(Chapter 15 reviews)
Lisa Ou – Thank you very much!!!
Lorien – Thank you for the suggestion, but I think it would bother me.
Liz – thank you for the suggestion as well, but as I`ve said before, I think that that would bother me and some of the reviewers, because that is harder for me to read.
Lyzz – thanks so much!
Jamie – Thank you very much! (I say that too much, don`t I?)
~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~ - Thank you for the suggestion, I completely forgot about `` and `. =D
---
(Chapter 16 reviews)
blueamber – lol! I confused you, didn`t I?
Freakyfairy – Actually, I can`t take credit for the accent marks, the credit goes to ~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~. They suggested it.
chintamani – Thank you for reviewing, I like the touch too, and yes, you make sense! =D
willowfairy – I completely understand if you don`t review, my friend from Japan is here, so I am taking longer to write too.
Tabii – I continued!!! I continued!!!
I want to apologize because I didn`t personally answer all of the reviews on the last chapter. I won`t try to catch up, but I will answer them from now on.
Also. . .
THANKS FOR HELPING ME MAKE IT TO 100+ REVIEWS! I AM HAAAPPY!!
This is the most reviews I have ever gotten (most before this was 31).
Thanks again!
--Saquoia--
Chapter 15 –
Hermione never once thought about her `Malfoy in the fire` trick, and she was quite pleased with herself right now, because she had finally solved her problems and her life was becoming much more enjoyable.
For years she had always tried to tell people that he wasn`t *that bad* and that there was some good in him. She had tried to be kind to him, to show him something other than hate, she had tried to understand why he was so cold, but she had given up. Perhaps some fire would warm his cold heart and he needed to be used to the fire, considering where he was going next.
She simply didn`t care anymore.
Hermione got dressed cheerfully. The other Slytherin had dropped out of the program when she wasn`t there, so the only person she had to deal with was the Hufflepuff boy, because Malfoy (or at least his body) was at the hospital wing with a few dozen people that were trying to sort out his supposed `memory loss` (nobody had figured out what had really happened, and thought his problem could be fixed, when it probably couldn`t).
She even felt cheerful when she went down to the cold and dark dungeons to her Potions class, which was a definite first for her and she felt as though she were finally happy.
Her emotions were all mixed up and she didn`t understand why she was happy, but she didn`t want to push the envelope. The fact that she was happy was quite enough for her at the moment. She didn`t need anything else.
All she had to do was appear happy and feel happy while it solved all of her problems, right? Well, that`s what she thought right now anyway.
Skipping lightly down the hall, Hermione caught up with Harry and Ron, and they both turned to look at her, and to her immense surprise, they turned and smiled at her and slowed down to let her walk with them.
``Hey, Hermione,`` Ron said, and Hermione looked at him. It was then that she realized that she had missed them for a long time.
``What did you do to Malfoy? I didn`t hear the whole story.`` Hermione frowned slightly, but decided that she could tell them anyway, it wasn`t like something like that would be a secret for much longer anyway.
``Well . . .`` Hermione started, and she started relaying everything that had happened, and with every word the smirks on Harry and Rons` face were growing and growing and growing. They were glowing with pleasure by the time she had finished her story.
``Way to go Hermione!`` Ron said.
``Yeah, `Mione!`` Harry said, and Hermione didn`t like the way that name sounded when Harry said it. It was like he was stating that she was his, and she didn`t like that at all.
Hermione let them walk ahead and she hung back.
~+~
***Subconscious Guilt***
[] = Angel side, {} = Devil side, () = Hermione`s regular thoughts.
[You killed him, and you know it. Go confess.]
{What the heck are you talkin` about? She didn`t do anything.}
[You and I both know she did, and she does too, doesn`t she?]
(I-)
{What are you TALKING ABOUT, You WHITE dress wearing, GUITAR playing hippie?}
[It`s a robe, it`s a harp, and I am NOT a hippie.]
(SHUT UP, BOTH YOU!)
