Monday, March 2nd:
Happy March! The month has come in like lion, considering it got up to 65 degrees yesterday. I'm right at the start of midterms, so I've got lots of
studying to do. I promise to write more as soon as I'm break.
Tuesday, March 10th:
OMG, I haven't written in SOOO long. I'm really sorry about that, but I have been so, so busy. Last week was midterms at NYU and I was studying my ass off. I think I did okay though, but I am a little concerned about my math grade.
Then there was Sam. I still haven't talked to him since our breakup. It's not
hat I don't want to, I do, I just have no idea what I would say to him if I
did talk to him, ya know? I do want to be his friend, especially after all
we've shared, but it's hard. I am finally back at home for a wonderful
weeklong break, and it feels nice. I've slept late pretty much everyday and in
the afternoons I've helped out at Mom's store doing inventory. Claudia is on
vacation this week too, and it's really the first time I've seen her since
Christmas. Truthfully, I'm a little disappointed because all she talks about
is her new boyfriend, Bret. Bret is an artist, which in Claudia's book makes
him a god. I had kind of hoped to have a girl's week with Claud, but if it
isn't bad enough that all she TALKS about is Bret, Bret is flying in on
Thursday to spend the weekend with Claud. I'll feel like a total third wheel.
At least I have Kristy, who isn't on break but doesn't have any classes on
Friday. I can hang out with her and feel comfortable knowing that Sam is in
New York, so there's not chance of running into him. Sigh. Sam. Well, I've
actually got a baby-sitting job today! I haven't had one of those in SO long,
at least, one that wasn't for Rachael. This is nice, considering that I don't
usually get paid to sit for Rachael. This job is actually for Claud's cousins,
Lynn and Riley Benedict. Lynn's really sweet, she's 5 years old and her little
brother is 2. Speaking of the Benedicts, I better hurry up and get ready to
go! Later!
Saturday, March 14th:
My last day in Stoneybrook. It's sort of sad, I couldn't wait for this break
to begin and now it's already over. Tomorrow (Sunday) I will be back on the
train to New York. Back to my humdrum life of school, books and studying.
Don't I sound excited? It's not that I don't live my life there, but lately
it's been pretty boring. Without my true friends, without mom. and without
Sam. I'm DYING to give Sam a call but I don't know if I should. Claudia says I
should forget him and move on. Kristy says he secretly misses me and I should
call him. I just don't know. Speaking of Claud, I ended up having a fun break
with her after all. She slept over Wednesday day and we talked late into the
night. Then on Thursday night after Bret arrived the four of us (including
Kristy) went for coffee. He seems like a cool guy, and he's really Claudia's
type. I'm happy for her. Friday night Claudia, Bret and I went dancing at a
club in Stamford we had a lot of fun. Claud even let me dance with Bret once-
he's a good dancer! Tonight the happy couple wants to be alone, but that's
fine with me because mom and I are going to have girls night watching movies
and stuffing ourselves full of popcorn. I think tomorrow before I leave I'll
invite Claudia, Kristy and Bret over for brunch. I will continue this entry
when I get back to NYC!
Monday, March 16th: Back in New York, back to the old schedule. I was eating lunch in the Student Center today, and I saw Sam hanging around. By himself for once. I was thisclose to going up and talking to him, but something stopped me. It was either my nerves, my sense of dignity, or that delicious tuna sandwich sitting in front of me. Yum. Anyway, he actually looked kind of forlorn sitting there alone.Maybe I will call him. Not to get back together of course, I don't think I could do that, but just a friends. Maybe we could catch a movie Times Square this weekend. Yeah, okay.l I better do it now, if I'm going to... before I lose my nerve. Here goes. Back! I called Sam, and he was there! It was kind of awkward at first:
Him: Hello?
Me: Hi Sam?
Him: Yeah?
Me: Hi. It's Stacey. Mc Gill, I mean. Stacey McGill.
Him: PAUSE. Oh, hi Stacey, what's up?
Me: Oh nothing really, how was your break?
Him: Pretty good, relaxing. Yours?
Me: It was cool, I went back to Stoneybrook, saw Kristy and Claud.
Him: I know.
Me: Oh?
Him: I mean, Kristy told me.
Me: Oh. (I know, I sound real intelligent, do I?)
Him: So...
Me: Well, uh, the reason I'm calling is to see if you wanted to hang out. As friends, I mean.
Him: Okay, sure.
Me: Cool- did you want catch a movie this weekend?
Him: Yeah that's cool. I'm free Friday...
Me: Great! Friday sounds good.
Him: Cool. How 'bout I come by you at 7?
