Russian Blue

by Rainy

AUTHOR's NOTES:  Hi! welcome to a new chapter. Ok. So -- so far the reviews have been good. Happy go joy joy! What's gonna happen? It's for me to know... and you guys to read on. I am now at this point in my life in a very "ñya!" mood. Happy joy joy.

DISCLAIMER:  Fake belongs to Sanami Matoh. Other characters and story line is my own twisted creation. The song is called "Love Song", as performed by Tesla.  I hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 5

Hello. My name is Randy Mclean. Well, actually everybody at the precinct calls me Ryo because that's my japanese name. I'm part japanese. Not like, half japanese, just - just part. You can tell because my eyes are pitch black... or at least that's what everybody else tells me...

I'm here because Berkeley told me to be here. Berkeley Rose is my immediate boss, so I kinda' hafta' obey what he tells me, for my own good, even though honestly I don't know why I'm even here. I guess is one of those things that are way out of your control and there is nothing else you can do about it because -- well, just because life is like that, you know? A series of random events that you cannot control, no matter how hard you try...

I guess Bikky must me rubbing in on me...

Bikky? He's my son. Kind of. He's not really my son in the strict sense of the word, but I love him as one, nonetheless. His girlfriend, Carol, is also what I call "one of my children". Twisted, hum? It's a long story, but it can all be summarized in to the fact that I love the both of them and I wish them the best life can offer. They're living together; they got a nice little place in Queens. Yes, I know, "It's Queens!" but it's nice. At least it doesn't smell like a dog died there and was left to rot, like so many other places I know. It's even in a nice neighborhood... so rare now a days. I dunno. Maybe the fact that I'm a police officer has made me skeptic about lots of things, being having a nice neighborhood one of them. Or maybe.... maybe is the fact that I just don't seem to find "nice" anywhere these days...

Dee would of made a sarcastic comment by now...

So you think that it's over,
That your love has fin'lly reached the end.
Any time you call, night or day,
I'll be right there for you if you need a friend.
 
It's gonna take a little time.
Time is sure to mend your broken heart.
Don't you even worry, pretty darlin'.
I know you'll find love again. Yeah.

Dee? Dee Laytner was my partner, in all sense of the word "partner". I met him the first day I began working at the 27th precinct and haven't looked back since. Is as if there was nothing before that day and everything came afterward... up until they shot him. Dee. He got shot. Life hasn't been quite the same after that. Not that I'm one of those depressive people who sit in their room, hugging something tightly and crying, and rocking myself to some sort of comfort zone. I try to go on but it's very hard. I miss Dee. I miss him very much. I loved Dee. Very much so, yes. He was the point and after, if you must say something about him. I remember that he used to hum this little tune every time he saw me depressed or down, trying to lift my spirits up - and you must admit, it's very funny to listen to a grown man humming the Sponge Bob song just to make you smile. Funny and sweet at the same time. But he got shot. Life hasn't been quite the same after that. It's like waking up one morning and realizing that the one person you revolve your entire life and love around is no longer there, and no longer will be there... ever. It's a hard pill to swallow. Look at me: it has been over a year since Dee left... 

 
Love is all around you. Yeah
Love is knockin' outside your door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.

I took a trip to England. Nothing fancy, I just wanted to get out of the ordinary life I lived. So I took the trip to England to relax and think about stuff -- LOTS of stuff. Ended up with nothing but another bag to add to my excess baggage I was already carrying. No - wait. I did find something very _very_ interesting on my trip there. I found a boy. A very nice boy. He looks exactly like Dee. Well, maybe not - his hair is darker... and his eyes are a bit more clearer... and he's a bit shorter than Dee... just s itsy bitsy tinny thingie. And his voice is deeper. Just a tad deeper. He also has an accent. And he's paler than Dee. Maybe it's the London weather. His name is Gaiev. He worked at a tea store that was near the hotel I stayed in. I saw him by casualty on a park. I was just there, you know? And it was as if the ghost of Dee had come back to give me a ray of hope. And then I found him the next day, on the tea shop... I don't know, I've must of look totally off when he asked me what was wrong... but... I just couldn't stop thinking that he was Dee, and that he had come back in a way - a sort of twisted, sick, pathetic way, but a way nonetheless. He told me his name because I asked him when all I really wanted to ask him was if he wanted to spend the night back at my room (giggles) yeah, that desperate. 

I got back to the States, back to work, back to re-build my life, or at least try to. Bikky and Carol where there to support me, I have people who care about me, see? And I returned to work. Everything was as I've left it. It was hard, returning to the place I knew Dee, the place where I fell in love head over heels for that man. But it was a step that I had to take in order to get my life back, you know? So I did. And the first day back, Berkeley tells me I have a new partner...

Dorian...