{Don`t listen to her, she`s a nutcase. Everyone knows that you did NOTHING wrong. It was anger, and nobody can blame you.}
[Oh yes they can, the can-]
{Shut up.}
[YOU shut up.]
{I said it first!}
[Well I am good, and good triumphs over evil.]
{This is the real world, Sweetie.}
(SHUUUUT UP!!!)
[Just go tell someone the truth and you shall be set free.]
{Whatever. Stop preachin` and bring the pizza. Tell and you`ll be framed for something you aren`t responsible for, honey.}
(I am going mental.)
With this final thought, Hermione drifted to other thoughts.
***End Subconscious Guilt***
~+~
Over the next few days, Hermione couldn't believe how happy she was. There was nothing for her to dislike. Harry and Ron ignored her most of the time, but that was only because she didn`t know anything about the `secret tactics` for the Gryffindor Quiddich team, so she didn`t mind. The only thing she wanted was someone to really talk to. She wanted to talk about lots of things, but she decided not to worry about that.
Her grades were doing fine once again, like they hadn`t in a long very time, her relationships with other people were great, and there was no bad news from home, meaning that things could finally be looking up for Hermione and that she might have a good time for the first time in about a year without her enemies breathing down her neck and her grief soaking her feelings.
She felt happy, and she didn`t want to lose that feeling.
~+~
At Charms class that next day, her thoughts drifted to Malfoy, and she finally decided that it was time to look at how she was really feeling, even though she had been trying not to for quite some time.
Hermione began to feel less blissfully happy and bright, and she could feel that she was beginning to need things that she hadn`t realized she had needed for a long time, but she needed to fill the void in her heart, but that wasn`t all that she needed in her life right now.
What she really needed was someone that she could relate to and someone that would be able to understand what she was going through right now and could appreciate everything that she was thinking about and feeling in her heart, but she knew that there wasn`t anyone like that around Hogwarts School, so she might as well give up her dreaming.
Hermione`s classes seemed to all blend together and become one giant blur in her memory. She was losing her concentration on everything and she couldn`t figure out why. Her thoughts were drifting, and her mind wouldn`t focus on classes or homework or grades or duties. It seemed like Hermione wasn`t willing to pay attention to anything anymore. She just wouldn`t.
At night, she couldn`t stop thinking about Malfoy, and during the day, Draco - the two year old self - wasn`t making matters any better. He was a constant reminder that she had changed Draco Malfoy for good.
Things were starting to change and her happiness was fading away even though she wasn`t ready to admit that it was. She could continue pretending, couldn`t she? She didn`t need anything.
~+~
Despite the fact that she was top student and very busy, her guilt was beginning to catch up with her, and the reality of what she had done to Malfoy was beginning to set in completely. She couldn`t ignore it anymore.
She had basically killed him, and there was nothing that she could do to change her choice.
The thought seemed to echo through her mind. She had killed him . . . she had killed Malfoy . . . she had banished him . . . somewhat anyway. There still was a two-year-old numbskull that was in a fifteen-year-old body.
She knew that she would be in more trouble when other people realized what had really happened.
Would she be able to run away before they noticed? Maybe she could skip the town and run away to China or some other place that wasn`t in Europe. She needed to be far away from this. From everything.
As she lay down to sleep that night, thoughts and dreams of Malfoy and what she had done constantly haunted her conscience. She knew that she would never be able to forget what she had done because the guilt would haunt her for the rest of her life until the day she died.
~+~
She skipped breakfast and walked right out to the Hogwarts grounds. Her guilt wasn`t willing to leave her alone, and she was feeling it eat her up from inside. She didn`t know how much more she could take.
Hermione flopped down and covered her face in her arms while being on the ground and moaned. Why had she decided to throw that book in the fire? And what about what it had said?
` Malfoy Family Soul ReCaption of the Younger Years`
What on earth did that mean?
``Hermione?`` Hermione jumped and whipped around, and smiled slightly when she saw that it was Draco (that`s what she calls the 2-year-old version).