Me: Great.
Him: Okay see ya.
Me: Bye!
Do I sound too desperate? I guess I was just glad that he was talking to me at all. I hope it's not too awkward hanging with him on Friday... but we did go out for two years so let's hope not!
Thursday, March 18th: Tomorrow is the day I'm going out with Sam! Eeek! Everyone says I'm too excited about this... Samantha even ventured to ask if I still liked him. As if! I do not like Sam.... at least not in a sexual way, its just cool we're gonna finally hang out. Then again, Samantha's been weird lately. Very moody, so who cares what she thinks. I think I'm gonna wear my new jeans, my black one-sleeved top and my black platform sandals. Casual, but sophisticated. I promise to update after the date!
Saturday, March 20th:
I made such an ASS out of myself. God, I want to die. I have never been so stupid in my life. Okay, let me back up. It was Friday night. Sam and I had just finished watching "Bringing Down the House" (I decided it would be best to see a comedy).We decided to stop at this diner in the square for a bite to eat before we went home. Everything was going fine, and the uncomfortable moments had been minimal. Fast forward to the cab ride home. Sam turns to me. He's looking into my eyes, and he says softly, "Stacey, I...". Stupid me, I take this as a sign he likes me. Oh god- he still loves me! I turn to him, and i kiss him. Romantically. After we come up, I notice Sam is like the darkest shade of red that I've ever seen. We wipes his mouth (Oh shit, I'm thinking) and says to me, "Stacey, what I wanted to tell you was that I'm dating Amanda Robbins." SHIT. Oh dear god, what did I do? "Oh." was all I could say. I spent the rest of the cab ride turned around, facing the window so that Sam couldn't see my crying. What did I do. I guess I really do still love Sam, and I can't decided what hurts worse- the fact that I kissed him, or that fact that he's dating Amanda. I AM SCUM. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even on this earth. I'm going to bed. I SUCK.
Friday, March 26th:
I've spent the week in a depressed stupor. I tried to avoid Sam on campus all week, and I pretty much succeeded. I ran into him once, in the student center but I didn't make eye contact with him and I'm pretty sure he didn't even notice me, since he was with Amanda. I.... hang on the phone is ringing.OH MY GOD.... I've got to go- I just got a call....... I have to get down to Mt. Sinai hospital..... fast.b
Happy March! The month has come in like lion, considering it got up to 65 degrees yesterday. I'm right at the start of midterms, so I've got lots of
studying to do. I promise to write more as soon as I'm break.
Tuesday, March 10th:
OMG, I haven't written in SOOO long. I'm really sorry about that, but I have been so, so busy. Last week was midterms at NYU and I was studying my ass off. I think I did okay though, but I am a little concerned about my math grade.
Then there was Sam. I still haven't talked to him since our breakup. It's not
hat I don't want to, I do, I just have no idea what I would say to him if I
did talk to him, ya know? I do want to be his friend, especially after all
we've shared, but it's hard. I am finally back at home for a wonderful
weeklong break, and it feels nice. I've slept late pretty much everyday and in
the afternoons I've helped out at Mom's store doing inventory. Claudia is on
vacation this week too, and it's really the first time I've seen her since
Christmas. Truthfully, I'm a little disappointed because all she talks about
is her new boyfriend, Bret. Bret is an artist, which in Claudia's book makes
him a god. I had kind of hoped to have a girl's week with Claud, but if it
isn't bad enough that all she TALKS about is Bret, Bret is flying in on
Thursday to spend the weekend with Claud. I'll feel like a total third wheel.
At least I have Kristy, who isn't on break but doesn't have any classes on
Friday. I can hang out with her and feel comfortable knowing that Sam is in
New York, so there's not chance of running into him. Sigh. Sam. Well, I've
actually got a baby-sitting job today! I haven't had one of those in SO long,
at least, one that wasn't for Rachael. This is nice, considering that I don't
usually get paid to sit for Rachael. This job is actually for Claud's cousins,
Lynn and Riley Benedict. Lynn's really sweet, she's 5 years old and her little
brother is 2. Speaking of the Benedicts, I better hurry up and get ready to
go! Later!
Saturday, March 14th:
My last day in Stoneybrook. It's sort of sad, I couldn't wait for this break
to begin and now it's already over. Tomorrow (Sunday) I will be back on the
train to New York. Back to my humdrum life of school, books and studying.
