Disc: Not mine. It took a lot to admit that. But it felt good dammit!
a/n: Ta very much to Carla aka Harry's Lost Twin for going on at me to write so I did. I have split this chapter into two halves, this is the first bit because I'm not sure on how the second is coming along. Enjoy. Review!
It had been a good few months now since Lily and James had become engaged.
In fact, it was a week till the actual ceremony. The stag and hen nights.
Remus sat in the corner of the smoky pub with the Marauders and the rest of James' friends. Peter was curiously absent – although Remus didn't blame him.
He didn't want to be here.
"Welcome to the stag night of the year!" cried Sirius, raising his glass and spilling most of the content. "And the name stag is appropriate here, wouldn't you say Prongs?" James laughed loudly, the alcohol already coming into effect. Remus sighed.
He really didn't want to be here.
"Lily!" shouted Rose, her cousin. "Lily, darling, come and try on this fabulous dress!" The fabulous dress in question turned out to be an apron with ridiculous frills on it. Lily sighed. This was typical Rose. "Yes, it's lovely Rose, but I think it would look so much better on you," said Lily, smiling. She tied the apron round Roses waist. "Yeah, you're right," she said, pausing to hiccough. "It suits me better!"
Lily picked her glass up from the table and moved onto the next. The only occupant – well, the only sober occupant, was her sister Petunia. Petunia did not look as if she was having a good time. She was eyeing Rose with particular disgust.
"Why on earth did you invite her again?" she asked, looking down her nose at her cousin, who was now prancing about singing something about snakes at the top of her voice.
"I know, I know, Mum made me. Said it would be proper. Oh come on, she is our cousin!" Lily said, tracing the rim of her glass with her finger. "Cousin or not, I do wish she'd stop being so ridiculous and just sit down!" Petunia scowled at their cousin, who had somehow managed to find herself on top of a table.
"Oh leave her, she's enjoying herself!" Lily said, taking a sip of her wine. "And you should be joining her," said Petunia, giving her a look. "It's your hen night, not hers." "I know," said Lily quietly, staring into her glass. "I know." This time it was barely a whisper. She could feel Petunia staring at her. "I am," she added, trying to smile brightly. "It's great – it's really great, everyone's having a good time." "Everyone except you," Petunia said quietly. Lily desperately avoided her sister's gaze and suddenly became very interested in the panelling on the wall.
At James's stag night, someone was also not partaking in the merry making.
"Come on Moony!" yelled Sirius, flinging his arms around Remus's neck. "Come'n join the party! Come'n have a drink!" Remus pulled Sirius's arms away from his neck and put an arm around his shoulders. Sirius's face gained an uneasy look.
"My dear Moony," he drawled drunkenly. "I do think you are trying to seduce me!" Remus smiled wearily. "Come on Sirius, let's go outside. You need some fresh air."
"I do feel rather ill Moony. Why are you spinning? Stop it, Moony! Make it stop!" Sirius looked very pale. "Will we see the ducks outside?" Sirius asked, looking eager. "Yes, Padfoot old friend, we'll see the ducks." "Oh good," said Sirius, all queasiness forgotten. "I like ducks."
Together they walked out into the night. Remus led them over to the pond in the garden – Sirius had spotted something and proclaimed he wanted it as a pet. Remus suspected it was a squirrel. Remus told him not to be ridiculous and to come away and see the ducks.
When they reached the pond, Sirius fell onto the bank and dragged Remus down with him. They sat by the waters edge. "Moony," whispered Sirius, watching the water. "Can I tell you something?" "Anything," said Remus, taking a sideways look at his friend. Sirius didn't move for a while, he simply stared at the dark water, the reflections of the pond dancing in his grey eyes. Remus began to worry – for a drunken man, Sirius looked very sombre. "There's something about me I've never told anyone," he said, barely audible. Remus leant in closer towards his friend. Something he'd never told anyone? "I know how you feel," he muttered, turning around and looking Remus straight in the eye. "I know how you feel...to be different." Remus looked at Sirius, puzzled.
"I'm...I'm...I'm not as other men," Sirius said softly. "I'm gay. Does that make me wicked?" Remus looked Sirius directly in the eye. "Are you sure you're gay?" he asked. "Positive. The whole fancying men instead of women thing gave it away." "Oh," said Remus. They sat in silence again, Remus's mind working furiously. He'd noticed Sirius's lack of interest in women – who hadn't? It was hard to miss. Remus had thought it to be a case of not finding the right girl. Sirius continued. "I fancied Prongs for a while. Gave up on him soon enough – he's got Lily hasn't he? And even if he didn't he made it pretty obvious he likes the company of women." Sirius stared dejectedly out to the pond. "So who do you fancy at the moment?" asked Remus. Sirius barked out a laugh. "You, actually. Weird isn't it? I'm not saying you have to go out with me Moony, because you don't, not if you don't want to. I'm just saying that, well, I fancy you. A lot. You're a very attractive wolf, Moony." If Remus was not mistaken, there was a definite blush around Sirius's cheeks.
