Disclaimer – I don't own Naruto, and I never will, but as long as I have this disclaimer up here, I can right as many Naruto fics as I want. So that's a good thing ^^
Summary – After an incident, the pain, the loneliness, the deceit, the crying, shatter Naruto. Now he wants to make everyone happy, and what better way to make them happy then to rid them of him? After the attempt fails, Naruto isolates himself, thinking a fearing that everyone is against him, that they hate him, and that he is just a pain in there side. How can team 7 and a few others take Naruto out of this depression? Or worse…what if he does something horrible before they can?
Morgri- Wassup everyone? It's tuff writing depressing fics… because you either have to be depressed to write one… or you have to have a rrrreeeeaaalllyyy good storytelling ability. I'm not sure in which I fall… but o well! I hope you enjoy this chapter. I was hoping I would you surprise in the last chapter… not sure I did.
Anyway!
Enjoy!
"Speaking"
(Thoughts)
*other peoples writing*
Flashback
*~*~* Shift in time or scene*~*~*
Shattered
By: Morgri
Chapter nine
I never thought that the fox wanted to kill me. I feel really nervous now… what if he tries to do it again? I mean… I thought I wanted to die… but, I'm not to sure anymore. It kinda of scared me… I don't know why? First thing I know I'm wanting to die and the next… I want to live. I guess that's what you get from a screwed up person like me… indecisiveness. I'm so tired of it! I can't never think right anymore! Tired of it all!
So… why didn't I choose death? Why didn't that fox kill me? Can't the people see I'm a hopeless case? It's just not fair… but I guess I've said that enough now. Life is not fair… so I should get over it… but, as much as I want to… I can't. I can't because all these people just keep on reminding me of my faults and failure, even now, right after woke. I may not of heard them or saw them, but I felt them, and I get the feeling that… they don't want me here.
But, I guess I've said that enough. I could end it. I could get that kunai or knife… or whatever is sharp and just jab it through my heart. Why don't I? Why do I hesitate when I can be free afterwards? I guess the fox… was sorta doing a favor more me… like as if he knows that my deepest desires are to die. I just don't get it. Death and life, wants the difference? I'm hated here, I will probably be hated more after death… it seems likely. It just what I was created for, nothing I do can change that. Not my victories, not my writings, not my fake smile, or jocular attitude.
I tried to make them laugh. It seems that instead of laughing with me… they laughed at me; but not because I was stupid, but because – but because I was me. They were laughing at me – in fact… it wasn't laughing… it was ridicule. I am the fox… the fox is me… they were ridiculing me because the fox had no power anymore because he is – I am weak; hence, the fox has no power.
But the fox has changed… or so I think. Maybe back then… he was… horrible; but now – a while back, he wasn't like that. He leant me his power, he helped me! I guess… it's just because I am weak, that's why I have to use its power. I'm not a good ninja, I'm not like Sasuke who graduated at the top of his class, one who is of the highest genins konoha, and I'm not like Neji who learned techniques he shouldn't even have been able to learn. But why compare myself? I never have tried to be as good as Sasuke. I knew I would never be able to.
But who am I to try to defeat such a skilled ninja? I don't deserve his respect… as a ninja or as friend. For one moment… I actually thought that people liked me. That was when I fought Gaara… Sasuke mentioned that he didn't want to lose his "precious comrades." Little did I know, then, that he only meant Sakura, not me. I actually though I was fighting for a friend! How hilarious! Yes… hilarious to think that someone would actually consider me their friend, and even more… that I actually believed that they were my friends. I should have known from day one. It was only self-pity that I got to become a ninja. Wait, scratch that… I'm no ninja. I'm just a fake teammate… just one lousy scoundrel looking for attention… attention no deserved.
What am I saying though? I know I have a special bond with that fox. We talk. He told me that someone saved me from him. That… he was going to kill me to get rid of the pain. Sure… I didn't want to admit it; but, I did want to die. I pleaded to that fox – I pleaded to God to kill me. I was better of dead anyway… and… I was about to get my wish. Someone stopped me though. Did someone… think… that I was better off alive? Did someone cherish ME enough to fight for me? That thought is heart-warming, the thought of someone enjoying my company enough to fight for me… enough to risk their life for someone like me, a demon.
