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Anya the Bunny Slayer

The library's double doors open and Anya enters the room. She glances around and gasps at the surrounding gloominess and creepiness. Scores of well-read books rest on the bookshelves around the room. Very little sunlight pours into the room, most curtains having been drawn close. Anya shivers from the low temperature in the drafty room. "Hello? Mr. Creepy and British Librarian? I have a list of books I need for my classes...please provide me those books now!" she pleads to no avail. Silence answers her. Anya sighs and turns around to leave.

Before she could reach the library's doors, a British accented voice quietly booms, "Hello, miss, I have your books here." Anya nearly jumps out of her skin at the voice; she whirls around, clutching her pounding heart. "Don't. You. Ever. Frighten. Me. Like. That. Again!!!" The tall tweed-clad British man with graying hair looks embarrassed; he takes off his glasses and a handkrief out of his jacket's pocket. "Oh, I'm terribly sorry, miss..." he apologizes as he cleans his glasses with the handkrief. "Miss Anya Jenkins." The librarian suddenly looks up, a smile spreading across his face. "Oh, Miss Anya Jenkins! I am Rupert Giles, the Creepy, er, librarian... Wait right here! I'll go and receive the books for you!" Giles puts on his glasses as he bounds into the small room behind the front desk.

"Okay, Mr. Rupert Giles, I'll wait right here!"

So far, this day has been wonderful to me. I feel like I've accomplished much... Yes, I'd think my bunny slaying days are behind me now. Anya smiles despite the current creepiness she's in. "Here you go, Miss Jenkins!" The sound of a heavy book slamming onto the front desk's marble top causes Anya to jump for the second time. "OH, what did I tell...oh?" The ex-Bunny Slayer walks closer to the desk to get a closer look at the book. She gasps when she reads the book's title: "Bunnyr" etched across the leather cover in gold. "No...no...no...that's not the book I need."

"It isn't? Oh...well, I'm terribly sorry."

Giles takes the leather-bound book and bends over behind the desk to put away the book. "Now, as for your required textbook materials..." he mumbles as he stands up, smoothing out his jacket. He jumps, startled, to see Anya standing precariously close to him, her furious eyes glaring at him and hands on her hip.

"Who the hell do you think you are?! Didn't your Watchers' Council inform you I've quit slaying bunnies?"

"Oh, erm, then you are the Bunny Slayer, yes?"

"Well, yes. But that's not the point!"

