the go-ahead and if he doesn't get his senses back, then you can fire me."
"Okay."
"Oh...! Here he is." Chi-Chi butted in.
"Anyway, I can handle this, your majesties, you can go now." Dr. Briefs assured Gohan and Chi-Chi as they left.
"Hello Vegeta." Said Dr. Briefs politely.
"Same here."
"You recognise me...right?"
"Excellent well. You are a fishmonger." quoth Vegeta (I just wanted to use the word "quoth"!)
"No...I'm not"
"—And not a very honest fishmonger, either."
"umm...right..."
"You have a daughter, right?"
"Yes..."
"Well—" and here Vegeta paused, unsure of what to say: basically, the script was telling him to say that Dr. Briefs should watch that his daughter not get pregnant, which would be a sensitive subject one supposes... "ummm, don't let Bulma go running wild with anyone!"
"Okay..." Dr. Briefs said off to the side, so that he was talking the audience: "What do you think of that? Now, is he crazy over Bulma or just crazy? I'll talk to him again—what are you reading, Vegeta?"
"Words, words, words." (And that, believe it or not, was another quote)
"About..."
"Someone making fun of someone else who is older—you know, if you could go backwards in time you'd be as old as I am."
"*sigh* There's a method to this madness, but I don't know what. Will you leave for a moment?"
"And go to my grave?"
"Well, that IS out of here. I think I'll leave."
"Not my permission to give, my friend, only my life..."
"umm...goodbye."
"These tedious old fools! [actual script]"
***
Trunks and Goten were in a tight spot. More of the cast suddenly had left, and they had been found hiding. As they looked at their costumes, they cringed in unison...
***
"Look," Dr. Briefs began explaining to Yajirobe (Rosencrantz) and Dende (Guildenstern)—both of whom had just arrived—before leaving, "he's nuts. You two do your best..."
"Sure." Answered Yajirobe (perhaps a little less enthusiastically than he was supposed to).
"Hello Vegeta." Dende said cautiously.
"Hm?" Vegeta looked up, "Well if it isn't you two. How have you been?"
"Just fine." Replied Yajirobe.
"Happy in chilled-out way." Answered Dende.
"But not depressed?"
"Not really." Answered Yajirobe.
"So you hang around fortune like you would a lovely woman?"
"Something to that extent."
"So...anything new?"
"Nope." Replied Yajirobe in a bored way, "Except that the world is boringly normal."
"I'm sure the world will end if things ever become normal around here." Vegeta said with a smirk. "Then what brings you to this prison?"
"Prison?" replied Dende curiously.
"Denmark is a prison."
"I don't know about that one." Said Yajirobe.
"Nothing is good or bad unless you think it is. I still think Denmark is a prison."
"You think too much of yourself, Vegeta." Said Yajirobe, again sounding bored.
"You could stick me in a nutshell—or even a nutshell inside a capsule—and I'd think I was king of the world, if it weren't for the bad dreams."
"You're too ambitious," Dende sighed, "that's your real problem. Ambition is the shadow of a dream."
"A dream itself is but a shadow." Vegeta quoted with a smirk.
"Sure it is, but I'm not as ambitious as you I guess." Said Yajirobe defensively
"If that's so, a beggar is our people's real body; and Kings, Queens, and Princes are just the beggar's shadow; you two aren't anything at all."
"We're your friends, allies, and errand-runners!" The two defended themselves.
"No need to say it. And tell me honestly: why are you here?" said Vegeta as he rounded on the two.
"Just to visit." Said Yajirobe rudely.
"You're spying on me." Vegeta said in an annoyed tone. "Gohan and Chi-Chi sent you."
"Why would we do that?" asked Yajirobe.
"You tell me."
"We can't."
"Let me guess: the two of them want to figure out what is wrong with me, so now you're standing here listening to me talk and trying to figure me out."
"What!?" spat out Yajirobe, "You're barking up the wrong tree here, man."
"Really..." said the unconvinced Prince.
"Really!" said Yajirobe with his fingers crossed, "We even got some actors to come and cheer you up!"
"Are they any good?"
"The best."
"And here they are!" exclaimed Dende. (Okay, okay: I'm skipping a little here, but when they keep saying the same thing over-and-over...!)
"Gentlemen!" Vegeta called while trying not to laugh at Trunks and Goten in their colourful clown suits waiting to come on-stage, "You're all welcome to stay. And Dende—"
"Yes."
"Gohan and my mother *smirk* are wrong: I'm insane in a north-north-western direction, not a southern one." Vegeta laugh-said.