I once heard an expression that went something like this: "Everyone has at least one friend, even if they think they don't." Well… it was something like that, I can't really remember. Friend… I thought it was dead to me. Then began to cut myself… believing that I did have a friend. How stupid of me! Thinking that death would bring me a friend. I always heard there was an exception to every rule. I guess I'm the exception to that phrase. Though, my heart aches to have one! It does! If I had the chance, I would befriend Gaara! At least… I wouldn't be alone.
Insomnia… that's what Gaara had. I had it too. Crying put me to sleep, nightmares woke me up. Sadness put me to sleep, fear woke me up. It got to the point were just being noticed wasn't good enough anymore. I wanted love! I wanted a friend! All I could do was dwell on those to things! I didn't eat, I couldn't! I didn't wan to! I wanted friends – I wanted relief. Someone… I wanted someone who could… who could…
Stop! Stop it Naruto! If you keep on you'll cry…
Cry…
Cry…
So what!
I – oh! I'm crying now… I knew I would… but oh well – I wanted someone who could just…
Oh what am I thinking of!!
I wanted to be selfish!
I want love, I want friends, and I want attention! I want it all! I really do! I still want it. When Kyuubi, the fox, told me that someone fought for me – he didn't tell me who it was that did – I was almost… how should I say it… happy? In fact! I almost smiled! How ironic! I almost… felt those words… that… I said I could never understand. Almost! So close! Yet… so far away… maybe, though, just maybe… I'll actually have something to look forward too…
Maybe I'll get to be selfish for once…
Maybe…
Just maybe…
Tears won't seam as bad anymore.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A little while before, Tsunade had given Naruto a journal since he never got his older one back due to evildoers robbing his home. Naruto accepted it, although he sorta yanked it away and retreated from her presence as fast as she could. Tsunade smiled though. She knew a journal would do him good. Sakura, a little time before, entered once again to his apartment to read the journal, she told Tsunade about how fascinating Naruto's writing actually was. She said his short stories were almost unmatched! Though, they did seem to deal with melancholy themes. Tsunade, however, smiled as she watched Naruto write from afar.
She, knowing Naruto's present condition, thought it would be better to move him from the hospital all the way to her living quarters just so she could keep an eye on him. Naruto was… very mysterious in his own way, yet… so easily understandable. For sure! It was easy to see why he was depressed. However, Tsunade didn't want to dwell on that… she was just happy to see him do something that he actually wanted to do.
Luckily for Naruto, Tsunade decided to give him some space. She put no cameras in his room, she gave him the farthest possible room from everybody that she knew didn't like him, and she warned that if anyone dare do anything to hurt the boy an any way (mentally or physically) they would be dealt with severely. She even stressed the severely. All in all, Tsunade thought that Naruto would be rather happy with what she gave him.
Naruto had been unconscious for three days. And even after waking up his stamina was of the lowest she had ever seen of Naruto. Of course, healing was a long process, and she didn't expect to see him well fast. Surprisingly though, Naruto, (after about the second day of being awake) welcomed her into his room, as well as Sakura, Hinata, AND Sasuke. Of course… he did keep some distance, but Tsunade knew why and made nothing of it.
Tsunade couldn't watch him all day though, and that was what she was worried about. She couldn't tell anybody to watch him… they all hated him… well apart from Iruka. However, Iruka was gone. With great struggle, Tsunade ordered Iruka journey to the Sand, which agreed to make a treaty to again supply peace to both villages. She knew that it was a mean thing to make Iruka go, but… she had too. Every other Chunin was of on other missions and she couldn't afford to send any ninja's higher then a Chunin.
She was amazed at how Naruto could somehow make kunai almost appear out of nowhere, and Naruto couldn't afford to lose anymore blood then that which he had already lost. Tsunade had searched endlessly for donor, but nobody had Naruto's blood type… he was truly authentic!
Watching Naruto, Tsunade could have sworn that he had already written in half on the journal she gave him, she sighed; she would be getting a lot of those for him. That was one thing she DIDN'T like about Naruto. This would… be an expensive couple of weeks. A smile appeared on her face as she saw Hinata scamper into her house and shyly greet her. Hinata agreed to watch him that day; and Tsunade soon heard that Sasuke and Sakura would soon be over as well. Naruto… did need friends. And hopefully Naruto would find out… that he did have some.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Ninety percent of Sasuke's day was either training in order to defeat his brother or how is brother killed his family. Today, his train of thought was what the fox had told him. His rage got the most of him though… which almost killed both him and Sakura. With his hands in his pockets, he paced through the highly populated street. He was sickened though. How do people learn of all the bad stuff? Once again, everyone asked him if Naruto was dead, or if he thought that Naruto would try to kill himself again; this bothered him extremely, and if it weren't for that warning that Tsunade had given him he probably wouldn't have hesitated in killing one or two of 'em.