The British librarian opens and closes his mouth. Then he clears his throat and begins to recite something. "Into every generation..."

~~~~~~~~~

"...a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world. She alone will have the strength and skill to fight the fuzzies and hoppy demons," the tall and heavyset British man finishes. "Well, Miss Jenkins, that is your sacred duty. To slay the nefarious bunnies and hold back the front lines against the forces of evil. I am Merrill, your Watcher, and I will be training you." Anya stares at her middle-aged Watcher, eyes unblinking. She glances around at her surroundings; sunny Los Angeles atmosphere and the Emmauel High's students are milling about, free of any cares in the world. Then finally, she begins to speak. "But, that isn't possible. Bunnies aren't evil; they are adorable and they reproduce quickly, thus very profitable," she stammers. Merrill smiles sadly, his moustache's handlebars twitching. "I know, my dear. You're so young...and what I wouldn't give to free you of such cruel fate. But, alas, sometimes in life we are dealt bad cards; we must play them to the best we can do."

Anya's eyes suddenly narrow and she glares menacingly at Merrill and jabs a manicured finger on his chest. "You know what? I don't believe you! You're probably schizophrenic and talks to outer space beings through the fillings in your teeth!" With that, she executes a sharp 180-degree turn and walks away, her purse swinging around her body. Merrill calls after her, "Haven't you ever felt you were different from the other ladies?" The departing girl stops at this, her back stiff. "Powerful. Faster. Isn't that how you feel?" the Watcher gently prods. Anya does not say anything at this, her head slightly bowing down. "I thought so. Meet me in the McLevinson's Cemetery tonight at 9 o'clock, sharp. You cannot afford to be late--the fate of the world depends on you," Merrill cautions. He then backs away, smiling sadly at his charge. "I trust I'll see you tonight..." The girl with the newly added weight of the world on her shoulder sighs at this.

Silvery moonlight bathes the entire cemetery grounds, giving it an eerie glow. Crickets quietly chirp and the wind whistles softly through the naked bony trees. Suddenly, something thuds against a hard surface and a crack is heard. "There are several different ways you may kill a bunny. Chop off its paws, tail, and head. Stake through the heart. And of course, fire," a calm British voice speaks. Anya the Annoyed Bunny Slayer glares at her Watcher. The bunny-man is resting against a tombstone behind her, unconscious. "Well, I would drive a stake through its heart but I don't exactly have the right equipment, you know," Anya snaps waspishly. Merrill looks confused for a moment then it dawns on him. "Oh yes, quite right. I'm terribly sorry. Erm, here you go..." He reaches into his coat's pocket and takes out a wooden stake and tosses it to Anya. She then whirls around and drives her newly acquired stake into the unconscious bunny-man's chest. The bunny-man explodes into orange dust with a faint carrot-y scent. "Good, you're learning rather quickly. I'd like to train you some more but you need your rest for tomorrow."

"Why? What's tomorrow?"

"Erm, you do know Hugh Hefner and his Playboy bunnies are hosting an event at your high school's gym, correct?"

"Yes, that's quite correct."

"Well, I think I shan't say anymore."

Puzzled, Anya looks at her Watcher for a further explanation--then her eyes widen, understanding. "Hugh Hefner and his Playboy bunnies are evil?! And I am required to slay them?" Merrill only nods at this. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Be careful, my dear," he softly murmurs and departs into the shadows. Anya stares at her Watcher's retreating form, dejected. Then she makes a turnabout and trudges her way home.

Upon reaching her home, Anya quietly walks upstairs to her room, ignoring the argumentative voices coming from her parents' room. She slams the door behind her, startling her parents. "Anya? Honey? Are you okay?" Joyce calls out. "I'm fine, Mother! I'm just filled with dread because of tomorrow's school's event." Another voice, a male voice, booms. "Don't worry about it, bunny, you'll have fun!" Anya cringes at her nickname, hating what it now represents to her now. Her gaze falls on the stuffed bunny resting on her queen-sized bed. Frowning, she walks over to the bed and grabs the stuffed bunny and throws it into the trashcan by the nightstand. Then she climbs into her bed, pulling the comforter over her head. She begins to cry softly into her pillow. This isn't fair. I'm not supposed to be the Bunny Slayer. I'm supposed to worry about boyfriends and graduating from high school. I'll probably gonna never start my own chain stores and dominate the business world... Eventually, after several hours of crying, the Bunny Slayer falls asleep, free from dreams and nightmares for the first time in her life.

Mocking laughter fills the air as the wizened man with a face of bunny stands in the middle of the gymnasium. "Run, Slayer, run..." the demon in silk robe hisses. The trapped students huddle together and cower as the spandex-wearing bunny-women hops towards them. "Anya!" Merrill calls out, tossing a stake through the air. Anya quickly nods her head in approval and grabs the stake just before it hits the ground. "Alright, you disgusting hoppy and floppy bunnies! I'm going to see to it that you get your appropriate rewards!" growls Anya as she back flips, landing an inch from Hugh Hefner. Hugh only merely looks on, a smirk tugging at corners of his mouth. Anya frowns, her brow crinkling. "Please stop that. You're not supposed to be smiling; you're supposed to be experiencing anxiety and hopelessness now that I'm here to deliver your death." Suddenly, someone screams; he is in pain. Anya sharply whirls around to the voice. It all seems like time was moving in slow motion as she sees her Watcher trapped in a bunny-woman's unnatural strong grip. The bunny-woman smiles coldly at Anya for a moment then her head dips down. Merrill gasps, his eyes staring straight ahead at his Bunny Slayer. "Make me...proud...my...dear..." he forces out just before his body slacks in his murderer's arms.

With a cry of anguish, Anya leaps through the air, driving her stake down into her Watcher's murderer's chest as she lands. Orange dust explodes, specks falling on Anya's hair. She slowly turns around, a determined look in her eyes. Hugh's eyes widen; he swallows a big lump in his throat. He lets out a nervous giggle and steps back. "Oh no, you're not going anywhere!" Anya growls through clenched teeth. She looks over to the group of huddled students and strides towards them. "Do any of you have anything I could use to ignite this building?" A male Goth quickly nods, fear apparent in his eyes. He reaches into his pants' pocket and takes out a cigarette lighter. Anya thanks him as she takes the lighter from him. Then she suddenly triple-flips in Hugh's direction. "Hello, pervert. I have a gift for you," Anya coyly says then she holds up a hairspray she'd somehow acquired during her triple flips.

"Oh, sh..." the silk pajamas-wearing demon barely gets out before Anya lit the lighter and presses the hairspray's button. Aflame, Hugh staggers back, bumping into other bunnies and flammable party decorations. Within seconds, the entire gymnasium is on fire. Anya strides to the gym's front doors and delivers a kick to the chains' padlock. With a resounding crash, the doors fall to floor and the trapped students and Anya hurriedly walk out. Upon reaching a safe place, Anya turns around to see the damages she'd wrought. She stares into the burning inferno as firefighters and school authorities hurry around her.

~~~~~~~

"Miss Jenkins, are you feeling unwell?" a British voice worriedly asks. Anya snaps back to the reality, her eyes focusing on Giles peering at her. "Hmm? Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you," she reassures the concerned librarian. Giles's face softens, smiling as he reaches out to pat his newly assisted charge on the shoulder. "I'm glad to hear that. Now, I trust you're ready to begin your training with me soon?" Anya stares at her Watcher, a frown on her face. Then suddenly familiar words come to her mind: Make me...proud...my...dear... Her frown transforms to a tight-lipped smile and a defeated sigh escapes from her lungs. "Yes. I am ready."

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