Author's Note: hello. This here is my first attempt at some slash fanfiction. Don't have high expectations. I'm nothing more than an inexperienced simpleton. So, this is as rough and unpolished as it gets. I have some lyrics in my fiction. I don't know if you find it annoying, but I like it and probably continue. I just think they fit with the whole text. And, after all it was a song that made me write this. I know you don't care. And also, I don't write long chapters. I just can't. So, appreciate the quality not the quantity.
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Silence
Here I am
Here I am
Silent
Bright and clear
It's what I am
I have
Died
(Nirvana- Endless, Nameless)
It was better. It was defiantly better. After being threatened by Mad-Eye Moody at the beginning of the summer, uncle Vernon had allowed Harry to do a lot of things he wouldn't have dreamt of in the last years. For one he could watch TV. As last summer he wouldn't miss the news, but unlike then, things weren't calm. A lot of strange disappearings were reported and Harry knew their cause and with each person that was disappeared he could feel Voldemort coming closer and closer to his goal. Even if the rational side of him told him that a few Muggle disappearings weren't enough to assure Voldemort's victory, he could not stop feeling that.
He would also be receiving regular phone calls from Hermione. They didn't have much to say to each other, though. None knew more than the other did. But it was very good for Harry to hear her voice, to know that he wasn't abandoned. She also told him that he would be meeting her at the Burrow soon. That news made him happy. Beyond happy, but it also meant that he wouldn't be up to date with Muggle disappearing as he knew that no one in the Order or outside it would tell him how many people disappear.
The hardest thing for Harry though was to sleep. Every night the same scene playing over and over in his head haunted him. The scene of Sirius' death. He would see him falling through the veil and each time he was unable to prevent that. He would wake up sweaty, shivering and on the verge of crying. It was unbearable.
And finally Hermione told Harry it was time to come to the Burrow. He had packed his things so fast and now sitting in the living room waiting for Bill who would Floo over there to pick him up. Of course Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia made the most malevolent faces they could come up with but Harry didn't give a damn. He just wanted to get away. Away to a place where he was surrounded by people who cared about him. Away where he would fall asleep amongst friends and where his nightmares would be chased away. He missed Ron. He gave him a hug when he came in and shook everybody's hands. Hermione and Ginny also jumped him and hugged him really hard. It was where he belonged.
Everybody noticed the changes. Of course he could never be the same, but it hurt to see how he was simply fading away. He sometimes didn't seem to care at all; he just kept on living. Conformably numb. Other times he was almost as his old self. Almost. There was something visibly missing. And it wasn't hard to realize what or who that was.
He'd lost a lot of weight, as he didn't eat much. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he was going to collapse any moment. He rarely spent time with his friends, but when he did he tried to have fun… or at least act as he was.
Living makes me sick
So sick I wish I'd die
Down in the belly of the beast
I can't lie
(Smashing Pumpkins- Jellybelly)
Ron was observing him from the shadows. It hurt him deeply seeing how his friend was slipping away. And he didn't know what to do. He really didn't know how he could help his Harry.
Until one time when he finally snapped and gave in to the impulse. An apparently unimportant thing triggered him : They were all getting ready for bed. Everybody was wishing everybody else 'Good night' and were heading towards their bedrooms. So did Harry and as he passed Ron who was sitting in a corner chair he gave him a smile. And that's when Ron saw it. Or, actually didn't see it. It was like Harry was less… Harry than yesterday. And he realized that right under his nose and careful observation Harry was turning more and more into a statue. Eating, breathing, living were only mechanical gestures. Ron realized how terrible the state of his best friend really was.
So he ran after Harry, not sure what he was going to say or do but he just knew he had to do something. Anything.
So, he knocked on the Door of Harry's bedroom and waited for a response but there was none given so, hesitantly he opened the door and saw Harry sitting in an armchair looking out the window. He turned.
"Ron? What are you doing here… I mean… is there anything wrong? No, I mean….."
"Yes, in fact there is" Ron cut him off "It's time to make up your mind. Burn out or rise? Cause I won't let you fade away!"
And with that Harry jumped up from the chair and threw himself straight into Ron's arms and started to cry. To really cry. Let out all the anger and grief he's been holding inside. Ron's eyes were starting to sting but he didn't gave in. He couldn't. Not when his friend needed him to be strong. And Harry cried for a long time. He had too many things and people to cry for. Too many years he's been holding it all inside. And it felt wonderful. He felt like he could breathe again.
So let the sadness come again
On that you can depend on me, yeah
Until the bitter, bitter end of the world, yeah
When god sleeps in bliss
(Smashing Pumpkins- Soma)
Harry was getting better. Everybody noticed. He started smiling more often and almost ate regular meals. Ron couldn't believe how much the crying had helped his best friend. They talked more often and Harry spent more and more time with the Weasleys. Ron refused to tell anybody how exactly he managed to make his best friend better. And it was such a simple method. All he did was showing his friend that he cares and even if he lost Sirius he still had him. And not only. Harry wasn't alone. Defiantly not.
When Harry received his OWL results he was left speechless. He got all of them. Even Divination. Even Potions. All. Ron got all beside Divination and Potions.
'Ah! I knew I wasn't going to get those! I just knew it!'
'Hmmm…. Than why didn't you use this foreseeing talent of yours to get the Divination one?'
'Shut up, Harry'
But even without those two, Ron results were very good. And the twins started teasing him about that, of course.
And then it came. The day when they would finally go back to Hogwarts. Mr. Weasley had a car from the Ministry and he drove everybody to King's Cross Station.