"Will you keep your voice down?" hissed Remus. "You're not the only one with a secret!" "Sorry," muttered Sirius.
They sat in silence for a while. Sirius began to pull grass out of the ground and throw it over his shoulder. "Padfoot," Remus asked suddenly. "If you really loved someone and you knew it would hurt someone else to be with them, would you do it anyway?"
"Depends," said Sirius, shrugging. "Who's the lucky lady? Or man," he said with a wry smile. "No one," said Remus, flushing. "Oh!" gasped Sirius. "It is a man!" Remus hit his arm. "No you fool, it is a woman. Just not a very...accessible woman." Sirius nodded knowingly. "If it was a person who I didn't mind hurting then, yeah, I'd go for it. If it was my best friend then no, I wouldn't. You should never pick girls over friends Remus. "A look of realisation dawned over Sirius's face. "Is it – no, it couldn't be. Not...Lily?"
Remus got up suddenly and walked away, heart pounding. Was it that obvious? If it was then would James guess? He heard Sirius get up hurriedly from the ground and run towards him. "Lily?" he cried. "Bloody hell Remus! You pick some right ones!" Remus wheeled around. "Yes, ok, I'm in love with Lily!" he yelled. "No, I'm not I just...I just think I am but I can't be – she's happy isn't she?" He raked a hand through his hair. "Do you really love her?" "With all my heart."
There was a silence. Sirius was looking very intently into Remus' eyes. Then, very suddenly he turned away. "It's not worth it," he sighed, looking at a knot of grass. "It's not worth losing James over her Moony. You're free to do what you like...but I wouldn't risk it." He turned away and began to walk back towards the pub. Remus grabbed his arm and wheeled him around. "You won't tell him, will you?" he asked pleadingly. Sirius sighed vehemently. "No," he muttered, not looking Remus in the eye. "I'll keep your dirty secret." He began to walk away from Remus very fast. "I didn't ask for this!" he called after him. "I didn't ask..." he sighed.
This was not what he had planned.
a/n: Ta very much to Carla aka Harry's Lost Twin for going on at me to write so I did. I have split this chapter into two halves, this is the first bit because I'm not sure on how the second is coming along. Enjoy. Review!
It had been a good few months now since Lily and James had become engaged.
In fact, it was a week till the actual ceremony. The stag and hen nights.
Remus sat in the corner of the smoky pub with the Marauders and the rest of James' friends. Peter was curiously absent – although Remus didn't blame him.
He didn't want to be here.
"Welcome to the stag night of the year!" cried Sirius, raising his glass and spilling most of the content. "And the name stag is appropriate here, wouldn't you say Prongs?" James laughed loudly, the alcohol already coming into effect. Remus sighed.
He really didn't want to be here.
"Lily!" shouted Rose, her cousin. "Lily, darling, come and try on this fabulous dress!" The fabulous dress in question turned out to be an apron with ridiculous frills on it. Lily sighed. This was typical Rose. "Yes, it's lovely Rose, but I think it would look so much better on you," said Lily, smiling. She tied the apron round Roses waist. "Yeah, you're right," she said, pausing to hiccough. "It suits me better!"
Lily picked her glass up from the table and moved onto the next. The only occupant – well, the only sober occupant, was her sister Petunia. Petunia did not look as if she was having a good time. She was eyeing Rose with particular disgust.
"Why on earth did you invite her again?" she asked, looking down her nose at her cousin, who was now prancing about singing something about snakes at the top of her voice.
"I know, I know, Mum made me. Said it would be proper. Oh come on, she is our cousin!" Lily said, tracing the rim of her glass with her finger. "Cousin or not, I do wish she'd stop being so ridiculous and just sit down!" Petunia scowled at their cousin, who had somehow managed to find herself on top of a table.
"Oh leave her, she's enjoying herself!" Lily said, taking a sip of her wine. "And you should be joining her," said Petunia, giving her a look. "It's your hen night, not hers." "I know," said Lily quietly, staring into her glass. "I know." This time it was barely a whisper. She could feel Petunia staring at her. "I am," she added, trying to smile brightly. "It's great – it's really great, everyone's having a good time." "Everyone except you," Petunia said quietly. Lily desperately avoided her sister's gaze and suddenly became very interested in the panelling on the wall.
