Disclaimer: Not mine. Not pretending they're mine.
Notes: Spoilers for "Dead End"
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Even in the darkness of the cavern, you could see him go pale with the realization. Oh God, my heart felt like it was going to break. I mean… I was so relieved the lottery had spared my life – how sick is that? – that I didn't even think… I don't think any of us had really expected that. "Some kind of game," Jim had said. I had kind of hoped it was, because that meant we'd all get out of there alive. Scientific impossibility or not.
But there it was in Lucas' trembling hand. I felt like I was going to be sick, especially after Lucas left. To be alone. To die… alone.
All I could think of was how wrong it was that Lucas had been the one. Judging by the uncomfortable silence, I could tell that none of us had thought once of leaving Lucas behind. It hadn't been an option, not even after Lucas had made the suggestion of the lottery. I think we had all just assumed it would be one of us.
And not because we're adults. Hell, I'm not that much older than him myself. For me it didn't have to do with age. It was the fact that Lucas… in the short time I've known him, has proven how much he deserves to live. Something like this never factored into the equation.
In the silence that followed Lucas' departure into the further reaches of the caves, I couldn't help trying to place blame on something – someone – anything. The damn UEO for making us go to that stupid seminar. Rawlings, for getting us trapped down here. I wanted so much to find a reason for this to be happening, and I honestly couldn't. There was no reason. It was just… there.
I tried to think of how we were going to explain this when – if – we got out of here. How could we tell the captain what had happened? How could we explain that not only was the lottery Lucas' idea, but he was the one who was chosen? Everyone on the boat knows how close Lucas and the captain are, I couldn't imagine being the one to tell him.
The whole thing felt like a dream. This couldn't possibly be real. This couldn't possibly be happening. Not to us. Not to Lucas. Even though I kept telling myself it was real, that there wasn't a lot anyone could do to change things, I couldn't help thinking of how we could… do something that would save all of us.
Lucas didn't deserve to die like this, and he didn't deserve to be alone.
I left the rest of the group to go after Lucas, feeling sorry I had nothing but myself to offer him.