``Hey,`` she said, and didn`t turn around or make any motions to move. Now that he was here, she felt even more guilty than before. How could she have done this to him? Even if she hated him, he was still human and still had every right as she did, didn`t he?
``Why don`t you talk to me, and when you used to, why were you so angry when you talked to me?`` He asked Hermione, and she didn`t know how to answer. She was beginning to think that while he may speak like a two- year-old, he understood everything that had happened in the past like they were memories.
``It`s kinda hard to explain.`` Hermione said, tryign to avoid having to talk to him, but it was fruitless.
Hermione rolled over and buried her face in her arms again, as though wishing that she could tune out his voice and everything that was causing her pain, but she knew that she couldn`t.
``I don`t think I should talk to you right now.`` Hermione said, and she was barely listening for the reply.
``Please talk to me. I`m alone.`` Hermione stopped breathing, although she hadn`t realized it yet.
He said he was alone. Is that what Draco Malfoy had been feeling for his whole life? Is that why he was such a jerk and an insufferable git?
``Well, I-``
``Nobody cares about me.`` Draco continued, and Hermione felt herself being drawn in. How come Malfoy had never talked to someone before? Didn`t he have any friends to talk to?
After a brief, 30 second, analysis of what she had thought, she realized how stupid that thought really was. Draco Malfoy didn`t have any friends, he just had `groupies` and `cronies`.
``Well, maybe if you weren`t such a jerk.`` Hermione said and the words had burst from her mouth before she could stop them. She had forgotten that she wasn`t talking to the Draco Malfoy that she had become accustomed to.
Young Draco`s face began to contort into a look of pain, and he stood up. It was like his face was meshing with something else, and it didn`t look like pain anymore, it appeared to be a look between like and dislike, scrambled into one. He stumbled backward.
``What. . .?`` Hermione said, trailing off as she watched.
``Cast a spell.`` A voice said, and it was coming from Draco, but it sounded nothing like him.
``Whabba, duhba, huh?`` Hermione muttered stupidly as she tried to figure out what spell she was supposed to be casting. She was, not for the first time, completely lost in the moment.
``Say, `Peie courivere`!`` the voice yelled, and Hermione distantly remembered this phrase, but she couldn`t think of where at the moment, her mind was too boggled to be logical.
``Peie courivere!`` Hermione said feebly and there was a huge green and purple flash and the form of Draco Malfoy lay on the ground, unmoving.
Hermione didn`t know what to do. Was he really hurt, or was he pretending? Slowly, she crept over to him, and she reached her hand out, as though she were afraid of what he might do or when he might strike.
Her hand was shaking and she reached out to touch his neck to see if he had a pulse when his hand shot out and forced hers down.
Shocked by this sudden movement, Hermione leapt backward and glared at him as he slowly pushed himself up.
``Don`t touch me, Granger.`` He said, and Hermione knew that her innocent friend that had been here minutes before, was gone.
``You could contaminate me.`` he continued, and Hermione rolled her eyes.
``Glad to see you`re alright.`` She said sarcastically.
``Don`t come near me again, and I don`t forgive you for anything.``
Hermione scoffed. He was suck a git, and he probably didn`t even realize how much of a total git that he really was. He thought he was a perfect gentleman, but Hermione thought otherwise.
``You know what-`` Hermione started, but Crookshanks came darting across the lawn and caused Malfoy to trip. He swore and drug himself up again. Hermione noticed that he was bleeding, and she no longer had the urge to help him. He wasn`t a helpless child in her eyes anymore - he was a heartless jerk.
``I`m gonna kill that cat.`` Malfoy muttered, and Hermione glared at him.
``I have a suggestion for you.`` Hermione said.
``What?`` he said sardonically and she knew that he wasn`t really listening to anything that she said, but she was going to talk anyway.
``You should do some soul-searching, because, you need one.`` With that she stood up and swept back into the Hogwarts castle.
~+~
What do you think? I wrote this chappy a little quickly, so don`t be too mean!!!
Next chapter may be in 2 days, we`ll have to see.