At James's stag night, someone was also not partaking in the merry making.
"Come on Moony!" yelled Sirius, flinging his arms around Remus's neck. "Come'n join the party! Come'n have a drink!" Remus pulled Sirius's arms away from his neck and put an arm around his shoulders. Sirius's face gained an uneasy look.
"My dear Moony," he drawled drunkenly. "I do think you are trying to seduce me!" Remus smiled wearily. "Come on Sirius, let's go outside. You need some fresh air."
"I do feel rather ill Moony. Why are you spinning? Stop it, Moony! Make it stop!" Sirius looked very pale. "Will we see the ducks outside?" Sirius asked, looking eager. "Yes, Padfoot old friend, we'll see the ducks." "Oh good," said Sirius, all queasiness forgotten. "I like ducks."
Together they walked out into the night. Remus led them over to the pond in the garden – Sirius had spotted something and proclaimed he wanted it as a pet. Remus suspected it was a squirrel. Remus told him not to be ridiculous and to come away and see the ducks.
When they reached the pond, Sirius fell onto the bank and dragged Remus down with him. They sat by the waters edge. "Moony," whispered Sirius, watching the water. "Can I tell you something?" "Anything," said Remus, taking a sideways look at his friend. Sirius didn't move for a while, he simply stared at the dark water, the reflections of the pond dancing in his grey eyes. Remus began to worry – for a drunken man, Sirius looked very sombre. "There's something about me I've never told anyone," he said, barely audible. Remus leant in closer towards his friend. Something he'd never told anyone? "I know how you feel," he muttered, turning around and looking Remus straight in the eye. "I know how you feel...to be different." Remus looked at Sirius, puzzled.
"I'm...I'm...I'm not as other men," Sirius said softly. "I'm gay. Does that make me wicked?" Remus looked Sirius directly in the eye. "Are you sure you're gay?" he asked. "Positive. The whole fancying men instead of women thing gave it away." "Oh," said Remus. They sat in silence again, Remus's mind working furiously. He'd noticed Sirius's lack of interest in women – who hadn't? It was hard to miss. Remus had thought it to be a case of not finding the right girl. Sirius continued. "I fancied Prongs for a while. Gave up on him soon enough – he's got Lily hasn't he? And even if he didn't he made it pretty obvious he likes the company of women." Sirius stared dejectedly out to the pond. "So who do you fancy at the moment?" asked Remus. Sirius barked out a laugh. "You, actually. Weird isn't it? I'm not saying you have to go out with me Moony, because you don't, not if you don't want to. I'm just saying that, well, I fancy you. A lot. You're a very attractive wolf, Moony." If Remus was not mistaken, there was a definite blush around Sirius's cheeks.
"Will you keep your voice down?" hissed Remus. "You're not the only one with a secret!" "Sorry," muttered Sirius.
They sat in silence for a while. Sirius began to pull grass out of the ground and throw it over his shoulder. "Padfoot," Remus asked suddenly. "If you really loved someone and you knew it would hurt someone else to be with them, would you do it anyway?"
"Depends," said Sirius, shrugging. "Who's the lucky lady? Or man," he said with a wry smile. "No one," said Remus, flushing. "Oh!" gasped Sirius. "It is a man!" Remus hit his arm. "No you fool, it is a woman. Just not a very...accessible woman." Sirius nodded knowingly. "If it was a person who I didn't mind hurting then, yeah, I'd go for it. If it was my best friend then no, I wouldn't. You should never pick girls over friends Remus. "A look of realisation dawned over Sirius's face. "Is it – no, it couldn't be. Not...Lily?"
Remus got up suddenly and walked away, heart pounding. Was it that obvious? If it was then would James guess? He heard Sirius get up hurriedly from the ground and run towards him. "Lily?" he cried. "Bloody hell Remus! You pick some right ones!" Remus wheeled around. "Yes, ok, I'm in love with Lily!" he yelled. "No, I'm not I just...I just think I am but I can't be – she's happy isn't she?" He raked a hand through his hair. "Do you really love her?" "With all my heart."
There was a silence. Sirius was looking very intently into Remus' eyes. Then, very suddenly he turned away. "It's not worth it," he sighed, looking at a knot of grass. "It's not worth losing James over her Moony. You're free to do what you like...but I wouldn't risk it." He turned away and began to walk back towards the pub. Remus grabbed his arm and wheeled him around. "You won't tell him, will you?" he asked pleadingly. Sirius sighed vehemently. "No," he muttered, not looking Remus in the eye. "I'll keep your dirty secret." He began to walk away from Remus very fast. "I didn't ask for this!" he called after him. "I didn't ask..." he sighed.
This was not what he had planned.