"How's everything?" Dr. Briefs called as he walked up.
"Oh look: a crazy old man." Said Vegeta with a smirk.
"Hey! I have important news you know."
"The—ahem—actors have arrived?"
"Yes."
"And about a certain precious thing you own..."
"Bulma?" asked Dr. Briefs, confused.
"She's a nice girl, look out for her."
Bulma pushed Trunks and Goten on-stage at this point.
"Welcome...o professional *snigger* actors. So...are you any good?"
"You want us to prove it, don't you?" sighed Trunks.
"Say a speech." Said Vegeta with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"But we—" Goten butted in before he saw his mom looking not-too-happily at him from the backstage. "All right...there once was a Greek guy and he killed a bunch of people then started looking for an old geezer to kill."
Although this seems very weak acting, Trunks and Master Roshi were actually illustrating Phyrrus's story, so it didn't look too lame. Anything that has Trunks stabbing Roshi, who was wearing a series of costumes from a dress to a toga, has got to get the point across I think.
"Okay, okay, enough already!" shouted an impatient Vegeta. "Can you do a little play for my uncle tonight; it's called the 'Murder of Gonzago'."
"Yes," said Trunks, eager to get out of his costume, "we can I think." And with that, Dr. Briefs, Roshi, and the two reluctant child actors left the stage.
"Strange isn't it," Vegeta began explaining to no one in particular, "that a simple play can really get to a person? Why should I feel for a character that doesn't exist? The ghost I saw earlier may actually have been a demon trying to make sure I go to hell—as if I weren't going there already—by killing Gohan. Perhaps showing him a play about the same thing that supposedly happened here will let me tell what really happened; our emotions are less well hidden than we think..."
***
The third act was finally over, and everyone was seriously relieved. Vegeta Sr. was warming up to his grandson and sort-of daughter-in-law; Goten was trying to throw out his costume, but Chi-Chi gave him hell; Yamcha was teasing Gohan again; but everyone had a strange feeling something was weird about the last act. You see it had seemed to drag on beyond any normal boundaries of space-time sci-fi gibberish that is more the business of serious Star Trek fans than this author.
"You don't think we just got sucked into the twilight zone or something?" asked Yamcha half-jokingly as he hummed the theme music.
"Don't be stupid!" called a voice from the curtain-pull and lighting control area, "Chikara here was just being lazy!" ["^" "^"]
"How should you know?" asked Vegeta in a self-important way, "And who are you anyhow?"
"How should I know?" mocked the voice, "You tell me—ya' dirty chimpanzee with twelve bottles of gel in his hair!"
Vegeta, however, didn't answer. The voice sounded so familiar and yet—it couldn't be HER could it...?
"Oh and Goku—you were wondering what incest means? Come over here and I'll tell you in a disturbing non-sugar-coated Chi-Chi (Gertude)-Gohan (Claudius) sort of way." Said the voice mischievously.
But the voice said no more (fortunately) as the curtain soon opened on the next act.
.................................................................................................
La Femme Chikara: By show of hands, does anyone think that the casting makes perfect sense for every part? No? I thought not, but the more this looks like an impromptu show, the better. By the way...take a guess at our mystery voice's identity. (Hint: take a look at what she called Vegeta...someone says the same thing in another story I wrote.)
Bulma was almost glad to see the look of shock—and even a faint childish excitement—on Vegeta's face when he saw his dad for the first time in years; she had almost given up hope of Vegeta ever showing any visible proof that there was a heart beating under the tough outer shell.
"Surprised?" she asked him, "I would be."
Vegeta looked up when he heard Bulma's voice. "Surprised...? Perhaps if I were someone else—nothing catches me completely off guard. Ever."
"Hm? Hey, isn't that your dad walking this way?"
Vegeta turned abruptly and, sure enough, there was his father.
"...Dad..."
"So, I understand you've got a half-breed son sitting up there in the rafters."
"Is that a bad thing...?" Vegeta asked uncertainly.
"It is a little odd, you must admit, that when it came to finding a mate, you picked such a weak species." He said disapprovingly "You would think that you would have picked someone from a warrior bloodline at least. Where is the boy's mother anyway?"
Vegeta gestured dumbly towards Bulma.
"Her?"
Vegeta nodded, deliberately trying not to make eye contact with his father.
"I suppose she could be considered a fine specimen of a female—for a non- Saiyan, I mean—you should consider yourself fairly lucky."
"Pardon!?" Bulma was annoyed to have him appraising her like a fine horse or a rare species of insect. "Do I look like pleasant scenery you point out when you drive past?! I thought not!" and then she stormed off to get herself ready.