--Saquoia--
Lisa Ou – Thank you very much!!!
Lorien – Thank you for the suggestion, but I think it would bother me.
Liz – thank you for the suggestion as well, but as I`ve said before, I think that that would bother me and some of the reviewers, because that is harder for me to read.
Lyzz – thanks so much!
Jamie – Thank you very much! (I say that too much, don`t I?)
~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~ - Thank you for the suggestion, I completely forgot about `` and `. =D
---
(Chapter 16 reviews)
blueamber – lol! I confused you, didn`t I?
Freakyfairy – Actually, I can`t take credit for the accent marks, the credit goes to ~The Simon Cowell of Fanfiction.net~. They suggested it.
chintamani – Thank you for reviewing, I like the touch too, and yes, you make sense! =D
willowfairy – I completely understand if you don`t review, my friend from Japan is here, so I am taking longer to write too.
Tabii – I continued!!! I continued!!!
I want to apologize because I didn`t personally answer all of the reviews on the last chapter. I won`t try to catch up, but I will answer them from now on.
Also. . .
THANKS FOR HELPING ME MAKE IT TO 100+ REVIEWS! I AM HAAAPPY!!
This is the most reviews I have ever gotten (most before this was 31).
Thanks again!
--Saquoia--
Chapter 15 –
Hermione never once thought about her `Malfoy in the fire` trick, and she was quite pleased with herself right now, because she had finally solved her problems and her life was becoming much more enjoyable.
For years she had always tried to tell people that he wasn`t *that bad* and that there was some good in him. She had tried to be kind to him, to show him something other than hate, she had tried to understand why he was so cold, but she had given up. Perhaps some fire would warm his cold heart and he needed to be used to the fire, considering where he was going next.
She simply didn`t care anymore.
Hermione got dressed cheerfully. The other Slytherin had dropped out of the program when she wasn`t there, so the only person she had to deal with was the Hufflepuff boy, because Malfoy (or at least his body) was at the hospital wing with a few dozen people that were trying to sort out his supposed `memory loss` (nobody had figured out what had really happened, and thought his problem could be fixed, when it probably couldn`t).
She even felt cheerful when she went down to the cold and dark dungeons to her Potions class, which was a definite first for her and she felt as though she were finally happy.
Her emotions were all mixed up and she didn`t understand why she was happy, but she didn`t want to push the envelope. The fact that she was happy was quite enough for her at the moment. She didn`t need anything else.
All she had to do was appear happy and feel happy while it solved all of her problems, right? Well, that`s what she thought right now anyway.
Skipping lightly down the hall, Hermione caught up with Harry and Ron, and they both turned to look at her, and to her immense surprise, they turned and smiled at her and slowed down to let her walk with them.
``Hey, Hermione,`` Ron said, and Hermione looked at him. It was then that she realized that she had missed them for a long time.
``What did you do to Malfoy? I didn`t hear the whole story.`` Hermione frowned slightly, but decided that she could tell them anyway, it wasn`t like something like that would be a secret for much longer anyway.
``Well . . .`` Hermione started, and she started relaying everything that had happened, and with every word the smirks on Harry and Rons` face were growing and growing and growing. They were glowing with pleasure by the time she had finished her story.
``Way to go Hermione!`` Ron said.
``Yeah, `Mione!`` Harry said, and Hermione didn`t like the way that name sounded when Harry said it. It was like he was stating that she was his, and she didn`t like that at all.
Hermione let them walk ahead and she hung back.
~+~
***Subconscious Guilt***
[] = Angel side, {} = Devil side, () = Hermione`s regular thoughts.
[You killed him, and you know it. Go confess.]
{What the heck are you talkin` about? She didn`t do anything.}
[You and I both know she did, and she does too, doesn`t she?]
(I-)
{What are you TALKING ABOUT, You WHITE dress wearing, GUITAR playing hippie?}
[It`s a robe, it`s a harp, and I am NOT a hippie.]
(SHUT UP, BOTH YOU!)
