Russian Blue
Author's notes: Wow! Chapter 13 and 52 reviews already! It's been a reall good experience doing this. Well, I am happy. Russian Blue is my most read story so far and I have all of you to thank for it. If it wasn't for your reviews, I would of not of done it…
Anyway… on with the show.
Disclaimer: Fake is property of Sanami Matoh. Other aditional characters belong to moi. Today's song is called "Llama por favor" (Please call) as sung by Alejandra Guzmán and it's placed here already translated in to the english language.
M'kay???
Warning: situations not apt for children.
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Chapter 13
The elevator door opened and Ryo met Gaiev's eyes for the first time since that day. Yes, the "I called him by my former lover's name while having sex" incident day. Almost a week had gone by and this was the first time Ryo actually had – any – kind of contact with Gaiev, who looked even paler under the dim lighting of the hallway. Four o' clock in the morning. He must have had to cover the night shift. He looked like crap.
"Hi," Ryo said softly. Gaiev ignored him. He walked by, not paying attention to the fact that Ryo stood there untill he finally vanished behind his appartment door. Had he done so many things wrong? Was it that bad?
[The moon is a reddish orange
at midnight....
sitting by the window
looking at the sunset go
bastard and selfish...
bikes and rock n' roll
leather, drugs and alcohol
what are you doing now?
I'm trying that this heart of mine
Won't get out of my chest....]
Love.
It couldn't be love. It took Dee more than a couple of months before Ryo could realize that he had fallen head over heels for that man and now he'd been seing Gaiev for what? A month or so? It couldn't be love this fast. But the fact of the matter was that Ryo missed him terribly: he missed his smile, his voice, his scent. He missed his kisses, his touch, his taste. His body missed him completely, even though they only made love once, but it was so passionate, so fufilling, so… so right. It _felt_ right. It felt more than right - it felt _complete_...
... Love?
... was he really that... love?
[I need you, you see?
I hate to admit
That I need to have
Your breath to be okay
That there ain't no better food
Than the one your kisses give me]
"Ryo?"
Ryo turned to see Dorian, who was looking at him with this doubtful look in his eyes, "Is there something wrong?" he asked.
"Terribly," Ryo sighed.
"What happened?" Dorian asked, getting up and heading to the coffee maker, "It is lover-boy?"
"I don't think he's my lover-boy anymore," Ryo said, and by the way he said it he just sounded terribly miserable. Dorian turned, coffee cream in hand, looking amused.
"Why? I thought it was a match-made-in-heaven sort of deal…"
"No... not anymore..." Ryo was now leaning over the table, his head over his arms, "I – I called him 'Dee' the other night..."
"Oh..."
"I called him 'Dee' while we where making love..."
"Oh... that bad?" Dorian's concern sounded sincere when he sat back down, looking at Ryo who at that moment began to have an enormous amount of simpathy towards him, "How long ago?"
"I saw him the other night... and by "other night" means three days ago... and before that it was a week without seeing him or hearing him... His sister is out of town, so I have nothing to keep me posted," Ryo looked like a lost puppy, "I think it's pretty much over..."
"Well..." Dorian gave it a lot of thought, "It's not like... It's not like you loved him or anything like that, is it?"
"N-no... not really..." he said. But, then again, why was he feeling so bad?
Why was he feeling... empty?
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The elevator door opened and Ryo's eyes met Gaiev's. They stood in that moment for what seemed aeons before Gaiev walked pass Ryo, looking down and not saying a word. Ryo wanted to speak...
But nothing came out somehow...
[Please call
I'm a zero to the left
I'm a balloon with no gas
A ship lost at sea
With no maps, wondering
Please call
I'm so defenseless
I'm lacking will
I can't concentrate
And I can't find my way out]
The elevator door opened and Ryo's eyes met Gaiev's once more.
"Well," Dorian said thoughtfully, "Why don't you call him?"
"I have," Ryo replied, "But the sister is out of town and I only get the answering machine."
"Then go to the coffee place. You have to fight for the ones you love, Ryo. Otherwise, you're left with emptyness and bitterness because you gave up too early. If you love him, if you want him, then you have to fight for him..." Dorian said with a soft voice, much like a father's voice when he tries to give good advice to his only son. Ryo smiled back, feeling all warm inside. It had been a while since he had any good "fatherly advise"... and Dorian's words... well... just sounded like that...
At that point, Ryo began to like him...
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To see Gaiev again turned out to be the hardest thing Ryo had to experience, specially when Gaiev simply treated him like another customer, nothing new, nothing special. He approached the table writting stuff down on his work pad, unawares of Ryo's presence.
"Wha' can I get... you..." he began to ask but then turned in to an upset tone, like he really didn't want to see him there.
"Hi,"
"'i," Gaiev said indifferently.
"How are you?"
"Fine."