Vegeta was about to explain her behaviour when Goku said something very distracting.
"What's 'incest' mean?"
Every time it had popped up in the script, Goku had wondered what it meant, and now his curiosity had gotten the better of him.
"Gee dad, I uh...don't really know how to explain this..."
But Gohan's discomfort was short-lived, as the curtain raised once more for the next act.
***
Dr. Briefs (Polonius) was in the middle of a meeting.
"Here, give Goku (Laertes) this money."
"Okay!" agreed Chiaotzu (Reynaldo)
"Thanks. Ask him how he's doing, and keep him out of trouble for me."
"Goku in trouble? What kind of trouble?"
Dr. Briefs looked down at his script. "Gee Chiaotzu, none of these sound like our Goku at all; apparently I'm supposed to tell you to keep him out of sword duels, bars, and brothels. I can't imagine any of those and him in the same sentence—especially the last one."
Off to the side Bulma was getting annoyed with this. "Dad!" she hissed, "it's only acting!"
"Oh? I guess you're right, but I just said everything anyhow."
Chiaotzu sighed and walked off-stage, shortly before a hysterical-looking Bulma walked on-stage.
"Hmm?"
"Dad! I just ran into Vegeta (Hamlet) and he's a mess! His outfit was all messed up, he was shaking, and he was just staring at me like—I don't know what like! Oh, I was so scared!"
"Being in love probably made him crazy."
"Well, maybe he's just mad that I haven't been seeing him much lately—I did follow your advice, you know."
"That's probably it; we should let his uncle know, though. Come on." He said as he and his daughter walked away.
***
Backstage, the self-appointed director was having a problem. It would seem that some of the cast members had left for a while. Now where would they find people to fill in some of the smaller roles? And no one could find Trunks or Goten either! But just then, Bulma spied Yajirobe, Puar, Oolong, and Dende...
***
In another part of the castle, others were worried about the prince's behaviour as well.
"Hello Yajirobe (Rosencrantz)! Hi Dende! (Guildenstern)," said Gohan (Claudius), "I guess you heard about Vegeta's odd behaviour lately. Could you do us a favour, and see if you can tell what's wrong with him?"
"I've heard a lot about you two, and I'm sure you can help us." Said Chi- Chi (Gertrude) brightly, "If you can help us out you'll be rewarded. My husband (at this she blushed a little upon calling Gohan her husband) is a king you know."
"We can do that, if you want us to—an order from royalty is an order from royalty." Replied Dende.
"Yeah, sure, whatever." Said a not-exactly-enthusiastic Yajirobe (he was supposed to say something along the lines of "as you wish").
"Thank you!" replied Gohan and Chi-Chi politely.
"Be nice to my little boy you two, and help him as much as possible."
"Thanks, we will."
"*grumble*"
And as Yajirobe and Dende walked off, Dr. Briefs (Polonius) entered.
"So the Norwegian ambassadors have returned; that's good."
"Dr. Briefs! You usually have something to tell us. Is it something good this time?" asked Gohan.
"Er...not really; it would seem that I found the root of Vegeta's behaviour...."
"Tell me."
"I'll bring the ambassadors back, if I've already found the problem then there's no sense in them looking too."
And at this point Dr. Briefs left the stage.
"Hey Mo—I mean 'my darling Chi-Chi'. I think Dr. Briefs know what our...uhh...son's problem is."
"*sigh* I'm sure it's probably what we thought earlier: his dad's death and our hasty," and here's where she paused uncomfortably, "marriage."
***
Backstage, Vegeta and...Vegeta were having a much-needed father to son chat.
"So...you and Kakarot—and I suppose myself—are the only ones left?"
"...Yes."
"Oh well...life goes on as always, I guess..."
"Speaking of life...how did they bring you back?"
"How should I know? One moment I'm fantasizing about ripping Frieza and the Ginyu idiots into their component atoms, and the next I'm sitting on the floor and looking up at some old geezer with a cat on his shoulder."
"Hmm... Dr. Briefs did say he was working on transporting things to other places via another dimension, but I thought he was working on apples and oranges..."
"I tried to force him to duplicate it and bring back some others, but apparently my being here was just a freak accident."
"So much for the 'Saiyan Empire' idea..."
***
Gohan and Chi-Chi were still talking, when in came Dr. Briefs with two Norwegian courtiers: Oolong (Voltemand), and Puar (Cornelius).
"Hi Oolong, how are things in Norway?"