{Don`t listen to her, she`s a nutcase. Everyone knows that you did NOTHING wrong. It was anger, and nobody can blame you.}
[Oh yes they can, the can-]
{Shut up.}
[YOU shut up.]
{I said it first!}
[Well I am good, and good triumphs over evil.]
{This is the real world, Sweetie.}
(SHUUUUT UP!!!)
[Just go tell someone the truth and you shall be set free.]
{Whatever. Stop preachin` and bring the pizza. Tell and you`ll be framed for something you aren`t responsible for, honey.}
(I am going mental.)
With this final thought, Hermione drifted to other thoughts.
***End Subconscious Guilt***
~+~
Over the next few days, Hermione couldn't believe how happy she was. There was nothing for her to dislike. Harry and Ron ignored her most of the time, but that was only because she didn`t know anything about the `secret tactics` for the Gryffindor Quiddich team, so she didn`t mind. The only thing she wanted was someone to really talk to. She wanted to talk about lots of things, but she decided not to worry about that.
Her grades were doing fine once again, like they hadn`t in a long very time, her relationships with other people were great, and there was no bad news from home, meaning that things could finally be looking up for Hermione and that she might have a good time for the first time in about a year without her enemies breathing down her neck and her grief soaking her feelings.
She felt happy, and she didn`t want to lose that feeling.
~+~
At Charms class that next day, her thoughts drifted to Malfoy, and she finally decided that it was time to look at how she was really feeling, even though she had been trying not to for quite some time.
Hermione began to feel less blissfully happy and bright, and she could feel that she was beginning to need things that she hadn`t realized she had needed for a long time, but she needed to fill the void in her heart, but that wasn`t all that she needed in her life right now.
What she really needed was someone that she could relate to and someone that would be able to understand what she was going through right now and could appreciate everything that she was thinking about and feeling in her heart, but she knew that there wasn`t anyone like that around Hogwarts School, so she might as well give up her dreaming.
Hermione`s classes seemed to all blend together and become one giant blur in her memory. She was losing her concentration on everything and she couldn`t figure out why. Her thoughts were drifting, and her mind wouldn`t focus on classes or homework or grades or duties. It seemed like Hermione wasn`t willing to pay attention to anything anymore. She just wouldn`t.
At night, she couldn`t stop thinking about Malfoy, and during the day, Draco - the two year old self - wasn`t making matters any better. He was a constant reminder that she had changed Draco Malfoy for good.
Things were starting to change and her happiness was fading away even though she wasn`t ready to admit that it was. She could continue pretending, couldn`t she? She didn`t need anything.
~+~
Despite the fact that she was top student and very busy, her guilt was beginning to catch up with her, and the reality of what she had done to Malfoy was beginning to set in completely. She couldn`t ignore it anymore.
She had basically killed him, and there was nothing that she could do to change her choice.
The thought seemed to echo through her mind. She had killed him . . . she had killed Malfoy . . . she had banished him . . . somewhat anyway. There still was a two-year-old numbskull that was in a fifteen-year-old body.
She knew that she would be in more trouble when other people realized what had really happened.
Would she be able to run away before they noticed? Maybe she could skip the town and run away to China or some other place that wasn`t in Europe. She needed to be far away from this. From everything.
As she lay down to sleep that night, thoughts and dreams of Malfoy and what she had done constantly haunted her conscience. She knew that she would never be able to forget what she had done because the guilt would haunt her for the rest of her life until the day she died.
~+~
She skipped breakfast and walked right out to the Hogwarts grounds. Her guilt wasn`t willing to leave her alone, and she was feeling it eat her up from inside. She didn`t know how much more she could take.
Hermione flopped down and covered her face in her arms while being on the ground and moaned. Why had she decided to throw that book in the fire? And what about what it had said?
` Malfoy Family Soul ReCaption of the Younger Years`
What on earth did that mean?
``Hermione?`` Hermione jumped and whipped around, and smiled slightly when she saw that it was Draco (that`s what she calls the 2-year-old version).