"Haven't seen you in a while…"
"Look, 're you goin' to order? Because I 'ave a lot o' tables to tend to..." Gaiev was impatient.
"I'll have the expresso, please."
"Anything else?"
" – you"
"I'm sorry," Gaiev sounded bitter, "I do not come with the order" and with that, he turned away. Man! He was still very much pissed after two weeks. Ryo didn't blame him. He would have been this pissed to if Gaiev had confused him with a former lover. Ryto wanted to go but he just couldn't bring himself to walk out. He wanted to talk to Gaiev. That's what he came here to do, right? That was that.
Gaiev walked fast to the counter, where Mandy, another co-worker, was dealing with some old lady who insisted on having ice cake in the middle of winter. Gaiev rushed to her side, threw the noteblock on top of the counter and all that Mandy could hear was a "Goingoutbackbebackinawhiletable5needsexpressocigarettebreakmusthavecigarette" at no less than 100 miles per hour.
"Errr... ok..."
Gaiev hit the wall hard with his fist once he was outside. He felt something close to rage but at the same time he felt worthless. He slid down untill he was sitting on the floor, his head banging softly against that wall, little tears beginning to come out as the memory of two or three nights ago came to his mind...
He felt so...
... so tainted...
He looked down at his wrists.
Damn it!
... why wouldn't the scars of the heart heal this fast?........
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Gaiev walked in to the room and turned around scared when he heard the door shut behind him. He arched his eyebrow at the sight of his newest customer, who was looking at him from head to toe, walking around, his arms crossed in front with a satisfied look in his face, a wide smile on his lips. Gaiev knew this guy…
"Wow," he said softly, touching Gaiev's hair and face with the delicate touch of a rose, "I wouldn't believe it at first but yeah... you do look like Laytener..." and kissed him softly on the lips.
"What's your name, luv?" Gaiev asked in a very sensual voice.
"My name is Dorian, dear one," Dorian replied, caressing Gaiev's face, "And I don't care about your name... I think I shall call you Dee from now on..."
"Why?" Gaiev asked, remembering Ryo and feeling completely hurted and somehow betrayed.
"Because you look so much like my former lover..." Dorian smiled as he slid his hads down Gaiev's clothed-covered torso, "I'm sure Ryo has told you that in more than one occasion..."
"No' really," Gaiev lied, "We don't get along tha' good..."
"Don't lie to me, pretty boy," Dorian softly, "Ryo told me you where his new lover... but I'm not here to talk about work. You're an expensive one. Let's get down to it, shall we? I want to know if you fuck half as good as Laytener did... Dee..."
Fuck you. That's what Gaiev wanted to tell him. Moments later, he was on the bed completely naked; his eyes where covered by a black cloth, and his hands cuffed on to the headboard. The handcuffs hurted, but he was sure that Dorian wasn't going to care as much as he made sure they where nice and tight when he put them on. Personally Gaiev wasn't in to these games, but Dorian was still his customer...
... and he really didn't care about it much these days...
The fact that Dorian insisted on calling him Dee was enough to make his heart ache more and more at the memory of Ryo's face of bliss calling out this guy's name. Dee. He must have been some character.
"You look like a vision," he heard Dorian comment. He could smell the cigarette smoke and soon enough felt the heat close to his skin, making him squirm under Dorian's weight. Then, a puncturing pain on the side of his neck that made him a victim of horror as flashes in his memory started to run in his mind.
"No!" he tried to get free, but this only made Dorian laugh deliciously at the useless efforts.
"Relax, Dee," he heard Dorian comment, "It'll make you feel like in heaven... Remember: pain is the ultimate experience..." and then, the agonizing pain: burned flesh that screamed out from the bottom of his throat, silenced scream with one deep, penetration, insulting kiss that seemed so vile, so savage.
"Please... don't..." Gaiev felt suffocated. He tried to release himself from this kiss but all efforts where useless as he began to feel numb and the drug took on its full effect. His breath became the more relaxed, his heart beat was down.
"Hush, my darling Dee... pain is the ultimate pleasure," he heard Dorian's voice close to his ear, and Gaiev could feel the small tears running down his cheek.
He half-hated himself for releasing shortly after Dorian did, breathing heavily in to the other's neck, feeling his arousal come down slowly. A few minutes went by before he felt Dorian get up, but he had little streinght to pull himself back together. Soft kisses on his face, and eventually his mouth...
"Don't feel so bad about your lover, Dee; he doesn't even love you. He just wants to fuck you for the same reasons I want to keep fucking you: you look so much like our beloved Dee Laytener... Hah! I bet Ivan would like to know what you two are doing behind closed doors... he does seem like the gealous type, don't you agree?" Dorian said, Gaiev feeling his breath close to his face.
"You... you work for Ivan, don't you?" Gaiev asked, "You _work_ for Ivan..."