Don't I sound excited? It's not that I don't live my life there, but lately
it's been pretty boring. Without my true friends, without mom. and without
Sam. I'm DYING to give Sam a call but I don't know if I should. Claudia says I
should forget him and move on. Kristy says he secretly misses me and I should
call him. I just don't know. Speaking of Claud, I ended up having a fun break
with her after all. She slept over Wednesday day and we talked late into the
night. Then on Thursday night after Bret arrived the four of us (including
Kristy) went for coffee. He seems like a cool guy, and he's really Claudia's
type. I'm happy for her. Friday night Claudia, Bret and I went dancing at a
club in Stamford we had a lot of fun. Claud even let me dance with Bret once-
he's a good dancer! Tonight the happy couple wants to be alone, but that's
fine with me because mom and I are going to have girls night watching movies
and stuffing ourselves full of popcorn. I think tomorrow before I leave I'll
invite Claudia, Kristy and Bret over for brunch. I will continue this entry
when I get back to NYC!
Monday, March 16th: Back in New York, back to the old schedule. I was eating lunch in the Student Center today, and I saw Sam hanging around. By himself for once. I was thisclose to going up and talking to him, but something stopped me. It was either my nerves, my sense of dignity, or that delicious tuna sandwich sitting in front of me. Yum. Anyway, he actually looked kind of forlorn sitting there alone.Maybe I will call him. Not to get back together of course, I don't think I could do that, but just a friends. Maybe we could catch a movie Times Square this weekend. Yeah, okay.l I better do it now, if I'm going to... before I lose my nerve. Here goes. Back! I called Sam, and he was there! It was kind of awkward at first:
Him: Hello?
Me: Hi Sam?
Him: Yeah?
Me: Hi. It's Stacey. Mc Gill, I mean. Stacey McGill.
Him: PAUSE. Oh, hi Stacey, what's up?
Me: Oh nothing really, how was your break?
Him: Pretty good, relaxing. Yours?
Me: It was cool, I went back to Stoneybrook, saw Kristy and Claud.
Him: I know.
Me: Oh?
Him: I mean, Kristy told me.
Me: Oh. (I know, I sound real intelligent, do I?)
Him: So...
Me: Well, uh, the reason I'm calling is to see if you wanted to hang out. As friends, I mean.
Him: Okay, sure.
Me: Cool- did you want catch a movie this weekend?
Him: Yeah that's cool. I'm free Friday...
Me: Great! Friday sounds good.
Him: Cool. How 'bout I come by you at 7?
Me: Great.
Him: Okay see ya.
Me: Bye!
Do I sound too desperate? I guess I was just glad that he was talking to me at all. I hope it's not too awkward hanging with him on Friday... but we did go out for two years so let's hope not!
Thursday, March 18th: Tomorrow is the day I'm going out with Sam! Eeek! Everyone says I'm too excited about this... Samantha even ventured to ask if I still liked him. As if! I do not like Sam.... at least not in a sexual way, its just cool we're gonna finally hang out. Then again, Samantha's been weird lately. Very moody, so who cares what she thinks. I think I'm gonna wear my new jeans, my black one-sleeved top and my black platform sandals. Casual, but sophisticated. I promise to update after the date!
Saturday, March 20th:
I made such an ASS out of myself. God, I want to die. I have never been so stupid in my life. Okay, let me back up. It was Friday night. Sam and I had just finished watching "Bringing Down the House" (I decided it would be best to see a comedy).We decided to stop at this diner in the square for a bite to eat before we went home. Everything was going fine, and the uncomfortable moments had been minimal. Fast forward to the cab ride home. Sam turns to me. He's looking into my eyes, and he says softly, "Stacey, I...". Stupid me, I take this as a sign he likes me. Oh god- he still loves me! I turn to him, and i kiss him. Romantically. After we come up, I notice Sam is like the darkest shade of red that I've ever seen. We wipes his mouth (Oh shit, I'm thinking) and says to me, "Stacey, what I wanted to tell you was that I'm dating Amanda Robbins." SHIT. Oh dear god, what did I do? "Oh." was all I could say. I spent the rest of the cab ride turned around, facing the window so that Sam couldn't see my crying. What did I do. I guess I really do still love Sam, and I can't decided what hurts worse- the fact that I kissed him, or that fact that he's dating Amanda. I AM SCUM. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even on this earth. I'm going to bed. I SUCK.
Friday, March 26th:
I've spent the week in a depressed stupor. I tried to avoid Sam on campus all week, and I pretty much succeeded. I ran into him once, in the student center but I didn't make eye contact with him and I'm pretty sure he didn't even notice me, since he was with Amanda. I.... hang on the phone is ringing.OH MY GOD.... I've got to go- I just got a call....... I have to get down to Mt. Sinai hospital..... fast.b