"Norway? Things have been fine, and we stopped the trouble caused by Fortinbras."
"That's good, now how about you stay for supper?" asked Gohan as the two left.
"That went well." Commented Dr. Briefs, "Now, to business: I think Vegeta's just plain crazy."
"Crazy? How?" asked Chi-Chi.
"I have a daughter named Bulma (Ophelia)—at least she's mine at the moment—who showed me this letter she got from him," he replied before reading directly from the script: "'To the celestial, and my soul's idol, the most beautified Ophelia in her excellent white bosom, these, and etc.'"
"Vegeta sent THAT?!" Chi-Chi exclaimed.
"Yep, and there's a little more: 'Thine evermore, most dear lady, whilst this machine is to him, HAMLET.' She showed it to me, so I thought I should do something about it."
"And how did Bulma handle it?" asked Gohan.
"She took my advice to ignore him, and then Vegeta got really depressed, because he was being ignored, until he went crazy."
"You sure about that?" asked Gohan.
"It might be..." answered Chi-Chi.
"Would I lie to you two?"
"No." answered Gohan honestly.
"Well, if I'm wrong then cross my heart and hope to die. Tell you what: Vegeta sometimes walks here in the lobby. Next time he's here I'll give Bulma the go-ahead and if he doesn't get his senses back, then you can fire me."
"Okay."
"Oh...! Here he is." Chi-Chi butted in.
"Anyway, I can handle this, your majesties, you can go now." Dr. Briefs assured Gohan and Chi-Chi as they left.
"Hello Vegeta." Said Dr. Briefs politely.
"Same here."
"You recognise me...right?"
"Excellent well. You are a fishmonger." quoth Vegeta (I just wanted to use the word "quoth"!)
"No...I'm not"
"—And not a very honest fishmonger, either."
"umm...right..."
"You have a daughter, right?"
"Yes..."
"Well—" and here Vegeta paused, unsure of what to say: basically, the script was telling him to say that Dr. Briefs should watch that his daughter not get pregnant, which would be a sensitive subject one supposes... "ummm, don't let Bulma go running wild with anyone!"
"Okay..." Dr. Briefs said off to the side, so that he was talking the audience: "What do you think of that? Now, is he crazy over Bulma or just crazy? I'll talk to him again—what are you reading, Vegeta?"
"Words, words, words." (And that, believe it or not, was another quote)
"About..."
"Someone making fun of someone else who is older—you know, if you could go backwards in time you'd be as old as I am."
"*sigh* There's a method to this madness, but I don't know what. Will you leave for a moment?"
"And go to my grave?"
"Well, that IS out of here. I think I'll leave."
"Not my permission to give, my friend, only my life..."
"umm...goodbye."
"These tedious old fools! [actual script]"
***
Trunks and Goten were in a tight spot. More of the cast suddenly had left, and they had been found hiding. As they looked at their costumes, they cringed in unison...
***
"Look," Dr. Briefs began explaining to Yajirobe (Rosencrantz) and Dende (Guildenstern)—both of whom had just arrived—before leaving, "he's nuts. You two do your best..."
"Sure." Answered Yajirobe (perhaps a little less enthusiastically than he was supposed to).
"Hello Vegeta." Dende said cautiously.
"Hm?" Vegeta looked up, "Well if it isn't you two. How have you been?"
"Just fine." Replied Yajirobe.
"Happy in chilled-out way." Answered Dende.
"But not depressed?"
"Not really." Answered Yajirobe.
"So you hang around fortune like you would a lovely woman?"
"Something to that extent."
"So...anything new?"
"Nope." Replied Yajirobe in a bored way, "Except that the world is boringly normal."
"I'm sure the world will end if things ever become normal around here." Vegeta said with a smirk. "Then what brings you to this prison?"
"Prison?" replied Dende curiously.
"Denmark is a prison."
"I don't know about that one." Said Yajirobe.
"Nothing is good or bad unless you think it is. I still think Denmark is a prison."
"You think too much of yourself, Vegeta." Said Yajirobe, again sounding bored.
"You could stick me in a nutshell—or even a nutshell inside a capsule—and I'd think I was king of the world, if it weren't for the bad dreams."
"You're too ambitious," Dende sighed, "that's your real problem. Ambition is the shadow of a dream."
"A dream itself is but a shadow." Vegeta quoted with a smirk.
"Sure it is, but I'm not as ambitious as you I guess." Said Yajirobe defensively
"If that's so, a beggar is our people's real body; and Kings, Queens, and Princes are just the beggar's shadow; you two aren't anything at all."