``Hey,`` she said, and didn`t turn around or make any motions to move. Now that he was here, she felt even more guilty than before. How could she have done this to him? Even if she hated him, he was still human and still had every right as she did, didn`t he?
``Why don`t you talk to me, and when you used to, why were you so angry when you talked to me?`` He asked Hermione, and she didn`t know how to answer. She was beginning to think that while he may speak like a two- year-old, he understood everything that had happened in the past like they were memories.
``It`s kinda hard to explain.`` Hermione said, tryign to avoid having to talk to him, but it was fruitless.
Hermione rolled over and buried her face in her arms again, as though wishing that she could tune out his voice and everything that was causing her pain, but she knew that she couldn`t.
``I don`t think I should talk to you right now.`` Hermione said, and she was barely listening for the reply.
``Please talk to me. I`m alone.`` Hermione stopped breathing, although she hadn`t realized it yet.
He said he was alone. Is that what Draco Malfoy had been feeling for his whole life? Is that why he was such a jerk and an insufferable git?
``Well, I-``
``Nobody cares about me.`` Draco continued, and Hermione felt herself being drawn in. How come Malfoy had never talked to someone before? Didn`t he have any friends to talk to?
After a brief, 30 second, analysis of what she had thought, she realized how stupid that thought really was. Draco Malfoy didn`t have any friends, he just had `groupies` and `cronies`.
``Well, maybe if you weren`t such a jerk.`` Hermione said and the words had burst from her mouth before she could stop them. She had forgotten that she wasn`t talking to the Draco Malfoy that she had become accustomed to.
Young Draco`s face began to contort into a look of pain, and he stood up. It was like his face was meshing with something else, and it didn`t look like pain anymore, it appeared to be a look between like and dislike, scrambled into one. He stumbled backward.
``What. . .?`` Hermione said, trailing off as she watched.
``Cast a spell.`` A voice said, and it was coming from Draco, but it sounded nothing like him.
``Whabba, duhba, huh?`` Hermione muttered stupidly as she tried to figure out what spell she was supposed to be casting. She was, not for the first time, completely lost in the moment.
``Say, `Peie courivere`!`` the voice yelled, and Hermione distantly remembered this phrase, but she couldn`t think of where at the moment, her mind was too boggled to be logical.
``Peie courivere!`` Hermione said feebly and there was a huge green and purple flash and the form of Draco Malfoy lay on the ground, unmoving.
Hermione didn`t know what to do. Was he really hurt, or was he pretending? Slowly, she crept over to him, and she reached her hand out, as though she were afraid of what he might do or when he might strike.
Her hand was shaking and she reached out to touch his neck to see if he had a pulse when his hand shot out and forced hers down.
Shocked by this sudden movement, Hermione leapt backward and glared at him as he slowly pushed himself up.
``Don`t touch me, Granger.`` He said, and Hermione knew that her innocent friend that had been here minutes before, was gone.
``You could contaminate me.`` he continued, and Hermione rolled her eyes.
``Glad to see you`re alright.`` She said sarcastically.
``Don`t come near me again, and I don`t forgive you for anything.``
Hermione scoffed. He was suck a git, and he probably didn`t even realize how much of a total git that he really was. He thought he was a perfect gentleman, but Hermione thought otherwise.
``You know what-`` Hermione started, but Crookshanks came darting across the lawn and caused Malfoy to trip. He swore and drug himself up again. Hermione noticed that he was bleeding, and she no longer had the urge to help him. He wasn`t a helpless child in her eyes anymore - he was a heartless jerk.
``I`m gonna kill that cat.`` Malfoy muttered, and Hermione glared at him.
``I have a suggestion for you.`` Hermione said.
``What?`` he said sardonically and she knew that he wasn`t really listening to anything that she said, but she was going to talk anyway.
``You should do some soul-searching, because, you need one.`` With that she stood up and swept back into the Hogwarts castle.
~+~
What do you think? I wrote this chappy a little quickly, so don`t be too mean!!!
Next chapter may be in 2 days, we`ll have to see.
--Saquoia--