They all passed through the barrier and later said goodbye as Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were getting on the train and finding seats. They sat silently for a while, Harry watching out the window.
('I miss you, Sirius')
---------------------------------------------------
Silence
Here I am
Here I am
Silent
Bright and clear
It's what I am
I have
Died
(Nirvana- Endless, Nameless)
It was better. It was defiantly better. After being threatened by Mad-Eye Moody at the beginning of the summer, uncle Vernon had allowed Harry to do a lot of things he wouldn't have dreamt of in the last years. For one he could watch TV. As last summer he wouldn't miss the news, but unlike then, things weren't calm. A lot of strange disappearings were reported and Harry knew their cause and with each person that was disappeared he could feel Voldemort coming closer and closer to his goal. Even if the rational side of him told him that a few Muggle disappearings weren't enough to assure Voldemort's victory, he could not stop feeling that.
He would also be receiving regular phone calls from Hermione. They didn't have much to say to each other, though. None knew more than the other did. But it was very good for Harry to hear her voice, to know that he wasn't abandoned. She also told him that he would be meeting her at the Burrow soon. That news made him happy. Beyond happy, but it also meant that he wouldn't be up to date with Muggle disappearing as he knew that no one in the Order or outside it would tell him how many people disappear.
The hardest thing for Harry though was to sleep. Every night the same scene playing over and over in his head haunted him. The scene of Sirius' death. He would see him falling through the veil and each time he was unable to prevent that. He would wake up sweaty, shivering and on the verge of crying. It was unbearable.
And finally Hermione told Harry it was time to come to the Burrow. He had packed his things so fast and now sitting in the living room waiting for Bill who would Floo over there to pick him up. Of course Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia made the most malevolent faces they could come up with but Harry didn't give a damn. He just wanted to get away. Away to a place where he was surrounded by people who cared about him. Away where he would fall asleep amongst friends and where his nightmares would be chased away. He missed Ron. He gave him a hug when he came in and shook everybody's hands. Hermione and Ginny also jumped him and hugged him really hard. It was where he belonged.
Everybody noticed the changes. Of course he could never be the same, but it hurt to see how he was simply fading away. He sometimes didn't seem to care at all; he just kept on living. Conformably numb. Other times he was almost as his old self. Almost. There was something visibly missing. And it wasn't hard to realize what or who that was.
He'd lost a lot of weight, as he didn't eat much. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he was going to collapse any moment. He rarely spent time with his friends, but when he did he tried to have fun… or at least act as he was.
Living makes me sick
So sick I wish I'd die
Down in the belly of the beast
I can't lie
(Smashing Pumpkins- Jellybelly)
Ron was observing him from the shadows. It hurt him deeply seeing how his friend was slipping away. And he didn't know what to do. He really didn't know how he could help his Harry.
Until one time when he finally snapped and gave in to the impulse. An apparently unimportant thing triggered him : They were all getting ready for bed. Everybody was wishing everybody else 'Good night' and were heading towards their bedrooms. So did Harry and as he passed Ron who was sitting in a corner chair he gave him a smile. And that's when Ron saw it. Or, actually didn't see it. It was like Harry was less… Harry than yesterday. And he realized that right under his nose and careful observation Harry was turning more and more into a statue. Eating, breathing, living were only mechanical gestures. Ron realized how terrible the state of his best friend really was.
So he ran after Harry, not sure what he was going to say or do but he just knew he had to do something. Anything.
So, he knocked on the Door of Harry's bedroom and waited for a response but there was none given so, hesitantly he opened the door and saw Harry sitting in an armchair looking out the window. He turned.
"Ron? What are you doing here… I mean… is there anything wrong? No, I mean….."
"Yes, in fact there is" Ron cut him off "It's time to make up your mind. Burn out or rise? Cause I won't let you fade away!"
And with that Harry jumped up from the chair and threw himself straight into Ron's arms and started to cry. To really cry. Let out all the anger and grief he's been holding inside. Ron's eyes were starting to sting but he didn't gave in. He couldn't. Not when his friend needed him to be strong. And Harry cried for a long time. He had too many things and people to cry for. Too many years he's been holding it all inside. And it felt wonderful. He felt like he could breathe again.
So let the sadness come again
On that you can depend on me, yeah
Until the bitter, bitter end of the world, yeah
When god sleeps in bliss
(Smashing Pumpkins- Soma)
Harry was getting better. Everybody noticed. He started smiling more often and almost ate regular meals. Ron couldn't believe how much the crying had helped his best friend. They talked more often and Harry spent more and more time with the Weasleys. Ron refused to tell anybody how exactly he managed to make his best friend better. And it was such a simple method. All he did was showing his friend that he cares and even if he lost Sirius he still had him. And not only. Harry wasn't alone. Defiantly not.
When Harry received his OWL results he was left speechless. He got all of them. Even Divination. Even Potions. All. Ron got all beside Divination and Potions.
'Ah! I knew I wasn't going to get those! I just knew it!'
'Hmmm…. Than why didn't you use this foreseeing talent of yours to get the Divination one?'
'Shut up, Harry'
But even without those two, Ron results were very good. And the twins started teasing him about that, of course.
And then it came. The day when they would finally go back to Hogwarts. Mr. Weasley had a car from the Ministry and he drove everybody to King's Cross Station.
They all passed through the barrier and later said goodbye as Harry, Ron, Hermione and Ginny were getting on the train and finding seats. They sat silently for a while, Harry watching out the window.
('I miss you, Sirius')