"We're your friends, allies, and errand-runners!" The two defended themselves.
"No need to say it. And tell me honestly: why are you here?" said Vegeta as he rounded on the two.
"Just to visit." Said Yajirobe rudely.
"You're spying on me." Vegeta said in an annoyed tone. "Gohan and Chi-Chi sent you."
"Why would we do that?" asked Yajirobe.
"You tell me."
"We can't."
"Let me guess: the two of them want to figure out what is wrong with me, so now you're standing here listening to me talk and trying to figure me out."
"What!?" spat out Yajirobe, "You're barking up the wrong tree here, man."
"Really..." said the unconvinced Prince.
"Really!" said Yajirobe with his fingers crossed, "We even got some actors to come and cheer you up!"
"Are they any good?"
"The best."
"And here they are!" exclaimed Dende. (Okay, okay: I'm skipping a little here, but when they keep saying the same thing over-and-over...!)
"Gentlemen!" Vegeta called while trying not to laugh at Trunks and Goten in their colourful clown suits waiting to come on-stage, "You're all welcome to stay. And Dende—"
"Yes."
"Gohan and my mother *smirk* are wrong: I'm insane in a north-north-western direction, not a southern one." Vegeta laugh-said.
"How's everything?" Dr. Briefs called as he walked up.
"Oh look: a crazy old man." Said Vegeta with a smirk.
"Hey! I have important news you know."
"The—ahem—actors have arrived?"
"Yes."
"And about a certain precious thing you own..."
"Bulma?" asked Dr. Briefs, confused.
"She's a nice girl, look out for her."
Bulma pushed Trunks and Goten on-stage at this point.
"Welcome...o professional *snigger* actors. So...are you any good?"
"You want us to prove it, don't you?" sighed Trunks.
"Say a speech." Said Vegeta with a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"But we—" Goten butted in before he saw his mom looking not-too-happily at him from the backstage. "All right...there once was a Greek guy and he killed a bunch of people then started looking for an old geezer to kill."
Although this seems very weak acting, Trunks and Master Roshi were actually illustrating Phyrrus's story, so it didn't look too lame. Anything that has Trunks stabbing Roshi, who was wearing a series of costumes from a dress to a toga, has got to get the point across I think.
"Okay, okay, enough already!" shouted an impatient Vegeta. "Can you do a little play for my uncle tonight; it's called the 'Murder of Gonzago'."
"Yes," said Trunks, eager to get out of his costume, "we can I think." And with that, Dr. Briefs, Roshi, and the two reluctant child actors left the stage.
"Strange isn't it," Vegeta began explaining to no one in particular, "that a simple play can really get to a person? Why should I feel for a character that doesn't exist? The ghost I saw earlier may actually have been a demon trying to make sure I go to hell—as if I weren't going there already—by killing Gohan. Perhaps showing him a play about the same thing that supposedly happened here will let me tell what really happened; our emotions are less well hidden than we think..."
***
The third act was finally over, and everyone was seriously relieved. Vegeta Sr. was warming up to his grandson and sort-of daughter-in-law; Goten was trying to throw out his costume, but Chi-Chi gave him hell; Yamcha was teasing Gohan again; but everyone had a strange feeling something was weird about the last act. You see it had seemed to drag on beyond any normal boundaries of space-time sci-fi gibberish that is more the business of serious Star Trek fans than this author.
"You don't think we just got sucked into the twilight zone or something?" asked Yamcha half-jokingly as he hummed the theme music.
"Don't be stupid!" called a voice from the curtain-pull and lighting control area, "Chikara here was just being lazy!" ["^" "^"]
"How should you know?" asked Vegeta in a self-important way, "And who are you anyhow?"
"How should I know?" mocked the voice, "You tell me—ya' dirty chimpanzee with twelve bottles of gel in his hair!"
Vegeta, however, didn't answer. The voice sounded so familiar and yet—it couldn't be HER could it...?
"Oh and Goku—you were wondering what incest means? Come over here and I'll tell you in a disturbing non-sugar-coated Chi-Chi (Gertude)-Gohan (Claudius) sort of way." Said the voice mischievously.
But the voice said no more (fortunately) as the curtain soon opened on the next act.
.................................................................................................
La Femme Chikara: By show of hands, does anyone think that the casting makes perfect sense for every part? No? I thought not, but the more this looks like an impromptu show, the better. By the way...take a guess at our mystery voice's identity. (Hint: take a look at what she called Vegeta...someone says the same thing in another story I wrote.)