Speech surrounded him on that very subject though. There was nothing he could do about it, rather then laugh in there faces once Naruto snapped out of his depression. He looked forward to that, and a small smile followed by an almost inaudible laugh proved it to him. Ha! Who would get the last laugh then? He could only imagine the great time he would have while watching on the people return to their miserable lives once more. O! He could just imagine their faces when they would see Naruto run out and around the streets, doing back flips, and commenting (or rather screaming) on how much he loved life, all at the same time!
But the thing he most looked forward to was kicking Naruto's sorry butt for getting depressed in the first place. How ever was Sasuke supposed to become strong enough to defeat his brother if his rival wasn't even worth fighting!? Would he even be able to call Naruto his rival? He still did… look forward to "smacking" Naruto around in a friendly "training match." The conversation would go something like this (as it normally did):
"Dead last, I win again"
"YOU WERE JUST LUCKY!"
"No, I'm just skilled"
"Lucky"
"Skilled"
"Lucky"
"Skilled, and your not!"
"SASUKE!"
Just like it used to be, even a couple weeks felt like eternity to Sasuke. Especially when all the town people were somehow hoping that Naruto would die and get out of there lives. Well he had two words for them! "Screw you!" he shouted… and maybe one more word added, "Screw you all!" Everyone looked at him puzzled, but… he didn't care! The pleasure he took from it plenty satisfying.
Sasuke was on his way to the Hokage's Mansion. Like he told Hinata, he would be there; however, he was going to pass by Kakashi's house before entering. Kakashi had told him to keep in eye on Naruto… Kakashi cared about Naruto too, but he was far too busy to be able to see him like Sasuke was able too. So Sasuke agreed tell him how Naruto was day to day.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Embracing Naruto as a greeting, Sakura arrived to help Hinata. Though Naruto flinched at first, he gladly accepted the hug as soon as he knew she wouldn't do anything to him. Sakura and Hinata were planning to do something special today. Something that they hoped would be the first step in breaking Naruto from his depression. Sakura was a little disappointed to see Sasuke arrive late.
So what was it that they were gonna do? Sakura and Hinata had planned out the whole day! First, they would all go eat Ramen, followed by getting a large amount of ice cream. Sure it wouldn't have been very special if it was a normal person, but this was Naruto! If they could get him to see that they really loved him, then maybe his depression would slowly collapse!
Hinata had already reserved a couple seats from Naruto's favorite ramen shop, and the owner had told her that he would not allow anyone else there until they finally left. Hinata wanted to make sure the day went perfect, she didn't want Naruto to see any evil glares or unkind words, she just wanted him to… be happy. Maybe… even see him smile.
With a smile Hinata took Naruto by one hand and Sakura took Naruto's other hand and they led him out.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A sensation came over Naruto; he experienced something he never had before. He gazed into both girls eyes. They didn't have angry expressions, they didn't have disappointed looks; rather, they were smiling at him… as if they accepted him… as if they wanted him to be in there presence. A feeling – something different from the times he cut himself, different from the feeling that death gave him; it felt like – it was something Naruto… something… hope?
Hope he never had?
Just from a smile?
"We have a surprise for you Naruto," Both girls spoke softly and smiled at him sweetly. "Let's go have…" They stopped in the middle of their sentence, surprised. Naruto was… crying. He covered his face trying to hide his tears, trying to wipe them away.
These tears… they feel different… Naruto looked once again at both girls, who still smiled. Naruto was tugged out the door, but instead of leaving alone this time… he left… with something different.
Friends.
Naruto, looking at both at the three…
He…
He felt…
Something…
Today was…
He smiled.
-End Chapter Nine-
Morgri- I know I know… it was short… and it's been a long time. Don't you hate that? I've been so busy this month… and Finals are this week… ugh! But hey! It's a new chapter =p. Either way… I'm sure you know what's coming. Yes… the ending. 1 or 2 more chapters *sigh*. Either way… I promise it will be a good one… in fact… much better than this chapter which is just…
Well never mind. Remember R&R! And look for the next chapter soon! For it will be there. WEEEEEE! I'm getting on you nerves now… well see you next time!