"I am the bringer of death, darling Dee," Dorian said kissing his lips punctuating every word, "Your other self should know that by now... and if you're not careful and do _exactly_ as I say... Ryo might find that out by himseld one of these days... Ia tebya imeyu [you're my bitch]... clear?"
"...... crystal...."
----------------------------------------------------
"Gaiev," a voice brought him back. Gaiev turned around but immediately turned away, wipping his tears in a fast movement.
"What do you want?" he asked. Ryo came even closer.
"I have to talk to you."
"Then talk"
Ryo knealed down in front of him, "Look," he said, "I'm sorry – about what happened. I didn't mean to call you – "
"Like your former lover?" Gaiev asked bitterly and Ryo felt ashamed of himself. They where silent for a while before Gaiev spoke, "Ryo – why do you love me? Is it because I look like Dee Laytener? Do you – do you even love me?"
"No! I – I'm with you because you're you, not Dee... You are so different from Dee..." Ryo said as he cupped Gaiev's face. God! He was so beautiful, even with this sadness in his eyes! But Gaiev seemed sick; he looked like he hadn't slept for days, as if he'd been crying a lot lately, "It worries me to see you like this... Gaiev... what's wrong? Please, please, please talk to me, baby..."
"You didn't answer my second question," Gaiev's words where struggling not to fall apart, "Do you even love me – at all?" the last part seemed more like a whisper, a drowning whisper.
Ryo looked at him figuring the right words to say. Gaiev's eyes turned to ice. He didn't say a word; he got up, "Right," he sighed before walking away.
[Radio with it's propositions
For a happy world
Just makes me crazy
A thousand thoughs cross my mind
And I don't even notice them]
Ryo looked alarmed when he saw Gaiev two days after that. He had a suitcase and looked like he was going on a trip.
"Where are you going?" Ryo asked.
"I'm going back to London," Gaiev replied before the elevator door closed. What? London? That was too far! London was not next door; was not even in the same country! Ryo felt he couldn't breathe all of a sudden.
London...
He couldn't let his heart go to London...
[And even if it hurts this time
I hate to admit
That I need to have
Your body to be okay
Lost in love
My mind needs you...]
Ryo sprinted downstairs when he realized he'd been standing there for a couple of minutes now. He needed to stop him. Outside it was raining like crazy, freezing cold water, but this didn't stop Ryo. A couple of seconds more and he'd catched the taxi. He waited for the next one. He got tired of waiting after a couple of seconds and ran to the main street, where he caught another one.
"To the airport!" he shouted, "And step on it!"
God-dammed the traffic!!
"Can't you go any faster?" Ryo sounded desperate.
"I'm going as fast as I can go," the guy in the taxi said, upset at this backseat driver. Ryo flashed his badge at him.
"Officer Randy Maclean and this is a police emergency! I need to get to the airport ASAP!!"
"Sorry Officer, but the traffic's a killer. We could be stuck here for hours..."
After what seemed years of traffic and endless people, they finaly got to the airport. Ryo ran to find the squedules...
London, departed 9:15 p.m.
What time was it?
9:30...
Ryo felt his heart skip a beat in agony. He was too late. He was always too late. He was too late to help Dee, he was too late to save Dee... and now he was too late to keep Gaiev by his side. He walked outside, to the rain and was standing there, not knowing if to go home or to go somewhere else.
"Give me a reason to stay, Ryo," he heard a voice from behind. He turned around to see a soaking Gaiev standing there, looking gloomy. Ryo smiled at first, but then burst out laughing of sheer joy.
"You're here!" he said, taking a few steps towards him. Gaiev didn't move.
"Give me a reason to stay, Ryo," and this time it sounded more like a plead, a desperate call for something else, to hear something more, something like 'please tell me you don't want me to go. Please tell me you need me just as much as I need you to feel alive...
.... Please, Ryo... tell me you love me...
"A reason to stay?" Ryo asked, gasping.
"I want to know why should I stay 'ere. I want to know why do you want me 'ere. I want to know what I mean to you... tell me..."
Ryo just stood there, looking at Gaiev. He pictured his life without him. He pictured waking up every morning without him by his side, without his kisses every night. He pictured not making love to this man in front of him. He felt his heart beating uncontrolably at the thought of losing him again, forever maybe.
He couldn't...
"Because I love you... I love you!" he whispered at first, but then shouted it outloud. Gaiev dropped the suticase and rushed to hold his Ryo, "I LOVE YOU GAIEV! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!... Please... please... don't go..." Ryo said right before leaning in for a kiss that was so filling it left them both with electricity running up and down their spines.
After a kiss so sweet, everything else seemed to be like a blur, a bad dream... a nightmare long forgotten...
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Awww! Nice! How about that twister, hum? You never expected it to be Dorian, right? Next chapter – As a key witness comes to light, Ryo comes upon a "catalog of expensive dates" that the Choir organization moves around town... and secrets are finally revealed!
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