His name is Dorian... And apparently he knew Dee... MY Dee... I mean, I know Dee had his past and all, but... MY Dee... and Dorian seems to hate Dee. It's been a week and I already hate that bastard. Don't get me wrong, he's a pretty good cop, but when it comes to talking about stuff he always brings up the worse in me just by mentioning Dee's name. I don't like Dee's name on his lips. I don't like what Dee's name means in his soul. I don't want to know what Dee and Dorian did or didn't do, what they said or they didn't say.... I don't -- I don't care. All I care is the Dee I knew, the Dee I loved, the Dee that got shot and got torn out of my life forever; the Dee I need at nights when I feel so alone; the Dee that still comes and whispers sweet-nothings in my ear, in my dreams, where he's still there, where nothing has changed, where we're still together, in love, sharing a life that we built for eachother based on the love we had for eachother...

...and sometimes I wonder... 

Love is all around you.
Love is knockin' outside your door.
Waitin' for you is this love made just for two
Keep an open heart and you'll find love again, I know.

I wonder if he ever knew just how much I loved him; if I was everything he'd always wanted or always expected of me; I wonder if he ever knew just how many things he represented for me - love, friendship, loyalty, passion, lust, moondance, romance, tenderness, torment, dreams... everything he meant inside and outside my soul, in my life...

Love will find the way!

Darling, love is gonna find the way

Find its way back to you!

God!

I wonder if...

I was wondering if you could tell Dee... just how much I miss him...

Love will find the way!

So look around,

Open your eyes and see that...

"Ryo?" he heard Carol's voice calling from the other side of the door, "Are you okay in there?"

Ryo stood up from the bed and looked in the mirror. He'd been crying and it was just now when he'd noticed it. Gosh! Call the puffy-eyes patrol! He opened the door and there stood a very worried Carol. He smiled.

"Thanks," he said in a soft voice, "I must of dozed off for a while there..."

"Are you okay?" she asked walking right beside him, "You look as if you've been crying, Ryo..."

"I'm okay Carol, don't worry. Where's Bikky?"

"He's got late classes. I told him I would be here... How 'bout tonight we order a pizza and stay in? Sounds good?"

"Sounds good..." he said as he walked over to the coat hanger and took off the coat under a very worried Carol look.

"Where are you going? It's snowing and freezing outside!" she squealed.

"I need to go out and walk a bit", said Ryo putting on gloves, "Don't worry. I'll be back by the time the pizza is here... tell Bikky I don't want fish on my side, ok?"

"Ok... I'll come with you!"

"It's okay," Ryo spoke as he tried to look natural, a thing that was failing miserably, "Don't worry... Stay here in case Bikky shows up, m'kay?"

And with this said, he stepped out.

Love is gonna find the way!

Love is gonna...

Love is gonna find the way, yeah!

As Ryo walked along the snowy streets, he gave few notice to what exactly was going on around him. He kept thinking about that afternoon's visit to the psychologist and how good it was supposed to be feeling after saying all those things he'd been keeping inside, but somehow he felt as if nothing had changed. At least that would keep Berkeley happy for a

while. Right?

Love will find the way!

Love song find the way back to you... yeah...

He wasn't okay, no matter how hard he tried to convince people that he was, he knew deep inside that he was missing  a big part of himself, as if he wasn't finished or something. Something inside him felt empty and that emptiness was the thing that was making him lose edge on the things that really matter... and he knew it stopped mattering when Dee was taken from him, when Dee's life slipped through his fingers and in the process he took his life as well!

'Dee got shot... and life... hasn't been quite the same since.... he...he never even got to say good-bye...'

I know...

The moment was like a slow motion movie... Soft snow came down just as the wind blew a bit harder... Ryo looked up at the exact same moment as the person walking towards him did...

... Gaiev...

I know...

Seconds that just froze... Both souls stood there, facing eachother, lost in eachother's gaze, as if their silence was enough to speak volumes about their life, about their loneliness, about their love. And before they both knew it, their hearts had painted a very peculiar scene:  a scene where they both embraced and kissed eachother, and this heartache's imagination. They – the bodies...

I know...

...on the other hand...

I know...

... had long chosen to walk away, leaving the empty space behind them untouched....

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Ta-dhá! Likey new chapter? The song was a real inspirational tool... I like it very much and as I was riding the bus on my way home from school (I am a biology teacher now too!) I was listening to it and the final scene came to my head... and yesterday, as I was burning in fever (I have a cold!) I figure out the entire thing... Funny what delusion comes from sickness...

------ Review Alert!! ----------

I want to thank all of you who have been nice enough to post a comment on the reviewer. These comments cheer me on like you have no idea. So, I exort you people to keep on posting them (good, bad, cheers, flames, whatever is good!)

Megamie: Hah! Ok. It's better. I'm glad you're liking the story so far... This newbie guy IS going to stir things up, very, VERY much so in deed... Stay tooned!

Mistress of the Darkness: Well, he had to die in order to get this story going, nee? I like Dee, I do. Dee is one of my favorite Fake characters, and yes, you are correct, they are both very cute, aren't they? I hope these updates are keeping you happy.

Eeyatoe: I laughed so hard at the "DEATH TO DORIAN!" line. It was a nervous – cracking smile. This means you like it! And as you can see now, Gaiev is around... and maybe more than you'd expect him to be. Yes. Gaiev is an S.O.B.

Cole's Lover: Yes. Ryo does need somebody to love and to love him back if Dee is no longer there.